OK Slap Me into Reality

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WBALKE

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Jul 3, 2004
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Let me 1st say that I am a Single 35 year old, college educated man from the US.

Last September I received an instant via MSN from a woman in the Dominican Republic. Shortly after our initial contact we began to communicate daily. She says that she has fallen in love with me. She has never met anyone via the computer before. She doesn?t have a boyfriend/husband. Naturally I am cautious. I have her home and cell numbers and she is never unavailable to speak to me no matter what time of day or night I call. In early November I visited the DR for the 1st time. My friend picked me up at the airport and took me to my hotel (Hamaca in Boca CHica). We spent a lot of time together that week. She took me to Santo Domingo, Higuey, Juan Dolio etc. She even took me to her home where I met her family. They prepared an incredible Dominican meal for me. I felt like royalty. Her mom seems rather conservative. She always made sure that my friend and I were never alone. Usually her sister traveled with us. When it was my day to leave she picked me up from the Hamaca and took me to the Airport. She never asked me for any money, but I did buy meals, presidents, entertainment etc.

She and I continued to talk online and via telephone each day. She continues to say that she has fallen in love and quite frankly I have begun to believe her and I have developed some feelings for her myself.

She is anxious for me to meet her father who lives in NY. But I am very reluctant, but he and I did speak several times via the phone. When her grand mother (who lives in NY during the summer) returned form the DR my friend sent a gift package for me. The package includes cigars, candy and photos. I went to her father's home to pick up the package. Her father and I seemed to get along well.

I just returned last week from my 2nd trip to the DR. This time was much like the last except we did not have a chaperone and my friend and I had an opportunity to make love. I did on this occasion buy her a few gifts. (Bathing suit and a pair of jeans) and I also bought a few groceries for the house. That seemed like a relatively small price to pay for the company.

Now I am back in NY and I think I really like this woman. And I am thinking of pursuing a relationship with her. Her father is currently working on getting her a residency for the US

Well my point is this. Am I being foolish? Keep in mind I am a skeptical New Yorker but this woman has given me no reason for concern. Please let me know your thoughts.

WBLAKE
 
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ricktoronto

Grande Pollo en Boca Chica
Jan 9, 2002
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Phoney

I think this whole post is made up.

If not then this sounds like a reasonable normal non profiteering relationship. You didn't say why Dad was in NYC or legally or not,and how they lived in DR. For all you have not said, he's the consul general and they live in a swanky home. Her buying you gifts and taking little certainly isn't a pay-for-pay type of non-romance.

That said, I think you are faking the whole thing.
 
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Bartolomeo67

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Mar 18, 2004
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My 5-points Dominicana scorecard

WBALKE said:
Let me 1st say that I am a Single 35 year old, college educated man from the US.
Click to expand...
Hello WBalke,
Nice to hear that you found such a great dominican girl.
Supposing that she comes to the US, what do you expect from your dominicana? If you want your partner to be more than a housewife to you and expect her to get a job and a real life, here is some food for thought for you:

Only think about getting serious with her if your girl scores more than 3 out of 5 on my 5 point scorecard:
1/ Does she have a good school education? Meaning graduated from a colegio privado and not from a public school and hopefully some college education;
2/ Does she speak english? I guess she does if you communicate daily by phone or is it you who speaks such good spanish?
3/ Does she know how to work with a computer? Apparently yes.
4/ Is she economically independent, or in other words, does she have a job and earns her own money? Is important since it will teach her the value of things. If each time you go there she can spend plenty of time with you making excursions etc, it doesn't look like she has a job.
5/ Is she ambitious, does she want to get a better life and does something about it? Up to you to answer.
The higher the score, the better.

The general picture you describe is looking quite good.
However, does this girl have a life there? You write that she is always available to talk to you whenever you call, she took you on excursions across the country. Doesn't seem like she has a lot to do. Overprotected by her mother maybe.
All the best,
Bartolomeo
 
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WBALKE

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Jul 3, 2004
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Good Evening,

Let me 1st say tat my post is entirely true and the reason for my posting is to gain some insight from those of you that have more experience than I.

Her Dad is in the US legally. He is not the consulate general but a taxi driver. And while I am certain that he does not have much money his family (he has a wife and 3 children in NY) seems to be very comfortable.

