Where is the Love?

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jackcrew

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I have been following this website for about two years. There always seems to be a great suspicion both among visitors and subscribers about Dominican love (and with good reason I would suppose). But my real question is, is love in the Dominican Republic really more complicated than elsewhere?

It seems that all foreigners must constantly be alert due to the common fact that Dominicans are 99% of the time looking for either money or visas to some glorious land. Length of time for the relationship doesn't seem to matter be it a few weeks or several years. All seem to agree that Dominicans are extremely good at what they do (pulling the wool over the love-sick foreigners) and that it is just a matter of time before we regret our decisions. Yet I have also read that many of the subscribers are married to Dominicans. How did they navigate this landmine of Buggies and Sackies?

Recently an American friend of mine told me Dominicans don't have friends...they would sacrifice a childhood amigo at first chance to land a wealthy foreigner for remittances or marriage. Surely this is not true. I have never lived in real poverty, never known genuine hunger...but even if I did, wouldn't friendship prevail? The Dominican cultural norms cannot be so different.

Love is always difficult to find and the heart can be more easily lead astray than the mind. So, how does one really know if Dominican love is real?
 
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bob saunders

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I have been following this website for about two years. There always seems to be a great suspicion both among visitors and subscribers about Dominican love (and with good reason I would suppose). But my real question is, is love in the Dominican Republic really more complicated than elsewhere?

It seems that all foreigners must constantly be alert due to the common fact that Dominicans are 99% of the time looking for either money or visas to some glorious land. Length of time for the relationship doesn't seem to matter be it a few weeks or several years. All seem to agree that Dominicans are extremely good at what they do (pulling the wool over the love-sick foreigners) and that it is just a matter of time before we regret our decisions. Yet I have also read that many of the subscribers are married to Dominicans. How did they navigate this landmine of Buggies and Sackies?

Recently an American friend of mine told me Dominicans don't have friends...they would sacrifice a childhood amigo at first chance to land a wealthy foreigner for remittances or marriage. Surely this is not true. I have never lived in real poverty, never known genuine hunger...but even if I did, wouldn't friendship prevail? The Dominican cultural norms cannot be so different.

Love is always difficult to find and the heart can be more easily lead astray than the mind. So, how does one really know if Dominican love is real?

How does anyone ever know their love interest. People can be married for 40 years and still be finding out stuff about their partener. As far as friends my wife has many life long friends that she is still close to. Explain what you mean by sacrificing a friend.
 

jackcrew

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Your response is exactly what I am asking...how does one know if the love is real in the Dominican Republic? Clearly love changes and evolves over time in any relationship...as in your case with 40 years of marriage. But finding love in the DR seems even more fraught with obstacles than in other places (at least according to the post I have read).

By the "friends" comment, the way I understood it is loyalty (even to long-time friends) goes out the window at the first chance to make some money. Not little money, but long-term potential money such as having a foreign friend send remittances or a marriage proposal. My friend believed that money trumps loyalty in the DR. I have difficulty believing this so I am asking for others' opinions.
 

Anastacio

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Most of the time foreigners know that it isn't for real, quite aware they are paying in some way or another for companionship.
Navigating the whores and users simply requires you to use your head instead of thinking in your pants.
Make sure she has a real job, if she doesn't work at all then avoid it.
 
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greydread

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Dominicans are 99% of the time looking for either money or visas to some glorious land.

Length of time for the relationship doesn't seem to matter be it a few weeks or several years.

All seem to agree that Dominicans are extremely good at what they do (pulling the wool over the love-sick foreigners) and that it is just a matter of time before we regret our decisions.

Yet I have also read that many of the subscribers are married to Dominicans. How did they navigate this landmine of Buggies and Sackies?

Recently an American friend of mine told me Dominicans don't have friends...they would sacrifice a childhood amigo at first chance to land a wealthy foreigner for remittances or marriage. Surely this is not true.

I have never lived in real poverty, never known genuine hunger...but even if I did, wouldn't friendship prevail? The Dominican cultural norms cannot be so different.

Love is always difficult to find and the heart can be more easily lead astray than the mind. So, how does one really know if Dominican love is real?

Many Dominicans prefer to stay in their own country. Separation from friends and family would be unthinkable to them.

Length of time for any relationship might be "a few weeks or several years" or an entire lifetime depending on the people in the relationship. Are they growing at the same rate and in the same direction? This is what determines success or failure in their relationship and about a million other variables.

Your foreigners are pretty good at "pulling the wool" over their own eyes and don't really require much help from Dominicans. Most of them would make the same bad choices in the Phillipines or Panama or any of 1,000 choice destinations. We see this all the time, all throughout the developing World. Think about it like this: On Krypton, Superman would just be another mug.

Your "American friend" knows jack about Dominicans. Don't listen to him.

Dominican culture is not a culture of poverty. It is affected by poverty but there are rich traditions that supecede the introduction of the concept of money and the advent of colonialism. Take some time to explore this and you will learn that most of Dominican history did not begin with the arrival of Columbus.

