Can Dominican Women Change?

Just my view . . . .

I think having a child to take care of is a major consideration. Sometimes when your looking for a woman to meet you might be tempted to not mention you have a child (I'm not saying you did this). But you should always make this a very clear point of the relationship, just like you would marry or date a woman with specific charateristics, this must be another charateristic your looking for. You mention you have a child and see and observe if they have a problem with that.

If a relationship has already started, then the other person might only see the involvement of a child they never expected as a lossto the quality of the relation they once thought they had. It's any ones guess if things will change, and this is not a Dominican problem it's a problem that could occur with any couple.

-Lee

Sounds like she needs to grow up a bit. Yes she sees the child as competition and she shouldn't. Put it to her this way, ask her if she had a child of her own whom she loved very much what would she say if you didn't want that child in your life. After all you did marry her and not the boy's mother. The violent and destruction outburst tells me there is a bigger problem that has nothing to do with the child.

Yes people can change but they need to understand what makes them angry first.

she says she's willing to change, this is good, but do u really believe it? she feels threatened by this child even though she knows the circumstances. why is she insecure? have you both talked about these insecurities?
it sounds as if she wants you all to herself, and she definately needs to grow up in that department.
and if you do get back together, it will be fine in the beginning until something sends her "over the edge again" i think some time away from each other will make her see what she will lose, and in the meantime it will give you the space you need to know your son.

Changes

I feel for you Mike. I'll say my piece and you can take it for what it's worth.

A long time ago someone told me you either accept people, warts and all, or walk away. You can't go into a relationship or even continue one if it is based on the premise that either party has to make major personality changes. The accent here is on "major".

I'm not talking about leaving the toilet seat up or drinking out the milk carton. I'm talking about fundemental personality traits and/or faults that make us "us". I've been in several realtionships where I've had to pretend that the offending behavior (to me) practiced by my partner could be changed or that I could change myself to fit the relationship, even though I wasn't comfortable with myself for doing so. In the long run, trust me, it just doesn't work. Been there done that, several times!

Sometimes, loving someone isn't enough. You've said that your wife has made promises before and then broken them. What does that tell you. Marriages should be for life, but why stay in a relationship where trust is absent. To me that is the cornerstone for any relationship, marriage or otherwise.

It doesn't matter that your son was the result of a "one night stand". The bottom line is that he is your son and your child for life. If your wife knew about your son before the marriage, then she should have realized that he would be a part of your life and therefore part of hers. Believe me, children are more perceptive than most people think. If your wife affections aren't sincere your son will know and react in kind. This is even more important if you are in the process of establishing a relationship with your son. His "trust" in you has to be complete.

To me, if a man or a woman considers a child a threat to their position in a relationship that person is a very insecure individual. Eventually, that insecurity turns into jealousy and resentment. Not a good situation.

Something else to think about. Sometimes what we think is love (aside form the sexual aspect) is really just a dependency factor and the fear of the unknown. Addressing your thoughts and/or misgivings here tells me that you have serious doubts about the relationship. Again, not a good situation. In the end, you are going to have to decide which is more important to you. Good luck with your decision.

Dianne

Mike,
If you love her then why not give her another chance? Before you do though I think you have to make sure she knows that your son is going to be as much a part of your life as you want him to be and she has to accept that. Also, the violent outbursts have to end. Tell her that if she wants to be your wife, then she needs to act like an adult. If she wants to be a baby, then you can drop her off at the nearest nursery where she can throw as many tantrums as she wants to. Good luck.
Larry

MrMike,

If she has been violent towards in the past I
would find it difficult to return to her, especially
if there was no reasonable justification for
her behavior.

"Does anyone have experience with this? Do people change? Can they be trusted to change on demand, just because they say they will?"



I do believe that people can change although I think it takes
much work as well as time. However most people tend to remain "static".They don't truly change.
I don't think you can make or force someone to change.

Good Luck,

JD

i agree with you jersey, it takes a lot for a person to change, and they have to do it because they want to. and to just say they will, i believe they're empty promises, just to keep that person. but they have to do something about it. like counselling, admitting what their problems are, their insecurities, talking about it.
even if its a honeymoon at first, it will change for awhile, then its almost like you're back to square one again.
i know from experience, was separated for 6 weeks, reconciled, wow, it was like we were dating again, and now 2 yrs later, welcome to the peg bundy saga. lol. but we did change somewhat, but life is boooring.
good luck but keep your eyes wide open for the honeymoon to be over. watch the way she acts at the beginning with your son, because when reality sets in, she might end up treating him differently. be aware that life may not be what you expect of it.

