A special recipe: just for the laydeez

Meemselle

Just A Few Words
Oct 27, 2014
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We (can I say the word "J*ws without getting banned?) have a special holiday this weekend. Long story short, we get to eat cheesecake. This recipe blows it all out of the water. You will hate me; but you will thank me. It is called "Oh! God!" because everybody who takes their first forkful moans piteously, "Oh! God!"


My final father, Tony (OBM) said that every Jewish recipe starts with, "First you take a chicken...." So first you take a chicken. Don't use it.

Make two crusts by mashing together 1.5 c. flour, 1 stick of melted butter (once it melts, it is calorie-free), and 1 c. finely chopped pecans.

Pat it into two 9" pie pans and bake lightly at 350 until you can just smell it. Your nose will not get any bigger. Which is the only thing that won't. Remove and cool.

Or if you live in a civilized country, buy two graham cracker crusts. You can also make your own, by grinding up graham crackers (the honey ones are really good: you know: the kind you fed your children) with the butter and/or not the pecans. More pecans live in this recipe, so it's up to you. If you live in a civilized country and can BUY the pre-made Keebler crusts, this is a huge convenience, and I am certain the convenience cancels any trans-fats. A little truc: the ones made from Oreos work really well.

If you truly have a death wish, you can coat the bottom of the crust with melted chocolate bits....but that would be gluttonous...and this is not about gluttony. Merely satisfaction, as in the Rolling Stones "Can't Get No....etc." If Keith Richards had had this, he never would have done drugs.

Mix the filling, which consists of 8 oz. thigh-enhancing whipped cream cheese; 1 can butt-expanding Eagle Brand sweetened condensed milk; and 16 oz. of bulging-belly cool whip. Whip the be-jeez out of this. I usually divide it in half and add a goodly amount of ****s & giggles Ghirardelli powdered chocolate to the remaining half. Just for variety....

Pour this nectar into your two pie crusts and put in fridge. Do not share the beaters with your children.

Toss 1/2 stick of back-fat building butter with 7 oz. of shredded coconut and a bunch of chopped pecans. Nuts are nutritious. This is healthy, because the coconut is UNSWEETENED! Put it on a baking sheet and toast till tan at about 350, tossing (here's the exercise part) to make sure it doesn't burn slap up.

Cool it off and have a nice glass of wine while waiting.

Once cool---and you should be, too, at this point---spread the coconut stuff on top of the pies.

Then drizzle one, or two (I don't care) jars of double-chin caramel ice cream sauce on top, in a pleasing pattern. Then artlessly throw some more pecans and a bunch of jiggly-upper arm chocolate bits---mix in some white chocolate if you're really artistic---on top.

Chill these puppies for a bit, but don't freeze.

Find a really big spoon. Put pie on floor, and proceed. Two spoons contain your entire calorie allotment for a week. See? This is diet food.
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Matilda

RIP Lindsay
Sep 13, 2006
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Meems, can you rewrite replacing all the American brand names with Dominican equivalents? Like what is cool whip? Need an alternative for pecans (none in the campo), Eagle Brand, Grahame cracker,Ghiradelli, Caramel ice cream sauce, and how big is a stick of butter?

Matilda
 

AlterEgo

Administrator
Staff member
Jan 9, 2009
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South Coast
Meems, can you rewrite replacing all the American brand names with Dominican equivalents? Like what is cool whip? Need an alternative for pecans (none in the campo), Eagle Brand, Grahame cracker,Ghiradelli, Caramel ice cream sauce, and how big is a stick of butter?

Matilda



Cool whip is non dairy/fake whipped cream. Not sure it’s sold there
Eagle brand - substitute any condensed milk
They don’t sell graham crackers in DR? I’ve never looked for them
Caramel sauce......dulce de leche will work
Rica sells butter in sticks, that’s all I buy.  A stick is 1/2 cup 
Ghirardelli.....sub any cocoa powder
 

Chirimoya

Well-known member
Dec 9, 2002
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Graham crackers are like plain digestive biscuits, but thinner, or the sweetened, wholewheat versions of galletas saladas sold in Dominican supermarkets.
 

Meemselle

Just A Few Words
Oct 27, 2014
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Graham crackers are like plain digestive biscuits, but thinner, or the sweetened, wholewheat versions of galletas saladas sold in Dominican supermarkets.

Yea. But not the same. I crushed up Oreos for the crust.

And who was I to think that I would find Cool Whip here? Made do with fresh whipped cream. Oy, such a sacrifice.
 

Meemselle

Just A Few Words
Oct 27, 2014
2,842
387
83
Meems, can you rewrite replacing all the American brand names with Dominican equivalents? Like what is cool whip? Need an alternative for pecans (none in the campo), Eagle Brand, Grahame cracker,Ghiradelli, Caramel ice cream sauce, and how big is a stick of butter?

Matilda

Cool Whip does not exist here. As it is frozen, I will probably bring some back with me in Sept. It is the work of the devil---full of corn syrup and trans fats and all sorts of nasty things. But once a year..... I bought whipping cream and sweetened it and it worked just fine. Ghiradelli you don't have to have; any unsweetened cocoa powder will work. Ghiradelli is just....better.

There is a Dominican brand of sweetened condensed milk, forget the name, but it definitely lives here. Usually in the aisle with the canned milk. You want the bigger can. I made the crust of crushed up Oreo cookies. You could also do just a plain pie crust, but blind bake it first. I think almonds would work, but definitely not walnuts. You could make your own caramel (easy peasy) or use chocolate sauce, even Hershey's.

A stick of butter is 4 oz.

We can make this next time I come to Waps House.