Old People, TV volume & Heat

frank12

Gold
Sep 6, 2011
11,847
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Yesterday my mother dragged me to yet another one of her girlfriend's house's. I haven't seen this woman, Mabel, for 25 years. When we walked into the house, we were met with a blast of hot furnace air that nearly knocked my mom's wig off and synged my eyebrows.

The house furnace was on level 10 and the furnace was blowing hot air out of the registers at unprecedented levels that had the rafters and foundation of the house shaking. A Finnish sauna would be frigid in comparison. On top of this, the TV volume was blaring so loud that it would be impossible to hold a conversation without a police bullhorn standing 3 ft from each other.

After ten minutes of standing there sweating profusely and itching my head, i apologized to Mable and asked her if i could take some of my clothes off. i was sweating profusely and i hadn't even made it to the living room yet. It was not pretty. She said. "Of course, honey, get comfortable." Then i asked if i could turn the TV channel to the Sunday football games that were on? "Yes, of course, honey, watch whatever you want!"

Great. While the two women went into the kitchen to drink coffee and gossip, i stripped down to my underwear. I sat on a torn Lazyboy chair with a TV remote control in my hand. Only two games were available for the Dayton area. While i sat there reclined way back into the Lazyboy in my underwear, watching Cleveland lose yet another game, her son, Dale, walked into the kitchen from outside. I haven't seen Dale in 25 years. He was now bald and fat like me. He froze in the kitchen and looked as if he was grabbing for a kitchen knife. He was staring at me while frantically looking for either a knife or some kind of weapon. The site of me must have frightened the hell out of him. I saw Mabel jump up and grab his hand and whisper something in his ear. I can only imagine what she was saying, "Dale, calm down...that's Franky...remember Franky? His Dominican father and brother killed our cat and smoked the meat, remember? they ate everything that moved...they're not right in the head."

Dale walked in with winter gloves on and a wool hat. I immediately thought...Dale was never right in the head. Who else could walk into a sauna dressed in full winter hunting camouflage and wearing enough clothes for a winter blizzard?"

I stood up in my underwear and shook his hand and smiled. Meanwhile, the women went back to gossiping. I heard my mom begin telling the same story about being called at work to come down to my elementary school after i got knocked unconscious by a metal lunch box for trying to kiss a girl.

I offered Dale his Lazyboy chair and and offered to sit in a gold lame velour sofa that i remember them having back in 1973. Well, it did look like it had been reupholstered sometime back in the 80's. So, it had that going for it.

Dale and i sat together and watched football. He was dressed in full hunting camouflage and i was in my torn black underwear. We were bonding. I could feel it.

Frank