Culture Shock???

SKing

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Nov 22, 2007
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Everyone that I am close to in Santiago thought I had gone crazy in December 2009 when I decided to leave DR rather quickly. I made the decision on a Friday. By Monday all of my stuff was sold and Thursday I was outta there. We would've left on Monday but my son got a stomach virus and was in HOMS for 3 days.
I contributed my leaving with depression, I always had horrible 1st trimester pregnancies, filled with sickness and depression. I do not know how my ex-husband dealt with it. But seeing as the depression continued for 3 more months after arriving back in the US, and was then followed by the remorse of having left Santiago....whenever anyone asked me why I left, I told them that I got a bad case of depression.
The sickness from the pregnancy was getting better but I was in a constant state of negativity. And then physical signs came. It seemed dark all of the time. I used to love the fact that in DR it was sunny as early as 6am, but I did not see that anymore. The Dominicans that I cared for seemed to get on my last nerve and couldn't do anything right. Food that I had forgotten began to be what I wanted most, "Can't I just get a f*cking Chick-Fil-A sandwich for God's sake!", to my housekeeper, who was nothing but una bendicion for me heard me say on more than one occasion "Can't you cook ANYTHING else!?!" Everything seemed to be bad, I just wanted out. Everything I loved about DR became what I despised.
Upon telling this to a friend recently, she says that she thinks that I had culture shock. I googled it and sure enough it seems that it could be true. What I do not understand is the timeline. Usually the stage of culture shock that she thinks that I was in happens right after the "honeymoon" stage, which usually last at the most 6 months. I had been in DR 18 months. Everything had been fine until then. This stage if culture shock is classified by feelings of anxiety, irritability, frustration, anger, negativity, and a sense of crisis. This was exactly how I was feeling, but why so long after? Maybe it was brought on by the pregnancy? Maybe it was not culture shock at all but true depression? But upon reading about culture shock, I can definitely relate.
Now I have regretted my decision for over a year now,pining away for my Santiago. Unable to explain the exact cause of my rash decision. Wondering if it was truly a depressive episodeor truly culture shock. And being extremely nervous about whether it would happen again when I return if that is the case. Can that horrible phase of culture shock come after so many months? Your thoughts please and any personal stories of culture shock if you have any

SHALENA
.
 

AnnaC

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Jan 2, 2002
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Without going into to it you did have a lot of stuff happen in the short time you were there even before you got pregnant. If I remember you also went back and forth to the US for work. Now that is major commuting. It was a huge adjustment that might have taken a few more years to master.
 

SKing

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Nov 22, 2007
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Without going into to it you did have a lot of stuff happen in the short time you were there even before you got pregnant. If I remember you also went back and forth to the US for work. Now that is major commuting. It was a huge adjustment that might have taken a few more years to master.

I thought that too but with the exception of my commutes, I know a few expats that had worse things happen to them and more often (they just aren't dumb enough to post it all on DR1) :)
But maybe it was too much too quick.
@Matilda, I read that. Very good article! I miss her.

SHALENA
 

kdolo

New member
Mar 9, 2009
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Culture Shock

