I don't know how to help my friend

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lovefash67

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May 21, 2018
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So, last year  in May 2017 my best friend/roommate(25) met this guy(idk his age) while on vacation at Punta Cana. He was one of the workers at the resort and she fell in love with him. When this first occured and she told me about it I felt skeptical and encouraged her to be careful but now I believe it is getting very serious lately.

When my friend first met her guy she expressed that they had a connection and when they had sex she felt even more deeply for him she returned back to the US and he asked her to be his gf and she said yes and they have been together for a year now.They talk every day and she has went to visit him twice in DR. I have talked to her bf on  the phone a couple of times just saying hi and bye  but nothing in depth.

From what I know her bf no longer works at the resort because he got fired and now works somewhere else. My bff doesnt tell me much in regards to their relationship because she doesnt like when people tell her to becareful or that he may be using her but from what I hear she sends him money here and there and recently she told me he is coming to visit in September (U.S), she has expressed several times to me that she eventually wants him to live with us and calls him her future hubby. I'm wary because he could be using her to get his papers, he has no money or an education, and lastly, a stranger will be living in our house. I dont know what to do or how to get her to understand what she is doing. We are young and educated and she is about to graduate with her masters. I dont think its feasible for her to bring him here and then have to be the one to provide for him for the rest of her life. Also,for him to become a citizen she most likely has to marry him and I feel like she will. One day she was asking him how does his friends get to America and become citizens and he said marriage and she said okay.She hasnt had good luck with guys in our hometown so she has given up she expressed she rather have her guy who can work 3 jobs under the table than a guy here.So, it seems like she sees him as the ultimate man of her life.
What should I do to help my friend?
 

SantiagoDR

The "REAL" SantiagoDR
Jan 12, 2006
5,808
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Explain to her that she needs to learn to share, with the dozen of other women he is courting.
 

Cdn_Gringo

Gold
Apr 29, 2014
8,671
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That's quite the bombshell for a first post from an account created today. Perhaps you could tell us how you found this forum for such a topical question and who you really are?

As a followup question: how did you clue into venus/sankie101 so fast?

You asked: You can't help. Your friend is an adult and is going to do whatever she wants.
 

jd426

Gold
Dec 12, 2009
9,512
2,781
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What a touching Love story .... the circumstances , so unique..working at the AI of all places, and then the bad luck of getting fired.. he not having an Education, but being in love with the Gringa who will soon have her Masters and can provide for him
True Love
.... its all so unique and touching....
Best of luck to the Lovebirds .. wishing them many years of Happiness....

good lord.
 

lovefash67

New member
May 21, 2018
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Sorry, I just wanted to get straight to the point. I found this forum through googling my friend wants to marry her Dominican bf and this forum popped up and I started reading people's stories under the Sanky thread and decided to post. I'm half Dominican and have had family members who come to visit sometimes on a work or school visa and try to find a wife here in the states. So, I'm pretty familar with sanky and people trying to do things to get their papers.
 

jimbobo

Member
Feb 9, 2014
170
4
18
So, last year  in May 2017 my best friend/roommate(25) met this guy(idk his age) while on vacation at Punta Cana. He was one of the workers at the resort and she fell in love with him. When this first occured and she told me about it I felt skeptical and encouraged her to be careful but now I believe it is getting very serious lately.

When my friend first met her guy she expressed that they had a connection and when they had sex she felt even more deeply for him she returned back to the US and he asked her to be his gf and she said yes and they have been together for a year now.They talk every day and she has went to visit him twice in DR. I have talked to her bf on  the phone a couple of times just saying hi and bye  but nothing in depth.

From what I know her bf no longer works at the resort because he got fired and now works somewhere else. My bff doesnt tell me much in regards to their relationship because she doesnt like when people tell her to becareful or that he may be using her but from what I hear she sends him money here and there and recently she told me he is coming to visit in September (U.S), she has expressed several times to me that she eventually wants him to live with us and calls him her future hubby. I'm wary because he could be using her to get his papers, he has no money or an education, and lastly, a stranger will be living in our house. I dont know what to do or how to get her to understand what she is doing. We are young and educated and she is about to graduate with her masters. I dont think its feasible for her to bring him here and then have to be the one to provide for him for the rest of her life. Also,for him to become a citizen she most likely has to marry him and I feel like she will. One day she was asking him how does his friends get to America and become citizens and he said marriage and she said okay.She hasnt had good luck with guys in our hometown so she has given up she expressed she rather have her guy who can work 3 jobs under the table than a guy here.So, it seems like she sees him as the ultimate man of her life.
What should I do to help my friend?

