Dominican Men in General

ILLPrincessa

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Jun 18, 2003
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How can I start? I think what I am really looking for is for some advise.....

I can say I have been involved with this Dominican Man for 2 years and 8 months. He is very hard person to understand. I have never been in a relationship like this before. He is very complex. The first year well... through the years we have broken up several times. And I have been the one always to look for him. Recently I found out he loved me but I have my doubts in him. I think for someone that loves another person he really doesn't show much. But yet he states "Just cause I may be feeling a certaint way doesn't mean I am going to act on it." WOW!!! He has but me through allot and has put me through allot of pain. But we share very good memories. Even while we where seperated we will still see eachother. Just recently he told me that he needed some time to do some soul serching. I love him very much but like I said he is very complex. I don't know if I should just give up and turn my back and see if he looks for me or just lay it to him and take it from there........HELP
 

Linda Stapleton

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Jun 3, 2003
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Live your own life.

I possibly recognise some of the same characteristics in you as I suffer from myself. Making a man the centre of your universe, trying to work him out, keep him happy etc., etc., to the point that you forget who YOU are and what you want out of life. For me, it is a painful place to be. If none of that rings true, ignore this.

If it does, I recommend you read the book "Codependent No More" by Melody Beattie and see if any of that helps.

Best of luck.

Namaste.
 

debs

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Jun 10, 2002
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Men are men. I don't think what you have described is "Dominican men in general", but a man that doesn't know what he wants. If he's put you through a lot of pain and you are having doubts about spending any more energy or time on him, then it's probably time to move on.

Best of luck in deciding what's best for YOU.
 

Forbeca

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Mar 5, 2003
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give him a taste of his own medicine

ILLPrincessa said:
The first year well... through the years we have broken up several times. And I have been the one always to look for him.

Don't look for him, act very indifferent.

You know, my husband is french and complex as can be. It took me two years to turn him around, now he is the most wonderful husband. But before that happened we both suffered a lot. Remember, don't give in to him. If he loves you, he w/ come around and do right by you.

Good luck.
 

ILLPrincessa

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Jun 18, 2003
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Re: Live your own life.

It is so true in what your words say. And I say thank you.
Linda Stapleton said:
I possibly recognise some of the same characteristics in you as I suffer from myself. Making a man the centre of your universe, trying to work him out, keep him happy etc., etc., to the point that you forget who YOU are and what you want out of life. For me, it is a painful place to be. If none of that rings true, ignore this.

If it does, I recommend you read the book "Codependent No More" by Melody Beattie and see if any of that helps.

Best of luck.

Namaste.
 
Dec 9, 2002
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Sounds to me like he doesn't know what he wants. Why are you still interested in him if he has already put you through such a lot of pain? You are worth more than that. Just forget about him.
 

ILLPrincessa

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Jun 18, 2003
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Re: give him a taste of his own medicine

I am going to try what you say. And I want to say thank you for putting mind to what my words have to say. And I am happy that things got to work out for you.
Forbeca said:
ILLPrincessa said:
The first year well... through the years we have broken up several times. And I have been the one always to look for him.

Don't look for him, act very indifferent.

You know, my husband is french and complex as can be. It took me two years to turn him around, now he is the most wonderful husband. But before that happened we both suffered a lot. Remember, don't give in to him. If he loves you, he w/ come around and do right by you.

Good luck.
 

ILLPrincessa

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Jun 18, 2003
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You make it seem that it is so easy just to drop and hop. Well it is not. I am trying my hardest to move on. But there are times where you have to think if it is best.
Dominican Babe said:
Sounds to me like he doesn't know what he wants. Why are you still interested in him if he has already put you through such a lot of pain? You are worth more than that. Just forget about him.
 
Dec 9, 2002
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I'm sorry if my comment sounded glib, I did not mean it that way. Believe me, I know it isn't easy to "drop and hop" (great phrase by the way, I really must try to remember that one!). But it sounds to me like he's given you more pain than pleasure. Maybe you are fairly young and haven't been hurt many times by men. As for me, I'm an old bird who has been round the block a few times, and I realise now (although it took me a long time to do so) that you just don't have to put up with s**t from men. Like I said before, you are worth more than that.

But, at the end of the day, only you can decide what you want. I wish you luck either way.
 

Linda Stapleton

Well-known member
Jun 3, 2003
633
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We're worth it!

