Channel 9 News Report
C9R; Hi, this is Peter Engels with Channel 9 News. I am in St. Paul Minnesota at the downtown Christian Bible Church for a special interview. Before we begin that interview I had a few questions with the pastor here.
C9R: I’m here with Pastor Richard Smith, pastor of the Christian Bible Church in St. Paul, Minnesota. Pastor Smith, I’m going to begin with a basic question. Who do you worship?
Protestant Preacher: I worship God.
C9R: Do also worship Jesus?
Protestant Preacher: Yes.
C9R: Then you worship two gods.
Protestant Preacher: They are both one in the same.
C9R: If they are both one in the same, then wouldn’t they think the same?
Protestant Preacher: Yes, that would make them the same.
Well, we at Channel 9 News had a unique opportunity to sit down with both God and Jesus and discuss with them if they truly are the same. Both of them agreed to give us a few minutes out of their busy schedule. We are fortunate enough because they have the power to do anything.
Because we can’t look directly at God because of his greatness, he is wearing an overcoat with a large beard, hat and sunglasses, but I promise you, it really is him.
First of all I want to thank both of you very much for giving me an interview. In the past two thousand years you had turned down public appearances. Why do you think that is?
God; huh, I was tired. I have to be everywhere.
C9R; Well I can perfectly understand that, you are both very busy gods. It must be overwhelming for you.
God; We prefer you refer to us as god as oppose to godzzzz.
C9R: Ok, I apologize, that is actually the reason for my interview, and so, let me get right to the point. People say you are both the same god, is that correct.
God: Yes, I.. …
Jesus: No, … I’m sorry pop, you go ahead.
God: Yes, we are the same. He’s my boy, but we are both one in the same.
C9R: So being the same god, you both must agree on everything, is that correct?
God; Yes…
Jesus; No, ….sorry pop.
God; As part of the Holy Trinity, we are the same god and therefore we are the same in everything. The Bible is clear in stating that people should worship only the Lord their god, referring to the three of us. It sounds confusing to you but for us gods its easy.
C9R; Did you say godzzz
God; I meant god.
C9R; Well, we would have asked the Holy Spirit to come and sit with us but he doesn’t speak. Is he like a brother, a cousin, a mother-in-law, or what?
God; He’s a spirit; there’s no blood relation, so to speak.
C9R; How does the Holy Spirit work?
Jesus; You know the fuzzy feeling you get when you see an ugly person being told that he or she is beautiful?
C9R; Yes.
Jesus; That’s him.
C9R; Okay let me get back to my point. I will begin with you, Jesus. If mankind suddenly rebelled against you and burned down their churches and all of their bibles, how would you react?
Jesus; Hmmm. Well, the first thing I would do, being a god of love, is I would send angels down accompanied by a flock of doves to calm them. Then I would appear before them while raining flowers from the sky and speak parables to them to show them love, peace, and understanding and open their eyes to what they are doing and to reacquire their faith and obedience. If they still have doubt, I would perform miracles of healing to reinforce their belief.
C9R; Ok, that’s very comforting and reassuring, Jesus. You sound like a very forgiving god. Now, let me ask you god, the father. How would you react?
God; If ALL of them rebelled against me? Whew. That would be really **** me off..
C9R; Tell us how you might react.
God; First I would probably command the arsonists to be stoned to death. Slowwwwly. One pebble at a time. Then I would command a rain of fire from the sky to scare the you know what out of them, followed by plagues of leeches, spiders, rats, and snakes. Then I would release the angel of death on them to kill all of their first born children. If that didn’t work I would wipe them all out with a flood and start over.
C9R; I see. A somewhat different response than your cohort, wouldn’t say?
God; I have to be honest, I’m god.
C9R; Okay, well what about the other cultures who don’t even have Christian churches or bibles to burn?
God: What about them? They’re going to hell anyway when they die.
C9R; Doesn’t that seem a little unfair?
God; Hey, I brought’em into this world, I can take’em out.
C9R; I think I like Jesus’s response better. God, your idea sounds more old school. I sense from listening to both of you that you are not on the same page and after just one question it seems obvious to me that I’m speaking to two Gods. .
God; I told you we are one!
C9R; Okay, okay, you’re one.
God; Let me move on. God, why didn’t you mention Jesus’s existence in the Old Testament?
God; I didn’t think it was important at the time.
C9R; How do you feel about not being important, Jesus?
Jesus; It didn’t really bother me. My biggest fear was ****ing off god. He threatened to send me to the cross if I misbehaved.
