DR Gringo Stories

So after reading Franks great stuff & not wanting to thread jack him - I figured to add this thread for myself & others to entertain. Mi amigo BJ wanted me to add a story or two about 2013 and our mutual amigo, who was a frequent flyer.

First (along w/ Franks take on DR) - I Love DR & its people - very nice & since I've been traveling there for the last 7 years, I've never had a problem - But I grew up in the 70's & 80's just outside of NYC, w/out parental guidance - thus I'm a wee bit street wise. Bottom line - if U respect people & their ways, U mostly won't have a problem. But back to DR - if I offend anyone with what I write - I'm sorry, but I don't think I will.

Names have been changed to protect the guilty - I'm using nicknames, some peeps have more than one.

2013 - The Year of Fred Ronin Lynn

Mi Amigo, Skippy, was coming off a 20 year marriage to a very controlling gringa, basically a C unt (spit when U say this word - wurd). And he had just restarted drinking alcohol within the last 2 yrs - about 20 yrs sober = Fresh Liver!

So he joins said author, Rhyno aka El Diablo & BJ. We're hit & run guys - go to DR 4 or 5 days & escape back to USA. I think if we stay any longer, we won't go back. We book a trip for mid March and fly into SDQ. (Usually we're POP guys, but if I recall the POP flights were way too mas & we didn't know about AZS).

Our travel plans were Boca Chica for a day & then up to LT via rental car. Since I've been to Boca before, but not in a long time, I'm driving from SDQ to Boca. I see via Map, before travels, that a road goes along the playa into Boca - What I didn't know, its made for trucks & not POS chinese made cars We barely make it to hotel - Zapata (a nice place with a great staff).

Usual stuff, check in, comida, playa - then downtown to see the scene. Find a place to drink - not a big bar where they rob the gringo on weak drinks, but a bottle of rum, coke, limes & hielo. Of course, we're fresh meat to the local putas.

And within 15 minutes, we're surrounded and sharing some drinks & fumas. One is older & has a FUP, the other young hot & fresh. Skippy has the young one, BJ is entertaining the FUP (I'm thinking its a Grandmother & her grand daughter and she's showing her the "ways"). Me, I'm solomente.

But I do get a Haitian sliding up to me - pretty face, but a bit chunky - eh, I've done worse, plus I like a little meat on my bones. But when I look down at her legs, I realize she has more pelo than I do - & I'm a fcuking mono. Deal Breaker & since I'm nice, I don't tell her to shave - LOL

Anyway after a few drinks & laughs, Skippy takes the hot grand daughter back to hotel, BJ states he's solo, but we all leave, I walk them to motoconchos, I then go back to drinking, solo. No problema.

This is Skippys 1st time in DR. He's back in his rooms having fun & BJ has busted in with grandma (she followed them back & talks her way in w/ BJ), but her boca keeps yapping and BJ just wants her to STFU. They start having a mini sex show in each bed, until BJ can't take the talking from grandma & throws her out - but needs to get the manager involved, since he doesn't want to pay her to leave - they settle up and she's gone. Phew.

Lastly, Boca isn't the same since I was there. The party scene used to be very good, now eh, not so much - I think everyone is up North.

Next day we head to LT.

Driving to LT

Toll road is way too much $$ and there's not much to see driving up Autopista Juan Pablo, but I'm glad we did it. What I loved was the new toll road over the mountains just before LT - a Motorcyclists paradise & I was wishing a had my sportbike.

U tell me




Get into LT and into the place we booked above a restaurant - we have the place to ourselves - awesome.

We settle in do a little sight seeing, get booze for rooms. Head out at night to find some action.

Action was find for all & back to hotel for drinks & music.

Game on!

We all settle in our rooms for fun times - after an hour, I go check on BJ & Skippy, I don't like too many clothes - so I think I might have scared the guests.

Next day Skippy's new friend & him are smitten - they fall so fast...

As we're only in LT for 2 nights / 3 days & then we head back to Boca.

BJ & I rent some quads and ride to El Limon - We had a great time and find this spot in El Limon & has a great time with the locals.


Great time was had in LT & we now we need to come back for a longer stay - and realize we can fly direct from NYC to AZS - YES!

Back to Boca and dropped BJ at SDQ (he needed to get back). So its me & Skippy for more more night & fly out the next day.

Back to Zapata for the night - we share a room. Dinner & some drinks while watching DR play PR in baseball. Soon I hear his phone chiming (Now we only have phones on when texting or calling back to the USA since the roaming charges are nuts) - I ask him whats up - and its his new friend from LT texting him.

I'm calling it a night and he says "I'm sleeping in tomorrow, so don't wake me" No problema.

About 3am, I hear him talking outside the hotel on the street - doesn't sound like trouble, so I go back to sleep.

