exploitative to go to the DR to hookup? curious to hear opinions of Dominicans

Daniel Kahn · Oct 24, 2016

Last time I went to the DR it kind of felt like I'd arrived in heaven. The way hot girls would look at me and make advances towards me was amazing. I wasn't looking for prostitution, but I was looking for casual relationships with girls there. At the time I didn't feel any guilt about doing this, it just felt like I was putting myself in an environment that's easier for me to thrive in than the US, given that I'm pretty introverted. I'd spent a year and a half learning Spanish for opportunities like this.

Now I've read on other forums that for guys to go to other less developed countries to get laid is desperate (signalling they can't get laid in the US) and exploitative, because somehow there's a huge wealth/power gap between those in the US and other countries. A lot of these conversations have come up in the context of guys going to SE Asia, countries like Thailand, where I'm guessing they borderline worship white guys to an extent they don't in the DR. But the DR has come up too since I know sex tourism, some of it probably exploitative, is a really big industry there.

I guess I'm just wondering if it's possible for a white male to go to the DR and seek short-term opportunities with non-prostitute women without it being this horrible racist/exploitative thing. Obviously my appeal as a foreigner/someone with perceived wealth and status is part of what makes me attractive to women there, but isn't it kind of condescending to assume that all the women who are attracted to me don't have agency to make the best choice for themselves/are all hooking up with me out of economic desperation? The girls who I talked to on ????? last time seemed like they were intelligent independent women, although I'm not sure of their economic background. I'm just wondering where the line is, because I want to be able to go on vacations to the DR and have enjoyable relationships, without feeling like I'm treating anyone disrespectfully/unfairly. I'm curious to hear the opinions of Dominicans and if you think Gringos who come to the country interested in opportunities with women are all assholes.

cavok · Oct 24, 2016

Daniel Kahn said:
Last time I went to the DR it kind of felt like I'd arrived in heaven. The way hot girls would look at me and make advances towards me was amazing. I wasn't looking for prostitution, but I was looking for casual relationships with girls there. At the time I didn't feel any guilt about doing this, it just felt like I was putting myself in an environment that's easier for me to thrive in than the US, given that I'm pretty introverted. I'd spent a year and a half learning Spanish for opportunities like this.

Now I've read on other forums that for guys to go to other less developed countries to get laid is desperate (signalling they can't get laid in the US) and exploitative, because somehow there's a huge wealth/power gap between those in the US and other countries. A lot of these conversations have come up in the context of guys going to SE Asia, countries like Thailand, where I'm guessing they borderline worship white guys to an extent they don't in the DR. But the DR has come up too since I know sex tourism, some of it probably exploitative, is a really big industry there.

I guess I'm just wondering if it's possible for a white male to go to the DR and seek short-term opportunities with non-prostitute women without it being this horrible racist/exploitative thing. Obviously my appeal as a foreigner/someone with perceived wealth and status is part of what makes me attractive to women there, but isn't it kind of condescending to assume that all the women who are attracted to me don't have agency to make the best choice for themselves/are all hooking up with me out of economic desperation? The girls who I talked to on ????? last time seemed like they were intelligent independent women, although I'm not sure of their economic background. I'm just wondering where the line is, because I want to be able to go on vacations to the DR and have enjoyable relationships, without feeling like I'm treating anyone disrespectfully/unfairly. I'm curious to hear the opinions of Dominicans and if you think Gringos who come to the country interested in opportunities with women are all assholes.

Women in the US and elsewhere marry rich men for their money all the time. How is that any different? Who's exploiting whom?

Garyexpat · Oct 24, 2016

Daniel Kahn said:
Last time I went to the DR it kind of felt like I'd arrived in heaven. The way hot girls would look at me and make advances towards me was amazing. I wasn't looking for prostitution, but I was looking for casual relationships with girls there. At the time I didn't feel any guilt about doing this, it just felt like I was putting myself in an environment that's easier for me to thrive in than the US, given that I'm pretty introverted. I'd spent a year and a half learning Spanish for opportunities like this.

Now I've read on other forums that for guys to go to other less developed countries to get laid is desperate (signalling they can't get laid in the US) and exploitative, because somehow there's a huge wealth/power gap between those in the US and other countries. A lot of these conversations have come up in the context of guys going to SE Asia, countries like Thailand, where I'm guessing they borderline worship white guys to an extent they don't in the DR. But the DR has come up too since I know sex tourism, some of it probably exploitative, is a really big industry there.

