There is an island in this world...

NALs

Economist by Profession
Jan 20, 2003
13,485
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Good Day to everyone here! I recently (actually last night, couldn't sleep) wrote a poem that I would like to share with all DR1ers. First of all, I'm not a poet by any means and I am really shocked that I actually wrote this! Anyways, read it and tell me what you think of it! Just wondering!

Also, keep in mind that some of the stuff is pure metaphorical. For example "That's chock full of golden mines" that is a metaphor to the many opportunities available on this island, opportunities that are still around because many folks simply can't see them, despite them staring it in their faces! So, improvise as you read and tell me what other metaphorical things you can see in this little poem that I made last night while others were dead asleep!

THERE IS AN ISLAND IN THIS WORLD

There is an island in this world
Where the birds sing loud and proud.

There is an island in this world
Where people enjoy happy crowds.

There is an island in this world
Where palms grow next to pines.

There is an island in this world
That?s chock full of golden mines.

There is an island in this world,
Where music is the way of life.

There is an island in this world,
Where freedom is within sight.

There is an island in this world,
That I know I would like.

For all the islands of the world,
Only one makes me happy.

It?s an island in the tropics,
It?s an island in the sea.

People get happy when they see it,
People get happy when they feel it.

People get happy when they're greeted with a simple "hola".
People get happy when they reach the island of Hispaniola!
 

Minni

New member
Sep 14, 2003
141
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That's Great!!!!

What a lovely poem. I will be forwarding this to my friends who don't understand my love for the DR.

Minni
 

Indie

Bronze
Nov 15, 2002
546
0
0
Nal0whs...

Nice effort, but both your poem's title and the idea behind it (the Dominican Republic as the setting) bear an uncanny resemblance to Don Pedro Mir's "Hay Un Pa?s En El Mundo".

Careful where else you post your poem, lest you be accused of plagiarism.

-Indie
 

NALs

Economist by Profession
Jan 20, 2003
13,485
3,188
113
Indie said:
Nice effort, but both your poem's title and the idea behind it (the Dominican Republic as the setting) bear an uncanny resemblance to Don Pedro Mir's "Hay Un Pa?s En El Mundo".

Careful where else you post your poem, lest you be accused of plagiarism.

-Indie

You're right! Don Pedro Mir's poem actually inspired me to write that, since that is one of my favorite poems. However, I am not trying to copy his poem or "image". The entire poem of "Hay Un Pais En El Mundo" is talking about a Dominican Republic with lots of land and low numbers of people. This poem is quite old, it was written when the total population of the country was what today's population of Santo Domingo alone is! My poem is about igniting interest into the DR for those that are not familiar with the country. Its about expressing my love for my country and island, its about showing the best the DR has to offer.

BTW, plagiarism is if a person copies something word for word without giving credit to the original writer. My poem, though it does follow the same style which is not unique to Don Pedro, doesn't have uncommon words used exclusively by Don Pedro.

I think that while the "melody" of my poem and that of Don Pedro is similar, the final vision or picture of each poem is totally different. Don Pedro was talking of how underpopulated the country was, while I'm talking of how wonderful the DR is. Very different things in very different countries considering that the DR of Don Pedro's time is not the DR that you and I know today.
 

johne

Silver
Jun 28, 2003
7,091
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not really" word for word"

Nal0whs said:
You're right! Don Pedro Mir's poem actually inspired me to write that, since that is one of my favorite poems. However, I am not trying to copy his poem or "image". The entire poem of "Hay Un Pais En El Mundo" is talking about a Dominican Republic with lots of land and low numbers of people. This poem is quite old, it was written when the total population of the country was what today's population of Santo Domingo alone is! My poem is about igniting interest into the DR for those that are not familiar with the country. Its about expressing my love for my country and island, its about showing the best the DR has to offer.

BTW, plagiarism is if a person copies something word for word without giving credit to the original writer. My poem, though it does follow the same style which is not unique to Don Pedro, doesn't have uncommon words used exclusively by Don Pedro.

