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Thread: Double Standards - NO MEN TO POST

  1. #1
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    Default Double Standards - NO MEN TO POST

    So there is a thread on DR1 at the moment from a highly respected board member who has been unable to get a US visa for his Dominican wife. Many highly respected DR1 male members have responded. There is a large age difference = over 30 years, from the OP as well as some of the respondents. No problem. But does anyone say "Where is the popcorn?" Does anyone mention the "rules" that you should only marry Dominicans who have traveled abroad, no large age difference, money in the bank, credit cards, same level of education? Not a squeak.

    Yet for women with large age differences, even much less than the OP on that post, and with boyfriends, husbands etc who have no US visa, no credit cards etc then the comments come flooding in within seconds.

    Now me personally, I have zero issue with age difference (I am 14 years older than my husband), nor with education differences ( lack of opportunity here and education level does not reflect intelligence), but why on earth is it that in the thread I am referring too the OP is treated with respect and has intelligent and well thought out replies, advice and information, but if a woman asks the same question she would be met with scorn and laughter?

    Remember ladies only to reply - any men will receive infractions.


    Matilda


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  3. #2
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    Absolutely right. A woman asking a simple question in the Legal forum about what documents are needed for marriage in the DR is more than likely to be asked why she can't find a man in her own country before receiving an answer to the question asked.

    No man on this board ever tells another man some of the condescending remarks women get. I guess men never make mistakes.
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    IMO, it's because JD is the OP.  He's personally known by many here, and anyone who knows him has to like and respect him, he's just that kind of guy. He's forgotten more about DR than most here will ever know to begin with.  

     Another young male poster, suarez, has a similar thread running, and he's also getting respectful answers.  He's likeable, Dominican, and the son of a longtime member.  

    I think if Bobby Jack from Louisiana showed up and said he'd married a sweet young Dominican 30 years younger, asking how to bring his bride to New Orleans, he'd get a somewhat different response.  And, of course, Susie from Montreal would get raked over the coals.  

    Been quite a long time without a juicy Mars Venus thread.  All the doozies are posting on Facebook instead.




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  6. #4
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    OK Alterego I get that. But is it fair if respected members get respect and new members don't? You may know suarez is son of a long time respected member but does everyone? What they do have in common is that they are men. And I still ask why is it OK for a man to marry a woman 30 years plus younger and not for a woman to do the same?

    Matilda


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    I'll probably get slammed for this, but......  Most 60+women can't begin to compete with a 30-ish woman, even Demi Moore failed.  Most.

       A 60-something guy who stays in relatively good shape can look distinguished, probably earns a decent income, and can attract a younger woman who doesn't want a self-absorbed 35 year old.  

    All of this presumes they speak a common language.  I'll NEVER understand the marriages between people who can't communicate without a translator, I don't care how old they are!  

    Of course, there are exceptions to every rule.  

    As far as old or new members, I think it's their demeanor that dictates the responses.  Someone obviously clueless is going to feel the wrath.........




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    Ok I won't slam you lol. But many older women marry younger men - maybe not the 30 plus years as in the other thread. Personally I don't think age matters as each brings something different to the relationship. The days of the man being the provider and the woman naked, pregnant tied to the kitchen sink have gone. Both can bring income to the household and both look after the household. Whatever the age difference, there will always be cultural differences between Dominicans and other nationalities. I am 14 years older than my husband, at the moment (it hasn't always been and it won't always be) I provide the majority of the income, and he does the cooking, cleaning, shopping etc but over 17 years it has switched back and forth. However I don't agree that 60 something women cant attract a 35 year old man but 60 something men can attract a 35 year old woman. There are exceptions to both rules. Some 60 year old men are distinguished but some are over the hill, and some 60 year old women look amazing and some don't.

    As I always say, you are as old as the man you feel.

    Matilda


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  12. #7
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    Good article here in the NY Times about the age difference between men and women.

    "We are socialized into thinking that men are like wine, they get better with time. Whereas women are like cheese, they get blue veins and start to stink. "

    https://www.nytimes.com/2017/09/29/o...ht-region&_r=0

    Matilda


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    If a older woman marries/dates a younger man then the man is called a "sankie". However if a man marries/dates a younger women it is accepted. Women who date/marry younger men are at times considered/called "desperate" where a man doing the same is "praised" by his peers. IMO there is nothing wrong with a woman marrying/dating a younger man. I did it (I am 6 years older than my spouse). A man should be so lucky....

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    Times are changing and women are gaining equality but, just the same as with other groups trying to gain respect, it takes many generations for attitudes to change, especially in not very progressive places such as this. A woman seen with a man 30 years her junior is viewed as a freak show but I think many women see the male with a woman 30 years younger as weird as well. However, it is more accepted by this society.

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    It depends on how old the old person is and how young the young person is both physically and emotionally. I can't comment the relationship you mentioned originally because I don't know them, but I've seen May/December and December/May relationships that look ridiculous and others that look OK to me. I try not to be judgmental. I do judge those who have wives and family in their home country and wives and family here, too. I also worry about older men having children with young women and wonder who will provide for the children when he dies....

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