I guess I'm just wondering if it's possible for a white male to go to the DR and seek short-term opportunities with non-prostitute women without it being this horrible racist/exploitative thing. Obviously my appeal as a foreigner/someone with perceived wealth and status is part of what makes me attractive to women there, but isn't it kind of condescending to assume that all the women who are attracted to me don't have agency to make the best choice for themselves/are all hooking up with me out of economic desperation? The girls who I talked to on ????? last time seemed like they were intelligent independent women, although I'm not sure of their economic background. I'm just wondering where the line is, because I want to be able to go on vacations to the DR and have enjoyable relationships, without feeling like I'm treating anyone disrespectfully/unfairly. I'm curious to hear the opinions of Dominicans and if you think Gringos who come to the country interested in opportunities with women are all assholes.

You are looking for justification for coming here and taking advantage of whatever financial advantage you have over the women here. Does us all a favor and stay home.
Hot girls looked at you here different from home because of perceived or real wealth or financial status.
If you can't get U.S. or other women without showing that off or going to a 3rd world country then admit to it.
Do us all a favor and stay where you are!
Don't put on an act like you are some innocent. You just heard that certain whore mongering places are decreasing in appeal for you. Go back to "??????" ? and find your intelligent , independent women.
I would bet that it is not condescending at all and that ALL the women who are attracted to you are looking to do so out of economic desperation!!!

Daniel Kahn · Oct 24, 2016

well I'm sorry if I touched a nerve and if you think I'm a horrible person for even thinking about such a thing. I fully admit that I've struggled with women back here in the US and that's part of the appeal of going to a different country. but I'm not so clear cut on the morality of it. I think there's a difference between using one's own background to their advantage and exploiting somebody else's disadvantage. If girls are attracted to me there because I'm American and they think I'm wealthy, I'm not sure why it's a big problem - as long as the relationship is consensual and not based on some false promise I'm giving for US citizenship, etc. Like the poster above said, women date wealthier guys all the time even in the US - it's just something many women find attractive.

If they are literally in such dire poverty that trying to get a white guy to pay for their meals, etc., feels like their only option to survive (i.e. there isn't really any true attraction), then I could see how that could be exploitative.

But are all girls/relationships in the DR really like that? It just seemed like based on chatting with a few over ???? that a lot of them were in school/had legitimate careers, so the idea that any girl there I meet is desperate just didn't match my perception. isn't it possible for girls to simply be attracted to white guys for the same reason girls here, in the US, might be attracted to tall guys, or to billionaires? it's superficial but I'm still not sure its exploitative. I guess you disagree.

Fulano2 · Oct 24, 2016

So you would like a relationship without obligations and responsability, just some shags and fun. Wel Dominican women are women. Most women don't like this.
Your so called wealth would be atractive for the wrong kind of women who will suck you.....as a hirudinea.

bob saunders · Oct 24, 2016

Garyexpat said:
You are looking for justification for coming here and taking advantage of whatever financial advantage you have over the women here. Does us all a favor and stay home.
Hot girls looked at you here different from home because of perceived or real wealth or financial status.
If you can't get U.S. or other women without showing that off or going to a 3rd world country then admit to it.
Do us all a favor and stay where you are!
Don't put on an act like you are some innocent. You just heard that certain whore mongering places are decreasing in appeal for you. Go back to "Tinder" ? and find your intelligent , independent women.
I would bet that it is not condescending at all and that ALL the women who are attracted to you are looking to do so out of economic desperation!!!

And you are different- how?

the gorgon · Oct 24, 2016

Daniel Kahn said:
Last time I went to the DR it kind of felt like I'd arrived in heaven. The way hot girls would look at me and make advances towards me was amazing. I wasn't looking for prostitution, but I was looking for casual relationships with girls there. At the time I didn't feel any guilt about doing this, it just felt like I was putting myself in an environment that's easier for me to thrive in than the US, given that I'm pretty introverted. I'd spent a year and a half learning Spanish for opportunities like this.

Now I've read on other forums that for guys to go to other less developed countries to get laid is desperate (signalling they can't get laid in the US) and exploitative, because somehow there's a huge wealth/power gap between those in the US and other countries. A lot of these conversations have come up in the context of guys going to SE Asia, countries like Thailand, where I'm guessing they borderline worship white guys to an extent they don't in the DR. But the DR has come up too since I know sex tourism, some of it probably exploitative, is a really big industry there.