I hope that you never miss a meal or experience poverty. It forces people to make hard, sometimes destructive choices and it leaves permanent scars. You want to know how you can tell if love is real? You'll never know until the end. Real love is like the spark of life in each of us. It can mature into an old, toothless kiss or it can drop dead tomorrow from natural causes. Nobody knows why.
 
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bob saunders

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Your response is exactly what I am asking...how does one know if the love is real in the Dominican Republic? Clearly love changes and evolves over time in any relationship...as in your case with 40 years of marriage. But finding love in the DR seems even more fraught with obstacles than in other places (at least according to the post I have read).

By the "friends" comment, the way I understood it is loyalty (even to long-time friends) goes out the window at the first chance to make some money. Not little money, but long-term potential money such as having a foreign friend send remittances or a marriage proposal. My friend believed that money trumps loyalty in the DR. I have difficulty believing this so I am asking for others' opinions.

Certainly not in my wife's case. She is very loyal to her friends, and closer to some than she is to family. Many of her family wouldn't receive a peso from her, as she knows they'll waste it and ask for more. None of her friends would ask for money, but she has helped several out regardless. She believes in giving opportunity to people, once. She has helped three of her teachers purchase land and build houses, by giving them almost interest free loans. One is a first cousin, and the other two former students. Dominicans as you say, can be devious, but this also allows them to develop a keen B-llsh-t detector. My mind works without guile, although have been burned at least once ( not by a Dominican), I'm more aware than I used to be. Dominicans do see Foreigners as an opportunity.
 

DMV123

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I think that there are two very clear groups of "Dominicans" that we are referring to.

The first is the group of Dominicans that live and work in tourist areas. They work at hotels, in tourism taxis, bars or they are prostitutes, strippers etc.

OP - The type of Dominican that a tourist will have access to is who you describe in your post. Often they will sell their firstborn for a chance to get out of here. They have an unrealistic expectation of what is OUT there.

The second group are the rest of the country. They love their country and look for opportunities here. They would not sell their first born for anything. Tourists do not have access to this group - for the most part! Once you have lived here for some time - you may or may not access this group, depends where and how you live.


A marriage or relationship with the first group will be hazardous at best and NOT likely to survive. A marriage or relationship with the second has a much better chance of surviving and thriving.
 

AlterEgo

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AnnaC

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It seems there are sankies everywhere - even the UK. Saw this story on the Today Show this morning, the women "got" their man:

TODAY Video Player

And on the web: Express.co.uk - Home of the Daily and Sunday Express | UK News :: Jailed...love-rat conman trapped by 4 girlfriends

AE


Replace the word sankie with the word scam artist so yes there are scam artists all over the world. At home when someone offers something that seems too good to be true we question the motives behind these offers and so triple that when it comes to the heart. ;)
 

sush

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Here we go again; we do the same thing about skin color, religion and culture?.. same with Dominicans yes there are a lot of people that want to just go to different country and have what they call a ?better life?.. just like in many other places and yes some of them do the unthinkable in order to get what they want, but that is not how DOMINICANS are, I think the bigger problem is
?a woman comes for a vacation she meet this ?incredible? guy who can?t believe that she is so beautiful and that in the next 24 hrs he cannot be without her ?and she says WAO HE LOVES ME!!! ? Whose fault is it???? And that is just one example. :ermm:
 
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RacerX

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I have been following this website for about two years. There always seems to be a great suspicion both among visitors and subscribers about Dominican love (and with good reason I would suppose). But my real question is, is love in the Dominican Republic really more complicated than elsewhere?

It seems that all foreigners must constantly be alert due to the common fact that Dominicans are 99% of the time looking for either money or visas to some glorious land. Length of time for the relationship doesn't seem to matter be it a few weeks or several years. All seem to agree that Dominicans are extremely good at what they do (pulling the wool over the love-sick foreigners) and that it is just a matter of time before we regret our decisions. Yet I have also read that many of the subscribers are married to Dominicans. How did they navigate this landmine of Buggies and Sackies?

Recently an American friend of mine told me Dominicans don't have friends...they would sacrifice a childhood amigo at first chance to land a wealthy foreigner for remittances or marriage. Surely this is not true.
I have never lived in real poverty, never known genuine hunger...but even if I did, wouldn't friendship prevail? The Dominican cultural norms cannot be so different.

Love is always difficult to find and the heart can be more easily lead astray than the mind. So, how does one really know if Dominican love is real?

The part in the red is true. Many dont have ANY friends they are not related to. Everybody and everyone is to be used. That to me is some cold as ice cruelty, right? To go around in the whole world and not be able to trust anyone because they may be a snake or a wolf in disguise. This is what is funny to me because in the interactions I have about "gifting" money they dont understand why would I still want to talk to them if there is no fiscal gain. "Why do you want to talk to me if you dont want to marry me?" "No one wants to give you money. No one wants to marry you(permanently). They want to get their rocks off and bounce." But all is well, because in the same toss of the coin, many of them dont know how to be friends. Friendly sure, but there is a universe of difference between the adverb and the noun.

