A Nun Playing Golf

Nun playing golf!!

A nun is sitting with her Mother Superior, chatting. "I used some
horrible language this week and feel absolutely terrible about it."

"When did you use this awful language?" asks the elder.

"Well, I was golfing and hit an incredible drive that looked like it
was going to go over 280 yards, but it struck a phone line that's
hanging over the fairway and fell straight down to the ground
after going only about 100 yards."

"Is that when you swore?"

"No, Mother," says the nun. "After that a squirrel ran out of the
bushes and grabbed my ball in its mouth and began to run away."

"Is THAT when you swore?" asks the Mother Superior again.

"Well, no." says the nun. "You see, as the squirrel was running,
an eagle came down out of the sky, grabbed the squirrel in his
talons and began to fly away!"

"Is THAT when you swore?" asks the amazed elder nun.
"No, not yet. As the eagle carried the squirrel away in its claws, it
flew near the green and the squirrel dropped my ball."

"Did you swear THEN?" asked Mother Superior, becoming impatient.

"No, because the ball fell on a big rock, bounced over the sand trap,
rolled onto the green, and stopped about a foot from the hole."
The two nuns were silent for a moment.

Then Mother Superior sighed and asked: "You missed the ******* putt, didn't you?"

Here's another ...

Two nuns are ordered to paint a room in the convent which is being renovated, and the last instruction of the Mother Superior is that they must not get even a drop of paint on their habits. After conferring about this for a while, the two nuns decide to lock the door of the room, strip off their habits, and paint in the nude. In the middle of the project, there comes a knock at the door.

"Who is it?" calls one of the nuns.

"Blind man," replies a voice from the other side of the door.

The two nuns look at each other, shrug, and decide that no harm can come from letting a blind man into the room. They open the door, and a man enters.

"Nice boobs," says the man. "Where do you want these blinds?"

One for Robert and all the DR1 Brits!

This one reminds me of a Benny Hill joke - XR

The Reverend John Flapps was the pastor of a small town in Scotland. One day he was walking down the High Street and he noticed a young lady of his congregation sitting in a pub drinking beer. The reverend wasn't happy. He walked through the open door of the pub and sat down next to the woman.

"Mrs. Fitzgerald," he said sternly, "this is no place for a member of my congregation. Why don't you let me take you home?"

"Sure," she said with a slur, obviously very drunk.

When Mrs. Fitzgerald stood up from the bar, she began to weave back and forth. The reverend realized that she'd had far too much to drink and grabbed her arms to steady her. When he did, they both lost their balance and tumbled to the floor. After rolling around for a few moments, the reverend wound up on top of Mrs. Fitzgerald, her skirt hiked up to her waist.

The pub landlord looked over and said, "Oi, Mate, we won't be having have any of that carrying on in this pub."

The reverend looked up at the landlord and said, "But you don't
understand, I'm Pastor Flapps!"

The landlord nodded and said, "Oh, well, if you're that far in, you might as well finish."

Like you all didn't know where that one was going!