I think that while the "melody" of my poem and that of Don Pedro is similar, the final vision or picture of each poem is totally different. Don Pedro was talking of how underpopulated the country was, while I'm talking of how wonderful the DR is. Very different things in very different countries considering that the DR of Don Pedro's time is not the DR that you and I know today.
BTW the Webster definition is steal or pass off words or IDEAS of another as one's own.
and BTW your poem is very cute.

JOHN
 

Tordok

Bronze
Oct 6, 2003
530
2
0
Nal0whs said:
You're right! Don Pedro Mir's poem actually inspired me to write that, since that is one of my favorite poems. However, I am not trying to copy his poem or "image". The entire poem of "Hay Un Pais En El Mundo" is talking about a Dominican Republic with lots of land and low numbers of people. This poem is quite old, it was written when the total population of the country was what today's population of Santo Domingo alone is! My poem is about igniting interest into the DR for those that are not familiar with the country. Its about expressing my love for my country and island, its about showing the best the DR has to offer.

BTW, plagiarism is if a person copies something word for word without giving credit to the original writer. My poem, though it does follow the same style which is not unique to Don Pedro, doesn't have uncommon words used exclusively by Don Pedro.

I think that while the "melody" of my poem and that of Don Pedro is similar, the final vision or picture of each poem is totally different. Don Pedro was talking of how underpopulated the country was, while I'm talking of how wonderful the DR is. Very different things in very different countries considering that the DR of Don Pedro's time is not the DR that you and I know today.

The poem is a charming cyberfolkloric reinterpretation of the original work by Mir. With the right perico ripiao tune, you might have a top hit here, or at least a jingle for Montecarlo cigarettes tv promo.

Nonetheless; verbatim copying is rarely the sole criterion for a plagiarism claim to be successful in courts everywhere. Indie is right . Anyone with a good literary eye will catch this immediately. And any copyright lawyer would have a field day if you had tried to publish it. You would do well to acknowledge the "National Poet" of the Dominican Republic, don Pedro Mir, and this specific, most famous of his poems BEFORE you offer this piece for audiences.

- Tordok
 

KrackedKris

On Vacation!
Apr 8, 2004
287
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Not word for word but

Nal0whs said:
BTW, plagiarism is if a person copies something word for word without giving credit to the original writer. My poem, though it does follow the same style which is not unique to Don Pedro, doesn't have uncommon words used exclusively by Don Pedro.

I think that while the "melody" of my poem and that of Don Pedro is similar, the final vision or picture of each poem is totally different. Don Pedro was talking of how underpopulated the country was, while I'm talking of how wonderful the DR is. Very different things in very different countries considering that the DR of Don Pedro's time is not the DR that you and I know today.


To avoid plagiarism, you must give credit whenever you use

another person's idea, opinion, or theory;
any facts, statistics, graphs, drawings--any pieces of information--that are not common knowledge;
quotations of another person's actual spoken or written words; or
paraphrase of another person's spoken or written words.
 

Tordok

Bronze
Oct 6, 2003
530
2
0
KrackedKris said:
To avoid plagiarism, you must give credit whenever you use

another person's idea, opinion, or theory;
any facts, statistics, graphs, drawings--any pieces of information--that are not common knowledge;
quotations of another person's actual spoken or written words; or
paraphrase of another person's spoken or written words.


KK clearly understands. We are talking about intellectual property. This is a hot field in legal circles these days. And it does cover many non-traditional definitions of plagiarism.

With today's info tech; famous history scholars, novelists, scientists and artists have been detected, exposed and sued for plagiarism. It is sometimes an oversight by people doing the editing, but it is always safest to acknowledge - a priori - any links to an earlier original piece or process, than to risk having your own product questioned.

- Tordok ("originally inspired to digress")
 

Adrian Bye

Bronze
Jul 7, 2002
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The original poem was written in 1949, so its still covered by copyright. By what people are saying here, it sounds like you could be accused of posting a derivative work, which can be a problem.

Copyright law is a pain in the butt sometimes! :)
 

Texas Bill

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Feb 11, 2003
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NalOws--

The posters subsequent to your presentation are not trying to discourage you, "take the wind out of your sails", or anything like that. Bear in mind the many definitions of plagiarism and the ramifications thereof.
My advise is to present your poem to a reputable editor for review, stating your reasons for doing so and see what he/she says.