I haven't read any replies by anyone so I will say is this:
Dump her. She will never change. She will be a constant headache. In order to forget about her and get her out of your life, come to DR and get a younger, more prettier girl to replace her. You would be surprised to see (once you have the new girl in your life) how quickly you will forget about the her.

Welcome to the DR!

Every Dominican woman,married to an American,who has an "Ex-Wife" in the US is "jealous" of the "X"! Some of it is real jealousy,some of it is just trying to manipulate,and be in charge of the relationship!
Any time,or money that goes to "X-Wives" and children in the US,is money out of her pocket!!

At 13 months,you will now see if your relationship is based on your desire for sex,and her desire for money,or a real love and affection shared by both of you!

If the relationship is going to last,you need to take charge.You need to be the Boss.
I once told an American friend visiting here,and dating Dominican women,that they expect the man to be incharge,make decisions.
Not like the USA where you ask your date where she would like to go for dinner,or what movie she would like to see.The Dominican woman doesn't want to make those choices.Its your job as a man to be in charge!
I told him to be sexually aggresive.If you don't,the girl will think she is not attractive,or that you are "Gay"! He spent the night with a girl,I asked him how it went,he said that he "sensed" that she was not ready!! She asked me if he was "Gay" when he left!

You need to "Manage" your relationship "better"!
Remember,if she was married to a Dominican,he would be Beating her into line"!

Don't be a "Pendejo"! A Dominicana will take all the rope you will give her!!You are no doubt in the clutches of a "Manipuladora".Gain Control! You will both feel better in the longrun!

Got to go now,my wife wants me to wash her feet! Cris Colon

Are you sure about the year?

1999 Miss Universe, Delegates.


Just click on the link above & scroll down to, Luz Garcia.



Tim H.

Re: Are you sure about the year?

Timex said:

1999 Miss Universe, Delegates.

Just click on the link above & scroll down to, Luz Garcia.

Tim H.

Click to expand...

I have seen his "X" and she is not the girl above, but is VERY attractive. Actually, much more so than the girl in the above photo.

His X??????

Not very optimistic, are you Rob?


Rim H.

motivation to change

In my opinion you need to ask yourself why is she willing to change? Is it because she truly feels she was wrong or is it because she is upset with the consequences of her actions?
Maybe she could change but only if you spend your whole time baby sitting her. Also if you give her time to fume about it and really feel the pain of loosing you maybe then she will have grown up. But by then you will have had time to live in peace with out the B.S. and not want her back. Also if after a week you are thinking of letting her come back then maybe there is some issue with your own confidence. Also have you during the relationship given in for the sake of peace and quit. Have you empowered her to be a childish fool?
Only you will know what you want. But these are the questions you need to ask yourself. For the record a few years back I was going through a break up. My ex did not know from one day to the other whether she was going to stay or go. She had screwed up and was not able to deal with her own guilt so she would go from repentant to hostile in the same day with out notice. I was taking counseling to keep from wringing her neck and the anger management counselor told me she needed to refer me to someone else because ?John your ability to control your anger is higher than my ability to counsel you because I would have wrung her neck already? food for thought. Basically is it worth it?

been there

My husband has a daughter from a previous relationship. He hasn't been able to have much contact with her because her mother moved pretty far away when the girl was very young.

She (the daughter) recently moved back to our area and got in contact with her father by email. They met for the first time in many years about a year ago. I have not met her, but she sounds like a wonderful young lady. All I can say is that I am happy that my husband finally has the opportunity to have some contact with his daughter. I know it has nagged at him over the years that he did not.

That being said, and without getting into too much sordid details, it can indeed feel quite threatening, especially if one does feel insecure in the relationship. Ultimately, BOTH sides have to try to understand the other person's feelings and to help to alleviate any negative feelings. That being said, one side can't do it all. There is a big difference between cowtowing and compromise.

Can she change? Of course she can, if she really wants to. I would give it another try, but be prepared if it doesn't work out.

Good luck.

Rmary