Seniors Sex Guide

Senior Sex Guide Decrypted...

1)Put on your glasses.Double check that your partner is actually in bed with you.

[Because] You need to ensure it is a) your partner and they are b) right way up.

2)Set timer for 10 minutes,in case you doze off in the middle.

[Because] It could be after 9:30 at night, thus way past your bedtime.

3)Set the mood with lighting.Turn them ALL OFF!

[Because] You do not want to scare your partner when you disrobe. Old man butt is a BAD thing!

4)Make sure you put 911 on your speed dial before you begin.

[Because] In the DR 911 will get you a taxi so your partner can leave earlier.

5)Write partner's name on your hand in case you can't remember.

[Because] Who is used to the pronunciations of the names here without a cheat sheet. Speaking of which, you may also need to add instructions since it may have been awhile since you did this.

6)Keep extra polygrip close by so your teeth don't end up under the bed.

[Because] Your teeth can also end up lost in some other, less agreeable, location.

7)Have tylenol ready in case you actually complete the act.

[Because] You will undoubtedly pull a muscle or something.

8)Make all the noise you want.The neighbors are deaf too.

[Because] You are in the DR where the music is so loud no one could hear you anyhow.

9)If it works,call everyone you know with the good news.

[Because] No one really believes you are "doing it" anymore.

10)Don't even think about trying it twice.

[Because] You will enter a coma or stroke out!