C9R; Let’s talk about that. God, why did you feel a need to have your son go through that punishment as opposed to just changing the rules without it.
God; One day I started to feel really guilty about the Great flood. I was like “Did I just do that? That’s like genocide. Oh my god, I need help. I decided Jesus needed to make amends. He realized what was happening and quickly disappeared, but being god, I managed to find him.
C9R; The Bible says you did it to cleanse us of our sins so we may not perish but have everlasting life.
God; Okay.
C9R; Uh, well let me ask you this. What if you had sacrificed YOUR life instead of your son? Wouldn’t that be the ultimate sacrifice?
God; I can’t even imagine that.
C9R; I can’t either. I’ll change the subject. What was with your obsession with the Jews. Two thousand years ago there were people suffering all over the planet but you chose to help the Jews escape captivity in Egypt, promised them land, and helped them slaughter their enemies. The Jews today are claiming Jesus isn’t even a god; he’s just a man like me. That certainly can’t sit well with you after all you did for them.
God; I’m ****ed, I’m not going to lie to you. I liked Moses, he was a good-ole boy and thought the Jews deserved something better. I actually believed their ancestors would accept the trinity when I chose to reveal it. I feel betrayed.
C9R; God, the father, If you had to send your son to be sacrificed, why didn’t you send him to another part of the world? In China, for example, there were millions of Asian Confusionists living there at the time of Christ. You would have made maximum impact to the human race in an area of the world where there was no belief or even understanding of Christianity.
Jesus; That was my personal decision. I preferred the weather in the Middle East.
God; It was ultimately my responsibility. I knew white men would not have accepted a Chinese man on the cross. They’re a racist bunch. .
C9R; But you made it difficult to spread the new word to that part of the world.
God; Hey, I’m only god, I can’t please everyone.
C9R; Okay, well that concludes our time and our interview. I want to thank you both very much for coming. I don’t think we clarified the similarity of the 3 in one god but we certainly have a better understanding of why it is not understood. Maybe in the future another volume of the Bible will come out which will have a fairer plan for people avoid the pitfall of hell for a simple misunderstanding of something that seems difficult to understand or simply not hearing the truth because they live in a part of the world who heard less about it. We can only hope. That’s all for here, Peter Engels, Channel 9 news, in St. Paul.
C9R; Hi, this is Peter Engels with Channel 9 News. I am in St. Paul Minnesota at the downtown Christian Bible Church for a special interview. Before we begin that interview I had a few questions with the pastor here.
C9R: I’m here with Pastor Richard Smith, pastor of the Christian Bible Church in St. Paul, Minnesota. Pastor Smith, I’m going to begin with a basic question. Who do you worship?
Protestant Preacher: I worship God.
C9R: Do also worship Jesus?
Protestant Preacher: Yes.
C9R: Then you worship two gods.
Protestant Preacher: They are both one in the same.
C9R: If they are both one in the same, then wouldn’t they think the same?
Protestant Preacher: Yes, that would make them the same.
Well, we at Channel 9 News had a unique opportunity to sit down with both God and Jesus and discuss with them if they truly are the same. Both of them agreed to give us a few minutes out of their busy schedule. We are fortunate enough because they have the power to do anything.
Because we can’t look directly at God because of his greatness, he is wearing an overcoat with a large beard, hat and sunglasses, but I promise you, it really is him.
First of all I want to thank both of you very much for giving me an interview. In the past two thousand years you had turned down public appearances. Why do you think that is?
God; huh, I was tired. I have to be everywhere.
C9R; Well I can perfectly understand that, you are both very busy gods. It must be overwhelming for you.
God; We prefer you refer to us as god as oppose to godzzzz.
C9R: Ok, I apologize, that is actually the reason for my interview, and so, let me get right to the point. People say you are both the same god, is that correct.
God: Yes, I.. …
Jesus: No, … I’m sorry pop, you go ahead.
God: Yes, we are the same. He’s my boy, but we are both one in the same.
C9R: So being the same god, you both must agree on everything, is that correct?
God; Yes…
Jesus; No, ….sorry pop.
God; As part of the Holy Trinity, we are the same god and therefore we are the same in everything. The Bible is clear in stating that people should worship only the Lord their god, referring to the three of us. It sounds confusing to you but for us gods its easy.
C9R; Did you say godzzz
God; I meant god.
C9R; Well, we would have asked the Holy Spirit to come and sit with us but he doesn’t speak. Is he like a brother, a cousin, a mother-in-law, or what?
God; He’s a spirit; there’s no blood relation, so to speak.
