I may have found something good in Santiago

BIGBOY21 said:

Hello Dr1 Friends!

I am a 25 year old Haitian guy living in Port-au-Prince, I went to Santiago for the first time in January a few weeks after the earthquake and stayed for 2 weeks at a friend’s house, whilst there I met a girl witch my friend introduced to me, and as soon as I saw her I felt my heart beat a hundred miles an hour, I have never felt something like this before, to make a long story short during those 2 weeks we hit it off and have been together ever since, i have been back to the DR a few times and spent time with her in the capital have decided to move to Santiago and attend college there in January and plan to get an apartment and move in with her, now my question is for you more experience folks with Dominican women, now what I will say about her is she doesn’t drink, doesn’t smoke and doesn’t like to go out much all she needs is internet and her telenovela and that seems to be enough, she did ask me to send her about 400 bucks once to pay a medical bill for her grandfather who was in the hospital, not sure if that is relevant but I’m am one of those white looking Haitians who comes from a rich family, and people have a hard time believing I’m Haitian, so am I being used, does she really love me as she sais or am I just another dumb idiot being taken for a ride?

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BigBoy de retour ?
Not sure that the color of your skin matters, it is rather the size of your wallet.
Anyway, asking for money for an ailing family member is definitely a red flag.

AlterEgo said:

Let's call a spade a spade here BIGBOY - you're not a white looking Haitian, your parents are Italian. http://www.dr1.com/forums/living/106731-moving-santiago.html#post897116 Why mis-reprensent yourself as Haitian? [Yes, I realize you've lived in Haiti since you were 4].



AE

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Good catch, you beat me to the search.

Duck while you can!!! While you might be "Haitian" you are wealthy, have a visa to travel to the USA and are a worldly person.

You, yourself, called her a witch lady....you were bewitched....and they are good at that!!

HEHE. Run, run run...Major red flag!!! Asking for money for a sick grandfather??? Oldest trick in the book.....

HB

BIGBOY21 said:

does she really love me as she sais or am I just another dumb idiot being taken for a ride?

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Here's what I'd like to know....why would you feel compelled to ask this in a public forum? Is she the only person whom you've met in the Dominican Republic? Don't you have any friends? Did you meet her Abuelo and did he look sick then? Why didn't he ask for the money himself and if the two of you are not tight like that then why would you commit to his salvation?

The decisions I make in life don't follow any particular edict or philosophy other than they have to make sense to me. You should try this. Move to Santiago. Your trust fund should supply enough income to get you a decent apartment while you're doing whatever it is you'll be doing there. Let her spend weekends with you and make sure that she takes all of her stuff when she leaves. Give her $100 and a kiss on the cheek and thank her every Monday. Then go to class and learn something that will cause you to spend your idle time wondering how to improve your country and the plight of its people upon your return.

Hillbilly said:

Duck while you can!!! While you might be "Haitian" you are wealthy, have a visa to travel to the USA and are a worldly person.



HB

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He's an Italian living in Haiti since the age 4, not a white Haitian. Look at the link AE posted

greydread said:

learn something that will cause you to spend your idle time wondering how to improve your country and the plight of its people upon your return.

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I used to Live in Italy - it really isn't that bad....:bunny:


Dude, if you have all those years growing up in Haiti then you should not get taken by a chica in La Republique Dominicaine.

Those feelings don't come cheap.......

BIGBOY21 said:

Hello Dr1 Friends!

I am a 25 year old Haitian guy living in Port-au-Prince, I went to Santiago for the first time in January a few weeks after the earthquake and stayed for 2 weeks at a friend’s house, whilst there I met a girl witch my friend introduced to me, and as soon as I saw her I felt my heart beat a hundred miles an hour, I have never felt something like this before, to make a long story short during those 2 weeks we hit it off and have been together ever since, i have been back to the DR a few times and spent time with her in the capital have decided to move to Santiago and attend college there in January and plan to get an apartment and move in with her, now my question is for you more experience folks with Dominican women, now what I will say about her is she doesn’t drink, doesn’t smoke and doesn’t like to go out much all she needs is internet and her telenovela and that seems to be enough, she did ask me to send her about 400 bucks once to pay a medical bill for her grandfather who was in the hospital, not sure if that is relevant but I’m am one of those white looking Haitians who comes from a rich family, and people have a hard time believing I’m Haitian, so am I being used, does she really love me as she sais or am I just another dumb idiot being taken for a ride?

