As many have/will state here they have a I want it now mentality. Who cares about tomorrow cause it may never come.
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Understanding the Dominican Mentality
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As many have/will state here they have a I want it now mentality. Who cares about tomorrow cause it may never come.
Those who screw over others are 'known' and they are eschewed by decent Dominicans in my experience. But fortunes can go up and down over the years for many people and it influences their behavior.
The dominican philosophy that strikes me the most is the lack of "grudge".
They can be at each others throats, real nasty, today. And tomorrow or the day after they are back on civil terms. I even see it in my wife.
As opposed to me........I'll hold a grudge as long as it is needed. I'll get back to you in a day, a month, a year...... I wont forget.
Is it a good thing ?? Or bad ?? Each is his own judge.
They can be at each others throats, real nasty, today. And tomorrow or the day after they are back on civil terms. I even see it in my wife.
As opposed to me........I'll hold a grudge as long as it is needed. I'll get back to you in a day, a month, a year...... I wont forget.
Is it a good thing ?? Or bad ?? Each is his own judge.
It may be that they know that they can get away with more screwing each other [or at least the majority of them] than they can a gringo married into and a part of a Dominican family. I've always been perplexed by this pervasive mentality of killing the goose that lays the golden egg.
This sort of thing happens to Dominicans too. Case in point:
Several years ago we needed some electrical work done, Mr. AE asked around. At the same time, two guys showed up, each recommended by a different person. Mr. AE talked to them together, since they actually arrived within minutes of each other, and everyone agreed they would do the work together and split the money. One of them had a very engaging personality, and we took a liking to him. When we needed more work done, we called him. We found him trustworthy, inexpensive and good at what he did. He often called us Pa and Ma. His dad has a butchershop in the next town, and sometimes he'd show up with a package of meat as a gift, so we'd cook it up and all eat together.
Fast forward to this year. We got down there in January, and he came to say hello. He had asked for sneakers, and we had bought a pair for him. The maid was very disapproving of his familiarity [we found out later she was related to him somehow], and she reprimanded him [he's about 28-30, she's about 55-57] for asking me '"what do you have in your suitcase for me?" [I actually never heard him say that, but she swore he did]. He did more work for us over the 4 months we were there, lots of inverter trouble, did all the wiring to hook up a Generac generator, rewired part of the house, etc. We left and a month or so later got a call from a cousin who stays at the house on weekends that the new batteries in one of the inverters weren't working. Called the electrician, who came and said they were in bad shape and needed to be cleaned, etc., to see if they could be saved. Took the 4 batteries with him. Hooked the whole house up to the bigger inverter. After a month or so, no batteries returned, Mr. AE called him, angry about the time that had passed, and he let him have it over the phone. Well, his feelings were hurt because he got yelled at. He stopped answering the phone, didn't answer Facebook messages, etc. Sent someone to the house with 3 of the batteries, which were not working. These batteries were about 3 months old - we're pretty sure that he kept our 4 batteries and sent back 3 dead old ones from god-knows-where. So we bit the bullet and bought 4 new batteries from La Sirena, and traded in the 3 dead ones. [This time we had the cousin make a mark on the new batteries, so if this ever happens again we'll know we got back our own batteries]
Months pass. No contact from the electrician. He knows it's about time for us to come down again, I'm sure. Maybe he's having 2nd thoughts about what he did. He sends someone last week with the 4th battery. The cousin tells the person to take it back to the electrician, we don't want or need it. Remember, this is almost 5 months after he took the batteries out to work on them.
He has blown a good thing over a childish hissy-fit. Yes, Mr. AE told him off. He's one of those guys who lets things go for a long time before he explodes. In the boxes we're ready to ship are not one, but two pair of new Nikes that were bought for the electrician, and some baseball equipment for his little boy [small glove, balls, etc.]. He knows this, because Mr. AE told him back before all this happened.
Someone else down there will be very happy to get them, too bad that the sneakers are too small for Mr. AE.
A lot of Dominicans have that same mentality - they don't think about consequences, or tomorrow.
