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Thread: Thursday and Bored at Work

  1. #1
    Bronze
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    Jan 2002
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    Default Thursday and Bored at Work

    Thoughts From Upper Management:


    Quote from a recent meeting: "We are going to continue having these meetings, everyday, until I find out why no work is getting done".

    Quote from the Boss... "I didn't say it was your fault. I said I was going to blame it on you."

    A motivational sign at work: "The beatings will continue until morale improves."

    A direct quote from the Boss: "We passed over a lot of good people to get the ones we hired."

    My Boss frequently gets lost in thought. That's because it's unfamiliar territory.

    My Boss said to me, "What you see as a glass ceiling, I see as a protective barrier.

    My Boss needs a surge protector. That way her mouth would be buffered from surprise spikes in her brain.

    I thought my Boss was a bastard, and quit, to work for myself. My new Boss is a bastard, too ... but at least I respect him.

    He's given automobile accident victims new hope for recovery. He walks, talks and performs rudimentary tasks, all without the benefit of a SPINE.

    Some people climb the ladder of success. My Boss walked under it.

    Quote from the Boss after overriding the decision of a task force he created to find a solution: " I'm sorry if I ever gave you the impression your input would have any effect on my decision for the outcome of this project!"

    HR Manager to job candidate "I see you've had no computer training. Although that qualifies you for upper management, it means you're under-qualified for our entry level positions."

    Quote from telephone inquiry "We're only hiring one summer intern this year and we won't start interviewing candidates for that position until the Boss' daughter finishes her summer classes.

  2. #2
    aka - shadley
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    Talking

    great, now i really feel like sitting here all day

  3. #3
    ditz
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    Default Letter of resignation

    Feel free to use this:

    Dear (Insert Boss's name),

    After just over a year of mortgaging my soul to your infernal regime, I have finally come to my senses and realized that your poisoned chalice of a pay packet is no longer worth the agony required to work for it, nor is it worth the sacrifice of my time, morals and any kind of life outside of work I might dare consider having.

    This was a relatively straightforward decision complicated solely by the fear that my future might suffer from my leaving without another job to go onto. However, you will be gratified to know that your regular motivational memos have finally motivated me to do something for once, namely tender my resignation. The senseless assassination of the English language, criminal overuse of punctuation marks, bad grammar, horrifying spelling and forced joviality which are apparently meant to make us into more skilled, enthusiastic and hungry workers have finally taken their toll. It's too late for me, but if there is any tender feeling in that cold, black piece of rock that passes for your heart, take pity on my soon to be ex-colleagues and take note of the following.

    Your and you're are two separate words, not alternate spellings of the same word. Same applies to their, there and they're.

    Affect is a verb. Effect is a noun. Note the difference.

    Is it really necessary to end every sentence with five punctuation marks?

    Acronyms and jargon are no substitute for the ability to think.

    Knowing obscure facts about the company and what all the terms you and your superiors invent at your little away-days is no substitute for being able to do the job properly. My colleagues would appreciate it if you stopped chastising us for not knowing what KPI stands for, and acting as if ignorance of that fact renders us incapable of doing anything right.

    In closing, I would also like to point out that acquiring some real interpersonal skills (as opposed to what the latest management textbooks tell you employees appreciate) may well help you retain employees, acquire a clue and possibly even a life. But until then, you will remain an obtuse, self-important, deluded individual whose ass I shall kiss no more.

    Farewell and good riddance,

    Sincerely,

    (Insert your name)

  4. #4
    Miami Nice!
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    Talking Thank you Jane J...

    I will save this draft on to My Documents, I think I might be using it really soon...

    First...I must finish packing...

  5. #5
    Goddess
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    Default Thanks Jane.

    I am also saving this one. I only hope I can use it soon.

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