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It's nice to see the handbook that has been passed down from one generation to the next one is still working.....(nice touch with the "doesn't drink", "doesn't smoke"...Grandfather sick...bla bla bla......and then BANG...400 BUCKS, that's not smooth, that's BUSINESS) there is a price that MUST be paid for feeling the way you do, hey you have money to burn....who cares what anyone thinks or says?.......you only live once, do what ya gotta do....as long as you know the game going in, it becomes sooo much easier.....good luck.....Your probably going to need it.........BUT have a great time and keep us updated........:cheeky::cheeky:

BIGBOY21 said:

Hello Dr1 Friends!
have decided to move to Santiago and attend college there in January and plan to get an apartment and move in with her

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What is the rush ? Take your time, your are young, your priority should be college. No need to move in with someone you just met. Have fun ! You only live once :bunny:

BIGBOY21 said:

Grey dread,
The reason i asked this in a public forum is because well, why not? Yes I have friends, yes i have met other girls from the DR, but it never amounted to nothing more than sex, no I never met the Abuelo i only know her aunt and a few of her cousins one of them works here in Haiti as well as her aunts husband, and frankly 400 buck dint seem like much to me, and i have spent more than that on just going to Santo Domingo just for a weekend in the past just on hotels and booze alone, there for in a 9 month period 400 buck seems quite insignificant to me.

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Great. That means you have enough money to share with the less fortunate.

Here's an idea? Why not invite her to come and live with you in Haiti for awhile? Otherwise, I hate to have to be the one to tell you but this will not amount to anything more than sex as well. Pay as you go, suit up every time and beware the Chulo.

Moving your trysts to Santo Domingo was a smart move. Many Chicas from Santiago go there for weekend work.

If she's serious, she'll leave her comfort zone and stay with you in Haiti. I wonder how much of the DR's annual $2B in remittances comes from there?

I visit these message boards...

... every now and again, but there is something very depressing about the pattern of men who write in to say they have met and fallen in love with a young Dominican woman and the group of moderators and their cronies who invariably reply that he is being taken for a ride, that Dominican women are all prostitutes and scammers, etc., etc.

Obviously there ARE risks to getting deeply involved in relationships with Dominican women, but really it takes two to tango (or bachata), and there is no guarantee that the guys are all that great catches either.

The whole question of sex tourism and international "romances" is so much more complicated than most posters would like to think.

For a start the Dominican concept of "love" is rather different from the popular American notion of "romance" and has a lot more to do with economic opportunity, especially if the girl is poor, just the same way it did in European countries even in the time of Jane Austen, until Emily Bronte came along with her nonsense and turned women's heads everywhere (and a lot of men's too.)

Dominicans don't necessarily connect love and sex. Once an English buddy of mine had a Dominican novia (now his wife) and he had screwed another girl friend of hers, and the novia wanted to know if he had paid her and how much. In her book sex for money was OK, but she didn't want any other chica giving it up to him for free, because that would mean she had designs on him.

Does my cat love me? It comes running every time I drive up, it talks aloud to me every time I go in or out of the house, it purrs when I stroke it, but I am under no illusions that it is purely economic opportunism and that if the food stopped coming she and her two kittens would move away from my back door. Nevertheless it is MY cat in a way that other cats aren't.

If you take on a Dominican girl, you will probably be in for a rough ride, because you are dealing with someone from a different culture, but whether you can make it work is up to you and to her. There are no automatic answers.

