If you thought that you saw stupid posts here,

Escott

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Jan 14, 2002
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www.escottinsosua.blogspot.com
Things people actually said in court.
These are from a book called Disorder in the Court, and are things
people actually said in court, word for word.

Q: Are you sexually active?
A: No, I just lie there.
====
Q: What is your date of birth?
A: July fifteenth.
Q: What year?
A: Every year.
====
Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
====
Q: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
A: Yes.
Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
A: I forget.
Q: You forget. Can you give us an example of something that you've
forgotten?
====
Q: How old is your son, the one living with you?
A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
Q: How long has he lived with you?
A: Forty-five years.
====
Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke up
that morning?
A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
Q: And why did that upset you?
A: My name is Susan.
====
Q: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo or
the occult?
A: We both do.
Q: Voodoo?
A: We do.
Q: You do?
A: Yes, voodoo.
====
Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he
doesn't know about it until the next morning?
====
Q: The youngest son, the twenty-year old, how old is he?
====
Q: Were you present when your picture was taken?
====
Q: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
A: Yes.
Q: And what were you doing at that time?
====
Q: She had three children, right?
A: Yes.
Q: How many were boys?
A: None.
Q: Were there any girls?
====
Q: How was your first marriage terminated?
A: By death.
Q: And by whose death was it terminated?
====
Q: Can you describe the individual?
A: He was about medium height and had a beard.
Q: Was this a male, or a female?
====
Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.
====
Q: All your responses must be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
A: Oral.
====
Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?
A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an
autopsy.
====
Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a
pulse?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for breathing?
A: No.
Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began
the autopsy?
A: No.
Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
Q: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing
law somewhere.
 

Hillbilly

Moderator
Jan 1, 2002
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thank you

I have always enjoyed those, even found a few new ones.

That : "Alive and practicing law somewhere" is just wonderful.

Many thanks,


HB
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AnnaC

Gold
Jan 2, 2002
16,050
418
83
Ok theses are not too damaging. Kind of cute.
A Woman's Facts About Men
==========================

1. Men like to barbecue. Men will cook if danger is involved.

2. Men who have pierced ears are better prepared for marriage.
They've experienced pain and bought jewelry.

3. Marrying a divorced man is ecologically responsible. In a
world where there are more women than men, it pays to recycle.

4. Men are very confident people. My husband is so confident
that when he watches sports on television, he thinks that if he
concentrates he can help his team. If the team is in trouble, he
coaches the players from our living room, and if they're really
in trouble, I have to get off the phone in case they call him.

5. Men like phones with lots of buttons. It makes them feel
important.

6. Men love to be the first to read the newspaper in the
morning. Not being the first is upsetting to their psyches.

7. All men are afraid of eyelash curlers. I sleep with one under
my pillow, instead of a gun.

8. A good place to meet a man is at the dry cleaners. These men
usually have jobs and bathe.

9. All men hate to hear "We need to talk about our
relationship." These seven words strike fear in the heart of
even General Schwarzkopf.

10. Men are sensitive in strange ways. If a man has built a fire
and the last log does not burn, he will take it personally.

11. Men have an easier time buying bathing suits. Women have two types: depressing and more depressing. Men have two types: nerdy and not nerdy.

12. Men have higher body temperatures than women. If your
heating goes out in winter, I recommend sleeping next to a man.
Men are like portable heaters that snore.

13. Women take clothing much more seriously than men. I've never seen a man walk into a party and say "Oh, my God, I'm so
embarrassed; get me out of here. There's another man wearing a
black tuxedo."

14. Most men hate to shop. That's why the men's department is
usually on the first floor of a department store, two inches
from the door.

15. If a man prepares dinner for you and the salad contains
three or more types of lettuce, he is serious.

16. If you're dating a man who you think might be "Mr. Right,"
and if he a) got older, b) got a new job, or c) visited a
psychiatrist, you are in for a nasty surprise. The cocoon-to-
butterfly theory only works on cocoons and butterflies.

17. No man is charming all of the time. Even Cary Grant is on
record saying he wished he could be Cary Grant.

18. When four or more men get together, they talk about sports.

19. When four or more women get together, they talk about men.

20. Men are less sentimental than women. No man has ever seen
the movie THE WAY WE WERE twice, voluntarily.

21. Most women are introspective: "Am I in love? Am I
emotionally and creatively fulfilled?" Most men are
outrospective: "Did my team win? How's my car?"

22. If a man says, "I'll call you," and he doesn't, he didn't
forget... he didn't lose your number... he didn't die. He just
didn't want to call you.

23. Getting rid of a man without hurting his masculinity is a
problem. "Get out" and "I never want to see you again" might
sound like a challenge. If you want to get rid of a man, I
suggest saying, "I love you... I want to marry you... I want to
have your children." Sometimes they leave skid marks.

24. Men are self-confident because they grow up identifying with
super-heroes. Women have bad self-images because they grow up identifying with Barbie.

25. Male menopause is a lot more fun than female menopause. With female menopause you gain weight and get hot flashes. Male menopause - you get to date young girls and drive motorcycles.

26. Men forget everything; women remember everything.

27. That's why men need instant replays in sports. They've
already forgotten what happened.

Woman Author Unknown
 
Last edited:

Hillbilly

Moderator
Jan 1, 2002
18,948
514
113
Does the "Unknown woman" respond to the inicials A.C.?

Enjoyable read, so thank you anna..

HB
needs_a_shave.gif


P.S. I only use three types of lettuce....