My humble advise: don't discourage your friend, in fact encourage her to bring him in as soon as possible, and when he askes for money, encourage your friend to give him al little more than he askes for... you should turn around every doubt you have, with the ultimate goal to have your friend herself realize what is happening. If somebody tells her what is happening, that's not gonna work; she'll have to realize herself, and for that to happen she has got to learn the hard way, and in that: the sooner and faster the better... and when she realizes or is in doubt, THEN seize the moment and convince her...
 

santiagodude

Member
Nov 25, 2012
513
2
18
If you are not a sock puppet .....I would do nothing as your friend is an adult able to make her own painful decisions in life. This is sanky 101 stuff but reason seldom works until the painful truth leaves its mark. Just be there to pick her up and dust her off and loan her a few bucks (after she is broke).
 

CristoRey

Welcome To Wonderland
Apr 1, 2014
11,714
7,976
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Having lived here now for over 6 years and in a few other "developing" countries
where these types of relationships are quite common...Tell her she's much better
off just staying home and sending him a check every month.
 

GringoRubio

Bronze
Oct 15, 2015
1,162
116
63
Tell her to go for it. Either move forward or end it. Life is a conundrum of risks, so one choice is as good as another. However, the worst is just to sit on the sidelines and growing old not living. Or, let this guy bleed her slowly. Regrets are the hardest thing to live with.

Just remember the earlier warning about sharing. It's a huge part of the Dominican culture to have multiple sex partners, especially among males, but women as well. If she's a dyed in the wool monogamist, she can count on getting her heart broken. It's a near certainty. Also, many men abandon their families after the novelty of a baby wears off and the drudgery sets in. It's very, very common.

As the advice goes: "leave them where you find them".
 

melphis

Living my Dream
Apr 18, 2013
3,489
1,676
113
You should find out if this guy has a brother that you might like. If he does and everything works out wonderfully the 4 of you could live happily ever after.
Especially if you don't mind the 2 guys bringing multiple chicas home.
 

Bronxboy

Well-known member
Jul 11, 2007
14,107
595
113
As always, these threads come off for some as bs, for some as a sock puppet trolling, and others believe.

One poster raised the question as to how this sanky is coming to the US.

Yes, how?

I suggest to the OP to let the victim read and learn and then make her decision.

For now, I'm going to let this thread ride.

Be nice members. Tough love yes but don't get carried away.
 

LTSteve

Gold
Jul 9, 2010
5,449
23
38
So, last year  in May 2017 my best friend/roommate(25) met this guy(idk his age) while on vacation at Punta Cana. He was one of the workers at the resort and she fell in love with him. When this first occured and she told me about it I felt skeptical and encouraged her to be careful but now I believe it is getting very serious lately.

When my friend first met her guy she expressed that they had a connection and when they had sex she felt even more deeply for him she returned back to the US and he asked her to be his gf and she said yes and they have been together for a year now.They talk every day and she has went to visit him twice in DR. I have talked to her bf on  the phone a couple of times just saying hi and bye  but nothing in depth.

From what I know her bf no longer works at the resort because he got fired and now works somewhere else. My bff doesnt tell me much in regards to their relationship because she doesnt like when people tell her to becareful or that he may be using her but from what I hear she sends him money here and there and recently she told me he is coming to visit in September (U.S), she has expressed several times to me that she eventually wants him to live with us and calls him her future hubby. I'm wary because he could be using her to get his papers, he has no money or an education, and lastly, a stranger will be living in our house. I dont know what to do or how to get her to understand what she is doing. We are young and educated and she is about to graduate with her masters. I dont think its feasible for her to bring him here and then have to be the one to provide for him for the rest of her life. Also,for him to become a citizen she most likely has to marry him and I feel like she will. One day she was asking him how does his friends get to America and become citizens and he said marriage and she said okay.She hasnt had good luck with guys in our hometown so she has given up she expressed she rather have her guy who can work 3 jobs under the table than a guy here.So, it seems like she sees him as the ultimate man of her life.
What should I do to help my friend?

you hit the nail on the head, "she hasn't had good luck with guys in our hometown. I'm going to be blunt here. Of course, she is infatuated with him. He showed her some serious attention while she was on vacation. Sadly, this happens 1000 times a day at resorts in the DR. As a man I have sat at a bar in the DR and had many women hit on me. Of course, these women were all prostitutes but it didn't make my ego feel any worse. She is suffering from "Island Fever". This guy is looking for women to send him money and keep them engaged. She needs to move on. Chalk up the experience as exciting but that's it. She needs a wake up call and is very naive if she really thinks he is interested in her. A person he hardly knows, from a culture that is totally alien to him. Wake up and smell the truth.
 