My friend has a college education. She has a degree in accounting, but does not work in that field. She is a field supervisor for Porvenier (that may not be spelled correctly). Apparently it is a very well known company in both Latin America and the Caribbean.

She does speak English and she is currently taking a class that the English Institute in San Pedro.

Yes she does know how to use a computer. She probably knows more than I.

Much like her father I don?t think she makes a lot of money, but she seems comfortable. She has a car, cell phone etc.

The ambition question I will need to investigate more.

The reason that I indicated that she is available day and night is because it does not appear that she has another man in her life.

Based on your responses this situation appears not to be to common.

Thanks for your feedback. I will keep you guys informed as things develop.

WBLAKE
 
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AZB

Platinum
Jan 2, 2002
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You have a girl at hands which is far better than most foreign guys would dream of finding in DR. I say, take your time and investigate more. This means, get to know her better and spend more time with her. I am not the marrying type guy but if you feel you would be better off with her than without, then you have my blessing. She seems to be the right girl for you.
 
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ricktoronto

Grande Pollo en Boca Chica
Jan 9, 2002
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You Said It

AZB said:
You have a girl at hands which is far better than most foreign guys would dream of finding in DR. I say, take your time and investigate more. This means, get to know her better and spend more time with her. I am not the marrying type guy but if you feel you would be better off with her than without, then you have my blessing. She seems to be the right girl for you.
Click to expand...

Buy a Lotto ticket too, you beat the odds with this one.
 
O

Oche

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Jan 6, 2004
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Follow AZB's advice, you might not want to find her having any sentimental ties with someone she left behind. Besides that, sounds nice, looks like you are mixing with a good dominican girl, hard to find.
 
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MrMike

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Mar 2, 2003
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www.azconatechnologies.com
I know of at least one happily married couple that met through internet messaging, now living in Austria and reporting little or no trouble getting along.

Well there are at least 15 similar stories that come quickly to mind that aren't as wonderful, but bad situations tend to make more of an impression than good ones.

Just remember if it seems too good to be true it probably isn't, but people do fall in love and occasionally stay that way for long periods, nationalities notwithstanding.
 
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Larry

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Mar 22, 2002
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Like AZB said, investigate a LOT more. I would not be surprised if there was something right under the surface which she is hiding from you or some past or present problems she is hoping to escape via her relationship with you. Honestly, you really barely know her so remain optomistic but cautious. I think you should spend a lot more time with her in the part of the Dominican Republic that she is from to see if anything she may be hiding from you rears it's ugly head.

I hope I am wrong and that you have gotten very lucky. I am just a naturally suspicious person...especially when relationships are formed over the internet. Good luck to you.

Larry
 
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simpson Homer

Bronze
Nov 14, 2003
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good luck

seems you got a good girl, if you want to go far in that relationaship don't mix her family in your relationship untill you got to know her, I mean next time you go back to the DR, don't let her mother send a body guard with her.

Take time for you and her, friends and family away for awhile untill you develop your relationship then you will avoid paying for somebody else just for her in case. Her friends or family in the DR who could be going out with you guys, they will be the "Pulidores or Cerruchadores" = "Advisor who are going to tell her or teach her how to rip you off"

Just her not more people,

Good luck
 
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chuckuindy

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Mar 8, 2004
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Good luck

I for one am very happy about your relationship. Yes it can work and yes you should be cautious. After many trips to the DR I still have a difficult time understanding the culture regarding romance, whether it is with the perfect Dominican woman or the street girls. Oh by the way, who says the street gals can not reform and become a wonderful wife for anyone? Do all of you here not have a past, and who are we to judge anyway.

Here is what has worked for my Dominican novia and myself, establish some firm ground rules early. Things like, here is what I am willing to offer, and here is what I expect. Tell her that this relationship is between you and her, not her family or friends.

There will be all sorts of problems in a LD relationship, please learn some Spanish because solid communication is your only chance of survival. Be patient, be very patient, be sure both of you understand what each is saying before tempers flare. Do not make any promise you can not keep.

The best advice is, DO NOT listen to any one tries to give you advice on this board, including myself. DO NOT listen to your friends and family. You are the only one who can decide what is right or wrong for you. Love is an emotion. This is not the first or last time you will expose your heart to disaster. Being in love with a woman in the DR and living in the US is hard, very hard, but hopefully, it can blossom into a relationship like we have and bring you happiness and joy.
Charlie & Tonya
 
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Ken

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Jan 1, 2002
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Good luck, WBALKE. No, as AZB indicated, your situation is not a common one, at least not for foreigners. I'm impressed by your description of the girl and also by fact you were chaperoned on first date.