C9R; How does the Holy Spirit work?
Jesus; You know the fuzzy feeling you get when you see an ugly person being told that he or she is beautiful?
C9R; Yes.
Jesus; That’s him.
C9R; Okay let me get back to my point. I will begin with you, Jesus. If mankind suddenly rebelled against you and burned down their churches and all of their bibles, how would you react?
Jesus; Hmmm. Well, the first thing I would do, being a god of love, is I would send angels down accompanied by a flock of doves to calm them. Then I would appear before them while raining flowers from the sky and speak parables to them to show them love, peace, and understanding and open their eyes to what they are doing and to reacquire their faith and obedience. If they still have doubt, I would perform miracles of healing to reinforce their belief.
C9R; Ok, that’s very comforting and reassuring, Jesus. You sound like a very forgiving god. Now, let me ask you god, the father. How would you react?
God; If ALL of them rebelled against me? Whew. That would be really **** me off..
C9R; Tell us how you might react.
God; First I would probably command the arsonists to be stoned to death. Slowwwwly. One pebble at a time. Then I would command a rain of fire from the sky to scare the you know what out of them, followed by plagues of leeches, spiders, rats, and snakes. Then I would release the angel of death on them to kill all of their first born children. If that didn’t work I would wipe them all out with a flood and start over.
C9R; I see. A somewhat different response than your cohort, wouldn’t say?
God; I have to be honest, I’m god.
C9R; Okay, well what about the other cultures who don’t even have Christian churches or bibles to burn?
God: What about them? They’re going to hell anyway when they die.
C9R; Doesn’t that seem a little unfair?
God; Hey, I brought’em into this world, I can take’em out.
C9R; I think I like Jesus’s response better. God, your idea sounds more old school. I sense from listening to both of you that you are not on the same page and after just one question it seems obvious to me that I’m speaking to two Gods. .
God; I told you we are one!
C9R; Okay, okay, you’re one.
God; Let me move on. God, why didn’t you mention Jesus’s existence in the Old Testament?
God; I didn’t think it was important at the time.
C9R; How do you feel about not being important, Jesus?
Jesus; It didn’t really bother me. My biggest fear was ****ing off god. He threatened to send me to the cross if I misbehaved.
C9R; Let’s talk about that. God, why did you feel a need to have your son go through that punishment as opposed to just changing the rules without it.
God; One day I started to feel really guilty about the Great flood. I was like “Did I just do that? That’s like genocide. Oh my god, I need help. I decided Jesus needed to make amends. He realized what was happening and quickly disappeared, but being god, I managed to find him.
C9R; The Bible says you did it to cleanse us of our sins so we may not perish but have everlasting life.
God; Okay.
C9R; Uh, well let me ask you this. What if you had sacrificed YOUR life instead of your son? Wouldn’t that be the ultimate sacrifice?
God; I can’t even imagine that.
C9R; I can’t either. I’ll change the subject. What was with your obsession with the Jews. Two thousand years ago there were people suffering all over the planet but you chose to help the Jews escape captivity in Egypt, promised them land, and helped them slaughter their enemies. The Jews today are claiming Jesus isn’t even a god; he’s just a man like me. That certainly can’t sit well with you after all you did for them.
God; I’m ****ed, I’m not going to lie to you. I liked Moses, he was a good-ole boy and thought the Jews deserved something better. I actually believed their ancestors would accept the trinity when I chose to reveal it. I feel betrayed.
C9R; God, the father, If you had to send your son to be sacrificed, why didn’t you send him to another part of the world? In China, for example, there were millions of Asian Confusionists living there at the time of Christ. You would have made maximum impact to the human race in an area of the world where there was no belief or even understanding of Christianity.
Jesus; That was my personal decision. I preferred the weather in the Middle East.
God; It was ultimately my responsibility. I knew white men would not have accepted a Chinese man on the cross. They’re a racist bunch. .
C9R; But you made it difficult to spread the new word to that part of the world.
God; Hey, I’m only god, I can’t please everyone.
C9R; Okay, well that concludes our time and our interview. I want to thank you both very much for coming. I don’t think we clarified the similarity of the 3 in one god but we certainly have a better understanding of why it is not understood. Maybe in the future another volume of the Bible will come out which will have a fairer plan for people avoid the pitfall of hell for a simple misunderstanding of something that seems difficult to understand or simply not hearing the truth because they live in a part of the world who heard less about it. We can only hope. That’s all for here, Peter Engels, Channel 9 news, in St. Paul.