Advise for a young man.

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LegendaryXD

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hey all!

I am 18 years old and I was born Puerto Plata. Last August, I came back to visit and met my mom for the first time. It was really nice and long overdue. There was a language barrier because I speak english but I do not understand spanish. I can read and write it to an extent though.

My issue is that I want to go visit her again because she is my mother but my father does not support me in doing so. I feel like I have a right to visit her, I am paying for my entire trip etc. I know it is dangerous compared to Canada but at the same time, it feels like home.

What do I do?
I feel like I do not need to make my situation at home worst than it is and by doing this, I am adding fuel to the fire but....at the same time, I also feel that is necessary to visit her.

On a lighter note, I have been reading about dominican behaviour and stuff. I do not think my neighbors realize I am just 18, because they keep asking me for stuff hahaha.
 
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ctrob

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And you live where? The States?

What's the issue with your father? Unless there's something major going on between the two of you, bring him a gift. You'll eventually win him over. It's you mother, of course you want to see her. Good luck.
 
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LegendaryXD

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ctrob said:
And you live where? The States?

What's the issue with your father? Unless there's something major going on between the two of you, bring him a gift. You'll eventually win him over. It's you mother, of course you want to see her. Good luck.
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I live in Canada. I found out about my mother by myself. My father did not even bother to tell me about her for my entire life. Like obviously he should have known that when I would find out, that I would like to get to know my father.

I do not even think it is an issue between my father and I. It is between my mother and father. They do not get along yet they haven't spoken in years. I told him that just because he didn't get along doesn't mean that he can prevent me from getting to know my mother.
 
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MJSantoDomingo

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You are 18, legally an adult, so you have every right to visit her, especially if you are using your own money. But you are correct in realizing that family politics can be an issue, even if your parents have not seen each other in 18 years. Your father should respect the fact that you want to know your mother. Just as you can respect that he has raised you for 18 years. And since you are 18, I am guessing that your father is probably helping you with going to college, so be careful saying "I am only using my own money"... unless you are not going to school and work full-time and pay for all of your own bills and live in your own apartment that you pay the rent. If at 18, you are paying for everything yourself and can also afford to go to the DR, then you do not have to listen to his opinion about any disagreements with your mother. If your father is helping you with college and bills, then at least talk with him, just so he understands that you want to at least get to know who your mother is and make your own judgement about her.
 
keepcoming

keepcoming

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Difficult position for an 18 yr old to be in. Be respectful by sitting and talking with your father and explaining your want/need to get to know your mother. There may be some "history" between them that has lead your father to feel the way he does. But she is your mother and I commend you on trying to develop a relationship with her.
 
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bluemoonnyc

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LegendaryXD said:
I live in Canada. I found out about my mother by myself. My father did not even bother to tell me about her for my entire life. Like obviously he should have known that when I would find out, that I would like to get to know my father.

I do not even think it is an issue between my father and I. It is between my mother and father. They do not get along yet they haven't spoken in years. I told him that just because he didn't get along doesn't mean that he can prevent me from getting to know my mother.
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go see your mom kid. you would be sorry in years to come if you do not follow thru
 
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LegendaryXD

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MJSantoDomingo said:
You are 18, legally an adult, so you have every right to visit her, especially if you are using your own money. But you are correct in realizing that family politics can be an issue, even if your parents have not seen each other in 18 years. Your father should respect the fact that you want to know your mother. Just as you can respect that he has raised you for 18 years. And since you are 18, I am guessing that your father is probably helping you with going to college, so be careful saying "I am only using my own money"... unless you are not going to school and work full-time and pay for all of your own bills and live in your own apartment that you pay the rent. If at 18, you are paying for everything yourself and can also afford to go to the DR, then you do not have to listen to his opinion about any disagreements with your mother. If your father is helping you with college and bills, then at least talk with him, just so he understands that you want to at least get to know who your mother is and make your own judgement about her.
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This is exactly what is on my mind.

At the moment I work. I live with my parents as well and that is where these issues arise. I love my dad with all my heart but at the same time, I want to get to know my mom. He need to understand that he is no losing me to my mother by letting me visit her. I am thankful that he raised me and for being a good father.

I do not think he is helping me with paying for college at all. Another thing is that when I went last August, he was supposed to pay for the trip. I got a job earlier that year and I ended up paying for everything. It wasn't an issue because I have always had to pay for things I have wanted.