Everyone that I am close to in Santiago thought I had gone crazy in December 2009 when I decided to leave DR rather quickly. I made the decision on a Friday. By Monday all of my stuff was sold and Thursday I was outta there. We would've left on Monday but my son got a stomach virus and was in HOMS for 3 days.
I contributed my leaving with depression, I always had horrible 1st trimester pregnancies, filled with sickness and depression. I do not know how my ex-husband dealt with it. But seeing as the depression continued for 3 more months after arriving back in the US, and was then followed by the remorse of having left Santiago....whenever anyone asked me why I left, I told them that I got a bad case of depression.
The sickness from the pregnancy was getting better but I was in a constant state of negativity. And then physical signs came. It seemed dark all of the time. I used to love the fact that in DR it was sunny as early as 6am, but I did not see that anymore. The Dominicans that I cared for seemed to get on my last nerve and couldn't do anything right. Food that I had forgotten began to be what I wanted most, "Can't I just get a f*cking Chick-Fil-A sandwich for God's sake!", to my housekeeper, who was nothing but una bendicion for me heard me say on more than one occasion "Can't you cook ANYTHING else!?!" Everything seemed to be bad, I just wanted out. Everything I loved about DR became what I despised.
Upon telling this to a friend recently, she says that she thinks that I had culture shock. I googled it and sure enough it seems that it could be true. What I do not understand is the timeline. Usually the stage of culture shock that she thinks that I was in happens right after the "honeymoon" stage, which usually last at the most 6 months. I had been in DR 18 months. Everything had been fine until then. This stage if culture shock is classified by feelings of anxiety, irritability, frustration, anger, negativity, and a sense of crisis. This was exactly how I was feeling, but why so long after? Maybe it was brought on by the pregnancy? Maybe it was not culture shock at all but true depression? But upon reading about culture shock, I can definitely relate.
Now I have regretted my decision for over a year now,pining away for my Santiago. Unable to explain the exact cause of my rash decision. Wondering if it was truly a depressive episodeor truly culture shock. And being extremely nervous about whether it would happen again when I return if that is the case. Can that horrible phase of culture shock come after so many months? Your thoughts please and any personal stories of culture shock if you have any

SHALENA
.

Culture shock does happen. It is the normal process of the brain adjusting to the new environment. This is the point when most expats bail. But its just a stage that passes as the adjustment is made.

I experienced it. Everything that you initially perceived as quaint and cute in Dominican culture becomes a major irritant.
I read up on expat transitions and realized what was happening in my brain. The best way to handle it is to fight through it - it eventually passes.

The shock combined with your pregnancy probably made it worse.
 

granca

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Aug 20, 2007
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This thread and many others going on and on about "culture shock" make me worry whether or not I should be anxious because I have had no kind of culture shock. I first started visiting here 15 years ago and now have been a permanent resident for 5 years. I came here expecting everything to be different but it isn't. Nearly everybody is friendly unlike London or say Milan. People are just people. I suppose the two biggest differences I found were (before I got married!) how uninhibited the girls were, how honest they were, even their lies were pretty transparent not at all like european girls mostly uptight and ruled by their priests or mothers. The second thing was that most Dominicans were equally intelligent as people from any where else but horribly ill-educated. It took me a while to discover that the reason for this was dominican politicians who whilst they declaimed loudly about free education actually did their best to make the phrase meaningless; unqualified teachers, poor class books, monetary barriers to education. I have come to the conclusion that this in order to keep Domincans insufficiently educated to know that political candidates who give them free salamis, free rice, free motor cycles etc , etc are actually totally useless to the benefit of the Republica Dominicana and are only interested in their own pockets. This is probably why even long term residents are not allowed to vote.
 
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cobraboy

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Perhaps "culture shock" has to do with expectations.

If one expects life here to be an extension of a vacation, they're in for a "shock." The food you liked as a novelty on vacation may get boring when here full time. Food is but one example.

And remember: whoever you were where you camefrom, you'll be that same person here. You can't run away from yourself (NOT aimed at SK:))

Expect nothing and you won't be disappointed...
 

Chirimoya

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It may sound corny but the three phases of culture shock, which I also went through, are a lot like the process of falling in love. At first you're starry eyed and everything about the person is perfection. Then as reality creeps in you begin to see the other person's defects and find them annoying. This is make-or-break phase - you decide between ending the relationship or learning to love the other person, warts and all. What determines this decision is whether the good outweighs the bad.
 

cobraboy

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It may sound corny but the three phases of culture shock, which I also went through, are a lot like the process of falling in love. At first you're starry eyed and everything about the person is perfection. Then as reality creeps in you begin to see the other person's defects and find them annoying. This is make-or-break phase - you decide between ending the relationship or learning to love the other person, warts and all. What determines this decision is whether the good outweighs the bad.
The fine love analogy is about managing expectations.
 

