going to the doctor with "adult" kids, in US and DR

linamia

"an unexamined life is not worth living"
Jan 2, 2002
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My daughter, Sara (18 years old) has been sick for over a week. I took her to the emergency room last week, as I was registering her the clerk asked me her age and informed me that she had to signed her own papers now, because she was an ?adult? and she should decide if she wanted the doctors to share information with me. I told her, and whom do you think is going to pay the bill? She laughed and told me it will only get harder for you from now on, she wasn?t kidding.

As I was walking into the room to see the doctor, they asked Sara who had a very bad throat infection, other symptoms and could barely nod, if she wanted me in the room. At this point I was ready to punch the nurse, but I kept my cool. Sara scared out of her mind because she has never been real sick before and this time she was totally out, rolls her eyes at me, she knows exactly what I am thinking. Once we enter the nurse directs all her questions at Sara totally ignoring me, Sara can?t talk she can?t even swallow her saliva, so she is getting annoyed now, besides, she has never managed her health info so she looks at me for guidance. I go into mother overdrive and handle the questions ---yes she was a post term c-section baby c- section for failure to progress (I make no impression on the nurse with my medical terminology) all of her youth health problems dates and so on, the symptoms she has been feeling for last week etc etc? To all my effort the nurse tells me you know after I do the my thing a Teen facilitator will come in and ask questions at that point you have to leave. I was like sure ok in the words of every teen out there ?whaaaaaateveeeeeeeeeeeer? accompany by the rolling of the eyes. :cross-eye

The facilitator has her turn with Sara. My daughter comes back into waiting room to beg me to come back as she can?t really talk and she is counting on me to talk to the doc. The doctor comes in and finally some one with sense who wants to talk to the parent. I answer all kinds of questions express my concern at what they keep calling a viral infection, that nothing can be done but ride it out. This seems to be the common diagnosis nowadays everything is a viral infection that one has to let run its course. I ask the doctor why all this hostility towards parents in the hospital nowadays she says is not hostility is that patients over 18 are consider adults and they have rights. I said well that is fine and dandy but when your child is sick you forget that they are 18, 25 or 56. She says I totally understand, but we are concern about the young adults feeling like we care and we can help them.


I ask Sara what the teen facilitator talked to her about (you didn?t think I wasn?t going to ask did you? :devious: ) she said Maaaaaaaaaaa you are so noisy, yes I am, that is how I know what is going on in your life, my job. She told me the facilitator ask about sex and depression and informed her that they have a Teen Rap Center that offers treatment for health maintenance, pregnancy concerns, reproductive care, HIV testing, sexual transmitted diseases and give them info about birth control. Physicians, Nurse Practitioners, Physician Assistants, Social Workers, Health Educators, and Medical Assistants run the center. This is all free all you need is your student ID. The part that annoyed me, is this ?Parental consent is NOT needed for sexually-related concerns or health care.? This program is for kids from 13 and up. So for those of you who are saying what is she talking about her daughter is 18, she is an ?adult?. Yes she is an adult but13 is not an adult and the program starts at 13. The program seems like a good thing but why exclude the parent why not set up a program where the parents are involved as well. Many parent believe it or not talk to their teens inform them of the options and the responsibilities of being sexually active. I have been talking to Sara for years because she is such a mature person I have talked to her openly about many things at a very early time.

The DR content, besides that I am a Dominican mom raising my girls with some of the values my parents raised me. In the DR Those of you who have young adults what are the procedure for medical care for young adults? Has anyone else gone thru this, am I just a parent that doesn?t want to let go? Would a program like this work in DR? Are Teens given too much rights and not enough responsibilities? (I believe in the US they are).

I while ago there was a thread about sexual education in the DR. I strongly agree that such programs are good, but the parent can?t and shouldn?t be excluded. As parents we have to take responsibility to talk to our children to inform them early on about the choices they will have to make and the outcome of such choices. I don?t want an outside agency to exclude me from talking to my daughters about such things from listening to their thoughts, and giving them guidance.

Lina
This having ?adults? kids is new to me?..Help!!!
 
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Mirador

On Permanent Vacation!
Apr 15, 2004
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Here's an infallible folk (Taino) remedy for healing a sore throat: take four equal parts (volume) of fresh lime juice, bees honey, spirits (rum), and fresh aloe vera 'crystal' (the transparent gel-like inner part of the leaf). Shake well, and take small sips during the day.

Regarding your hospital odyssey, it doesn't sound like a hospital in the DR. My own rule of thumb is that you have direct responsibility and decision for any dependent child or adult in your houshold, don't matter what the 'law' ('take it or leave it!) says.
 