There is a useful book here that goes more into the dynamics of these relationships:

Amazon.com: Economies of Desire: Sex and Tourism in Cuba and the Dominican Republic (9781592137503): Amalia L. Cabezas: Books

Here is a bit from a review that gives the gist of it:

The guide books, blogs, and web sites of the sex tourists invariably miss or sugarcoat the users' role as exploiters while essentially reveling in the myth of the "happy hooker." At the other extreme, the works that are properly suspicious of sexual relationships across vast economic and cultural divides are invariably too quick to reduce every relationship that has a whiff of money about it to prostitution (often in hyper-moralistic terms). Both camps miss the truth, namely that many of these relationships hover in an economic and romantic gray area where material circumstances and emotional desire are intertwined.

The achievement of "Economies of Desire" is to explore this area in between economics and sex/romance in two concrete cases, the Dominican Republic and Cuba, and to show how the various participants construct novel identities and notions of relationships that defy the existing either/or stereotypes. While the cases are drawn from these two countries, anyone with experience elsewhere will readily appreciate that similar dynamics operate there too. Importantly, the author never loses sight of the fundamentally exploitative aspect of a global tourist industry, yet manages to reveal both the affluent and the poor as people with human agency and humane feelings. It's a remarkably nuanced and therefore important book.

jmsunlinenet said:

... every now and again, but there is something very depressing about the pattern of men who write in to say they have met and fallen in love with a young Dominican woman and the group of moderators and their cronies who invariably reply that he is being taken for a ride, that Dominican women are all prostitutes and scammers, etc., etc.

Obviously there ARE risks to getting deeply involved in relationships with Dominican women, but really it takes two to tango (or bachata), and there is no guarantee that the guys are all that great catches either.

The whole question of sex tourism and international "romances" is so much more complicated than most posters would like to think.

For a start the Dominican concept of "love" is rather different from the popular American notion of "romance" and has a lot more to do with economic opportunity, especially if the girl is poor, just the same way it did in European countries even in the time of Jane Austen, until Emily Bronte came along with her nonsense and turned women's heads everywhere (and a lot of men's too.)

Dominicans don't necessarily connect love and sex. Once an English buddy of mine had a Dominican novia (now his wife) and he had screwed another girl friend of hers, and the novia wanted to know if he had paid her and how much. In her book sex for money was OK, but she didn't want any other chica giving it up to him for free, because that would mean she had designs on him.

Does my cat love me? It comes running every time I drive up, it talks aloud to me every time I go in or out of the house, it purrs when I stroke it, but I am under no illusions that it is purely economic opportunism and that if the food stopped coming she and her two kittens would move away from my back door. Nevertheless it is MY cat in a way that other cats aren't.

If you take on a Dominican girl, you will probably be in for a rough ride, because you are dealing with someone from a different culture, but whether you can make it work is up to you and to her. There are no automatic answers.

There is a useful book here that goes more into the dynamics of these relationships:

Amazon.com: Economies of Desire: Sex and Tourism in Cuba and the Dominican Republic (9781592137503): Amalia L. Cabezas: Books

Here is a bit from a review that gives the gist of it:

The guide books, blogs, and web sites of the sex tourists invariably miss or sugarcoat the users' role as exploiters while essentially reveling in the myth of the "happy hooker." At the other extreme, the works that are properly suspicious of sexual relationships across vast economic and cultural divides are invariably too quick to reduce every relationship that has a whiff of money about it to prostitution (often in hyper-moralistic terms). Both camps miss the truth, namely that many of these relationships hover in an economic and romantic gray area where material circumstances and emotional desire are intertwined.

The achievement of "Economies of Desire" is to explore this area in between economics and sex/romance in two concrete cases, the Dominican Republic and Cuba, and to show how the various participants construct novel identities and notions of relationships that defy the existing either/or stereotypes. While the cases are drawn from these two countries, anyone with experience elsewhere will readily appreciate that similar dynamics operate there too. Importantly, the author never loses sight of the fundamentally exploitative aspect of a global tourist industry, yet manages to reveal both the affluent and the poor as people with human agency and humane feelings. It's a remarkably nuanced and therefore important book.

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Nice post!!!

jmsunlinenet said:

... until Emily Bronte came along with her nonsense and turned women's heads everywhere (and a lot of men's too.)

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True! And it extends beyond Oprah and is a terrible thing.



Yes your cat loves you - in a cat way.

But it doesn't matter because you love your cat.

