1. Constipated People Don't Give A Shit. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
2. Practice Safe Sex, Go Screw Yourself.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
3. If You Drink Don't Park, Accidents Cause People.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
4. Who Lit The Fuse On Your Tampon?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
5. If You Don't Believe In Oral Sex, Keep Your Mouth Shut.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
6. Please Tell Your Pants Its Not Polite To Point.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
7. If That Phone Was Up Your Butt, Maybe You Could Drive A Little
Better.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
8. My Kid Got Your Honor Roll Student Pregnant.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
9. Impotence: Nature's Way Of Saying "No Hard Feelings".
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
10. If You're Not A Hemorrhoid, Get Off My Ass.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
11. You're Just Jealous Because The Voices Are Talking To Me.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
12. The Earth Is Full - Go Home.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
13. I Have The Body Of A God ... Buddha.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
14. This Would Be Really Funny If It Weren't Happening To Me.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
15. So Many Pedestrians - So Little Time.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
16. Cleverly Disguised As A Responsible Adult.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
17. If We Quit Voting Will They All Go Away?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
18. The Face Is Familiar But I Can't Quite Remember My Name.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
19. Eat Right, Exercise, Die Anyway.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
20. Illiterate? Write For Help.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
21. I Do Whatever My Rice Krispies Tell Me To.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
22. Where Are We Going And Why Am I In This Handbasket?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
23. If Sex Is A Pain In The Ass, Then You're Doing It Wrong...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
24. Remember Folks: Stop Lights Timed For 35mph Are Also Timed For 70mph.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
25. If Walking Is So Good For You, then Why Does My Mailman Look Like Jabba The Hutt?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
26. Body By Nautilus; Brain By Mattel.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
27. Boldly Going Nowhere.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
28. Heart Attacks ... God's Revenge For Eating His Animal Friends.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
29. Honk If You've Never Seen An Uzi Fired From A Car Window.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
30. How Many Roads Must A Man Travel Down Before He Admits He is lost?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
31. My Hockey Mom Can Beat Up Your Soccer Mom.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
32. GROW YOUR OWN DOPE --- PLANT A MAN.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
33. All Men Are Animals, Some Just Make Better Pets.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
34. I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
35. I need someone really bad...Are you really bad?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
36. Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.
2. Practice Safe Sex, Go Screw Yourself.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
3. If You Drink Don't Park, Accidents Cause People.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
4. Who Lit The Fuse On Your Tampon?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
5. If You Don't Believe In Oral Sex, Keep Your Mouth Shut.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
6. Please Tell Your Pants Its Not Polite To Point.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
7. If That Phone Was Up Your Butt, Maybe You Could Drive A Little
Better.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
8. My Kid Got Your Honor Roll Student Pregnant.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
9. Impotence: Nature's Way Of Saying "No Hard Feelings".
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
10. If You're Not A Hemorrhoid, Get Off My Ass.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
11. You're Just Jealous Because The Voices Are Talking To Me.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
12. The Earth Is Full - Go Home.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
13. I Have The Body Of A God ... Buddha.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
14. This Would Be Really Funny If It Weren't Happening To Me.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
15. So Many Pedestrians - So Little Time.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
16. Cleverly Disguised As A Responsible Adult.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
17. If We Quit Voting Will They All Go Away?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
18. The Face Is Familiar But I Can't Quite Remember My Name.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
19. Eat Right, Exercise, Die Anyway.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
20. Illiterate? Write For Help.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
21. I Do Whatever My Rice Krispies Tell Me To.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
22. Where Are We Going And Why Am I In This Handbasket?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
23. If Sex Is A Pain In The Ass, Then You're Doing It Wrong...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
24. Remember Folks: Stop Lights Timed For 35mph Are Also Timed For 70mph.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
25. If Walking Is So Good For You, then Why Does My Mailman Look Like Jabba The Hutt?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
26. Body By Nautilus; Brain By Mattel.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
27. Boldly Going Nowhere.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
28. Heart Attacks ... God's Revenge For Eating His Animal Friends.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
29. Honk If You've Never Seen An Uzi Fired From A Car Window.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
30. How Many Roads Must A Man Travel Down Before He Admits He is lost?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
31. My Hockey Mom Can Beat Up Your Soccer Mom.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
32. GROW YOUR OWN DOPE --- PLANT A MAN.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
33. All Men Are Animals, Some Just Make Better Pets.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
34. I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
35. I need someone really bad...Are you really bad?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
36. Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.