? I was devastated to find out my wife was having an affair
but, by turning to religion,
I was soon able to come to terms with the whole thing. I converted
to Islam, and we're stoning her in the morning!
? The wife suggested I get myself one of those penis enlargers,
so I did .... she's 21 and her name's Lucy.
? Went to the pub with my girlfriend last night. Locals were
shouting "pedophile!" and other names at me,
just because my girlfriend is 21 and I'm 50. It completely spoiled
our 10th anniversary.
? My son was thrown out of school today for letting a girl in
his class give him a hand-job. I said "Son,
that's 3 schools this year! You'd better stop before you're banned
from teaching altogether."
? Question - Are there too many immigrants in Britain? 17% said
yes; 11% said No; 72% said
"I am not understanding the question please."
? The cost of living has now gotten so bad that my wife is
having sex with me because she can't afford batteries.
? A man calls 999 and says "I think my wife is dead". The
operator says, "How do you know?"
He says "The sex is about the same, but the ironing is piling up!"
? I was explaining to my wife last night that when you die you
get reincarnated but must come back as a different creature. She said
she would like to come back as a cow. I said, "You obviously haven't
been listening."
? My wife has been missing a week now. The police said to
prepare for the worst.
So, I had to go down to the Charity Shop to get all of her clothes
back.
? I've heard that Apple has scrapped their plans for the new
children's-oriented iPod
after realizing that "iTouch Kids" is not a good product name.
? There's a new Muslim clothing shop that opened in our shopping
center,
but they threw me out after I asked if I could look at some of the
bomber jackets.
? The Red Cross just knocked on my door and asked if we could
contribute towards the floods in Pakistan.
I said we'd love to, but our garden hose only reaches to the driveway.
but, by turning to religion,
I was soon able to come to terms with the whole thing. I converted
to Islam, and we're stoning her in the morning!
? The wife suggested I get myself one of those penis enlargers,
so I did .... she's 21 and her name's Lucy.
? Went to the pub with my girlfriend last night. Locals were
shouting "pedophile!" and other names at me,
just because my girlfriend is 21 and I'm 50. It completely spoiled
our 10th anniversary.
? My son was thrown out of school today for letting a girl in
his class give him a hand-job. I said "Son,
that's 3 schools this year! You'd better stop before you're banned
from teaching altogether."
? Question - Are there too many immigrants in Britain? 17% said
yes; 11% said No; 72% said
"I am not understanding the question please."
? The cost of living has now gotten so bad that my wife is
having sex with me because she can't afford batteries.
? A man calls 999 and says "I think my wife is dead". The
operator says, "How do you know?"
He says "The sex is about the same, but the ironing is piling up!"
? I was explaining to my wife last night that when you die you
get reincarnated but must come back as a different creature. She said
she would like to come back as a cow. I said, "You obviously haven't
been listening."
? My wife has been missing a week now. The police said to
prepare for the worst.
So, I had to go down to the Charity Shop to get all of her clothes
back.
? I've heard that Apple has scrapped their plans for the new
children's-oriented iPod
after realizing that "iTouch Kids" is not a good product name.
? There's a new Muslim clothing shop that opened in our shopping
center,
but they threw me out after I asked if I could look at some of the
bomber jackets.
? The Red Cross just knocked on my door and asked if we could
contribute towards the floods in Pakistan.
I said we'd love to, but our garden hose only reaches to the driveway.