Texas Bill
 

NALs

Economist by Profession
Jan 20, 2003
13,485
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Nal0whs said:
Good Day to everyone here! I recently (actually last night, couldn't sleep) wrote a poem that I would like to share with all DR1ers. First of all, I'm not a poet by any means and I am really shocked that I actually wrote this! Anyways, read it and tell me what you think of it! Just wondering!

Also, keep in mind that some of the stuff is pure metaphorical. For example "That's chock full of golden mines" that is a metaphor to the many opportunities available on this island, opportunities that are still around because many folks simply can't see them, despite them staring it in their faces! So, improvise as you read and tell me what other metaphorical things you can see in this little poem that I made last night while others were dead asleep!

THERE IS AN ISLAND IN THIS WORLD

There is an island in this world
Where the birds sing loud and proud.

There is an island in this world
Where people enjoy happy crowds.

There is an island in this world
Where palms grow next to pines.

There is an island in this world
That?s chock full of golden mines.

There is an island in this world,
Where music is the way of life.

There is an island in this world,
Where freedom is within sight.

There is an island in this world,
That I know I would like.

For all the islands of the world,
Only one makes me happy.

It?s an island in the tropics,
It?s an island in the sea.

People get happy when they see it,
People get happy when they feel it.

People get happy when they're greeted with a simple "hola".
People get happy when they reach the island of Hispaniola!

Well, here is a copy of Don Pedros poem from http://www.webspawner.com/users/domexterior3/. I cut and pasted it down below for convenience sake. Compare my own quoted above and Don Pedro's poem and you will see that much of the similarities are in the fact that the country is the same, both are praising the same country and I have to agree, maybe the title should have been much more different in mine. But other than that, my poems vision and that of Don Pedro is totally different. Don Pedro is talking about a beautiful island that is hardly populated. I in the contrary am talking about the same beautiful island, but I'm pin pointing out the beauty of this island according to my own interpretation of beauty. Its different ideas, really.

HAY UN PAIS EN EL MUNDO....

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Hay un pa?s en el mundo

Hay
un pa?s en el mundo
colocado
en el mismo trayecto del sol,
Oriundo de la noche.
Colocado
en un inveros?mil archipi?lago
de az?car y de alcohol.
Sencillamente
liviano,
como un ala de murci?lago
apoyado en la brisa.
Sencillamente
claro,
como el rastro del beso en las solteras
antiguas
o el d?a en los tejados.
Sencillamente
Frutal. Fluvial. Y material. Y sin embargo
sencillamente t?rrido y pateado
como una adolescente en las caderas.
Sencillamente triste y oprimido.
Sinceramente agreste y despoblado.

En verdad.
Con dos millones
suma de la vida
y entre tanto
cuatro cordilleras cardinales
y una inmensa bah?a y otra inmensa bah?a,
tres pen?nsulas con islas adyacentes
y un asombro de r?os verticales
y tierra bajo los ?rboles y tierra
bajo los r?os y en la falta del monte
y al pie de la colina y detr?s del horizonte
y tierra desde el cant?o de los gallos
y tierra bajo el galope de los caballos
y tierra sobre el d?a, bajo el mapa, alrededor
y debajo de todas las huellas y en medio el amor.
Entonces
es lo que he declarado.
Hay
un pa?s en el mundo
sencillamente agreste y despoblado.

Alg?n amor creer?
que en este fluvial pa?s en que la tierra brota,
y se derrama y cruje como una vena rota,
donde el d?a tiene su triunfo verdadero,
ir?n los campesinos con asombro y apero
a cultivar
cantando
su franja propietaria.
Este amor
quebrar? su inocencia solitaria.
Pero no.
Y creer?
que en medio de esta tierra recrecida,
donde quiera, donde ruedan monta?as por los valles
como frescas monedas azules, donde duerme
un bosque en cada flor y en cada flor de la vida,
ir?n los campesinos por la loma dormida
a gozar
forcejeando
con su propia cosecha.

