fine people that enjoy Friday humor...
Hospital humor
A man comes into the ER and yells, "My wife's going to have her
baby in
the cab!" I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab, lifted the
lady's
dress, and began to take off her underwear. Suddenly I noticed that
there were several cabs, and I was in the wrong one.
Dr. Mark MacDonald, San Antonio, TX
____________________________________________________
At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on an elderly
and
slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest wall. "Big breaths,"
I
instructed. "Yes, they used to be," remorsed the patient.
Dr. Richard Byrnes, Seattle, WA
____________________________________________________
One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a wife that
her
husband had died of a massive myocardial infarct. Not more than
five
minutes later, I heard her reporting to the rest of the family that
he
had died of a "massive internal fart."
Dr. Susan Steinberg, Manitoba, Canada
____________________________________________________
I was performing a complete physical, including the visual acuity
test.
I placed the patient twenty feet from the chart and began, "Cover
your
right eye with your hand." He read the 20/20 line perfectly. "Now
your
left."
Again, a flawless read. "Now both," I requested. There was silence.
He
couldn't even read the large E on the top line. I turned and
discovered
that he had done exactly what I had asked; he was standing there
with
both his eyes covered. I was laughing too hard to finish the exam.
Dr. Matthew Theodropolous, Worcester, MA
____________________________________________________
During a patient's two week follow-up appointment with his
cardiologist,
he informed me, his doctor, that he was having trouble with one of
his
medications. "Which one?" I asked. "The patch. The nurse told me to
put
on a new one every six hours and now I'm running out of places to
put it!"
I had him quickly undress and discovered what I hoped I wouldn't
see...
Yes, the man had over fifty patches on his body! Now the
instructions
include
removal of the old patch before applying a new one.
Dr. Rebecca St. Clair, Norfolk, VA
____________________________________________________
While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I asked, "How
long
have you been bedridden?" After a look of complete confusion she
answered..."Why, not for about twenty years-when my husband was
alive."
Dr. Steven Swanson, Corvallis, OR
____________________________________________________
A Nurse was on duty in the Emergency Room, when a young woman with
purple hair styled into a punk rocker Mohawk, sporting a variety of
tattoos,
and wearing strange clothing, entered. It was quickly determined
that the
patient had acute appendicitis, so she was scheduled for immediate
surgery. When she was completely disrobed on the operating table,
the
staff noticed that the pubic hair had been dyed green, and above it
there was a tattoo that read, "Keep off the grass." Once the
surgery was
completed, the surgeon wrote a short note on the patient's
dressing,
which said "Sorry, had to mow the lawn."
____________________________________________________
I was caring for a woman from Kentucky and asked, "So how's your
breakfast this morning?" "It's very good, except for the Kentucky
Jelly. I
can't seem to get used to the taste," the patient replied. I then
asked to
see
the jelly and the woman produced a foil packet labeled "KY Jelly."
Dr. Leonard Kransdorf, Detroit, MI
-=-=-=-=-
Hope you enjoyed this... Have a great weekend everyone!
Hospital humor
A man comes into the ER and yells, "My wife's going to have her
baby in
the cab!" I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab, lifted the
lady's
dress, and began to take off her underwear. Suddenly I noticed that
there were several cabs, and I was in the wrong one.
Dr. Mark MacDonald, San Antonio, TX
____________________________________________________
At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on an elderly
and
slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest wall. "Big breaths,"
I
instructed. "Yes, they used to be," remorsed the patient.
Dr. Richard Byrnes, Seattle, WA
____________________________________________________
One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a wife that
her
husband had died of a massive myocardial infarct. Not more than
five
minutes later, I heard her reporting to the rest of the family that
he
had died of a "massive internal fart."
Dr. Susan Steinberg, Manitoba, Canada
____________________________________________________
I was performing a complete physical, including the visual acuity
test.
I placed the patient twenty feet from the chart and began, "Cover
your
right eye with your hand." He read the 20/20 line perfectly. "Now
your
left."
Again, a flawless read. "Now both," I requested. There was silence.
He
couldn't even read the large E on the top line. I turned and
discovered
that he had done exactly what I had asked; he was standing there
with
both his eyes covered. I was laughing too hard to finish the exam.
Dr. Matthew Theodropolous, Worcester, MA
____________________________________________________
During a patient's two week follow-up appointment with his
cardiologist,
he informed me, his doctor, that he was having trouble with one of
his
medications. "Which one?" I asked. "The patch. The nurse told me to
put
on a new one every six hours and now I'm running out of places to
put it!"
I had him quickly undress and discovered what I hoped I wouldn't
see...
Yes, the man had over fifty patches on his body! Now the
instructions
include
removal of the old patch before applying a new one.
Dr. Rebecca St. Clair, Norfolk, VA
____________________________________________________
While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I asked, "How
long
have you been bedridden?" After a look of complete confusion she
answered..."Why, not for about twenty years-when my husband was
alive."
Dr. Steven Swanson, Corvallis, OR
____________________________________________________
A Nurse was on duty in the Emergency Room, when a young woman with
purple hair styled into a punk rocker Mohawk, sporting a variety of
tattoos,
and wearing strange clothing, entered. It was quickly determined
that the
patient had acute appendicitis, so she was scheduled for immediate
surgery. When she was completely disrobed on the operating table,
the
staff noticed that the pubic hair had been dyed green, and above it
there was a tattoo that read, "Keep off the grass." Once the
surgery was
completed, the surgeon wrote a short note on the patient's
dressing,
which said "Sorry, had to mow the lawn."
____________________________________________________
I was caring for a woman from Kentucky and asked, "So how's your
breakfast this morning?" "It's very good, except for the Kentucky
Jelly. I
can't seem to get used to the taste," the patient replied. I then
asked to
see
the jelly and the woman produced a foil packet labeled "KY Jelly."
Dr. Leonard Kransdorf, Detroit, MI
-=-=-=-=-
Hope you enjoyed this... Have a great weekend everyone!
