Guys, please read:

Musicqueen

Miami Nice!
Jan 31, 2002
2,252
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"THE MAN CODE"

1. Thou shall not rent the movie "Chocolat"
2. Under no circumstances may 2 men share an umbrella.
3. Any man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally killed and eaten by his fellow partygoers.
4. When you are queried by a buddy's wife, girlfriend, mother, father, priest, shrink, dentist, accountant, or dog walker, you need not and should not provide any useful information whatsoever as to his whereabouts. You are permitted to deny his very existence.
5. Unless he murdered someone in your immediate family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours.
6. You may exaggerate any anecdote told in a bar by 50 percent withou recrimination; beyond that, anyone within earshot is allowed to call BULLSHIT . (Exception: When trying to pick up a girl, the allowable exaggeration rate rises to 400 percent)
7. If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off-limits forever.
8. The minimum amount of time you have to wait for another guy who's running late is 5 minutes. For a girl, you are required to wait 10 minutes for every point of hotness she scores on the classic 1-10 babe scale.
9. Complaining about the brand of free beer in a buddies refrigerator is forbidden. You may gripe if the temperature is unsuittable.
10. No man is ever required to buy a birthday present for another man. In fact, even remembering a friends birthday is strictly optional and slightly gay.
11. Agreeing to distract the ugly friend of a hot babe that your buddy is trying to hook up with is your legal duty. Should you get carried away with your good deed and end up having sex with the beast, your pal is forbidden to speak of it, even at your bachelor party.
12. Before dating a buddy's "ex", you are required to ask his permission and he in return is required to grant it.
13. Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to pick a buffalo wing clean.
14. If a man's zipper is down, that's his problem, you didn't see nothin'.
15. The universal compensation for buddies who help you move is beer.
16. A man must never own a cat or like his girlfriend's cat.
17. When stumbling upon other guys watching a sports event, you may always ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's playing.
18. When your girlfriend/wife expresses a desire to fix her whiney friend up with your pal, you may give her the go-ahead only if you'll be able to warn your buddy and give him time to prepare excuses about joining the priesthood.
19 . It is permissible to consume a fruity chick drink only when you're sunning on a tropical beach... and it's delivered by a topless supermodel... and it's free.
20. Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.
21. A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight.
22. If a buddy is outnumbered, out manned, or too drunk to fight, you must jump into the fight. Exception: If within the last 24 hours his actions have caused you to think, "What this guy needs is a good ass-whoopin", then you may sit back and enjoy.
23. Phrases that may NOT be uttered to another man while weight lifting:
"Yeah, baby, push it!"
"C'mon, give me one more! Harder!"
"Another set and we can hit the showers."
"Nice ass, are you a Sagittarius?"
24. Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not both. That's just plain mean.
25. If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you better be referring to his beer.
26. Never join your girlfriend/wife in dissing a buddy, except when she's withholding sex pending your response.
27. Never talk to a man in the bathroom unless you're on equal footing: either both urinating or both waiting in line. In all other situations, a nod is all the conversation you need.
28. If a buddy is already singing along to a song in the car, you may not, unless you are gay.
 
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Meredith

LiVe ThE LiFe YoU iMaGiNeD
Jan 24, 2002
509
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Are there any exceptions to this because in the D.R, when guys sing in a car, I am loving it!! So, cute!
 

AZB

Platinum
Jan 2, 2002
12,290
519
113
This stuff was posted here by Jazzcom a year ago and I had received this stuff in e mail way before that.
 

Tony C

Silver
Jan 1, 2002
2,262
2
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www.sfmreport.com
These are the exceptions to the rules.

#1. You can rent Chocolat only if you are using the "Sensitive Guy" angle to bang a chick.

#2. 2 men can share an umbrella if one of them is your Caddy!

#7. It is ok to Date any chick if she is Hot even if it is your friends sister.

#12. All Single women are fair game. Married women are fair game also! If your friend doesn't like you dating his ex. To bad!

#16. Not only must you hate cats but you must speed up and try to run them down on the street!

Tony C.
 

Musicqueen

Miami Nice!
Jan 31, 2002
2,252
4
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AZB: Sorry...but a year ago I wasn't a member of DR1, and I'm not about to do a search to see if a joke was posted before or not...

Theresa...right on, girl!!!

TonyC...I must say I agree with you on all but one of the exceptions...DON'T YOU DARE SPEED UP AND RUN OVER ANY CATS...I MIGHT BE ONE OF THEM IN MY NEXT LIFE!!!
 

nancyh

New member
Jan 13, 2002
33
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Tony C - I am so sorry to have to disclose to you that you are a pig. Any woman with a double digit IQ wouldn't have you on a platter.
 

Jane J.

ditz
Jan 3, 2002
1,263
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Heh - guys have to be reminded not to fight naked? Why would being in prison make naked fighting okay though?
 

Jersey Devil

Bronze
Jul 5, 2002
686
0
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Tony C

Musicqueen,
Nice Post! I am going to put up a list of my own. lol

Tony C,
Right on except that speeding up to run down
a cat is just cruel. I would never have one in my
house, but what did the cat do to you?
 

Tony C

Silver
Jan 1, 2002
2,262
2
0
www.sfmreport.com
Once again I prove my point. Women have no sense of humor whatsever!
BTW Cats are the most useless, vile, evil creatures that roam the face of this or any other planet.

Nancyh.
By the look of your recent posts I can tell you must really hate men. What happened? Did a Sankie use and Abuse you? Did your man get tired of your constant complaining and dump you for somebody else? Better yet, keep it to yourself. I have heard it all before. Maybe one day you will add something positive to this fourm.

Tony C.
 

Musicqueen

Miami Nice!
Jan 31, 2002
2,252
4
0
Now, cmon TonyC...I knew it was a joke...but apparently you didn't get my joke either...

Think about it...Cats have it soooo easy!!!...They sleep all day, get fed, pampered by their owners, never complain about anything, and then get to roam the streets at night, and come back in the morning to do it all over again!!!

I WANT TO BE A CAT IN MY NEXT LIFE!!!
 

Jersey Devil

Bronze
Jul 5, 2002
686
0
16
Musicqueen?

Question.

Would it break the rules if one of my buddies dates
one of his sister's best girlfriends(they have known
each other for 3 years)?

M
 

Amber

New member
Jan 24, 2003
318
2
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60
does anyone know which cat breed has the longest tongue? Need to know before putting in reincarnation request.
 

Indie

Bronze
Nov 15, 2002
546
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My cat, a purebreed Persian, has a really long tongue. My friends used to call him "Licky-Licky".

I'm not kidding.
 

Texas Bill

Silver
Feb 11, 2003
2,174
26
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97
www.texasbill.com
All you'se guys(that's ya'll in Southern talk) is knuts!!!!!!!!!!
Amber, you have the right idea about reincarnated as a cat, they have 9 lives and live to be 15 or 20 in each of them. Gooluck!!
TEXAS BILL