Este amor
doblar? su luminosa flecha.
Pero no.
Y creer?
que donde el viento asalta el ?ntimo terr?n
y lo convierte en tropas de cumbres y praderas,
donde cada colina parece un coraz?n,
en cada campesino ir?n las primaveras
cantando
entre los surcos
su propiedad.
Este amor
alcanzar? su floreciente edad.
Pero no.
Hay
un pa?s en el mundo
donde un campesino breve
seco y agrio
muere y muerde
descalzo
su polvo derruido,
y la tierra no alcanza para bronca muerte.
?O?dlo bien! No alcanza para quedar dormido.
En un pa?s peque?o y agredido. Sencillamente triste,
triste y torvo, triste y acre. Ya lo dije
sencillamente triste y oprimido.
No es eso solamente.
Faltan hombres
para tanta tierra. Es decir, faltan hombres
que desnuden la virgen cordillera y la hagan madre
despu?s de unas canciones.
Madre de la hortaliza.
Madre del pan. Madre del lienzo y del techo.
Madre sol?cita y nocturna junto al lecho...
Faltan hombres que arrodillen los ?rboles y entonces
los alcen contra el sol y la distancia.
Contra las leyes de la gravedad.
Y les saquen reposo, rebeld?a y claridad.
Y los hombres que se acuesten con la arcilla
y la dejen parida de paredes.
Y los hombres
que descifren los dioses de los r?os
y los suban temblando entre las redes.
Y hombres en la costa y en los fr?os
desfiladeros
y en toda desolaci?n.
Es decir, faltan hombres.
Y falta una canci?n.


Procedente del fondo de la noche
vengo a hablar de un pa?s.
Precisamente
pobre de poblaci?n.
Pero
no es eso solamente.
Natural de la noche soy producto de un viaje.
Dadme tiempo
coraje
para hacer la canci?n.


Pulm?n de nido nivel de luna
salud del oro guitarra abierta
final de viaje donde una isla
los campesinos no tienen tierra.

Decid al viento los apellidos
de los ladrones y las cavernas
y abrid los ojos donde un desastre
los campesinos no tienen tierra.
El aire brusco de un breve pu?o
que se detiene junto a una piedra
abre una herida donde unos ojos
los campesinos no tienen tierra.

Los que la roban no tienen ?ngeles
no tiene ?rbita entre las piernas
no tiene sexo donde una patria
los campesinos no tienen tierra.

No tienen paz entre las pesta?as
no tienen tierra no tienen tierra.

Pa?s inveros?mil.
Donde la tierra brota
y se derrama y cruje como una vena rota,
donde alcanza la estatura del v?rtigo,
donde las aves nadan o vuelan pero en el medio
no hay m?s que tierra:
los campesinos no tienen tierra.
Y entonces
?de d?nde ha salido esta canci?n?
?C?mo es posible?
?Qui?n dice que entre la fina
salud del oro
los campesinos no tienen tierra?
Esa es otra canci?n. Escuchad
la canci?n deliciosa de los ingenios de az?car
y de alcohol.

Miro un brusco tropel de ra?les
son del ingenio
sus soportes de verde aborigen
son del ingenio
y las mansas monta?as de origen
son del ingenio
y la ca?a y la yerba y el mimbre
son del ingenio
y los muelles y el agua y el liquen
son del ingenio
y el camino y sus dos cicatrices
son del ingenio
y los pueblos peque?os y v?rgenes
son del ingenio
y los brazos del hombre m?s simple
son del ingenio
y sus venas de joven calibre
son del ingenio
y los guardias con voz de fusiles
son del ingenio
y las manchas del plomo en las ingles
son del ingenio
y la furia y el odio sin l?mites
son del ingenio
y las leyes calladas y tristes
son del ingenio
y las culpas que no se redimen
son del ingenio
veinte veces lo digo y lo dije
son del ingenio
?nuestros campos de gloria repiten?
son del ingenio
en la sombra del ancla persisten
son del ingenio
aunque arrojen la carga del crimen
lejos del puerto
con la sangre y el sudor y el salitre
son del ingenio.

Y ?ste es el resultado.
El d?a luminoso
regresando a trav?s de los cristales
del az?car, primero se encuentra al labrador.
En seguida al le?ero y al picador
de ca?a
rodeado de sus hijos llenando la carreta.

