Some of the rules...
1. Thou shall not rent the movie 'Chocolat.'
2. Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella, unless it's
a golf
umbrella and one of you is a caddy.
3. Any man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally
killed and
eaten by his fellow party-goers.
4. When you are queried by a buddy's wife, girlfriend, mother,
father,
priest, shrink, dentist, accountant, or dog walker, you need not and
should
not provide any useful information whatsoever as to his whereabouts.
You are
permitted to deny that you have ever heard of him, or you may merely
indicate that you are not from this country.
5. Unless he murdered someone in your immediate family, you must bail
a
friend out of jail within 12 hours.
6. You may exaggerate any anecdote told in a bar by 50 percent
without
recrimination; beyond that, anyone within earshot is allowed to call
"BULLSHIT!". (Exception: When trying to pick up a girl, the allowable
exaggeration rate rises to 400 percent)
7. If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is
off-limits
forever.
8. The minimum amount of time you have to wait for another guy who's
running
late is five minutes. For a woman, you are required to wait five
minutes for
every point of hotness she scores on the classic 1-10 scale.
9. Bitching about the brand of free beer in a buddy's refrigerator is
forbidden. You may gripe if the temperature is unsuitable.
10. No man is ever required to buy a birthday present for another
man. In
fact, even remembering a friend's birthday is strictly optional and
slightly
gay.
11. Agreeing to distract the ugly friend of a hot babe your buddy is
trying
to hook up with is your legal duty. Should you get carried away with
your
good deed and end up having sex with the beast, your pal is forbidden
to
speak of it, even at your bachelor party.
12. Before dating a buddy's ex, you are required to ask his
permission and
he, in return is required to grant it.
13. Women who claim they love to watch sports must be treated as
spies until
they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to pick a
buffalo
wing clean.
14. If a man's zipper is down, that's his problem---you didn't see
nothin'.
15. The universal compensation for buddies who help you move is beer.
16. A man must never own a cat or like his girlfriend's cat.
17. Your girlfriend must bond with your buddy's girlfriends within 30
minutes of meeting them. However, you are not required to make nice
with her
gal pal's significant dick-head---low-level sports bonding is all the
law
requires.
18. When stumbling upon other guys watching a sports event, you may
always
ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's
playing.
19. When your girlfriend/wife expresses a desire to fix her whiney
friend up
with your pal, you may give her the go-ahead only if you'll be able
to warn
your buddy and give him time to prepare excuses about joining the
priesthood
or an impending move to Papua New Guinea.
20. It is permissible to consume a fruity chick drink only when
you're
sunning on a tropical beach... and they've run out of beer... and
it's
delivered by a topless supermodel... and it's free.
21. Unless you're in prison, never fight naked. If you are in prison,
never
fight naked.
22. A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must
remain
sober enough to fight.
23. If a buddy is outnumbered, out manned, or too drunk to fight, you
must
jump into the fight. Exception: If within the last 24 hours his
actions have
caused you to think, "What this guy needs is a good ass-whoopin",
then you
may sit back and enjoy.
24. Phrases that may NOT be uttered to another man while lifting
weights:
Yeah, baby, push it!
C'mon, give me one more!
Harder!
Another set and we can hit the showers.
Looking good, are you a Sagittarius?
25. Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of
pizza,
but not both. That's just plain mean.
26. If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you better be referring
to his
beer.
27. Never join your girlfriend/wife in dissing a buddy, except when
she's
withholding sex pending your response.
28. Never talk to a man in the bathroom unless you're on equal
footing,
either both urinating or both waiting in line. In all other
situations, a
nod is all the conversation you need.
29. If a buddy is already singing along to a song in the car, you may
not
join him... too gay.
30. Before allowing a drunken friend to cheat on his girl, you must
attempt
one intervention. If he is able to get on his feet, look you in the
eye and
deliver a F*CK OFF! You are absolved of your responsibility.
31. You may "cock block" a buddy only under the following
circumstances: You
know that he has had sex at least once within the last week... And
you know
the woman he is hitting on is a raging bitch... And he has previously
performed the same maneuver on you... Or, if you would find it at
least
slightly amusing to do so.
32. The morning after you and a babe who was formerly just friends
have
carnal, drunken monkey sex, the fact that you're feeling weird and
guilty is
no reason not to nail her again before the discussion about what a
big
mistake it was.
