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Thread: For and ladies with "Computer" problems

  1. #1
    Vettehead from Buckhead
    Join Date
    Jan 2002
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    Talking For and ladies with "Computer" problems

    Dear Tech Support:

    Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed
    a slow down in the performance of the flower and jewelry applications that had
    operated flawlessly under the Boyfriend 5.0 system.

    In addition, Husband 1.0 un-installed many other valuable programs, such as
    Romance 9.9, but installed undesirable programs such as NFL 7.4, NBA
    3.2 and NHL 4.1.

    Conversation 8.0 also no longer runs and Housecleaning 2.6 simply crashes the
    system. I've tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail.
    What can I do?

    Signed,
    Desperate

    Dear Desperate,

    First, keep in mind that Boyfriend 5.0 was an entertainment package, while Husband 1.0 is an operating system.

    Try to enter the command C:\I THOUGHT YOU LOVED ME and install Tears 6.2. Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications: Guilt 3.3 and Flowers 7.5.
    But remember, overuse can cause Husband 1.0 to default to such background applications as Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0, or Beer 6.1.

    Please remember that Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will create Snoring Loudly.WAV files. DO NOT install Mother-In-Law 1.0 or reinstall another Boyfriend program. These are not supported applications and will crash Husband 1.0. It could also potentially cause Husband 1.0 to default to the program:
    Girlfriend 9.2, which runs in the background and has been known to introduce potentially serious viruses into the Operating System.

    In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have a limited memory and can't learn new applications quickly. You might consider buying additional software to enhance his system performance. I personally recommend Hot Food 3.0 and Single Malt Scotch 4.5 combined with such applications as that old stand-by...Lingerie 6.9 (which has been credited with improved performance of his hardware).

    Good Luck,
    Tech Support

  2. #2
    Miami Nice!
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    Jan 2002
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    Thumbs up Theresa...you go girl!

    This is so hilarious!!!

    You know, I HATE COMPUTERS...

    (Of course, I was married to a computer technician for 15 years...
    and now in my "old" age...I have been punished by having to work at one 8 hours a day!!!)

    But, I've learned...I would never upgrade to Husband 2.0 !!!

    From now on, it's only Boyfriends 5.0, 6.0, 7.0...oh, what the heck...I've lost track of what boyfriend application I'm using!!!

  3. #3
    Bronze
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    Default

    How do I delete:

    I-have-a-headache 0.0
    Nagging 24.7 (this is the latest and final upgrade)
    you-never-listen 2.me (also works with Windows NT)

    Do I really have to add:

    yes-it-was-my-fault-dear
    yesterday-you-were-beautiful-today-you-are-stunning
    why-dont-we-have-a-nice-quiet-dinner-and-just-talk
    i-would-like-to-have-your-mother-come-over-more-often

  4. #4
    Vettehead from Buckhead
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    Jan 2002
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    Talking now that is more like it

    also add:
    Let-me-give-you-a-foot-massage-while-I-serve-you-chocolate dipped-strawberries

  5. #5
    Regular
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    Jan 2002
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    Talking Another one for you Theresa!!

    Conflicting Software !!!!!!!


    Eighteen months ago I upgraded to Girlfriend 1.0 from DrinkingMates 4.2 which
    I had used for years without any trouble. However, there are apparently
    conflicts between these two products and the only solution has been to run
    Girlfriend 1.0 with the sound turned off.

    To make matters worse, Girlfriend 1.0 is also incompatible with several other
    applications such as Lads Night Out 3.1, Football 2.0 and Playboy 6.1.
    Successive versions of Girlfriend have proved no better. A Shareware
    beta-program, PartyGirl 2.1, which I tried, had many bugs and left a virus in
    my operating system, forcing me to shut down completely for several weeks.

    Eventually I tried to run Girlfriend 1.0 and Girlfriend 2.1 at the same time,
    only to discover that when these two systems detected each other they caused
    severe damage to my hardware.
    Sensing a way out, I then upgraded to FiancÚ 1.0 only to discover that this
    product soon had to be upgraded (at great cost) to Wife 1.0, Which I
    reluctantly agreed to because, whilst Wife 1.0 tends to use up all of my
    available resources, it does come bundled with FreeSex Plus, Cleanhouse 2000
    and WashUp XP.

    Shortly after this upgrade however, I then discovered that Wife 1.0 could be
    very unstable and costly to run; For example, any mistakes I made were
    automatically stored in Wife 1.0's memory and could not be deleted. They then
    resurfaced months later when I had forgotten about them.