SKY

Gold
Apr 11, 2004
13,470
3,604
113
Sky's solution: If he is like every Sanky in the DR he has Whatsapp or another chat program. Have a girl contact him with her photo on Whatsapp and say she saw him while visiting the hotel some time back and she is very interesting in seeing him again.
When you get the reply you will have your answer....................
 

the gorgon

Platinum
Sep 16, 2010
33,997
83
0
Sky's solution: If he is like every Sanky in the DR he has Whatsapp or another chat program. Have a girl contact him with her photo on Whatsapp and say she saw him while visiting the hotel some time back and she is very interesting in seeing him again.
When you get the reply you will have your answer....................

brilliant. you know he is not smart enough to figure it out...
 

josh2203

Bronze
Dec 5, 2013
1,570
525
113
So, last year  in May 2017 my best friend/roommate(25) ...

she has expressed several times to me that she eventually wants him to live with us and calls him her future hubby. I'm wary because he could be using her to get his papers, he has no money or an education, and lastly, a stranger will be living in our house. I dont know what to do or how to get her to understand what she is doing. We are young and educated and she is about to graduate with her masters. I dont think its feasible for her to bring him here and then have to be the one to provide for him for the rest of her life. Also,for him to become a citizen she most likely has to marry him and I feel like she will. One day she was asking him how does his friends get to America and become citizens and he said marriage and she said okay.

I was 24 when I met my now-wife (we are now 33 and 30). She was already close to graduating from the university, had her own earnings and had moved on her own. I was pretty much in the same situation, about to graduate and obviously on my own already.

You don't say this in your post directly, but the tone is that this guy has no education nor money, nor any plans on actually doing anything in the US? I'm saying this as you say that it's not feasible to your friend to think to pay the bills for this guy for the rest of her life... And all this is happening within a year of them first ever seeing each other?

What we did back then, was getting married after living together (24/7) for two years, and before that having partially a long-distance relationship for almost a year as I was still working back home (that was not fun...). We come from very different cultures (I'm from North-Western Europe), but thankfully we share practically all values and mindset. This means also, that I'm not exactly like a typical person from my country, nor my wife exactly a typical person from the DR. We sort of meet in the half way.
 

cavok

Silver
Jun 16, 2014
9,527
4,045
113
Cabarete
No money, no education, no job? My bet is this guy doesn't have a visa either! Come September, he'll have been in an accident or his mother is sick, can't come, and needs money. He's just going to milk her for as much money as he can.

Remind your friend that the feeling she got when she fell in love with this guy was common sense leaving her body!
 

cobraboy

Pro-Bono Demolition Hobbyist
Jul 24, 2004
40,964
936
113
How is this loser coming to the States ?  I smell bs
Oh, come on!

No money and no edumacation makes getting a tourist visa to the US super easy! Everybody knows this!
 

JimW

Active member
May 21, 2014
52
56
28
So, last year  in May 2017 my best friend/roommate(25) met this guy(idk his age) while on vacation at Punta Cana. He was one of the workers at the resort and she fell in love with him. When this first occured and she told me about it I felt skeptical and encouraged her to be careful but now I believe it is getting very serious lately.

When my friend first met her guy she expressed that they had a connection and when they had sex she felt even more deeply for him she returned back to the US and he asked her to be his gf and she said yes and they have been together for a year now.They talk every day and she has went to visit him twice in DR. I have talked to her bf on  the phone a couple of times just saying hi and bye  but nothing in depth.

From what I know her bf no longer works at the resort because he got fired and now works somewhere else. My bff doesnt tell me much in regards to their relationship because she doesnt like when people tell her to becareful or that he may be using her but from what I hear she sends him money here and there and recently she told me he is coming to visit in September (U.S), she has expressed several times to me that she eventually wants him to live with us and calls him her future hubby. I'm wary because he could be using her to get his papers, he has no money or an education, and lastly, a stranger will be living in our house. I dont know what to do or how to get her to understand what she is doing. We are young and educated and she is about to graduate with her masters. I dont think its feasible for her to bring him here and then have to be the one to provide for him for the rest of her life. Also,for him to become a citizen she most likely has to marry him and I feel like she will. One day she was asking him how does his friends get to America and become citizens and he said marriage and she said okay.She hasnt had good luck with guys in our hometown so she has given up she expressed she rather have her guy who can work 3 jobs under the table than a guy here.So, it seems like she sees him as the ultimate man of her life.
What should I do to help my friend?


Hi livefash67,

I’m sorry for what I’m about to say - I’ve posted many times and in each tried not to be negative but your comment of yourself and your friend as, “We are young and educated and she is about to graduate with her Masters.” really speaks volumes. Besides the lack of humbleness (which will come in time), really only the ‘young’ part is true. Your friend has a lot of education to go. This will be one of those times. The education she gets here will also get her farther in life than the Masters probably will.

The fact you are reaching out to help her is admirable - it displays your caring qualities so you’re on your way! As you will probably see in the posts before and to follow, the best advice will be for your friend to run from this situation and never look back.

Best regards,

-Jim
 
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