A man calls 911 and says 'I think my wife is dead'.
The operator says,'How do you know?'
He says, 'The sex is the same but the ironing is
building up!'
I was in bed with a blind girl last night and she said that I had the
biggest penis she had ever laid her hands on.?
I said... "You're pulling my leg."
My girlfriend thinks that I'm a stalker. Well, she's not exactly my
girlfriend yet.
I Went for my routine checkup today and everything seemed to be going fine
until he stuck his index finger up my butt!
Do you think I should change dentists?
A wife says to her husband you're always pushing me around and talking
behind my back. He says what do you expect? You're in a wheel chair.
I was explaining to my wife last night that when you die you get
reincarnated but must come back as a different creature. She said she
would like to come back as a cow. I said, "You're obviously not listening".
The wife has been missing a week now. Police said to prepare for the
worst. So, I have been to the thrift shop to get all of her clothes back.
At the Senior Citizens Center they had a contest the other day. I
lost by one point: The question was: Where do women mostly have
curly hair? Apparently the correct answer was Africa!!!
There's a new Muslim clothing shop opened in our shopping center, but I've
been banned from it after asking to look at some of the new bomber jackets.
I Just put a deposit down on a brand new Porsche and mentioned it on
Facebook. I said, "I can't wait for the new 911 to arrive!" Next
thing I know, 4,000 ****ing Muslims have added me as a friend!!
Being a modest man, when I checked into my hotel on a recent trip, I
said to the lady at the registration desk, "I hope the porn channel in
my room is disabled." To which she replied, "No you sick bastard,
it's regular people-porn.
The Red Cross have just knocked at our door and asked if we could help
towards the floods in Pakistan. I said we would love to, but our garden
hose only reaches the driveway.
The operator says,'How do you know?'
He says, 'The sex is the same but the ironing is
building up!'
I was in bed with a blind girl last night and she said that I had the
biggest penis she had ever laid her hands on.?
I said... "You're pulling my leg."
My girlfriend thinks that I'm a stalker. Well, she's not exactly my
girlfriend yet.
I Went for my routine checkup today and everything seemed to be going fine
until he stuck his index finger up my butt!
Do you think I should change dentists?
A wife says to her husband you're always pushing me around and talking
behind my back. He says what do you expect? You're in a wheel chair.
I was explaining to my wife last night that when you die you get
reincarnated but must come back as a different creature. She said she
would like to come back as a cow. I said, "You're obviously not listening".
The wife has been missing a week now. Police said to prepare for the
worst. So, I have been to the thrift shop to get all of her clothes back.
At the Senior Citizens Center they had a contest the other day. I
lost by one point: The question was: Where do women mostly have
curly hair? Apparently the correct answer was Africa!!!
There's a new Muslim clothing shop opened in our shopping center, but I've
been banned from it after asking to look at some of the new bomber jackets.
I Just put a deposit down on a brand new Porsche and mentioned it on
Facebook. I said, "I can't wait for the new 911 to arrive!" Next
thing I know, 4,000 ****ing Muslims have added me as a friend!!
Being a modest man, when I checked into my hotel on a recent trip, I
said to the lady at the registration desk, "I hope the porn channel in
my room is disabled." To which she replied, "No you sick bastard,
it's regular people-porn.
The Red Cross have just knocked at our door and asked if we could help
towards the floods in Pakistan. I said we would love to, but our garden
hose only reaches the driveway.
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