SKing

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Nov 22, 2007
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Yes, I believe that maybe what happened to me was a combination. I seem to think that if it was solely culture shock, I would've gotten better once back in the US but the feeling persisted for approximately 3 months after that. I seem to think it was major depression and maybe some culture ahock included. Everything that I have read states that the second phase usually does not come that far into the transplantation, I mean, 18 months? That's not years, but its not 3-6 months either. Whatever it was did not come on gradually, it hit me like a ton of bricks. Well, I have read enough on it now to recognize the next time. I also believe that I went through a lot of changes and had increased stress due to my frequent commuting. I will not commute that frequently again.
I do feel empowered now that I know what to look for and maybe ill get one of my MD friends to write me a script for Zoloft next time....just in case! :)

SHALENA
 

SKing

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Nov 22, 2007
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Perhaps "culture shock" has to do with expectations.

If one expects life here to be an extension of a vacation, they're in for a "shock." The food you liked as a novelty on vacation may get boring when here full time. Food is but one example.

And remember: whoever you were where you camefrom, you'll be that same person here. You can't run away from yourself (NOT aimed at SK:))

Expect nothing and you won't be disappointed...

Maybe, but I did not think of any of my trips as vacation. I had only gone to the beach once, for about 4 hours. I mainly stayed in the campo Sajoma, coming up to Santiago here and there. But maybe since I didn't have to work, could sleep late, party late, etc....
I feel bad for my kids food wise, maybe that's why I let them eat so much McDonald's and Burger King, and going to TGIFriday's every week!

SHALENA
 

Bigocean

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Shalena, a small point.

Did you forget that your "ex" husband, father of your last child, was in fact married while he and your were an item and that his wife had threatened to get you? Some very graphic stuff as I heard. Still a lot of heat there as I understand and you know how small Santiago is. You should be very careful with this one as you are considering returning to Santiago. This type of pressure could certainly cause some anxiety.
 

SKing

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Nov 22, 2007
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Did you forget that your "ex" husband, father of your last child, was in fact married while he and your were an item and that his wife had threatened to get you? Some very graphic stuff as I heard. Still a lot of heat there as I understand and you know how small Santiago is. You should be very careful with this one as you are considering returning to Santiago. This type of pressure could certainly cause some anxiety.

Please share with us this "graphic stuff" you have heard because neither he nor I have heard any of it. His EX wife gives me no anxiety and or fear now, nor did she then. Dominican women will always resort to threats when they are abandoned and left for another, especially a "darker" other :)
I am telling you these things only so that you can return to whomever it is that you get half of the story from. You gotta come a little better than that if you are trying to get at me baby, ask somebody whose been on here longer than 4 months....Muah! Love you! Cuz without my haters, I wouldn't be who I am!
Back to topic.....culture shock.

SHALENA
 

ElvisNYC

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Did you forget that your "ex" husband, father of your last child, was in fact married while he and your were an item and that his wife had threatened to get you? Some very graphic stuff as I heard. Still a lot of heat there as I understand and you know how small Santiago is. You should be very careful with this one as you are considering returning to Santiago. This type of pressure could certainly cause some anxiety.

typical metiche and chismosa como vieja :D

Sking, It sounds like you had culture shock ! I'm in Ecuador right now, and boy do I miss New York a lot. I miss the pubs, diversity of restaurants, friends, less crime and diversity of neighborhoods - I miss tipico music ! But I don't miss the commute, how people are not friendly and always on a rush, and mostly the stress. I'm so relaxed ! Even the long waits at the bank (which are the worst I can experience here) doesn't make me want to go back. I waited for 45 min to get a checkbook !! :D

My best to you !
 

kdolo

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Mar 9, 2009
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shock

Please share with us this "graphic stuff" you have heard because neither he nor I have heard any of it. His EX wife gives me no anxiety and or fear now, nor did she then. Dominican women will always resort to threats when they are abandoned and left for another, especially a "darker" other :)
I am telling you these things only so that you can return to whomever it is that you get half of the story from. You gotta come a little better than that if you are trying to get at me baby, ask somebody whose been on here longer than 4 months....Muah! Love you! Cuz without my haters, I wouldn't be who I am!
Back to topic.....culture shock.

