A Muslim goes to heaven

A Muslim dies and goes up to heaven. He`s stopped at the Pearl y Gates by St-Peter whosays 'Sorry, but we don`t allow Muslims into Heaven'.
What? replies the Muslim, and Why Not?

Well, we just don`t.

The Muslim complains and carries on until St-Peter gets fed up.

Well, says St-Peter--have you ever done anything good in your life?

Ummm--the Muslim replies. Yeah, the other day a lady stopped me on the street collecting for a children`s charity so I gave her ten dollars.

Last week I donated ten dollars to the Cancer Society and a couple of weeks ago a tramp asked me if I could spare any money so I gave him ten dollars also.

Alright then says St-Peter--let me go and have a quick word with God.

Five minutes later St-Peter returns and says to the Muslim. Listen, I`ve spoken with God and he agrees with me--- Here`s your 30 bucks back, now fuk off!!!

This one is especially for Ringo.

A cardinal, bisschop and priest died and were waiting at the pearly gates to enter.
St Peter showed up and called the cardinal to ask him a question.
"Cardinal what have you done with your wiener during your life on earth?"
"Ooh St Peter" answered the cardinal, "I'm a man of God and I'm sworn to celibacy therefore I've only used it to urinate"
St Peter refused to let him enter heaven.
Next up was the bisschop and he was asked the same question and gave the same answer as the cardinal. He was also refused entry.
Then it was the priest's turn and he looked a little embarresed when he was asked the same question.
He got a little closer to Pete and whispered to him, "well I've had the pleasure of enjoying the company of several ladies and I do feel bad about it"
Petey got a big smile on his face and embraced the priest while guiding him through the gates.
The cardinal and bisschop had overheard all this while waiting for the elevator to go down to hell and protested that while they had lived their lives as saints, they were not allowed to enter heaven.
Pete looked at them and smiled, " gentleman, sorry but heaven is paradise it ain't the fricking john".

jinty05 said:

News alert! just in!

The Thames river police stop two Pakistani gentlemen in a
Rowing boat, rowing towards central London .
"The captain gets on the loudhailer and shouts "Ahoy, small
Craft, where are you heading?"

One of the Pakistani gentlemen stands up and shouts, "We are
Invading the United Kingdom !"

The crew of the Police launch all start laughing and when
The captain finally stops laughing, he gets back on the loudhailer and says
"Just the two of you then?"

The Pakistani gentleman stands up again and shouts, "No,
we`re just the last two. The rest are already here!"

Click to expand...

We've got a Britisch version here, in the American one the Pakistani are Mexicans.
The Dominicans could have their own version, lol