You might be one of my relatives IF:

Hillbilly

Moderator
Jan 1, 2002
18,948
514
113
You Know You're a Hillbilly when:


The Halloween pumpkin on your front porch
has more teeth than your spouse.

You let your twelve-year-old daughter
smoke at the dinner table in front of
her kids.

You've been married three times and still have the same in-laws.

You think a woman who is "out of your league" bowls on a different night.

Jack Daniels makes your list of.-. "Most Admired People".

You think Genitalia is an Italian airline.

You wonder how service stations keep their restrooms so clean.

Anyone in your family ever died' right after saying, "Hey, y'all
watch this"

You've got more than one brother named 'Darryl'

You think that Dom Perignon is a Mafia leader.

Your wife's "hairdo" was once ruined by a ceiling fan.

You go to your family reunion looking for a date.

Your Junior/Senior Prom had a Daycare.

You think the last words to The Star Spangled Banner are,"Gentlemen, start your engines."

You lit a match in the bathroom and your house
exploded right off its wheels.

You had to remove a toothpick for your wedding
pictures.

The blue book value of your truck goes up and
down, depending on how much gas it has in it.

You have to go outside to get something out of
the 'fridge'.

One of your kids was born on a pool table.

Your dad walks you to school because you are both in
the same grade.

You need one more hole punched in your card to get a freebie at
the House of Tattoos.

You have flowers planted in a bathroom fixture in your front yard.

Ya can't get married to yer sweetheart "'cause there's a law against
it."

You dated one of your parents' current spouses... in high school.

You think loading the dishwasher means getting your wife drunk.

Your school fight song is "Dueling Banjos."

Your toilet paper has page numbers on it.

Tha's al'right y?ll, I still luv ya!!

HB with a grin
 

Theresa

Vettehead from Buckhead
Jan 16, 2002
491
0
0
You know your a Texan if...

A Texan buys a round of drinks for all in the bar because, he
announces,his wife has just produced a typical Texas baby boy weighing 25 pounds.
> Congratulations showered him from all around, and many exclamations
of "WOW"! were heard.
A woman faints due to sympathy pains.
Two weeks later, he returns to the bar.
The bartender says, "Say, you're the father of the typical Texas
baby that weighed 25 pounds at birth. How much does he weigh now?"
The proud father answers, "Seventeen pounds."
The bartender is puzzled, and concerned. "What happened? He already weighed 25 pounds at birth."
The Texas father takes a slow swig from his long-neck Lone Star
beer, wipes his lips on his shirt sleeve, leans into the bartender and proudly says,
"Had him circumcised"
 
You Know You're a Hillbilly when:

HB:
Keep them coming they get better daily: We all need a good chuckle.

IDIOTS IN RETAIL:
I was signing the receipt for my credit card purchase when the clerk noticed that I had never signed my name on the back of the credit card. She informed me that she could not complete the transaction unless the card was signed. When I asked why, she explained that it was necessary to compare the signature of the credit card with the signature I just signed on the receipt. So I signed the credit card in front of her. She carefully compared that signature to the one I signed on the receipt. As luck would have it, they matched.

IDIOTS IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD:
I live in a semi-rural area. We recently had a new neighbor call the local township administrative office to request the removal of the Deer Crossing sign on our road. The reason: many deer were being hit by cars and he no longer wanted them to cross there.

IDIOTS IN FOOD SERVICE:
My daughter went to a local Taco Bell and ordered a taco. She asked the individual behind the counter for "minimal lettuce." He said he was sorry, but they only had iceberg.

IDIOT SIGHTINGS Sighting #1:
I was at the airport, checking in at the gate, when the airport employee asked, "Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?" I said, "If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?" He smiled and nodded knowingly, "That's why we ask."

Idiot Sighting #2:
The stoplight on the corner buzzes when it is safe to cross the street. I was crossing with an intellectually challenged co-worker of mine, when she asked if I knew what the buzzer was for. I explained that it signals to blind people when the light is red. She responded, appalled, "What on earth are blind people doing driving?"


Idiot Sighting #3:
I worked with an Individual who plugged her power strip back into itself and for the life of her could not understand why her system would not turn on.
 

El Jefe

Bronze
Jan 1, 2002
534
0
0
Hey Chriss

Sounds like Hillbilly's a homeboy.

Hillbilly:

If you divorce your wife and she's still your cousin you might ...