33. Peach, Pumkin, Lavender are NOT colors but agriculture.
1. Thou shall not rent the movie 'Chocolat.'
2. Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella, unless it's
a golf
umbrella and one of you is a caddy.
3. Any man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally
killed and
eaten by his fellow party-goers.
4. When you are queried by a buddy's wife, girlfriend, mother,
father,
priest, shrink, dentist, accountant, or dog walker, you need not and
should
not provide any useful information whatsoever as to his whereabouts.
You are
permitted to deny that you have ever heard of him, or you may merely
indicate that you are not from this country.
5. Unless he murdered someone in your immediate family, you must bail
a
friend out of jail within 12 hours.
6. You may exaggerate any anecdote told in a bar by 50 percent
without
recrimination; beyond that, anyone within earshot is allowed to call
"BULLSHIT!". (Exception: When trying to pick up a girl, the allowable
exaggeration rate rises to 400 percent)
7. If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is
off-limits
forever.
8. The minimum amount of time you have to wait for another guy who's
running
late is five minutes. For a woman, you are required to wait five
minutes for
every point of hotness she scores on the classic 1-10 scale.
9. Bitching about the brand of free beer in a buddy's refrigerator is
forbidden. You may gripe if the temperature is unsuitable.
10. No man is ever required to buy a birthday present for another
man. In
fact, even remembering a friend's birthday is strictly optional and
slightly
gay.
11. Agreeing to distract the ugly friend of a hot babe your buddy is
trying
to hook up with is your legal duty. Should you get carried away with
your
good deed and end up having sex with the beast, your pal is forbidden
to
speak of it, even at your bachelor party.
12. Before dating a buddy's ex, you are required to ask his
permission and
he, in return is required to grant it.
13. Women who claim they love to watch sports must be treated as
spies until
they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to pick a
buffalo
wing clean.
14. If a man's zipper is down, that's his problem---you didn't see
nothin'.
15. The universal compensation for buddies who help you move is beer.
16. A man must never own a cat or like his girlfriend's cat.
17. Your girlfriend must bond with your buddy's girlfriends within 30
minutes of meeting them. However, you are not required to make nice
with her
gal pal's significant dick-head---low-level sports bonding is all the
law
requires.
18. When stumbling upon other guys watching a sports event, you may
always
ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's
playing.
19. When your girlfriend/wife expresses a desire to fix her whiney
friend up
with your pal, you may give her the go-ahead only if you'll be able
to warn
your buddy and give him time to prepare excuses about joining the
priesthood
or an impending move to Papua New Guinea.
20. It is permissible to consume a fruity chick drink only when
you're
sunning on a tropical beach... and they've run out of beer... and
it's
delivered by a topless supermodel... and it's free.
21. Unless you're in prison, never fight naked. If you are in prison,
never
fight naked.
22. A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must
remain
sober enough to fight.
23. If a buddy is outnumbered, out manned, or too drunk to fight, you
must
jump into the fight. Exception: If within the last 24 hours his
actions have
caused you to think, "What this guy needs is a good ass-whoopin",
then you
may sit back and enjoy.
24. Phrases that may NOT be uttered to another man while lifting
weights:
Yeah, baby, push it!
C'mon, give me one more!
Harder!
Another set and we can hit the showers.
Looking good, are you a Sagittarius?
25. Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of
pizza,
but not both. That's just plain mean.
26. If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you better be referring
to his
beer.
27. Never join your girlfriend/wife in dissing a buddy, except when
she's
withholding sex pending your response.
28. Never talk to a man in the bathroom unless you're on equal
footing,
either both urinating or both waiting in line. In all other
situations, a
nod is all the conversation you need.
29. If a buddy is already singing along to a song in the car, you may
not
join him... too gay.
30. Before allowing a drunken friend to cheat on his girl, you must
attempt
one intervention. If he is able to get on his feet, look you in the
eye and
deliver a F*CK OFF! You are absolved of your responsibility.
31. You may "cock block" a buddy only under the following
circumstances: You
know that he has had sex at least once within the last week... And
you know
the woman he is hitting on is a raging bitch... And he has previously
performed the same maneuver on you... Or, if you would find it at
least
slightly amusing to do so.
32. The morning after you and a babe who was formerly just friends
have
carnal, drunken monkey sex, the fact that you're feeling weird and
guilty is
no reason not to nail her again before the discussion about what a
big
mistake it was.
33. Peach, Pumkin, Lavender are NOT colors but agriculture.
