Liquidation sale: Everything must go! Seven year old untrained pet monkey (see picture of cat, couldn't find monkey picture). Seven year old is untrained but, with the right loving family can be taught to brush teeth and use soap when bathing. Under the right tutelage and guidance she can be house trained and taught to shut front door when running in and out of the house screaming at strangers for chocolate. She answers to no one, but resembles Veruca Salt from Willy Wonka & Chocolate factory. She?s well behaved and docile when asleep but is known to viciously bite and attack if her commands are not met when awake. She speaks three languages but answers to none of them unless you have chocolate or pizza in an extended, outreached hand. Also for sale: 29 year old redhead (See picture of girl doing splits in bathroom while projectile vomiting), 5?8? tall, full set of teeth (Molars missing), and a few teeth needing repaired, but they?re still intact as of this writing. She answers to no one, but will respond to any name if enough money is in an outreached hand (must be the right hand, must be extended with wallet within reach of pet monkey). Redhead is known to be a great cook although, excels at peanut butter sandwiches, cereal, and re-heated microwave left-over?s. excellent at back massages provided you don?t need more than 2 to 3 minutes of what amounts to a glorified ?Reiki? healing (the passing of some random stones found outside in the parking lot over lower back & rear-end). Redhead excels at shopping, eating, sleeping (can out-sleep any cat on the island!) drinking, and farting when asleep. However, do not try to present facts or logic to her in daylight waking hours or she may react by biting you. Redhead is potty trained and known to sweep and clean and sometimes do dishes if there is either a full moon out or if Jupiter is aligned with Mars?whichever comes first. Redhead can projectile vomit 8 feet across the bathroom into a toilet bowl even while asleep. Extremely talented! Contact me with your proposals, I am open to any ?reasonable? offers and willing to trade for a riding lawn mower with 14HP or more. Must be in good working order.
Serious inquiries only.
Sincerely Frank
Serious inquiries only.
Sincerely Frank
