3 rules

Carolina066

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Jun 1, 2002
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Dominican men

A reality of life is that many Dominican men want a gringa wife and/or girlfriend in order to travel to the USA. I speak from observation as well as experience. Anyone want to take on this issue? My husband of one year was deported on 06/16 and I say love 'em when you are in the DR, but leave them there.
 

MommC

On Vacation!
Mar 2, 2002
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I'd say

you've learned a wise lesson the hard way......
Too bad you hadn't followed Hillbilly's Three Rules!
While there are good "mates" in the Dr, they are also to be found where you live and generally are NOT found during a "paradise" vacation.
In this case "love 'em and leave 'em" is a good rule to follow.
 

AnnaC

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Jan 2, 2002
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Carolina sorry for your heartache. You don't have to answer if you don't want to but may I ask what he was deported for? It might help others.
 

Free

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Apr 28, 2002
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Caroline,

You are not the first to say "love him and leave" him. You definetly won't be the last.

I'm currently involved with a Dominican man who lives in DR. And, yes i love him dearly. I tell everyone who warns me about being involved with a Dominican man that men who live in DR are no different from men who live in the US or anywhere. If you allow yourself to be used then a man will use you. lets face it... There are women who refuse to see the signs from the beginning. I've always lived by being honest with myself. It easier to say, well he wined and dined me and i didn't know he had a drug problem or that he had a woman back home etc etc...... In order to move forward and to learn from one's mistakes, it best to be honest with your self..
 

Ken

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Jan 1, 2002
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Caroline066, your post should be made permanent and given a prominent place in this section of the forum. So many young women write in with stars in their eyes over Dominican men they have met or seen. Most get angry that the responses to their post are cautionary and negative. They need to hear from people like you and, apparently Free, who have traveled the same round and found there is no rainbow at the end.
 

Criss Colon

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Jan 2, 2002
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Carolina066,"HooRay"! for you!

You are a "Brave" young lady to post what has sadly happened to you.You will be a stronger wiser person for having survived the experience .The problem with "experience",is that it can't be taught,or learned from reading "Horror Stories" on DR1.It is not just that "men everywhere are the same",as "FREE" stated,but that there is a huge cultural and economic divide between the Dominican Republic,and North America!"Normal,and "Expected" behavior here is not acceptable there!A Dominican,and especially an unsophisticated Dominican, from a poor background can often fail to thrive when taken away from their cultural support system.I once posted something like;"Enjoy the Dominican "Flowers" when you are in the DR,but don't think you can pick one and take it home,it won't last"!....Now please don't bury me in anecdotes of successful "transplants".I am happy to know that you made a successful transition.There is a "Flying Cow" in Montana too! CRISCO
 

Ken

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Jan 1, 2002
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Agreed, Free, but there seems to be something about having the hots for a Dominican young man that causes many young women who start threads on the subject to throw caution to the winds. That's why I believe the reports of experiences of people like Carolina006 and you are so valuable.
 

Pib

Goddess
Jan 1, 2002
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www.dominicancooking.com
Originally a play at the York Theatre Royal, it was made into a movie.

From BBC World online:
Willy Russell's play about a Scouse housewife who leaves her husband for a holiday romance in Greece was adapted for the screen in 1989, starring Pauline Collins.

Academics furiously debated the subject of the crumbling British family and the difficulties of international marriage.

Meanwhile travel agents were beseiged with middle-aged women just hoping for a bit of nookie on a boat.

A very hillarious movie about finding out that Summer Romance is most times doomed. It's doesn't only happen with Dominican men.
 

Carolina066

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Jun 1, 2002
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Domincan men

I would love to have a heart to heart , face to face talk with "free" who loves her Dominican guy so much. You seem young and naive. Men are NOT the same in any country. Machismo is alive and well in the DR and Cris Colon has got it just right. By the way, folks, I am NOT a young woman, not by anyones standards, nor am I naive. I love the Dominican Republic and its people with a love so deep that it is hard to express. I have a wonderful loving community of Dominican friends in Santo Domingo, Bonao, Las Matas de Farfan and wherever I go.
My husband did not have a wife hidden away some where nor any "ninos en la calle." It was just that he was NOT sincere with me. In my job, and some of you know what I do for a living, I listen to Dominicans lie to me all day long, trying to get something from me (well, actually from the US government) that they are not entitled to. But, just because I can easily spot a lie in my professional capacity, did not carry over into my persnal life.
My ex got into the US very easily, due to my connections, on a fiance visa. He had every thing handed to him on a silver platter and he did not appreciate it.
 