Several years ago we needed some electrical work done, Mr. AE asked around. At the same time, two guys showed up, each recommended by a different person. Mr. AE talked to them together, since they actually arrived within minutes of each other, and everyone agreed they would do the work together and split the money. One of them had a very engaging personality, and we took a liking to him. When we needed more work done, we called him. We found him trustworthy, inexpensive and good at what he did. He often called us Pa and Ma. His dad has a butchershop in the next town, and sometimes he'd show up with a package of meat as a gift, so we'd cook it up and all eat together.
Fast forward to this year. We got down there in January, and he came to say hello. He had asked for sneakers, and we had bought a pair for him. The maid was very disapproving of his familiarity [we found out later she was related to him somehow], and she reprimanded him [he's about 28-30, she's about 55-57] for asking me '"what do you have in your suitcase for me?" [I actually never heard him say that, but she swore he did]. He did more work for us over the 4 months we were there, lots of inverter trouble, did all the wiring to hook up a Generac generator, rewired part of the house, etc. We left and a month or so later got a call from a cousin who stays at the house on weekends that the new batteries in one of the inverters weren't working. Called the electrician, who came and said they were in bad shape and needed to be cleaned, etc., to see if they could be saved. Took the 4 batteries with him. Hooked the whole house up to the bigger inverter. After a month or so, no batteries returned, Mr. AE called him, angry about the time that had passed, and he let him have it over the phone. Well, his feelings were hurt because he got yelled at. He stopped answering the phone, didn't answer Facebook messages, etc. Sent someone to the house with 3 of the batteries, which were not working. These batteries were about 3 months old - we're pretty sure that he kept our 4 batteries and sent back 3 dead old ones from god-knows-where. So we bit the bullet and bought 4 new batteries from La Sirena, and traded in the 3 dead ones. [This time we had the cousin make a mark on the new batteries, so if this ever happens again we'll know we got back our own batteries]
Months pass. No contact from the electrician. He knows it's about time for us to come down again, I'm sure. Maybe he's having 2nd thoughts about what he did. He sends someone last week with the 4th battery. The cousin tells the person to take it back to the electrician, we don't want or need it. Remember, this is almost 5 months after he took the batteries out to work on them.
He has blown a good thing over a childish hissy-fit. Yes, Mr. AE told him off. He's one of those guys who lets things go for a long time before he explodes. In the boxes we're ready to ship are not one, but two pair of new Nikes that were bought for the electrician, and some baseball equipment for his little boy [small glove, balls, etc.]. He knows this, because Mr. AE told him back before all this happened.
Someone else down there will be very happy to get them, too bad that the sneakers are too small for Mr. AE.
A lot of Dominicans have that same mentality - they don't think about consequences, or tomorrow.
Mr. AE is just like you - he'll hold a grudge until the day he dies. I'm quicker to anger, faster to confront and argue, but I'll often give a second chance. I'll be on guard though.
Great point. This is the first post that at least is what I was looking for of the philosophy. It amazed me the stories of a fellow Dominican screwing someone over in a pretty severe way, being told about it, and that the person would never talk to the other person/people again. 2 days later they are sitting on the corner with them again as if nothing happened.
I wonder if they just accept the screwing over as part of life since they do the same things all the time and a grudge shouldn't be held. Or is it that they just think everyone is the same and be cautious of everyone and why not continue to associate with the person that has wronged them. This one still perplexes me. They seem to try and put it out of their mind as if it never happened, so maybe they somewhat consciously live in denial. They definitely don't like it when you bring it back up.
It is really killing the goose in the RD. It seems there is nothing more they enjoy than totally destroying people over there. There are many countries and cultures that are into the scamming for money and negotiating every little thing, but in the RD they are really about squeezing every ounce out of people, both financially and emotionally. A lot of suicides for this reason, and most of them are people that married into these Dominican families and thought they were protected.
Try explaining to a Dominican that money is a means to an end, that's always a fun conversation.
I think this mentality is due to most dominicans not having anything or not seeing the benefit of doing the right thing.
When you don't have a sense of self worth you will try to "getover" any chance you can. Look at the driving, the way they cut in line. It's all about me, F You. This is my chance to feel important or better than you.
When you don't have a sense of self worth you will try to "getover" any chance you can. Look at the driving, the way they cut in line. It's all about me, F You. This is my chance to feel important or better than you.