This has been a very interesting thread to say the least.
I met my Dominican girlfriend 3 years ago and in all this time she has never asked me for anything unless it was absolutely necessary. In my case it wasn't love at first site. Something about getting old is that love at first sight only applies to a good looking plate of food. She is going to school and I have made it very clear that that has to be the most important thing on her mind, not me. She has a heart of gold and is a very special young lady which I am glad to have met. Everybody here warns the newbies about watching their backs and be wary of their new female discovery but there are a lot of good decent women here that are looking for a good man.
The only thing I can say is don't part with the money so fast and see what happens...

B in Santiago

jmsunlinenet said:

...there is something very depressing about the pattern of men who write in to say they have met and fallen in love with a young Dominican woman and the group of moderators and their cronies who invariably reply that he is being taken for a ride, that Dominican women are all prostitutes and scammers, etc., etc.

Obviously there ARE risks to getting deeply involved in relationships with Dominican women

The whole question of sex tourism and international "romances" is so much more complicated than most posters would like to think.

For a start the Dominican concept of "love" is rather different from the popular American notion of "romance" and has a lot more to do with economic opportunity, especially if the girl is poor

Dominicans don't necessarily connect love and sex.

Does my cat love me?

If you take on a Dominican girl, you will probably be in for a rough ride, because you are dealing with someone from a different culture,

[/I]

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Good points. I had to give up the rep points for your post as it is more insightful, considerate and perceptive than most. I may disagree with a few of your observations but I like where your head is at on this subject and your understanding of its complexities.

I don't think that the "Mod's and their sock puppets" are saying that all these guys are being taken for a ride or that all Dominican Women are prostitutes and scammers. Quite the opposite, in fact. I think that the pattern of stories of these guys looking for advise, getting it and then ignoring it is even more depressing. Take the "could this be love" thread. Scores of posters weighed in to advise the OP of the signs that indicate the difference between love and a business opportunity and he ignored them right up to the point where after being ignored for days he offered money and his "princessa" resumed blowing up his phone.

Even after this he questioned the value of the advice he'd initially sought. ?

Sure there ARE risks in getting involved with Dominican Women (or Men). There are ARE an equal number of risks involved with getting involved with Icelandic Women and Australian Women as well. When you give your trust you risk your fate.

The disconnect between love and sex is NOT a Dominican phenomenon. I know plenty of couples in the USA who haven't had sex (with one another) in years yet they still love one another and maintain compatibility in all other areas of the relationship. It's the "Soul Mate" syndrome and it's not much different from the "Stockholm" syndrome aside from the fact that the participants are mutually affected. Both are prisoners of love. The "cultural difference" comes in where affection and sensual gratification is sought outside the marriage from a societal standpoint. The Sanfords of South Carolina and the Spitzers of NY fell victim to this. I'm sure each of these governors loved their Ice Princesses but needed their pipes cleaned and their imaginations appeased from timt to time and their society gave them Hell for it. Can you imagine an effective leader being publicly humiliated and professionally ruined by an extramarital fling in the DR? Who's going to cast the first stone?

I think that many place too much emphasis on the "cultural" differences and not enough emphasis on the economic disparity between participants in these relationships. I mean the only way to really tell in the case of the guys and gals coming to the forum asking whether their prospective mate is in it for the money is to break them off with half your money BEFORE beginning the serious phase of the relationship.

They'll be just as broke without the years of pain and suffering if their relationship is based on unrealistic expectations but if their prospective mate is truly in love with them they will know they've got something worth holding onto for the rest of their lives.

Russian Roullette, anyone?

Great post Dread !

Does it make me your cronie ?

As I read all the forums, I can undertsand why people say the things they do.

To BIGBOY, I would say to follow your heart. You are young and have a lot going for yourself so keep your options open. You don't want to get burned at the end.

On the other hand, you never know and she might be the one or the one playing games. It is a risk you have to take to find out. In addition, don't allow her to take advantage of you. Keep in mind, she will go as far as you allow her to.

Now, if you want someone that is real and not any average dominican then, I am here. I am a US citizen so I don't need yours. I do plan on going to Santiago for school. If interested, pm me... lol