Orphanages?.this is a long one
I go away for a couple of days, and wow! You guys have been busy! We?re obviously straying a bit from the original topic, but I guess I don?t mind if you don?t. Okay, first of all
Leonardo, I think you misunderstood what I said or at least presumed that I was saying more than I actually was. If you reread the portion of my post that you quoted, I think you?ll see what I mean:
A final side note on the family and friends issue ? many foreigners do not realize that it is not such an extremely uncommon thing in the DR for some children to be raised by extended family members or even in orphanages rather than by their mother (and father). Is your boyfriend introducing you to the people who actually raised him or to the people he may potentially see as having abandoned him? (and to whom he therefore may have a deep need to impress and prove something to)?
Nowhere here did I say that being raised by an extended family or by an orphanage is necessarily
bad. I simply said that it sometimes happens, that it
may involve its own particular type of emotional baggage (mind you, we all grow up with emotional baggage of some sort), and that foreign women dating Dominican men may not realize this. I was simply speaking to how this misunderstanding can potentially affect an American-Dominican relationship, I was
not making judgements about Dominican families.
Of course, as you say, there are orphans in the US as well. And as you may know, we not only have orphans, but we also have abandoned children, abused children, neglected children, etc. ? I know all too well that the United States is far from a paradise for all of its kids. I actually work with especially ?behaviorally problematic? foster children in the United States. Most of these children have been through foster home after foster home after foster home. These particular kids have had acute difficulty adjusting to their new foster homes because of problems within their new families or because of old, unaddressed scars the children are carrying with them from previous relationships. Is our system perfect?
Absolutely not.
As for parental blame, when I see a child (American, Dominican, whatever) suffering from scars inflicted by his/her parents, of course I?m angry at the parents. But do I think they?re to blame? No, not exactly. They should be held accountable, yes, but I also believe that they should be helped ? many abusive/neglectful parents are well-meaning but simply don?t have the tools to raise their children in a healthy manner ? many are adults who themselves experienced abuse/neglect as children.
As for parents who abandon their children, there can be many factors that lead a parent to do this. As you suggested,
Leonardo, economics certainly can play a role ? is the better parent the one who keeps a child he/she cannot feed or the one who places his/her child in an orphanage where the child will be fed, clothed, and educated? That?s not such an easy question. In the United States as well as in the Dominican Republic, economics can play a role in why parents give up their children. There are also questions of lifestyle?is it healthier for a child to be raised by a loving mother who works at night as a prostitute or for that child to be placed in an orphanage/foster home where he will be unaware of his mother?s occupation? Again, that?s not such an easy question to answer. In the United States as well as in the Dominican Republic, there are extremely complex reasons for why a child may end up in a foster home/orphanage. And although there are many American children in foster homes as well as many Dominican children in orphanages, for both countries this is the exception (even if a large one), but definitely not the norm.
Also as you said,
Leonardo:
originally posted by leonardo1267
Yes , we are raise for extended family but is because there is a lot of love in the family, and every body is willing to help
I completely agree with you. I said nothing about Dominican men being bad fathers, about Dominican women being bad mothers, or about extended families being
bad. From my experience, most Dominican families, like most American families, are very loving and concerned about their children?s well being. In my opinion, being raised by an extended family is in itself no better or worse than being raised by a nuclear family (there are positive & negative aspects that go along with each), it just simply carries with it slightly different dynamics. My point was that if a foreign woman dating a Dominican man does not realize that families sometimes take on different forms in the Dominican Republic, she might misinterpret the
meaning behind his introducing her to mami and papi. That was all I was saying.
Now, back to the original topic for just a minute
, I?d be really interested in hearing what advice other people have when it comes to foreign women dating Dominican men. Although I have seen a large number of American-Dominican relationships, I certainly don?t have all the answers, and I?d love to hear some of the advice that all of you have from your experiences?those of you currently dating Dominican men as well as not. Thanks again for all of the opinions and insights?this is turning into an interesting discussion!
~Leja