Who has custody?

meregirl

New member
Aug 22, 2008
185
10
0
My Dominican husband lives in the US with me and at some point we want to start the process to bring his 2 kids. The question I have is who really has custody, when my husband and the mother of his kids split over 6 years ago she moved to Santo Domingo and left the kids with her mother to raise. Her mother lives around the corner from where he lived and he has always provided money and saw them on an almost daily basis. Whereas their mother only visits about once a year, we still send money every month and have proof of that for over a year since we have sent it through xoom. Prior to his coming here he just handed the grandmother money but everyone including his family knows that he provides for them.

So from a legal perspective who has the custody of his children to start the process? I suspect the grandmother is going to try to block because she won't want to lose the money that she gets for them. So I believe and know it is going to be a fight I just don't know how much of one.
 

Matilda

RIP Lindsay
Sep 13, 2006
5,485
338
63
Dominicans will often think of money today rather than work out the best deal for the long term. The chances are that if you offer the grandmother/mother more money than she would get monthly - say 6 months or 12 that she will accept. The mother will need to sign the paperwork to release the children into the father's custody to allow him to take them out of the country, and given that she does not seem too interested at the moment I doubt it will be a major battle. Money will talk.

Matilda
 

RV429

Bronze
Apr 3, 2011
1,574
1
36
Then take Matilda's advice. And reassure the grandma that the child will be coming to visit and often. Many of them fear that you won't bring the child back again.
 

Matilda

RIP Lindsay
Sep 13, 2006
5,485
338
63
I should have mentioned that two of my husbands children lived with us - for the past 10 years. He was not married to the mother - not in the legal sense and he had custody since they were born. We took them to the UK and she signed the document to let them leave the country with no problems. I think we paid her 500 RD$ for each. Remember, she will know that the children will have a much better chance of a good education and a good job with you and their father. That means money. And children will always send their mother money. If my stepsons have any spare cash they always send it to their mother even though she has wanted nothing to do with them all their lives. I really think this will not be as hard as you think.

Good luck

Matilda
 

meregirl

New member
Aug 22, 2008
185
10
0
Cool I hope you are right. The grandmother is pretty mercenary so money will work but I know it will be much more than 500 RD since she gets 6000 pesos a month for them from us.
 

Givadogahome

Silver
Sep 27, 2011
4,397
2
0
What, you send RD$6000 per month for 2 kids?
It seems like a cheap situation, I doubt much legal action will be required if this is the level of living they have at the moment. But it might not be plain sailing as the gran is obviously not only in it for the money, RD$6000 is pitiful.
 

bob saunders

Platinum
Jan 1, 2002
32,504
5,932
113
dr1.com
What, you send RD$6000 per month for 2 kids?
It seems like a cheap situation, I doubt much legal action will be required if this is the level of living they have at the moment. But it might not be plain sailing as the gran is obviously not only in it for the money, RD$6000 is pitiful.

I think you are out of line here. You have no idea of this couples living expenses and he alone is not responsible for the children. 6000 pesos isn't much but it is a reasonable amount based on what the average family lives on in the DR. I'm sure these children have never lived a life of luxury.
 

Givadogahome

Silver
Sep 27, 2011
4,397
2
0
I think you are out of line here. You have no idea of this couples living expenses and he alone is not responsible for the children. 6000 pesos isn't much but it is a reasonable amount based on what the average family lives on in the DR. I'm sure these children have never lived a life of luxury.

It is my opinion. Obviously we have no idea of this couples income or outgoings, and by what they are offering up to support 2 kids from a position in the US, then if that's the best they can do would they be in a position to support them in the US? (It's got kiddy pawns written all over it) This is not for us to say, but I am still entitled to an opinion on an open forum.
Average family? hmm, I dunno Bob, I make sure my kids have what I can give them, not what the rest of society dictates by the state of others around me/them, that would be pitiful of me, to have and not to give to my children just because they wouldn't miss it if they didn't get it.
 

meregirl

New member
Aug 22, 2008
185
10
0
It is my opinion. Obviously we have no idea of this couples income or outgoings, and by what they are offering up to support 2 kids from a position in the US, then if that's the best they can do would they be in a position to support them in the US? (It's got kiddy pawns written all over it) This is not for us to say, but I am still entitled to an opinion on an open forum.
Average family? hmm, I dunno Bob, I make sure my kids have what I can give them, not what the rest of society dictates by the state of others around me/them, that would be pitiful of me, to have and not to give to my children just because they wouldn't miss it if they didn't get it.

Yes you are entitled to your opinion no matter how judgemental and immediately applying a guilty verdict before hearing all the facts. Me personally I don't like to judge people before asking all of the questions but I am just crazy like that. Please explain what you mean by kiddy pawns, boy you just like to throw insults left and right. Anyway not that it is any of your business, he provides part support and the mother provides part as well. This is more than he paid when he was there living there so just because he is here and mind you attending school and not working, I am not going to send the message that they hit the jackpot because he got to the US. You are more than welcome to do so in your life and live with the consequences, which is why it is called free choice. However for me, I am going to take it carefully and never start something I am not prepared to continue. Not to mention I have no way of being sure that she would spend that increased money on the kids as she has proven to not be very trustworthy with money.

As for being in a better position to support them in the US, since they have have practically never lived with their father and frankly he has a lot more to do here to prepare for helping their transition so that it does not all fall on me, including us getting a big enough house to fit them. We are a bit of a ways off, however I am asking my original question to find out what else we would need to prepare because obviously we are aware that we need to have open the option of moving to the US since education is poorer in DR and the grandmother seems to be pawning the children off more to others as they get older.

Thank you Bob for obviously understanding DR life more and applying courteous thinking first instead of randomn sharp, and unfair judgements.
 

windeguy

Platinum
Jul 10, 2004
42,211
5,966
113
As was pointed out, you will need the mother's permission so the children can leave the country. And every time you bring them back to the DR, you will need the mother's permission each time you want to take them out until they are 18 years old.

Those documents are done at a special office in Santo Domingo each and every time they leave.

See this thread for more information on that:

http://www.dr1.com/forums/living/11...ld-leave-country-out-letter-permission-2.html
 

Jumbo

Bronze
Jul 8, 2005
1,503
94
48
I believe granny has no say in the matter legally. It is the mom that needs to get paid off. The problem is do you low ball her or come in with an amount that makes her bug eyed and dizzy enough to sign the papers. Or she might just be happy not to have to send granny the pesos once the kids are gone.