Is he a sanky? LADIES ONLY TO POST

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Baranda

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Jan 1, 2018
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Hi

I have spent time on this (and other) websites reading about sankys. Last year I travelled to Punta Cana and met a hotel worker. We hit it off right away but Im now worried he could be a sanky.

He told me very fast that he loved me. He called me his wife/his love. He told me his phone was broken and also that he had lost his job, but he got the job back the very next week. I have visited him 3 times in the last year and on the 3rd visit he took me to his mothers house. Now he is saying his mother is in the hospital. I have never sent any money. We are now currently having unprotected sex when I visit as we both think having a baby together would be nice. I am not sure to be worried or not. Does anyone have any experience in a situation like this?
 

keepcoming

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May 25, 2011
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I am going to try to take you seriously OP. But if your asking this question on a public forum then there must be a reason you think he is a sanky. And you think it would be nice to have a baby with him??? You and how many others? He using the old 'lost his job and mother is sick lines" clearly he is not a good sanky at that. In this day of social media I doubt it would be hard to find your answers.
 

Baranda

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Well I think I know the answer but I guess I didn't want to believe it. I was just at a loss that he had never asked for money. Ever. From most posts that I had read this was uncommon. Most guys asked for money. Even when he said he lost his job and his mother was sick, he never wanted money. 
 

keepcoming

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There is nothing wrong a vacation romance...but that is what it is. It does not come home with you. Things tend to be a lot simpler when look at it like that. And seriously unprotected sex...come on now you know better than that.
 

Baranda

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Thanks for your answers, I do agree with you. But what do you think about the fact that he hasn't asked for money? 
We tried to get him a tourist visa, but he was denied. We're applying again and Im trying to decide whether to take a risk with this guy. He has never asked for money and has said that he wouldn't leave the DR. 
Im definitely open to the idea that it isn't real. But I just want to make sure Im not throwing away a good guy out of fear after reading some horror stories. 
 

Matilda

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Sep 13, 2006
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The fact that he hasn't directly asked for money is good - but he has indirectly by telling you all of his horror stories. The fact he works in a hotel together with the fact he declared undying love so soon are all signs of a sanky. However,"having a baby together would be nice" is incredibly irresponsible along with unprotected sex so I suggest you go immediately and have yourself checked out, given the high rate of HIV and other sexual diseases among some people here.

Matilda
 

keepcoming

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May 25, 2011
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Tourist visa highly unlikely. I am sure others will chime in. I do not think much about not asking for money, sometimes money may not be what they are after. Visa, residency, etc... No not every guy in the DR is like this but most of those you do not meet on vacation at a resort. Only seeing someone 3 times really does not give you a good idea about the person. Good luck...
 

Matilda

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Sep 13, 2006
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Surely not every guy in the DR does this. 

No not everyone - but many especially those who work in resorts. You won't get a visitors visa so forget about that and as Keepcoming said, you need to spend a lot more time with him off resort, you need to have a common language, be it English or Spanish and keep your head out of the clouds and be open to red flags.

Matilda
 

keepcoming

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3 times visiting and thinking about having a child with him... I do hope the OP is not serious about this.
 

Baranda

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He is learning English and I'll begin learning Spanish in 2 weeks time. I'll be spending 3 weeks in February/ March with him and am hoping to spend all of April in Punta Cana with him. I guess Im stuck on the idea that theres a chance he isn't just after a visa. I was hoping maybe someone had experience in these situations and knew a way to find out if it was a visa scam. Most posts that I read said to stop sending money, but I never sent any money to begin with. 

Thanks so much for your responses and time. I really appreciate it.
 

Matilda

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Sep 13, 2006
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There is no way to find out if it is a visa scam - you will only find that out when he arrives in your country after you are married so you need to take your time before it ever gets to that stage. It might be worth telling us where you are from, where he works, what he does, where he is from and what the age difference is.
 

keepcoming

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May 25, 2011
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Again social media in your case is your friend...much can be learned on social websites. The problem is most of the time you don't realize it was a "scam" until after the fact. Spend the time with him trying to learn about his life away from the resort.
 

keepcoming

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Guess me and Matilda were thinking the same thing..you know what they say about great minds...lol
 

Baranda

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He is learning English and I will start Spanish lessons in about 2 weeks time. I'll spend 2/3 weeks over Feb/Mar with him and am hoping to have all of April in Punta Cana as well. I guess my hope when I posted on here was that someone might have experience or advice in what I can do to discover whether he is purely after a visa. He says he doesn't want to leave the DR. 
Most posts say to stop sending money and see what happens, but because I never sent money, that isn't an option for me.  

Thanks for your responses and time. I truly appreciate it. 
 

Baranda

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Sorry I thought my last post didnt work. It didn't load on my page. 

I've tried stalking him on social media, but haven't found anything suspicious. He even added to his fb that he is in a relationship with me. Im from Germany, he is 22 and Im 27. He works as on the animation crew at a resort and is from Santa Domingo. 
 

Catseye

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Nov 7, 2009
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When I read your initial post, I honestly thought it was a joke!  The red flags you mentioned - broken phone, lost job, mother in the hospital - these are the top 3 in the top ten of the definition of a sanky!  I really thought it was just someone doing a funny sanky thread.  It’s like a scripted play, playing out slowly one act at a time.  I agree with the other poster who said that he is indirectly asking you for money by telling you these things.  Real men don’t whine to their new girlfriend about these kinds of things, he wants you to feel sorry for him.  He certainly would take money if you offered it.  

Is this really the kind of life you want?  And with a baby down here?  He’s obviously not mature for having unprotected sex when you hardly know each other.  And children?  What about education and jobs first?  Children need mature parents.  If you have his baby you will have 2 babies to take care of.  And his whole family will look to you anytime they need something whether it’s a phone, motorcycle or car part, doctor bill, electric bill or food.  You are a lottery ticket with legs, you need to take a step back and see the situation from this angle.
 

Julia31

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Jan 4, 2012
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Dear Baranda,


I am from Germany too.

Unfortunately I think that your bf is a sanky, the signs are very clear, loosing your job (and getting it back after a week what a coincidence), telling you that his mom is in the hospital shortly after you met her for the first time..those are all red flags. Its not so much the asking for money, its the lying to get money from you that bothers me. Lets face it if you have a dominican partner there will be times when you need to support him a bit, for example while he is studying for the A1 german test he needs to pass for a marriage visa or paying for his flight to you but other than that there should be no asking for any more money in my opinion or sob stories.
 
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