Don't be put off by fact she doesn't earn much money according to American standards. Most college grads don't earn big money here. And you can't compare her income with that of a taxi driver in the US. He may be making more with less education simply because that is how it is in the US.
 
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dancebaby

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Jul 6, 2004
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what the....

does not one of you think its a bit much that she should be saying she is in love BEFORE even meeting the guy?? What about the next to nothing time they have spent together?? sHE IS IN LOVE WITH WHAT EXACTLY? tHE IDEA of this guy??
Of course there is no reason to end it

if she can get to the US independent of you then thats fantastic. You can go out together and get to know each other there and see how it goes.
 
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AZB

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Jan 2, 2002
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Now I am getting tired of the stupidety...

dancebaby said:
does not one of you think its a bit much that she should be saying she is in love BEFORE even meeting the guy?? What about the next to nothing time they have spent together?? sHE IS IN LOVE WITH WHAT EXACTLY? tHE IDEA of this guy??
Of course there is no reason to end it

if she can get to the US independent of you then thats fantastic. You can go out together and get to know each other there and see how it goes.
Click to expand...

This girl in question has a car and has a decent job (dominican standard) and comes from a decent family. now tell me this you DR phony experts, how many of your girlfriends or male resort friends can claim the same? Most all the foreigners hook up with dominican basura (garbage), putas, sankies, barrio sluts thus having a distorted image of dominicans.
Lets make one thing clear, not all dominicans want to leave DR, many have visas and they travel back and forth but would never leave their land for any country. Even in hard times as now, many eligible dominicans have decided to stay here. The people who are giving you negative advices have never met a decent dominican, let alone date one. Many have only visited here or even if they live here, they live in touristy towns, speak no spanish or have learned barrio puta version dialect which resembles spanish.
Listen to me again, you have found a woman who is far better than most expats will ever meet. These expats that are questioning her secret motives are all full of "sh*t". they have no idea what decent dominicans are all about. Just listen to them speak spanish and you will see what class of dominicans they socialize with. If she is really after visa then she doesn't really need you. How many foreigners would pass a woman like this for another? Think about that.
Enough said. Go for her and get to know her better.
AZB
 
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AnnaC

Gold
Jan 2, 2002
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Time tells all.
I'll throw a money wrench into his. The problem with meeting people on the internet is that you never know how many other people they have contacted and for what reason. If she searched you out that means she did a search under people from the "United States" .


She is anxious for me to meet her father who lives in NY. But I am very reluctant, but he and I did speak several times via the phone. When her grand mother (who lives in NY during the summer) returned form the DR my friend sent a gift package for me. The package includes cigars, candy and photos. I went to her father's home to pick up the package. Her father and I seemed to get along well.
Click to expand...

The last sentence confuses me. How can you get along with her Dad if you haven't met yet?

So enjoy and I wish you all the best but keep your eyes and ears opened.
 
carlos

carlos

Super Moderator
Staff member
May 29, 2002
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I think what happened was that he eventually did meet the father.

Just take it one day at a time. Why she selected to speak to you can be anyone's guess, but it could be that she just wanted to talk to someone that was not from her DR circle; it could be anything.

Also, listen to what AZB is saying, he is pretty much on point. Many of the tourist that visit the country do not socialize with the real dominicans.
 
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jadedamerican

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Feb 26, 2004
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Seems like you have a good thing going, Nice to see something that is shed a positive light on a person from the Dominican Republic. One would never know they existed by the posts on this site. Anyway, I agree with whomever said to ignore advice from others, because the trouble with advice from others is that they are only speaking from their negative experiences or their close-minded prejudices. You know her and you do not need anyone else to validate what you feel, sometimes you just have to put things in God's hands and let him take over. If she is real or not you will find out and no one'e advice is going to help you find that out any sooner. Although the advice is positive, your relationship is between you and that young lady and that is where it should stay.

I do wonder however if the responses would have been as positive if you where a women speaking about a man, in this exact situation? HMMMM...I think not, the old boys club is always evident.
 
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