Next morning about 8 or so, I'm eating breakfast when a staff member comes up to me ask if I know some chica named Benz (not her real name) - Now I know who he's talking about - its Skippys chica from LT, but I play dumb (not hard to do). No I don't know her. I had no idea she was coming to Boca.

I head towards playa, but stay within hotel property on a lounge chair - those fcuking Boca vendors don't stop. About an hour later - he comes Skippy with his Benz

He tells me she can't stay on the property, since she doesn't have her Cedula. Why she would travel w/out it is beyond me, as U know U need it.

So, I follow them onto playa & we grab some chairs & drinks. Skippy is thinking how he can get her into the room for a session before we need to get to SDQ to fly back. He then thinks fcuk it - I'm staying for another 3 days and is asking me about the logistics of doing so. We talk it thru, but the Cedula. I ask the staff to call the manager (owners son) and I explain to him whats going on & to speak with his mom to let it slide. I wait an hour and speak with owner - No Good, needs cedula.

Benzs tells us that she lives in SD - ok how long to get to her casa & then back to SDQ - 90 minutes - No problema. My flight is at 4:15 & its 11.

I pack my shyte we all get into rental car & start driving to SD. Now I've never been to SD. While driving we call BJ to tell him whats up - While Skippys driving I give him the phone & BJ tells him - "Get On the Plane" we're laughing, but now we getting into SD and traffic is heavier. I speak to BJ & tell him while Skippy is a DR rookie, he's picked up the flavor of the place real quick & he'll be fine, then I hang up, as I now realize we're in SD & there's no traffic signs/signals to direct an orderly traffic flow. What a fcuking mess. So we're driving & driving - I ask Benz in Spanish - how much longer to ur casa, 10 minutes - OK cool.


30 minutes later - WTF - how much longer - almost there - OK

Soon I realize we are thru SD and on the West side of the city and starting to head North - Hmmm WTF. Turn phone on and pull up map & I'm right. And now its 2:00pm and we're still not there and I have a flight @ 4:15. About 30 minutes later we're at her barrio. Now I kinda knew what to expect, but if you never been & your a gringo its a bit of a culture shock. While I'm sure there is worse barrios than this - I've seen way worse in DR, its still shocking, but also beautiful as its near the mountains.

Soon we on our way back - I tell Skippy don't worry if I miss my flight, I'll get one tomorrow. I've already been in a bad accident & don't need another. So we're going pretty fast, but there isn't much traffic, since we're West of the city. (sidenote -I've known Skippy since we were teenagers - he's a very good driver & we've had plenty of misadventures going to clubs as teenagers in NYC).
So we're now back into the thick of traffic in the city - I'm telling him which lanes to drive into while he steers with my hand on the horn We're zooming in & out of traffic. Now it took us about 2.5 hrs from Boca to her barrio and when we left her place, I had about 90 mins to get my flight - DOH. It takes a little over an hour to get clear of SD. The driving has reminded us of the movie Ronin. High rates of speed in a city of crazy drivers with no signals.

Phew - my heart rate has slowed a bit. its 3:50pm and we're close to SDQ. I get there @ 4. I gimp to the counter with my bag & ask, "will I make the flight". Yeah No problem - LOL
She (airline girl) then asks where my friend is out - "I don't know"

Only in DR.

Africaida said:

Never seen "la piscina" that empty, never. 6 AM weekday ?

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Nah - but it was a weekday about 3pm. But we did see a local in full clothes walk from road, above piscina, right into water - LOL

So when we do a DR trip, we award a person an MVP award for the best? Hmmm worst behavior!

Since it was Skippys 1st time there - he received Rookie of the Year. And since he overstayed the original planned trip and with great behavior & choice of friend - he got the MVP too.

Hence the name Fred Lynn.

And with the driving thru SD

Fred Ronin Lynn

So, since Fred Lynn was newly single - he broke lose, like a wild dog getting off the chain.

So our 1st trip, in 2013, was in March. He went back 3 weeks later for a weekend in Boca.

We all went back to LT in May.

Fred went back in June, July, August & Sept. LMAO.

Put the Benz on the Western Union payroll - LMAO. I told him not to, but to each their own.

This is all against the Bro code & Cuba Dave's too! But again its his pesos - so whatever.

But I did like it when he said - she's not with anyone else - LMAO

As his wheels went up on the plane, someone elses was coming down....Caveat Emptor

And Carpe Diem

Only in DR....

Feel free to add your fun DR trips

dulce said:

1. Your writing skills do not compare to Frank's.
2. Your trip report is a monger report and there is another website for these stories.

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Sorry, but I could have been explicit & I didn't

Harleysrock said:

No one can compare to Frank!

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Agree 100 ?

Dulce

I don't like those monger sites, but for the people I know that go to DR- we all love DR sans the craziness of certain areas & we love staying in local hotels and enjoying the local people. None of us have ever been to an all inclusive joint.

Viva Dominica