Y al ni?o del guarapo y despu?s al anciano sereno
con el reloj, que lo mira con su muerte secreta,
y a la joven temprana cosi?ndose los p?rpados
en el saco cien mil y al rastro del salario
perdido entre las hojas del listero. Y al perfil
sudoroso de los cargadores envueltos en su capa
de m?sculos morenos. Y al alba?il celeste
colocando en el cielo el ?ltimo ladrillo
de la chimenea. Y al carpintero gris
clavando el ata?d para la urgente muerte,
cuando suena el silbato, blanco y definitivo,
que el reposo contiene.

El d?a luminoso despierta en las espaldas
de repente, corre entre los ra?les,
sube por las gr?as, cae en los almacenes.
En los patios, al pie de una lavandera,
mojada en las canciones, cruje y rejuvenece.
En las calles se queja en el preg?n. Apenas
su pie despunta desgarra los pesebres.
Recorre las ciudades llenas de los abogados
que no son m?s que placas y silencio, a los poetas
que no son m?s que nieblas y silencio y a los jueces
silenciosos. Sube, salta, delira en las esquinas
y el d?a luminoso se resuelve en un d?lar inminente.
?Un d?lar! He aqu? el resultado. Un borbot?n de sangre.
Silenciosa, terminante. Sangre herida en el viento
Sangre en el efectivo producto de amargura.
Este es un pa?s que no merece el nombre de pa?s.
Sino de tumba, f?retro, hueco o sepultura.

Es cierto que lo beso y que me besa
y que su beso no sabe m?s que a sangre.
Que d?a vendr?, oculto en la esperanza,
con su canasta llena de iras implacables
y rostros contra?dos y pu?os y pu?ales.
Pero tened cuidado. No es justo que el castigo
caiga sobre todos. Busquemos los culpables.
Y entonces caiga el peso infinito de los pueblos
sobre los hombros de los culpables.


Y as?
palor de luna
pasajeros
despoblados y agrestes del roc?o,
van monta?as y valles por el r?o
camino de los puertos extranjeros.

Es verdad que en el tr?nsito del r?o,
cordilleras de miel, desfiladeros
de az?car y cristales marineros
disfrutan de un met?lico albedr?o,
y que al pie del esfuerzo solidario
aparece el instinto proletario.
Pero ebrio de or?gano y de an?s
y m?rtir de los t?rridos paisajes
hay un hombre de pie en los engranajes.
Desterrado en su tierra. Y un pa?s
en el mundo,
fragante,
colocado
en el mismo trayecto de la guerra.
Traficante de tierras y sin tierra.
Material. Matinal. Y desterrado.

Y as? no puede ser. Desde la sierra
proceder? un rumor iluminado
probablemente ronco y derramado.
Probablemente en busca de la tierra.
Traspasar? los campos y el celeste

dominio desde el este hasta el oeste
conmoviendo la ?ltima ra?z
y sacando los h?roes de la tumba
habr? sangre de nuevo en el pa?s
habr? sangre de nuevo en el pa?s.

Y esta es mi ?ltima palabra.
Quiero
o?rla. Quiero verla en cada puerta
de religi?n, donde una mano abierta
solicita un milagro del estero.
Quiero ver su amargura necesaria
donde el hombre y la res y el surco duermen
y adelgazan los sue?os en el germen
de quietud que eterniza la plegaria.

Donde un ?ngel respira.
Donde arde
una suplica p?lida y secreta
y siguiendo el carril de la carreta
un boyero se extingue con la tarde.
Despu?s

No quiero m?s que paz.
Un nido
de constructiva paz en cada palma
Y quiz?s a prop?sito del alma
el enjambre de besos
y el olvido.

Pedro Mir
( 1913-2000)
 

Criss Colon

Platinum
Jan 2, 2002
21,843
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yahoomail.com
Your "Poem" was obviously written by someone who only "Visits" here!!