I guess I'm just wondering if it's possible for a white male to go to the DR and seek short-term opportunities with non-prostitute women without it being this horrible racist/exploitative thing. Obviously my appeal as a foreigner/someone with perceived wealth and status is part of what makes me attractive to women there, but isn't it kind of condescending to assume that all the women who are attracted to me don't have agency to make the best choice for themselves/are all hooking up with me out of economic desperation? The girls who I talked to on ????? last time seemed like they were intelligent independent women, although I'm not sure of their economic background. I'm just wondering where the line is, because I want to be able to go on vacations to the DR and have enjoyable relationships, without feeling like I'm treating anyone disrespectfully/unfairly. I'm curious to hear the opinions of Dominicans and if you think Gringos who come to the country interested in opportunities with women are all assholes.

the first question i would like you to answer for me is whether or not you speak spanish.

Timotero · Oct 24, 2016

the gorgon said:
the first question i would like you to answer for me is whether or not you speak spanish.

I'm pretty sure that he said that he studied Spanish for a year+ to be able to talk to the women. *But I'm curious as to why he refers to "white guys" rather than say, "gringos". Or "Americans",*or "rich foriegners"? etc. etc.*

Daniel Kahn · Oct 24, 2016

yeah, I speak pretty decent Spanish. part of the reason I put a lot of effort into learning it is the opportunity to meet/talk to chicks I find attractive, so I'd guess that's part of my appeal beyond simply being a white guy.

to Fulano2: it's true that women are more biologically predisposed to want something more serious than men, and that can often lead to hurt feelings. but, that's a dissonance that exists in all countries. as long as a relationship isn't dishonest - i.e. I'm not promising at the time that it's going to lead to something more like marriage, etc. - I don't see how I'm doing anything wrong. It's fair game for her to try to convince me for something more serious, and maybe for the right girl I would actually feel that/alter my life trajectory for her. It just doesn't seem like I "owe" anything to somebody before that promise has been made. It's possible for a relationship to have substance beyond simply sex, while still being short term.

anyways, I get there's a thin line here, given the amount of sex tourism in the country, given the amount of poverty, given the history of colonialism/racism. and maybe the best thing to do is simply to avoid the country and its temptations. I just know from my past travels that some of my own experiences don't seem to fall into the typical image of exploiting a girl for her Third World status - when I was in Guatemala, for example, I hooked up with a woman who was probably better off than me and who we discussed the fact that it wasn't going to lead to serious relationship; she was fine with that and said she wasn't looking for that anyways. So it seems like theoretically not all relationships have to be this exploitative thing, as long as I'm not hanging out with the wrong girls.

Daniel Kahn · Oct 24, 2016

Timotero said:
I'm pretty sure that he said that he studied Spanish for a year+ to be able to talk to the women. *But I'm curious as to why he refers to "white guys" rather than say, "gringos". Or "Americans",*or "rich foriegners"? etc. etc.*

well, I just assumed "white" was the superficial aspect of my appearance girls would associate with wealth. didn't mean to be racist, if "gringo" is considered a better term.

the gorgon · Oct 24, 2016

Timotero said:
I'm pretty sure that he said that he studied Spanish for a year+ to be able to talk to the women. *But I'm curious as to why he refers to "white guys" rather than say, "gringos". Or "Americans",*or "rich foriegners"? etc. etc.*

my bad. his wording was i?d spent a year and a half learning spanish. i though he meant he would spend that much time, not that he already had.

LTSteve · Oct 24, 2016

Daniel Kahn said:
well I'm sorry if I touched a nerve and if you think I'm a horrible person for even thinking about such a thing. I fully admit that I've struggled with women back here in the US and that's part of the appeal of going to a different country. but I'm not so clear cut on the morality of it. I think there's a difference between using one's own background to their advantage and exploiting somebody else's disadvantage. If girls are attracted to me there because I'm American and they think I'm wealthy, I'm not sure why it's a big problem - as long as the relationship is consensual and not based on some false promise I'm giving for US citizenship, etc. Like the poster above said, women date wealthier guys all the time even in the US - it's just something many women find attractive.