Dominican Babe,

Good on you for making the necessary changes. I'm "an old bird" too, but that doesn't necessarily make us any wiser until we get sick and tired of being hurt and allowing men to walk all over us, or treat us less well than we deserve. I'm going through those changes now, and as a few of you have said, it ain't easy. It's too easy to think that a relationship will fix us, take away all the pain, make us whole etc., but it doesn't seem to work like that, even if you are lucky enough to find a good guy, if you've got stuff from the past affecting the present. We have to value ourselves and believe we are enough, then the good relationships can come into our lives. That's what I'm working on anyway, and holding out for. I also have to believe that life can be good as a single woman, and not see this process as purely a means to an end i.e. a better relationship.

It seems as though there are a few of us out there trying to walk the same path, and that's good to know! I love this country but it can get pretty lonely down here at times.....

Good luck to us all!
 

AnnaC

Gold
Jan 2, 2002
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My two cents

Any relationship needs some work. I repeat, SOME. But not hard labour. If someone loves you they shouldn't be causing you pain. You're causing your own pain by staying. When someone loves you there is no need to drag them along and make them do things that perhaps they don't want to do. That's where the confusion comes in.
Two people traveling down the same road shouldn't be causing each other any pain at all. But that's only my opinion. And like Debs said that's any man not just Dominican men.
 
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mkohn

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Jan 1, 2002
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Most men don't change. If you think you've got that one in a million, stick with it. The fact that you have doubts is your intuition speaking up. You don't have to listen to it if you don't want to.
The only person you can change is yourself. You can change anything about yourself.
Good luck.
mk
almost 25 years married to a "man" - the same one.
 

ILLPrincessa

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Jun 18, 2003
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First Thank you. It just came to mind. I am fairly young but have been around to see what man can do to a girl that doesn't nothing to them but try to make them happy. But when you have given so much that it hurts to know that the person that can say the love you can not give anything back in return. Speacially them knowing they did you harm and you forgave them for it.
Dominican Babe said:
I'm sorry if my comment sounded glib, I did not mean it that way. Believe me, I know it isn't easy to "drop and hop" (great phrase by the way, I really must try to remember that one!). But it sounds to me like he's given you more pain than pleasure. Maybe you are fairly young and haven't been hurt many times by men. As for me, I'm an old bird who has been round the block a few times, and I realise now (although it took me a long time to do so) that you just don't have to put up with s**t from men. Like I said before, you are worth more than that.

But, at the end of the day, only you can decide what you want. I wish you luck either way.
 

ILLPrincessa

New member
Jun 18, 2003
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Re: We're worth it!

You seem to know how I feel. Thank you knowing that I don;t know you but your words do help.[
QUOTE]Originally posted by Linda Stapleton
Dominican Babe,

Good on you for making the necessary changes. I'm "an old bird" too, but that doesn't necessarily make us any wiser until we get sick and tired of being hurt and allowing men to walk all over us, or treat us less well than we deserve. I'm going through those changes now, and as a few of you have said, it ain't easy. It's too easy to think that a relationship will fix us, take away all the pain, make us whole etc., but it doesn't seem to work like that, even if you are lucky enough to find a good guy, if you've got stuff from the past affecting the present. We have to value ourselves and believe we are enough, then the good relationships can come into our lives. That's what I'm working on anyway, and holding out for. I also have to believe that life can be good as a single woman, and not see this process as purely a means to an end i.e. a better relationship.

It seems as though there are a few of us out there trying to walk the same path, and that's good to know! I love this country but it can get pretty lonely down here at times.....

Good luck to us all!
[/QUOTE]
 

Forbeca

Bronze
Mar 5, 2003
729
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It's not always a matter of changing the man

But have him understand and respect your ways. It's obvious that if you are constantly struggling then it's time to move on, but that's not always the case, sometimes different backgrounds play into it and you need to work around it. It worked for me, and I'm glad I had the foresight to work at it. I am so very happy today!
 

ILLPrincessa

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Jun 18, 2003
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Re: It's not always a matter of changing the man

I wish you the best in many years to come. And always keep your head up cause you can only get happier.:)
Forbeca said:
But have him understand and respect your ways. It's obvious that if you are constantly struggling then it's time to move on, but that's not always the case, sometimes different backgrounds play into it and you need to work around it. It worked for me, and I'm glad I had the foresight to work at it. I am so very happy today!
 

AnnaC

Gold
Jan 2, 2002
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I think we need to get rid of the quote button.

Princess do me a favour just address the person and say what you want to say instead of hitting the quote button every time. Most of us are following along and don't need to read it again.

Thanks.

Just hit the reply button say

Dominican Babe or whomever....blah blah blah.....


Thank you
 

Forbeca

Bronze
Mar 5, 2003
729
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Anna

I think I'm doing that too. Sorry, (I'll try harder) in another post I tried to edit and couldn't do it, so I posted twice