Although slightly less prestigious, the Moron Awards complement the
Darwin Awards.
MORON #1
A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a$20 bill on the counter
and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man pulled
a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk
promptly provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled, leaving the
$20 bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he got from the drawer?
$15. (If someone points a gun at you and gives you money, was a crime
committed?)
MORON #2
A thief burst into a Florida bank wearing a ski mask and carrying a
gun. Aiming his gun at the guard, the thief yelled, "FREEZE,
MOTHER-STICKERS, THIS IS A ****-UP!" For a moment, everyone was silent. Then the snickers started. The guard completely lost it and doubled over laughing. It
probably saved his life, because he'd been about to draw his gun. He couldn't
have drawn and fired before the thief got him. The thief ran away and is
still at large. In memory of the event, the banker later put a plaque on the
wall engraved, "Freeze, mother-stickers, this is a ****-up!"
MORON #3
Seems this Arkansas guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that
he'd just throw a cinderblock through a liquor store window, grab some
booze, and run. So he lifted the cinderblock and heaved it over his head at the
window. The cinderblock bounced back and hit the would-be thief on the head,
knocking him unconscious. Seems the liquor store window was made of
Plexi-Glass. The whole event was caught on videotape.
MORON #4
As a female shopper exited a New York convenience store, a man grabbed
her purse and ran. The clerk called 911 immediately and the woman was able
to give them a detailed description of the snatcher. Within minutes, the
police apprehended the snatcher. They put him in the car and drove back to the
store. The thief was then taken out of the car and told to stand there
for a positive ID. To which he replied, "Yes Officer, that's her. That's the
lady I stole the purse from."
MORON #5
The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a
Burger King in Ypsilanti, Michigan at 5am, flashed a gun and demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn't open the cash register without a food order. When the man ordered onion rings, the clerk said they weren't available for breakfast.
The man, frustrated, walked away.
MORON #6
Two Kentuckians tried to pull the front off a cash machine by running
a chain from the machine to the bumper of their pickup truck. Instead of
pulling the front panel off the machine, though, they pulled the bumper
off their truck! Scared, they left the scene and drove home. With the chain
still attached to the machine. With their bumper still attached to the
chain. With their vehicle's license plate still attached to the bumper.
They were quickly arrested.
#7 - A 5-STAR STUPIDITY AWARD WINNER!!
When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked on a
Seattle street, he got much more than he bargained for. Police arrived
at the scene to find an ill man curled up next to a motor home near
spilled sewage. A police spokesman said that the man admitted to trying to
steal gasoline and plugged his siphon hose into the motor home's sewage tank
by mistake. The owner of the motor home declined to press charges, saying
that it was the best laugh he'd ever had.
Darwin Awards.
MORON #1
A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a$20 bill on the counter
and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man pulled
a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk
promptly provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled, leaving the
$20 bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he got from the drawer?
$15. (If someone points a gun at you and gives you money, was a crime
committed?)
MORON #2
A thief burst into a Florida bank wearing a ski mask and carrying a
gun. Aiming his gun at the guard, the thief yelled, "FREEZE,
MOTHER-STICKERS, THIS IS A ****-UP!" For a moment, everyone was silent. Then the snickers started. The guard completely lost it and doubled over laughing. It
probably saved his life, because he'd been about to draw his gun. He couldn't
have drawn and fired before the thief got him. The thief ran away and is
still at large. In memory of the event, the banker later put a plaque on the
wall engraved, "Freeze, mother-stickers, this is a ****-up!"
MORON #3
Seems this Arkansas guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that
he'd just throw a cinderblock through a liquor store window, grab some
booze, and run. So he lifted the cinderblock and heaved it over his head at the
window. The cinderblock bounced back and hit the would-be thief on the head,
knocking him unconscious. Seems the liquor store window was made of
Plexi-Glass. The whole event was caught on videotape.
MORON #4
As a female shopper exited a New York convenience store, a man grabbed
her purse and ran. The clerk called 911 immediately and the woman was able
to give them a detailed description of the snatcher. Within minutes, the
police apprehended the snatcher. They put him in the car and drove back to the
store. The thief was then taken out of the car and told to stand there
for a positive ID. To which he replied, "Yes Officer, that's her. That's the
lady I stole the purse from."
MORON #5
The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a
Burger King in Ypsilanti, Michigan at 5am, flashed a gun and demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn't open the cash register without a food order. When the man ordered onion rings, the clerk said they weren't available for breakfast.
The man, frustrated, walked away.
MORON #6
Two Kentuckians tried to pull the front off a cash machine by running
a chain from the machine to the bumper of their pickup truck. Instead of
pulling the front panel off the machine, though, they pulled the bumper
off their truck! Scared, they left the scene and drove home. With the chain
still attached to the machine. With their bumper still attached to the
chain. With their vehicle's license plate still attached to the bumper.
They were quickly arrested.
#7 - A 5-STAR STUPIDITY AWARD WINNER!!
When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked on a
Seattle street, he got much more than he bargained for. Police arrived
at the scene to find an ill man curled up next to a motor home near
spilled sewage. A police spokesman said that the man admitted to trying to
steal gasoline and plugged his siphon hose into the motor home's sewage tank
by mistake. The owner of the motor home declined to press charges, saying
that it was the best laugh he'd ever had.