Here are some real doozies. Some we might have seen on TV and some maybe not....
Idiot # 1
I am a medical student currently doing a rotation
in toxicology at the poison control center. Today,
this woman called in very upset because she caught
her little daughter eating ants. I quickly reassured
her that the ants are not harmful and there would
be no need to bring her daughter into the hospital.
She calmed down, and at the end of the conversation
happened to mention that she gave her daughter some
ant poison to eat in order to kill the ants. I
told her that she better bring her daughter into the Emergency room right away.
Here's your sign lady. Wear it with pride.
Idiot # 2
Seems that a year ago, some Boeing employees on
the airfield decided to steal a life raft from one
of the 747s. They were successful in getting it out
of the plane and home. When they took it for a float
on the river, a Coast Guard helicopter coming towards them surprised them. It turned out that
the chopper was homing in on the emergency locator
beacon that activated when the raft was inflated.
They are no longer employed at Boeing.
Here's your sign guys. Don't get it wet, the paint
might run.
Idiot # 3
- A true story out of San Francisco:
A man, wanting to rob a downtown Bank of America,
walked into the branch and wrote: "this iz a stikkup.
Put all your muny in this bag." While standing in
line, waiting to give his note to the teller, he
began to worry that someone had seen him write the
note and might call the police before he reached the teller's window. So he left the Bank of America
and crossed the street to Wells Fargo. After waiting
a few minutes in line, he handed his note to the
Wells Fargo teller. She read it and, surmising from
his spelling errors that he wasn't the brightest
light in the harbor, told him that she could not
accept his stickup note because it was written on a
Bank of America deposit
slip and that he would either have to fill out a
Wells Fargo deposit slip or go back to Bank of
America. Looking somewhat defeated, the man said,
"OK" and left. He was arrested a few minutes later,
as he was waiting in line back at Bank of America.
Don't bother with this guy's sign. He probably couldn't read it anyway.
Idiot # 4
A motorist was unknowingly caught in an automated
speed trap that measured his speed using radar and photographed his car. He later received in the mail a ticket for $40 and a photo of his car. Instead of
payment, he sent the police department a
photograph of $40. Several days later, he received a
letter from the police that contained another
picture, this time of handcuffs. He immediately mailed in his $40.
Another sign (though this guy might be onto
something worth thinking about)!
Idiot # 5
Guy walked into a little corner store with a
shotgun and demanded all the cash from the cash
drawer. After the cashier put the cash in a bag, the robber saw a bottle of scotch that he wanted behind the counter on the shelf. He told the cashier to put
it in the bag as well, but the cashier refused and
said, "Because I don't believe you are over 21." The
robber said he was, but the clerk still refused to
give it to him because he didn't believe him. At this point the robber took his driver's license out
of his wallet and gave it to the clerk. The clerk
looked it over, and agreed that the man was in fact
over 21 and he put the scotch in the bag. The robber
then ran from the store with his loot. The cashier
promptly called the police and gave the name and
address of the robber that he got off the license.
They arrested the robber two hours later.
(Remind me to have more signs printed up. Give
this guy his!)
Idiot # 6
A pair of Michigan robbers entered a record shop
nervously waving revolvers. The first one shouted:
"Nobody move!" When his partner moved, the startled
first bandit shot him.
(This guy doesn't need a sign, he probably figured
it out himself.)
Idiot # 7
Arkansas: Seems this guy wanted some beer pretty
badly. He decided that he'd just throw a cinder
block through a liquor store window, grab some
booze, and run. So he lifted the cinder block and
heaved it over his head at the window. The cinder
block bounced back and hit the would-be thief on the
head, knocking him unconscious. Seems the liquor store window was made of Plexi-Glass. The whole
event was caught on videotape.
(Oh, that smarts. Give him his sign!)
Idiot # 8
Ann Arbor: The Ann Arbor News crime column
reported that a man walked into a Burger King in
Ypsilanti, Michigan at 12:50 A.M., flashed a gun and
demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because he
said he couldn't open the cash register without a
food order. When the man ordered onion rings, the
clerk said they weren't available for breakfast. The
man, frustrated, walked away.