The fable explains
"A scorpion asks a frog to carry him over a river. The frog is afraid of being stung during the trip, but the scorpion argues that if it stung the frog, both would sink and the scorpion would drown. The frog agrees and begins carrying the scorpion, but midway across the river the scorpion does indeed sting the frog, dooming them both. When asked why, the scorpion points out that this is its nature. "You knew I was a scorpion when you picked me up."
The well-known fable is also good to illustrate that no change can be made in the fundamental behaviour of a Dominican.
Which I do not really care about, as I did not come here as a missionary.... :classic:
donP
"A scorpion asks a frog to carry him over a river. The frog is afraid of being stung during the trip, but the scorpion argues that if it stung the frog, both would sink and the scorpion would drown. The frog agrees and begins carrying the scorpion, but midway across the river the scorpion does indeed sting the frog, dooming them both. When asked why, the scorpion points out that this is its nature. "You knew I was a scorpion when you picked me up."
The well-known fable is also good to illustrate that no change can be made in the fundamental behaviour of a Dominican.
Which I do not really care about, as I did not come here as a missionary.... :classic:
donP
I guess the reference implies it is genetic
. Most here think it is more nurture so your reference may not apply. Now I guess I know why they where the tight jeans in this weather, to hide that long stinging tail.
All people have the same things in common: we require food, protection from the elements and shelter as physical necessities. If you are hungry or thirsty, it is nearly impossible to think about anything other than food and water. When it gets too cold, too hot or begins to rain, sleet, snow or hail we seek shelter. As rule, once we have satisfied these necessities, we turn to emotional necessities: the need for sex, affection and companionship. People in different cultures do not put these things in the same order. Some people are very competitive and especially when dealing with others of the same sex, this can take precedence over tomorrow's dinner. Hence the workman who feels a need to establish himself as the alpha male by taking your money without doing the work as agreed. It is an instinct rather like the dog that goes down the street, sniffing and then marking every tree, lamp post and car tire in sight. It is a question of different priorities: since the guy is not hungry at the moment, his need to be recognized as an alpha dog has taken precedence.
Some Americans also have some priorities out of whack, like the guys that sought revenge for 9=11 by whacking the first turbaned Sikh they met. Being as all human beings are governed by both emotion and logic, every culture will exhibit behaviors that seem absurd to someone from a different culture.
Some Americans also have some priorities out of whack, like the guys that sought revenge for 9=11 by whacking the first turbaned Sikh they met. Being as all human beings are governed by both emotion and logic, every culture will exhibit behaviors that seem absurd to someone from a different culture.
Gnadenbrot
It is true, several 'gringos' committed suicide recently, but as far as I remember none was integrated into a Dominican family and most likely an illness, loneliness or financial problems played a role.
Although it may occur that a 'gringo' who married against a Dominican could be killed by that very family once the gringo(a)'s money has been all milked off; however, that is surely very rare.
Usually they take good care of their 'milking cow' (who would not?) and will provide his/her "Gnadenbrot" until the end....
donP
It is true, several 'gringos' committed suicide recently, but as far as I remember none was integrated into a Dominican family and most likely an illness, loneliness or financial problems played a role.
Although it may occur that a 'gringo' who married against a Dominican could be killed by that very family once the gringo(a)'s money has been all milked off; however, that is surely very rare.
Usually they take good care of their 'milking cow' (who would not?) and will provide his/her "Gnadenbrot" until the end....
donP
DR1.
you can ask DV8.
Dude you're in trouuuuuuuuuuble. Just ignore this thread, plenty of other ones with examples of this. But no worries you have their respect and clearly know how things are around you. May find this hard to believe but a couple of years ago I thought like you.
Great points. I'm not saying it is easy for Dominicans and they can just change, but when something is societal you almost have to accept it or leave. It is important to understand it, but not a good idea to try and change it, or think the rules don't apply to you. These slight differences in priorities can really make drastic differences in the society that is created.
Hard to believe...
Well, it is YOU (and noone else) who needs to come up with proof of your claim.
{Why do you not quote any of those 'plenty threads'?}
And you won't be able to. :lick:
Your statement is absurd, dv8 cannot be of help either. :tired:
donP
Well, it is YOU (and noone else) who needs to come up with proof of your claim.
{Why do you not quote any of those 'plenty threads'?}
And you won't be able to. :lick:
Your statement is absurd, dv8 cannot be of help either. :tired:
donP
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