If they are literally in such dire poverty that trying to get a white guy to pay for their meals, etc., feels like their only option to survive (i.e. there isn't really any true attraction), then I could see how that could be exploitative.

But are all girls/relationships in the DR really like that? It just seemed like based on chatting with a few over ?????? that a lot of them were in school/had legitimate careers, so the idea that any girl there I meet is desperate just didn't match my perception. isn't it possible for girls to simply be attracted to white guys for the same reason girls here, in the US, might be attracted to tall guys, or to billionaires? it's superficial but I'm still not sure its exploitative. I guess you disagree.

You are walking a fine line here. If you go to ?????????? on line you will find many many women who are independent and looking for a relationship. They most likely would be willing to meet you and see what develops however if you are only there for a short vacation is it worth all the effort? If you are living in the DR that is one thing but being in the DR for a week or two just go with the flow. As a gringo you stand out and will receive attention. Local women in the DR will expect you to wine and dine them and may ask you for more when you are ready to go home. This is the way things go in the DR.

Harleysrock · Oct 24, 2016

If you are a loser in the states, the only girls you will get here are after your money. Think about it....
Hot young girls don't automatically go after an ugly old gringo for no reason. It's amazing the guys who think they are hot stuff now that they are here. I love watching it, very fascinating. *

bob saunders · Oct 24, 2016

Fulano2 said:
So you would like a relationship without obligations and responsability, just some shags and fun. Wel Dominican women are women. Most women don't like this.
Your so called wealth would be atractive for the wrong kind of women who will suck you.....as a hirudinea.

There are numerous Dominican girls that want to entrap/entice a sugar daddy, richer guy, regardless of the age or race. They may not be educated but they are street smart, willing to lie and act until they get what they want. Most of hese girls aren't worth pursuing. Many a guy that has played this game will be criticizing the OP for doing the same thing.

SARAH KATZ · Oct 24, 2016

" I'm not promising at the time that it's going to lead to something more like marriage, etc. - I don't see how I'm doing anything wrong. It's fair game for her to try to convince me for something more serious",

Tried making it clear you just want a no-strings and there's no future before you bed her??? Or leave it open.............

????? - seriously

GringoRubio · Oct 24, 2016

Daniel Kahn said:
I'm curious to hear the opinions of Dominicans and if you think Gringos who come to the country interested in opportunities with women are all assholes.

Oh yeah, you're going to get all sorts of responses here as you've set yourself up as a human lightning rod.

It's very different here on the dating front. In the US, people sleep with people without an expectation for financial remuneration, commitment, etc, etc. Here, things are quite different. It's always safe to assume that there is an expectation beyond just time and sex spent together. They get that you're only here for a short time, and this is nothing serious, so fill in the blank.... a gift. Money, buy them clothes, pay their electric bill, life time commitment, etc. Not giving them anything means that they you're not fulfilling your side of the expectation equation, and yeah, it's exploitive.

Many people live on the edge here. To women, sex and money are completely mixed up and almost the same thing. They depend on that money to feed themselves and their families. They might not be assertive enough or more likely your Spanish and ability to comprehend is not good enough, so it's not clear to you that they are expecting something. That something is usually money. So, by reneging on the deal, you're putting people in harm's way. She could of spent a week (or whatever) getting laid elsewhere.

Here prostitution is so ingrained into the society that it's not even prostitution. At least, the dominicans don't see it that way. It's day to day life. People have sex, gifts change hands, and that's how it is.

Now, sex with exchanging gifts.... Is that exploitive? Depends who you ask. The women and the families of these women will certainly not complain and would be quite grateful to see their daughters getting some action.

I know because I did the same thing as a "dumb" charity worker. Women would come on to me and I would see from the perspective of Normal Americans (I'm hot after all, LOL). I'd have a great time, try to rock their world, even take them on trips, and then ... nothing. An older woman that was the housekeeper had to explain it to me as she's worked with Americans for 15 years and has seen this cultural misfire going on for years. This was in a conservative Catholic country and not the DR, so admittedly, it is different, but yet, the same.

And there is a joke among young men here about "getting it for free" which usually comes with some nervous laughter. Free is to marry her and provide for all her needs. That is the only time that it is "free". When I first heard it, a few men shook their heads. They were married, but just had to let it go because the women had such stratospheric expectations (and probably missed the sport as well).