A few of them made me smile!
HB
Idiot # 1
I am a medical student currently doing a rotation
in toxicology at the poison control center. Today,
this woman called in very upset because she caught
her little daughter eating ants. I quickly reassured
her that the ants are not harmful and there would
be no need to bring her daughter into the hospital.
She calmed down, and at the end of the conversation
happened to mention that she gave her daughter some
ant poison to eat in order to kill the ants. I
told her that she better bring her daughter into the Emergency room right away.
Here's your sign lady. Wear it with pride.
Idiot # 2
Seems that a year ago, some Boeing employees on
the airfield decided to steal a life raft from one
of the 747s. They were successful in getting it out
of the plane and home. When they took it for a float
on the river, a Coast Guard helicopter coming towards them surprised them. It turned out that
the chopper was homing in on the emergency locator
beacon that activated when the raft was inflated.
They are no longer employed at Boeing.
Here's your sign guys. Don't get it wet, the paint
might run.
Idiot # 3
- A true story out of San Francisco:
A man, wanting to rob a downtown Bank of America,
walked into the branch and wrote: "this iz a stikkup.
Put all your muny in this bag." While standing in
line, waiting to give his note to the teller, he
began to worry that someone had seen him write the
note and might call the police before he reached the teller's window. So he left the Bank of America
and crossed the street to Wells Fargo. After waiting
a few minutes in line, he handed his note to the
Wells Fargo teller. She read it and, surmising from
his spelling errors that he wasn't the brightest
light in the harbor, told him that she could not
accept his stickup note because it was written on a
Bank of America deposit
slip and that he would either have to fill out a
Wells Fargo deposit slip or go back to Bank of
America. Looking somewhat defeated, the man said,
"OK" and left. He was arrested a few minutes later,
as he was waiting in line back at Bank of America.
Don't bother with this guy's sign. He probably couldn't read it anyway.
Idiot # 4
A motorist was unknowingly caught in an automated
speed trap that measured his speed using radar and photographed his car. He later received in the mail a ticket for $40 and a photo of his car. Instead of
payment, he sent the police department a
photograph of $40. Several days later, he received a
letter from the police that contained another
picture, this time of handcuffs. He immediately mailed in his $40.
Another sign (though this guy might be onto
something worth thinking about)!
Idiot # 5
Guy walked into a little corner store with a
shotgun and demanded all the cash from the cash
drawer. After the cashier put the cash in a bag, the robber saw a bottle of scotch that he wanted behind the counter on the shelf. He told the cashier to put
it in the bag as well, but the cashier refused and
said, "Because I don't believe you are over 21." The
robber said he was, but the clerk still refused to
give it to him because he didn't believe him. At this point the robber took his driver's license out
of his wallet and gave it to the clerk. The clerk
looked it over, and agreed that the man was in fact
over 21 and he put the scotch in the bag. The robber
then ran from the store with his loot. The cashier
promptly called the police and gave the name and
address of the robber that he got off the license.
They arrested the robber two hours later.
(Remind me to have more signs printed up. Give
this guy his!)
Idiot # 6
A pair of Michigan robbers entered a record shop
nervously waving revolvers. The first one shouted:
"Nobody move!" When his partner moved, the startled
first bandit shot him.
(This guy doesn't need a sign, he probably figured
it out himself.)
Idiot # 7
Arkansas: Seems this guy wanted some beer pretty
badly. He decided that he'd just throw a cinder
block through a liquor store window, grab some
booze, and run. So he lifted the cinder block and
heaved it over his head at the window. The cinder
block bounced back and hit the would-be thief on the
head, knocking him unconscious. Seems the liquor store window was made of Plexi-Glass. The whole
event was caught on videotape.
(Oh, that smarts. Give him his sign!)
Idiot # 8
Ann Arbor: The Ann Arbor News crime column
reported that a man walked into a Burger King in
Ypsilanti, Michigan at 12:50 A.M., flashed a gun and
demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because he
said he couldn't open the cash register without a
food order. When the man ordered onion rings, the
clerk said they weren't available for breakfast. The
man, frustrated, walked away.
A few of them made me smile!
HB
