Two jokes

Swim competition at the Special Olympics.
In lane 1 there is a guy with no arms. In lane 2 there is a guy with no legs. In lane 3 there is a living head. The gun goes off, and all three athletes dive/crawl/roll into the pool. The arm-less man takes the lead, swinging his legs furiously and with poor steering. The leg-less man is in second, with great coordination yet little speed. On lane 3, the body-less head is sinking to the bottom of the pool, right on the same spot where it first hit the water.
The outcome of the race is pretty much obvious. What most people are wondering now is how much longer until the bubbles stop poping on the surface, marking the place where the head is resting. Finally, the winner reaches the goal, followed sometime later by the leg-less man. When he finishes his laps, he notices the decreasing flow of bubbles in the lane next to him. He dives to the bottom, and shortly after comes back with the solitary head of swimmer #3. The athletic head is placed by the side of the pool, where, after much spitting and gagging, starts ranting:
-Thirty years! Thirty years learning to swim with one's ears, and thirty seconds before the race some idiot puts a swimmer's cap on your head!

2

A woman is shopping for groceries at her local store. She picks
1. A loaf of bread,
2. A carton of eggs,
3. Ham,
4. Cheese,
5. One liter of milk and
6. One liter of orange juice.

She goes to the cashier. A drunkard lines up behind her and starts to watch attentively as she puts the items in the belt. After she takes the final item out of the cart, the man says:

-I can tell you're single.

The woman is quite impressed. She looks back and forth between the man and the items on the belt. Finally, she says:

-Why, you are right. But how on earth did you figure that out?
-'Cause you're ugly.