SHALENA

Its possible that you were experiencing an episode of simple hysteria - this is not a clinical diagnosis mind you, but many women have weird emotional swings and episodes. Maybe you were having one of these.

Or maybe panic attacks or some form of bipolar which could be treated with medication. Bi polar episodes are often brought on by stress.

Simple depression is best treated with regular exercise that raises your heart rate and sunlight.
 

SKing

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Nov 22, 2007
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typical metiche and chismosa como vieja :D

Sking, It sounds like you had culture shock ! I'm in Ecuador right now, and boy do I miss New York a lot. I miss the pubs, diversity of restaurants, friends, less crime and diversity of neighborhoods - I miss tipico music ! But I don't miss the commute, how people are not friendly and always on a rush, and mostly the stress. I'm so relaxed ! Even the long waits at the bank (which are the worst I can experience here) doesn't make me want to go back. I waited for 45 min to get a checkbook !! :D

My best to you !
Yeah, but it seems so drastic (culture shock, I mean). Are you in Ecuador for long?
Also, I was commuting to NYC twice per month so I was wondering why I would get the "shock", but then again, I hate NYC. LOL

SHALENA.

P.S.
Don't worry about the chisme, believe it or not I've learned a lot from my days of cursing out AZB. A lot of people press at me to bring La Rabiosa out but I just close my eyes and imagine what they probably look like in real life and I usually am laughing so hard, I can't get mad!
 

dv8

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Sep 27, 2006
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i never experienced culture shock in DR, i think. i disliked it from the start, before i even moved here. then i disliked it even more, to the point of hate. now i feel kinda indifferent with decent amount of acceptation. in other words, on my best days i do not care much, i do not pay attention and i do not think at all that i live in DR. i am never "happy" that i live here but sometimes i feel smug :)
it helps a lot to learn the language, and it helps even more to be out with people: i became a lot calmer since i work in the pharmacy. i get seriously upset at people sometimes but generally i enjoy chatting with my workers and clients, learning more about DR.
following chiri's love example my relationship with DR is that of an arranged marriage. i may grow to like it :)
 

SKing

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Nov 22, 2007
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Its possible that you were experiencing an episode of simple hysteria - this is not a clinical diagnosis mind you, but many women have weird emotional swings and episodes. Maybe you were having one of these.

Or maybe panic attacks or some form of bipolar which could be treated with medication. Bi polar episodes are often brought on by stress.

Simple depression is best treated with regular exercise that raises your heart rate and sunlight.

Definitely something to consider, never been diagnosed with anything but I think that at that time some depression was there, have not done psych in a while but I know that depression can come on also from stress. Never was medicated, and it went away on its own. Who knows? I only know I will be better prepared next time

SHALENA
 

SKing

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Nov 22, 2007
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i never experienced culture shock in DR, i think. i disliked it from the start, before i even moved here. then i disliked it even more, to the point of hate. now i feel kinda indifferent with decent amount of acceptation. in other words, on my best days i do not care much, i do not pay attention and i do not think at all that i live in DR. i am never "happy" that i live here but sometimes i feel smug :)
it helps a lot to learn the language, and it helps even more to be out with people: i became a lot calmer since i work in the pharmacy. i get seriously upset at people sometimes but generally i enjoy chatting with my workers and clients, learning more about DR.
following chiri's love example my relationship with DR is that of an arranged marriage. i may grow to like it :)
Awwwww, come on! I'll trade with you!

SHALENA
 

NALs

Economist by Profession
Jan 20, 2003
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By the looks of it, you had culture shock. Depressed people usually fall into denial, so if you knew you were 'depressed' at the moment of the suppose depression, chances are you were not.

Also, don't put too much faith in the generalization that are made with medical/psych/etc descriptions, such as the after 6 months culture shock sets in. Everyone is different. Most people will go through culture shock in the expected time period, but some people do not while others do so at other times, or do so in the expected time but have a worst case or a relatively light case.

I'm no doctor, but its just my general understanding and approach to medical/psych descriptions. Everyone is different, hence not everything that will happen to you will go by the book.

Now, I know you're 'La Rabiosa' but believe me, I say this in peace. LOL.