I just feel as though he thinks that if I visit my mother, I will not come back which is not true at all.
 
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MJSantoDomingo

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LegendaryXD said:
This is exactly what is on my mind.

At the moment I work. I live with my parents as well and that is where these issues arise. I love my dad with all my heart but at the same time, I want to get to know my mom. He need to understand that he is no losing me to my mother by letting me visit her. I am thankful that he raised me and for being a good father.

I do not think he is helping me with paying for college at all. Another thing is that when I went last August, he was supposed to pay for the trip. I got a job earlier that year and I ended up paying for everything. It wasn't an issue because I have always had to pay for things I have wanted.

I just feel as though he thinks that if I visit my mother, I will not come back which is not true at all.
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Then, talk with him. He will understand and respect your decision more by doing so. Even if he does not agree with it, he will respect more that you need to know and find out for yourself if you let him know, as opposed to just informing him afterwards...
 
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LegendaryXD

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MJSantoDomingo said:
Then, talk with him. He will understand and respect your decision more by doing so. Even if he does not agree with it, he will respect more that you need to know and find out for yourself if you let him know, as opposed to just informing him afterwards...
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Like I have talked about wanting to go. He just simply will not allow it. The first excuse was that I can't go alone. I invited him ;) and he said no Haha. Like my step mom supports my venture to see my mother, just not my dad.
 
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KateP

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Maybe the best solution for a while would be to communicate with her by email or through someone that could translate for her. Or better, start learning spanish and practice by calling her. Once your father sees your continued interest and accepts the fact that you're no longer his little boy, he might be more accepting. Who knows what happened to them way back when? Maybe he's afraid something might happen to you while you're here. I would assume he's trying to protect you and this is the only way he knows how to do it.
 
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MJSantoDomingo

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LegendaryXD said:
Like I have talked about wanting to go. He just simply will not allow it. The first excuse was that I can't go alone. I invited him ;) and he said no Haha. Like my step mom supports my venture to see my mother, just not my dad.
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If his "first excuse" was you should not go alone, then I am guessing his concerns may be much more about a young man from Canada with little Spanish being taken advantage of in the DR, than a fear of you seeing your mother...
 
bob saunders

bob saunders

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LegendaryXD said:
This is exactly what is on my mind.

At the moment I work. I live with my parents as well and that is where these issues arise. I love my dad with all my heart but at the same time, I want to get to know my mom. He need to understand that he is no losing me to my mother by letting me visit her. I am thankful that he raised me and for being a good father.

I do not think he is helping me with paying for college at all. Another thing is that when I went last August, he was supposed to pay for the trip. I got a job earlier that year and I ended up paying for everything. It wasn't an issue because I have always had to pay for things I have wanted.

I just feel as though he thinks that if I visit my mother, I will not come back which is not true at all.
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What about your stepmother. Is she not your mother, as well. Did your birth-mother keep in contact with you, send you letters, birthday cards....etc. I understand your desire but you may be more confused about the situation unless you can get straight answers from your dad.
 
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LegendaryXD

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MJSantoDomingo said:
If his "first excuse" was you should not go alone, then I am guessing his concerns may be much more about a young man from Canada with little Spanish being taken advantage of in the DR, than a fear of you seeing your mother...
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Yea, but I am pretty sure it is about my mother. Whenever I mention her, he stops what he is doing and is not calm. Like I understand being taken advantage of and I understand it can happen but it didn't happen last time. And I am pretty good at saying no
 
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LegendaryXD

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bob saunders said:
What about your stepmother. Is she not your mother, as well. Did your birth-mother keep in contact with you, send you letters, birthday cards....etc. I understand your desire but you may be more confused about the situation unless you can get straight answers from your dad.
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Wish me good luck getting straight answers from him. I am pretty sure my mother tried to keep in contact but I am not sure what happened. I had to search for her number lol. From what I have been told, she was informed that I did not want to see her all these years and that is why I didn't but...the truth is I didn't know about her. My mom was really upset about that.
 
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Berzin

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Nov 17, 2004
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No offense, but searching for answers to family issues from complete strangers on the internet is not the way to go about resolving said issues.

This has nothing to with any topic related to the Dominican Republic-this is about family issues that you need to solve between you and your father either in private or in some type of professional counseling setting.

CLOSED.
 
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