PS- be careful. HIV infection rates here are about the same as the gay population back home. That is, quite high. The DR is better than other Caribbean countries (Haiti) which can hit 8%, but it's definitely high and a risk. Obviously, the women coming on to white Americans are going to tend to be higher.

the gorgon · Oct 24, 2016

GringoRubio said:
Oh yeah, you're going to get all sorts of responses here as you've set yourself up as a human lightning rod.

It's very different here on the dating front. In the US, people sleep with people without an expectation for financial remuneration, commitment, etc, etc. Here, things are quite different. It's always safe to assume that there is an expectation beyond just time and sex spent together. They get that you're only here for a short time, and this is nothing serious, so fill in the blank.... a gift. Money, buy them clothes, pay their electric bill, life time commitment, etc. Not giving them anything means that they you're not fulfilling your side of the expectation equation, and yeah, it's exploitive.

Many people live on the edge here. To women, sex and money are completely mixed up and almost the same thing. They depend on that money to feed themselves and their families. They might not be assertive enough or more likely your Spanish and ability to comprehend is not good enough, so it's not clear to you that they are expecting something. That something is usually money. So, by reneging on the deal, you're putting people in harm's way. She could of spent a week (or whatever) getting laid elsewhere.

Here prostitution is so ingrained into the society that it's not even prostitution. At least, the dominicans don't see it that way. It's day to day life. People have sex, gifts change hands, and that's how it is.

Now, sex with exchanging gifts.... Is that exploitive? Depends who you ask. The women and the families of these women will certainly not complain and would be quite grateful to see their daughters getting some action.

I know because I did the same thing as a "dumb" charity worker. Women would come on to me and I would see from the perspective of Normal Americans (I'm hot after all, LOL). I'd have a great time, try to rock their world, even take them on trips, and then ... nothing. An older woman that was the housekeeper had to explain it to me as she's worked with Americans for 15 years and has seen this cultural misfire going on for years. This was in a conservative Catholic country and not the DR, so admittedly, it is different, but yet, the same.

And there is a joke among young men here about "getting it for free" which usually comes with some nervous laughter. Free is to marry her and provide for all her needs. That is the only time that it is "free". When I first heard it, a few men shook their heads. They were married, but just had to let it go because the women had such stratospheric expectations (and probably missed the sport as well).

PS- be careful. HIV infection rates here are about the same as the gay population back home. That is, quite high. The DR is better than other Caribbean countries (Haiti) which can hit 8%, but it's definitely high and a risk. Obviously, the women coming on to white Americans are going to tend to be higher.

great posting. you understand how things work.

Ecoman1949 · Oct 24, 2016

Daniel,

Your overthinking this. Come down, treat everyone with the respect they deserve, and let nature take its course. If it leads to intercourse, proceed with caution. Keep quiet about your finances, assets, etc. *You sound like your intelligent enough to realize when your being taken advantage of. In the grand scheme of things, relationships come and go and the smart people learn from everyone and don't repeat the same mistakes. Every relationship is a life lesson and I'm not just talking about sexual relationships. It's better to learn them sooner than later in life. In the past I dated a range of DR women. The most comfortable relationships I had were with educated women who had good jobs, had a sense of independence, and weren't afraid of responsibility. Those women are hard to find on the streets of Sosua. In places like Santo Domingo or Santiago where there are universities, hospitals, government offices, etc. you have a better chance of meeting a woman with a decent education and job. Consider spending time in those places. At the very least, it will give you a better sense of Dominican history and culture and you can improve your Espa?ol while your there.*

Tamborista · Oct 24, 2016

What's the big deal, do you buy your date dinner in New York, and ???????
If the OP is comfortable "dating" beautiful latinas, let it be.

BUYER BEWARE

Bronxboy · Oct 24, 2016

Daniel Kahn said:
I'm just wondering where the line is, because I want to be able to go on vacations to the DR and have enjoyable relationships, without feeling like I'm treating anyone disrespectfully/unfairly. I'm curious to hear the opinions of Dominicans and if you think Gringos who come to the country interested in opportunities with women are all assholes.

So why called them a@@holes?

exploitative to go to the DR to hookup? curious to hear opinions of Dominicans

New member

Silver

Bronze

New member

Bronze

Platinum

Platinum

Bronze

New member

New member

Platinum

Gold

Gold

Platinum

New member

Bronze

Platinum

Born to Ride.

hasta la tambora

Well-known member