ILIGITIMATE CHILDREN?

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scaramooch

Guest
Is it true that is commom place for Dominican men to father iligitimate children out side their marriage?Some body told me "its a Dominican thing". And that mistresses are more commom place even for the average "Joe" then oppose to here in the USA where you have to afford to be a sugar daddy to the woman specially if she knows you are married, in the DR even the poor guys have mistresses, they just bring the days staples to the woman and he is in like Flynn.
 
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arcoiris

Guest
it is no more true for Dominicans than for men of other countries. it is also not true that in the USA a man has to afford to be a sugar daddy, as there are many "fatherless" children in the USA and children with fathers who pay no support. the previous is another of those posts that reinforce the bad reputation that Dominicans have undeservedly.
 
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arcoiris

Guest
there are two questions. you answered as if there were one. one is a comparison between men of different cultures. is it true that an American man has to prove he will be a sugar dadddy before he can father a child?
 
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gio

Guest
There are very few Dominican married men whom I know well that have not fathered kids with girlfriends AFTER their marriage. One man I know had a son when he was 26 with a 14 year-old girl. When he got married later on, he married another 14 year-old girl. When she married him, she knew about the son but she figured that what was before is before, what happens from the point of their marriage and then on would be what would matter to her. He gave her eight children. He had two with other women outside their marriage. He neither supported nor visited them. The son from his first liason was visited but not supported. When he was twelve, he asked to be adopted by his stepfather. He calls his stepfather Papa and his biological father by his first name. The son's mother eventually had 11 more children with the adopted father. The mothers are both the closest and dearest of friends. They love each other like sisters. One of the best babysitters that I ever had was the mother of 19 children. She told me that 13 were hers and the other 6 were from her husband's women in the street. She took the babies in because she is deeply religious and couldn't cast them out when her husband brought them home one by one. All of these kids know the truth about their father and adore her as their mother. I met Dominicans here who have kids in the street and their wives don't even know. My own estranged husband who won't help me pay for the divorce had a baby with his girlfriend. He lives with her and owes me child support. A relative of mine came from a father who had kids with five women. He had 25 kids. Nobody can support 25 kids unless they're rich. This guy was not. I know that not all Dominican men are the same, but, in general, I feel that there is not enough true respect for the status and value of women and children in the culture. Perhaps it was an attitude that was partly created and supported by the dictator Trujillo, who opressed his own people and, especially, women. When I see how many Dominican men disrespect their marriages and responsibilities towards their children I realize that this could not happen unless there were women in the street willing to comply. Women in these situations are worst enemies of other women. Whether they are driven to do this by poverty is a subject worthy of serious consideration. When women in the DR and similar countries get educations and job opportunities, they can maintain themselves using their brains and their work, and they can really think about whether or not they want to be mothers instead of cranking out a baby as a temporary meal ticket. How futile that is. The baby needs to eat too. As women make progress by taking their education seriously I think that there will be more positive financial changes and cultural changes and in the respect that they earn.
 
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Lyse

Guest
And a dominican man I know had a son when he was 32 with a 13 year-old girl (did not recognize that son, doesn't support him) and at the same time he was after an 11 year-old girl and had another 13 year-old girlfriend. He has never supported the 2 girls he had before from 2 other different girls and the story goes on and on....
 
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arcoiris

Guest
Re: Gio, what a story!

What a story! Are you trying to say this is typical for Dominican men? that many children?? by so many different girls? he seems very unusual to me. the only case I've heard similar is the singer Julio Jaramillo. and a guy on the Sally Jessse Rafael show.
 
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Dee DeMusis

Guest
THANKS FOR THE OORTUNITY TO ADD MY TWO PESOS WORTH:

I am having a serious problem listening to someof these temper tantrums. In re illegitimate children...there are no such people: they are living breathing human beings...it's just that their parents are not married...some get around to it, others don't. That doesn't mean that the kids are not lawful or should be denied rights. Please stop all the trashing of Dominicans and their men-- I happen to love mine very much.

I live [and love] in the Big Apple. I have heard DOminicans described as dogs, thieves, and other such miscreant terms. BASTA YA !!!!!!!!! THERE ARE MAL CRIADOS IN EVERY COUNTRY...THERE ARE ALSO GOOD DOMINICANS...CAN WE PLEASE HEAR ABOUT SOME OF THEM[AND LET'S NOT FORGET SAMMY SOSA] THE "N" WORD DOES NOT APPLY TO A RACE...BUT AN ATTITUDE.

deE
 
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Loren

Guest
I could add to the list with people I know personally, but the point is well made. Actually it is not as bad in the DR as in some other countries, as in the DR there are better job opportunities for women because the economy is less agricultural and less subsistence based than some other countries, and women's rights are protected more so than in some other countries I have visited.

What is the solution to this infidelity problem? I mean real executable solutions, not platitudes.
 
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No more.

Guest
re: Now LOREN is starting CHAT?!?!

Loren, you of all people should know better. Take the chat to the other board. Discuss your social solutions elsewhere and leave this board for legitimate information.
 
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arcoiris

Guest
Re: re: Now LOREN is starting CHAT?!?!

I consider Loren's query about real solutions to the infidelity problem to be important. It is Dominican related, and it calls for real creative, constructive thinking about something that may help the Dominicans. I realize this calls for discussion and free expression to hash it out and come to a consensus. This is why we created the other board, and I honestly suggest we try travel.to/dr to discuss Loren's post. Can somebody cut and paste it there, please?
 
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GabyCruz

Guest
This message goes to Arcoiris and Dee Demusis. Unfortunaltely having concubines and ilegitimate children is a very sad reality in my country, it is part of the culture and actually a sense of pride for the dominican man. It is called the Patriarcal sindrome" were a macho man shows his might by habing ilegitimate children as many they can have, and as many concubine as they can afford. I come from a family like that,my Grand father Leopoldo Espaillat is said to have 62 children with 18 ladies about 4 marriages and the rest were concubines. My father have 13 kids one wife 3 concubines my uncle 10 and so the story goes and I could be here alla night . so do not waste your time defending Dominican man they are like that by nature .
 
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Lyse

Guest
Let's say you are honest, something rare for a dominican man. About that dominican culture, nature, do you think it can be changed? Do you think dominican men still want the same pattern for their own daughters (recognized or not)?
 
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Natasha

Guest
What a waste...

Listen Gaby, I for one do not come from a family like the one you are describing, and I don't think I am the exception. Some of you are so quick to generalize...but then again, what's new.
 
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arcoiris

Guest
Re: this is a legitimate issue...

this is a legitimate issue to take, at this point to the other board. Shall we? www.travel.to/dr board #1
 
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Tired of it!

Guest
Re: this is a legitimate issue... on other board

This message has been forwarded to the other board. Those interested can go to <A HREF="http://www3.bravenet.com/forum/fetch.php?id=2446157&userid=XC87864">http://www3.bravenet.com/forum/fetch.php?id=2446157&userid=XC87864</A> or click on the link below.
 
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Martine

Guest
I gather by your response you are not one of those men whose has a wife, several concubibes, and many, many children ?
 
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scaramooch

Guest
Gaby, how many do you have. if so does your wife know about? Or I suppose you are the only one in your family that is true blue?