Question on child custody

Cyren

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Jan 10, 2011
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I have a question about the law and the custody of cvhild in DR. Is it hard for the father to get the custody when the mother doesnt want him to be in touch anymore with his own child?

We live in Canada and the mother signed the paper for immigration but now, she changed her mind and doesnt want his child to come here and doesnt leave my husband speak with his child anymore.

Any suggestion?

Thanks
 

zoomzx11

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Jan 21, 2006
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She wants more money!!! Do you think she will give up the kid for free? You want him, she has him, you pay. Not complicated at all. Just need to determine how much. Then get a lawyer for the paperwork.
 

Cyren

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Jan 10, 2011
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In fact, she tells him not to care anymore for the child, they will be fine without him. She is furious because we didnt get a call from her and she thinks we did it on purpose. The thing is that ese mujer is complicated as hell. She wants my hsband to do everything she asks, what he does... but we missed her calls one day and now, everything is black and she doesnt want anything more.
 

Givadogahome

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Sep 27, 2011
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Not all Dominican mothers are robots and consider children as objects of sale. This autoresponse is old, boring, not true, and bitter.
Saying that it will not be difficult. Dominican woman can and are like women all over the world, wonderful loving mothers and would not be separated from their child for all the cash in the world. Full custody will not happen, but you can work over the next few years on visiting several times a year and proving yourself, continuing to be a good provider as a father should, eventually you could very well end up in a good situation where she will allow you to have the child on extended visits to your country, and you never know, once life progresses she may even see the benefit in sending the child to school in your country and anythign could happen.
The best advice I can offer you right now is to be calm, provide well, consider the mother has alot on her plate as she does all or most of the child care and so a small thankyou incentive to her once in a while will not hurt.
Be a good father, be a good provider, you can do both of these things without being a mug or taken for a ride, it is not a war or a competition, it is a situation you as adults need to consider before reacting to anything and everything that comes along that you like or dislike. Always take time out before reacting to any situation you feel is unfair, there will be many of them.
Good luck.
 

AnnaC

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Jan 2, 2002
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In fact, she tells him not to care anymore for the child, they will be fine without him. She is furious because we didnt get a call from her and she thinks we did it on purpose. The thing is that ese mujer is complicated as hell. She wants my hsband to do everything she asks, what he does... but we missed her calls one day and now, everything is black and she doesnt want anything more.

How long has it been? She might just cool off. Maybe someone else can answer but even though the child might have been added to your husbands original application to have the option to bring him to Canada he really can't do that without her further consent.

For the father to get custody of the child he would have to prove she is a really bad mother. In any case it's always the child that suffers when they are put in the middle.
 

Cyren

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Jan 10, 2011
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Well, in fact, she is just the worst mother of the world. She makes him suffer averything she wants. But anyway, its more to know how to get the custody.

If my husband go there and finally get her back happy, is there something we can make her sign that will assure us she wont be able to change her mind anymore?
 

Givadogahome

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Sep 27, 2011
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As long as he is on the birth certificate and she died then he would get custody. Do you happen to know she is the worst mother, or is this what you hear? You can't make her sign anything and she won't sign anything.
I gave you the best advice you will get. If she is as bad as you say and she is such a terrible mother that she considers her child a cash flow then she will not sign that away. If she is a mother still in training and getting things a bit wrong but loves her child dearly then she will never sign that away. Are you getting the picture here. Read what I wrote above, play it cool, time is a good barrier breaker if things are done nicely. Try and play hardball and you will lose.
 

La Rubia

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Jan 1, 2010
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Is it hard for the father to get the custody when the mother doesnt want him to be in touch anymore with his own child?

We live in Canada and the mother signed the paper for immigration but now, she changed her mind and doesnt want his child to come here and doesnt leave my husband speak with his child anymore.

Is there an existing custody agreement?

If there isn't, it would seem wise to start with that.

If the mother is denying access in violation of an agreement, that's something that can be addressed.

It seems a little unrealistic (maybe too hopeful) to expect that the father would be granted full custody just because he can't speak to his child on the phone.
 

La Rubia

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Jan 1, 2010
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But anyway, its more to know how to get the custody.

Can she trust him to keep his word? It's a risky thing for a parent to send a child to live in a foreign country with someone with whom you don't get along. What reassurances have you given her that she'll even see the child again? Have you made arrangements for summer vacations, Christmas, maintaining Spanish, pictures, all the logics that the future will bring?