Kaylie1

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Jun 17, 2002
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i actually know a great deal about the dominican culture and have been there 4 times in the past few years. that doesn't make me an expert, but i have two close male friends who are dominican and live/work in the US and i've learned a lot about the culture from them. i don't know anything about your situation and i wasn't replying to your message in particular, but rather the general negative comments every time some girl comes on here and says she is dating a dominican guy.
 

Tony C

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Jan 1, 2002
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Reading the threads in this post I feel the need to correct some wrong assumptions!

Not all Dominicans, Male or Female, come from the same social, educational or class backgrounds. Like all countries, you will find trash and you will find class. most likely there will be much more trash.

Not every woman expects the same thing from their man. Carolina has expressed the need for her man to be a "Go-Getter" To better his situation. To adapt. Some woman are happy with their Motoconcho man!

A handful of visits and a few Dominican friends in the US, do NOT make you an expert. If anything it will cloud your judgement even more. I am Latin, I lived in the DR for 6 years, visit 4 or 5 times a year and I am married to a wonderful lady who is from there. I do not consider myself a expert on the DR.

Any woman who is currently in a relationship with a Dominican will never admit to his shortcomings on this board. Would you admit you made one of the biggest mistakes of your life here?

Tony C.
 

Meredith

LiVe ThE LiFe YoU iMaGiNeD
Jan 24, 2002
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Carolina, age does not make a person more knowledgable or better than another person, why are you asking how old a person is, it does not matter.

I agree with Tony C, you will find some class and some trash, but all these remarks, Kaylie are simply opinions, generalizations and personal stereotypes, nothing more. Trust your own instinct.

Tony C, you talk about women who are married to a dominican never admitting that they made the biggest mistake of their life.
You are married to a dominican women, would you admit to making the biggest mistake of your life. Or is it different for men marrying dominican women?
 

Kaylie1

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Jun 17, 2002
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Tony C - if you would have actually READ my previous post, i said that i wasn't an expert on the culture.

if women want to date or marry a dominican guy, that is their business. i don't see why anyone needs to discourage them based on their personal bad experience. maybe they will live happily ever after, maybe they won't, but it is their personal choice and either way they will learn from the experience. even if they chose to marry someone from their own background/status, divorce rates are still at least 50 to 60%. if they are happy and have known the person for a long period of time and love them, they should go for it.
 
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Carolina066

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Jun 1, 2002
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Dominican men/relationships

Thank you Tony. You are right on. I was happy with my Motoconcho man in the DR but there he had his own little ranchero and his own little world of Los Minas. That did not translate to life in southern New Hampshire. So adelante. As the Dominican saying goes: mas pa'lante vive gente. Roughly translated: there are other fish in the sea, right. To Meredith and Kaylie: no, being older does not make one better. But if age does not matter, why not tell your age? I do not know where you were in the DR, but visiting the resorts does NOT show you the the real DR. I have never been a tourist there. I also have many Dominican friends in the USA, and those who live and work here, have a different mindset than those whose only goal is to get here.
I might add that I ignored the advice of my friends on both sides of theCarribean Sea. None of my gringo nor my US friends were in favor of the match. But, no hay mal que por bien no venga. There is nothing bad that something good does not come of it. I have been taken to heart by Leonardo's family, and I know that will never change.
 

Ken

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Jan 1, 2002
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Kaylie1, you are absolutely correct when you say that if a woman wants to date or marry a Dominican guy that is her business. I am sure everyone who posts on this board would agree to that. HOWEVER, when a woman makes the relaltionship public by posting details and questions on this board, then those of us with considerable experience in the DR and who, based on that experience, believe it is unwise for an extranjera to become romantically involved with a Dominican male, have every right to make this known to the woman.

In your case, it is true that you didn't initially post details of a romance with a Dominican. But telling other posters to pleeze!!!!help you find that cute guide you saw at Brugal was enough to cause those of us who are concerned to urge you to look closer to home.

If there were not justification for our concern, Carolina066 and other women who have told similar stories in other threads, would not be writing as they do, and those of us who have lived in the country would not be almost unanimous in our belief that such a relationship is risky at best for the extranjera.
 

Carolina066

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Jun 1, 2002
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Momma: please send me Hillbilly's 3 golden rules for choosing your mate, as I seem to have joined the board too late to have gotten them. Thank you.
I have to drop out of the board discussion for a few hours. I am going to a mission festival at my church where I will be presenting the needs of poor kids in the DR and trying to get sponsors for 6 specific kids through Compassion International/.
Marriage is kind of a crap shoot, but there are things that people can do to improve their odds. Thank for your input. Carolina