Those of us who actually try to survive and raise our families here know a "Different","Island In The Sun"!!!
An "Island" with 100 % per year inflation,little electric power,no educational opportunities,poor to no health care,rising crime rates,and a system of government that makes the "Mafia" seem like "Dogooders"
But have it as you will,come here often,and spend lots of your money,we can use it!
We will be trying to pay off an international debt incured by the current "Leadership"for the next ten years,if ever!
Cris Colon
 

Forbeca

Bronze
Mar 5, 2003
729
2
0
Nice poem Nal0whs, as optimistic dominicans we obviously see something else beyond the trivial everyday nuisances the population must endure. It will get much better though :ermm:
 

Criss Colon

Platinum
Jan 2, 2002
21,843
191
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yahoomail.com
"Trivial nuisances"????????????????????????????????

Suppose you have a sick child??? You have no money to buy medicine!
When you get to the hospital,there is no electricity!
You lost your job,because there is no power to run the equipment!
Your children will never get ahead,they have no education!
Inflation will continue to rob you and your family of the little money you have!
Political parties serve themselves,not the Country!!

Some Nuisances!!!!!!
CCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCC
I will say one thing for the Dominicans,they continue to "Dance",while the hall burns down around them!!!
 

Adrian Bye

Bronze
Jul 7, 2002
2,077
138
0
One of the most important points with copyright law, is monetary harm caused to the original work.

If you're not selling your work, and not trying to compete against the original, its probably fine. And as texas bill says, I'm definitely not trying to discourage you!! Just be careful when you borrow, thats all.

Here's a good example of this issue, a quite a big case that went to the US Supreme Court:

http://www.benedict.com/Audio/crew/crew.aspx
 

MrMike

Silver
Mar 2, 2003
2,586
100
0
52
www.azconatechnologies.com
You are all missing the point, Nal0whs is trying to tell us that he is gay. First he lets us know about how there are "metaphors" in his poem, then goes on to say:

Nal0whs said:
There is an island in this world
Where the birds sing loud and proud.

translate the second line into Dominican spanish, then back to english and you get:

"where the homosexuals sing loud and proud"

Nal0whs said:
There is an island in this world
Where people enjoy happy crowds.

Lets all keep in mind that "happy" used to be sinonimous with "gay"

Nal0whs said:
There is an island in this world,
Where music is the way of life.

yeah I know what "way of life" you're talking about buddy

Nal0whs said:
For all the islands of the world,
Only one makes me happy.

People get happy when they see it,
People get happy when they feel it.

People get happy when they're greeted with a simple "hola".
People get happy when they reach the island of Hispaniola!

More references to "happiness".

What we have here is the sad lament of a gay rights activist decrying the repression his fellow homosexuals are forced to endure in a country where they are free to express anything but their TRUE feelings.

Nal0whs said:
There is an island in this world,
Where freedom is within sight.

There is an island in this world,
That I know I would like.

p.s. this post was pure sarcasm
 

Forbeca

Bronze
Mar 5, 2003
729
2
0
ok CC, I hear you loud and clear

But not all dominicans go through these experiences. How many times do we have to repeat that? The poem means different things to different people, is all.


Criss Colon said:
Suppose you have a sick child??? You have no money to buy medicine!
When you get to the hospital,there is no electricity!
You lost your job,because there is no power to run the equipment!
Your children will never get ahead,they have no education!
Inflation will continue to rob you and your family of the little money you have!
Political parties serve themselves,not the Country!!

Some Nuisances!!!!!!
CCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCC
I will say one thing for the Dominicans,they continue to "Dance",while the hall burns down around them!!!
 

NALs

Economist by Profession
Jan 20, 2003
13,485
3,188
113
Criss Colon said:
Those of us who actually try to survive and raise our families here know a "Different","Island In The Sun"!!!
An "Island" with 100 % per year inflation,little electric power,no educational opportunities,poor to no health care,rising crime rates,and a system of government that makes the "Mafia" seem like "Dogooders"
But have it as you will,come here often,and spend lots of your money,we can use it!
We will be trying to pay off an international debt incured by the current "Leadership"for the next ten years,if ever!
Cris Colon

Notice, my poem is about the BEAUTY of the DR. Its true that the stuff you mention do exist, they are NOT part of the BEAUTY. Whmm, thats an idea. Maybe I can come up with a poem that shows the frustration of the Dominican people with the government? If I do make one up with that theme, I'll post it right here!