It sounds like you want her to give up her parental rights, and although she apparently agreed to it, she's had second thoughts. You generally can't force someone to agree to that--and why should she?

I know you are looking for a "legal" answer, but think about if the table was reversed and SHE was asking the same questions you are. She has the advantage as she has possession, but courts very seldom just exclude a parent out of the child's life because the other parent thinks it's best.

Many mothers are the worst mothers in the world, according to the estranged father, so nothing really substantial to impress a judge with on that. While I understand you feel you've been wronged and I agree your husband should be able to talk to his child, by your brief description it seems the mother may be afraid of losing contact with her child.

One last thought, what would you expect a court in Canada to do if it were a Canadian custody issue? Do Canadian courts just give the other parent full custody, or do they consider what's in the best interest of the child? I would think that the best interest of this child is to be able to know the best of both worlds, mom's and dad's, and you need to find a way to make that possible. DR court will favor the mother, (being raised poor or poorly won't even be a factor), and be terribly expensive and frustrating.

Hope you find the solution you are looking for.
 

Cyren

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Jan 10, 2011
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Well, the facts are that she sleeps her child and go out to get drunk after. In the morning, she left them alone until she gets up and they eat what she wants them to eat when SHE decides. One night, she was very furious with her baby of 18 months because he burned half the kitchen. She was away and had left both kids sleeping alone with a candle on. The baby got up and went to play... The son of my husband is 5, and well, he had more accidents in his live than any children I could have known. Anyway, we'll try once more to get her back in good terms and if she doesnt understand nothing, we'll put some barrier to everything. Her sister told us today that their mother told her not to give the child away because she wont get anymore money... So, we'll try with the big boss of the family, his father... My husband will go in DR to meet the family... If she keeps the child, she'll have to send her to my husband's mom every weekend or she wont have any $$. We dont want her to be the only education level he gets... What a craps!!!

Any suggestions on how to get proofs that she beats him and doesnt threat him good? Are some neighbours declarations enough? Should we hire someone to prove she leaves kids under age alone?
 

La Rubia

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Jan 1, 2010
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The son of my husband is 5, and well, he had more accidents in his live than any children I could have known. My husband will go in DR to meet the family... If she keeps the child, she'll have to send her to my husband's mom every weekend or she wont have any $$. We dont want her to be the only education level he gets... What a craps!!!

Any suggestions on how to get proofs that she beats him and doesnt threat him good? Are some neighbours declarations enough? Should we hire someone to prove she leaves kids under age alone?

Ok, so now you're getting somewhere. If your husband is Dominican, of course your best solution at this point is to have his mother involved with the care as much as possible. Are they in the same town/village/campo barrio? Start with weekends, then ask to have the child come to her every day after school. Feed him, love him, then send him home with a small amount of money to give to his mom. Have grandma enroll him in school, etc. oversee school supplies and take care of many things as possible. The more visits to grandma, the more money to mom. Her sister is at least talking to you, so use her as well. The older the child gets, the more likely he'll try to stay with Grandma, as he'll know where he's being cared for.

Although you don't have to give all your personal details here, I again wonder if you have any formal agreement in terms of custody and child support? You have to start there. If you have it, then use it. If you don't have a legal agreement in writing, then get one that involves his family as much as possible. You need to establish something as close to joint custody as possible to impress the court with. Just because mom is a bad parent, doesn't mean Dad is going to be a better one (in the court's eyes.) And unfortunately, Dominican standards may be very different, in practice, than in Canada, and there isn't really a functioning "child protection agency" in place to report to in the way you probably are used to having in Canada.

Again "beats" him and doesn't treat him good are very subjective, although painful as a parent, I'm sure. If your husband is planning a visit, it would seem appropriate to go to a good lawyer.

There's no inexpensive way to do it, so it might be just better in the long run to to pay her instead of a lawyer. She may be tempted by a lump sum amount.
 

La Rubia

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Jan 1, 2010
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Fabio Guzman, DR1 moderator hasn't weighed in. You probably don't need to share more details. You may want to contact a lawyer directly.
 

Fabio J. Guzman

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Jan 1, 2002
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Did the father declare the child or acknowledged legally that it's his child? If the answer is yes, Dominican courts generally grant visitation rights automatically.

As for change of custody, the father would have to prove that it is in the child's best interest. How? By all means at his disposal: witnesses, letters, documents, medical reports (in case of child abuse), psychological reports, etc.

It is not easy because of the cultural bias that favors the mother as the "natural custodian" of her children. But it is possible if the proper evidence is obtained.