    Wife 1.0 also has an automatic Diary Explorer and E-Mail Porn filter and can,
    without warning, Launch PhotoStrop and WhingeZip! These later products have
    no help files and I have to try and guess what the problem is myself.

    Additional costly problems are that Wife 1.0 needs updating regularly,
    requiring ShoeShop Browser for new attachments and also Hairstyle Express,
    which needs to be reinstalled every other week. Wife 1.0 also spawns
    unwelcome child processes that also drains my resources; It also conflicts
    with some of the new games I want to try, stating that they are an illegal
    operation.

    When Wife 1.0 attaches itself to my Audi TT program it often crashes or runs
    the system dry. Furthermore, Wife 1.0 also has a rather annoying pop-up
    called Mother-In-Law, which can't be turned off.

    Recently I have attempted to install Mistress 2000, but there could be
    problems, as a friend has alerted me to the fact that if Wife 1.0 detects the
    presence of Mistress 2000 it tends to delete all MSMoney files before
    permanently UN-installing itself!

    Any ideas to assist me with these software problems?

    ________________________________________________________________________

    ________________________________________________________________________
    Last edited by Carol; 03-09-2002 at 01:14 PM.

  6. #6
    Vettehead from Buckhead
    Join Date
    Jan 2002
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    Talking

    That was great Carol. Somewhere out there must be a whole bunch of these jokes.

  7. #7
    I didn't last long...
    Join Date
    Jul 2003
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    5,144
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    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Theresa
    Dear Tech Support:

    Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed
    a slow down in the performance of the flower and jewelry applications that had
    operated flawlessly under the Boyfriend 5.0 system.

    In addition, Husband 1.0 un-installed many other valuable programs, such as
    Romance 9.9, but installed undesirable programs such as NFL 7.4, NBA
    3.2 and NHL 4.1.

    Conversation 8.0 also no longer runs and Housecleaning 2.6 simply crashes the
    system. I've tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail.
    What can I do?

    Signed,
    Desperate

    Dear Desperate,

    First, keep in mind that Boyfriend 5.0 was an entertainment package, while Husband 1.0 is an operating system.

    Try to enter the command C:\I THOUGHT YOU LOVED ME and install Tears 6.2. Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications: Guilt 3.3 and Flowers 7.5.
    But remember, overuse can cause Husband 1.0 to default to such background applications as Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0, or Beer 6.1.

    Please remember that Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will create Snoring Loudly.WAV files. DO NOT install Mother-In-Law 1.0 or reinstall another Boyfriend program. These are not supported applications and will crash Husband 1.0. It could also potentially cause Husband 1.0 to default to the program:
    Girlfriend 9.2, which runs in the background and has been known to introduce potentially serious viruses into the Operating System.

    In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have a limited memory and can't learn new applications quickly. You might consider buying additional software to enhance his system performance. I personally recommend Hot Food 3.0 and Single Malt Scotch 4.5 combined with such applications as that old stand-by...Lingerie 6.9 (which has been credited with improved performance of his hardware).

    Good Luck,
    Tech Support
    You can surely upgrade to Husband 2.0, since the program, Husband 1.0 is getting too many Virus 1.0 . Do not go looking for Boyfriend 6.0 while still using the now damaged Husband 2.0. In time your Body 1.0 will need a better performance from the whole lazy and tired Husband 1.0. All is better when new and soon you will need a better running system, you know, the one that works very fine at the beginning but then can turn as Husband 1.0 when being used alot.

  8. #8
    Bronze
    Join Date
    Feb 2003
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    Default Have you ...

    Have you tried addding Viagra 50.0 to Husband 1.0?

    Zeus (primus inter pares)

  9. #9
    Super Moderator
    Join Date
    Jan 2002
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    8,797
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    Default I sthis a joke??

    It is not in the clown bin so it must be factual.

    I can't believe that Husband 1.0 wud ever need Viagra or Cialis with the lovely Vettehead from Buckhead, if you did get married Vettehead you picked one that doesnt have the performance of a Vette but one with the performance of an old Studebaker, Hard to Start


    Good to see your name back on the board, it has been awhile.

    [FONT=Webdings]┤ [/FONT][FONT=Signature]Hlywud[/FONT] [FONT=Verdana]"If anybody wud Wud wud"[/FONT]

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