In the green, <iframe title="YouTube video player" width="480" height="390" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/Kru96klin8g" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe> you have to be extremely patient if you pick one of these men or women as your mate. You need this time to literally, figuratively, emotionally, spiritually(if this is your bag) to see where his/her head is at. This includes a synopsis of her family also, elders and juniors(parents and children). Mess is as mess does. I think many dudes dont do that because there is an emotional deficiency in the life they live wherever they are from. So there is no patience exercised. Its like being let loose in a Las Vegas buffet and then deciding to buy the restaurant based on a sandwich you like instead of perusing around and examining other offerings. You only discover what you like by finding what you dont like.

And I will proclaim it isnt more complicated in the DR than any place else. If you keep your wits about you and are patient. Problem is when people plan long term objectives with short term strategies. Meaning: Beauty is more than a pretty face...and a big butt.

In the blue, this is the exceptionally sad part. I was talking to a friend and she was idolizing her neighbor who lives in the Bronx. "She has this and that. She does this and that." The more details she told me about that woman, I recognized a con. Her friend in the Bronx who cares for the elderly is home health aide/nurse assistant/personal care assistant(=$13-14K/year, this is $1000 a month in New York City? Nope, this is the working poor). She lives in her own place(with that salary she lives in a housing project or on Sec. 8). She has an apartment in Santiago(so the savings from the Section 8 housing subsidy can be sent to her family in Santiago). She "recibe cupones"(food stamps, another subsidy for the working poor) for her son. She comes every year and brings alot of things(she gets the $3500 for EIC tax credit but whatever write-down and sends a barrel one month before she visits). Now I m not knocking her efforts but she sends the wrong image to the people on the island. My friend sees her as a superhero but I see the story as it really is. With this everyone thinks that once "over there" they will experience all this greatness and bounty. The things left in the wind are what is the quality of the school district where she sends her child? How safe is her neighborhood? And what happens when the housing, food, health-care subsidies disappear? Or the place where they live gets renovated, rehabilitated or privatized? But you cant tell them that. They cant see the forest for the trees in this issue.
 

Whippet

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Jan 26, 2011
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Totally Agree

Most of the time foreigners know that it isn't for real, quite aware they are paying in some way or another for companionship.
Navigating the whores and users simply requires you to use your head instead of thinking in your pants.
Make sure she has a real job, if she doesn't work at all then avoid it.

Totally agree!
There is always going to be some weak smuck that is suckered by some gold digger.
If its to good to be true den it proberly is!
the only way to see if a person is genuine is time.

As for the sterotype that any dominican girl wit a foriegner must be out for only money/visa, crap. In my case I meet my hardworking Dominican girlfriend overseas and we moved here after a few years. Meet many other couples here in simular situation. The only people that fit this sterotype is foriegners on a sex tour wit some dirty prostitute.
 

Chip

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There is a way to meet "real" Dominican's for relationships. Go with a Christian missionary group on a mission in the DR and make friends with the people at the local churches.
 
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engineerfg

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Yah because religious people don't lie and cheat on their wives/husbands.

berlusconi_300.jpg
 

Anastacio

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Religion is a joke in the Republic. They shout about how important it is in one breath and then lie, cheat and scam anyone possible with the next.
Pathetic and really dumb!
 

Chip

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Religion is a joke in the Republic. They shout about how important it is in one breath and then lie, cheat and scam anyone possible with the next.
Pathetic and really dumb!

So your saying there are no Dominicans that don't lie, cheat or steal?
 

Anastacio

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So your saying there are no Dominicans that don't lie, cheat or steal?

No, obviously like any other opinion anyone has on anything, we have to generalise to some extent to make a point. Sure there are good genuine followers of the church, like anywhere else. But I find the republic more contradicting than most, in terms of banging on about it, and doing the opposite instantaneously. I find it silly.
Most don't even know what selflessness is and couldn't comprehend it if they did.
 
Feb 7, 2007
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Your response is exactly what I am asking...how does one know if the love is real in the Dominican Republic? Clearly love changes and evolves over time in any relationship...as in your case with 40 years of marriage. But finding love in the DR seems even more fraught with obstacles than in other places (at least according to the post I have read).

By the "friends" comment, the way I understood it is loyalty (even to long-time friends) goes out the window at the first chance to make some money. Not little money, but long-term potential money such as having a foreign friend send remittances or a marriage proposal. My friend believed that money trumps loyalty in the DR. I have difficulty believing this so I am asking for others' opinions.

I tell you what... I know a person who gave up 8+ year friendship in order to overcharge 300 dollars on a 500 dollar job... Dominican to a Dominican
 

wrecksum

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In my experience in third-world countries, (of which I would not directly state the DR is one, there are many many much worse) and needy communities, love is an overpriced commodity.
When you have no food,no health, no hope, no future,
The poor just can't afford it.

Religion fills the void.
 
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