Escott

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Jan 14, 2002
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Dear Lina,
I understand your frustrations however I also understand why they are trying to empower the 18 year old girls and exclude you.

I think you are one fine lady and one fine mother but others out there in your situation are not. They are trying to discuss personal health issues with young ladies without the parents intimidation. In a lot of cases this is needed to help kids with overbearing parents and that is the reason for these actions.

Would you have felt the same way had your husband taken your daughter to the emergency room? Do you think she would openly discuss things as she would with you?

Good questions to ask yourself when you are not involved personally as I just asked myself.

I love you and am not giving you a hard time. Just an outsiders view on your frustrations which I appreciate.

Escott
 

linamia

"an unexamined life is not worth living"
Jan 2, 2002
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Scott, I understand the need for the center. I have tried to think back to when I was a teen and how I would have felt to have this available back then (in the ice age lol) the thing that struck me as odd was that they were pushing this program when clearly what this kid need at the moment was medical care for her symptoms. That they give her this speech when she goes there on a regular check up would have been more appropriate.

Is making the program so readily available for 13 year olds a good choice? Especially when they tell these young people you do not need your parent?s permission, they do not have to know. What I allow my 18 y/o is not by any means what I would allow my 13 y/o to do. For example Sara is allowed to stay out till 1:00 am if she out with my permission and she has followed the rules of going out. Would I let Ambar (12 years old) to stay out that late? Would I want Ambar to got to a sex clinic and get info about sex and so on and I not to know about it. Hell no!! I guess what I am saying is at 18 you may have a lot more the information and knowledge to make such choices I doubt you would at 13.

I have lived away from DR for over 30 years so I have no idea how teens are informed or educated about sex there from a medical and social standpoint. I guess one of the questions I would like to ask is how would parents living in DR handle a program such as this? Would they be ok with their young children being ?empowered? with such programs? Would this help the teen pregnancy in DR? Does making the program so anti-parents make it fare to those parents who talk to their kids, who help their kids make informed decisions?
 

Hillbilly

Moderator
Jan 1, 2002
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The "WHY" of the teen center is in today's El Caribe

Go to the on-line version and look at the story on teen pregnancies in Guayacanes: So far this year there have been 15 cases, and last year there were just 20 (reported)

HB :p Veteran PAPA!!
 

Mirador

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Apr 15, 2004
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Linamia, I can assure you that such programs would be unacceptable from the standpoint of DR parents. The empowerment of the individual and the consequent disempowerment of parents and family values for that matter in the US is ideologically based and is directed to atomize society for the benefit of big government and corporate interests. Fight it! :bandit:
 

linamia

"an unexamined life is not worth living"
Jan 2, 2002
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Hillbilly said:
Go to the on-line version and look at the story on teen pregnancies in Guayacanes: So far this year there have been 15 cases, and last year there were just 20 (reported)

HB :p Veteran PAPA!!

very sad HB, very sad. But as parents we need to talk talk and then talk some more. My god 12 is way too young to be active.

Mirador,

The information is good but I know that parent should still be involved. Something has to be done to keep this youngsters from having kids at 13.

Lina
 

Rick Snyder

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Nov 19, 2003
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As I see it

Lina I can sympathize with you as the role of parenthood seems to live on forever. The problem lies in the fact that somewhere in life a person must be responsible for themselves and the laws of different countries has established the ages for this changeover. From your OP I assume you are writing from the USA as the DR unfortunately doesn?t have all the programs as you mentioned. It is the parent?s responsibility to teach all the things that you mentioned but because of all the teen pregnancies, HIV cases etc., the parents seem to not be doing what they are required to do and the government and NGO?s have taken it upon themselves to do that which so many parents fail to do. I commend you on being a good parent and caring as much as you do and if there were more parents like you then the world would not be in the shape that it is in.

Quote by linamia:
Are Teens given too much rights and not enough responsibilities? (I believe in the US they are).

Teens and children in general are very vulnerable to such things as verbal, physical and sexual abuse and that is why the laws are in place to help protect them. If an abuse is perpetrated against a child or teen in the USA and reported is action taken? Without a doubt and every time. If a similar abuse is perpetrated and reported here in the DR is similar action taken? Maybe and maybe not and more often not. If it is taken a little money in a hand will usually fix the problem. Try to bribe a government official or police officer in the USA and see where it gets you. Having said that then the question is which is better, the enforcement of the laws protecting children or the non-enforcement?

As to your question concerning responsibility. Here in the DR I agree that young adults are not given enough responsibility. This is especially true for the male population starting at an early age. The female population on the other hand is usually given the responsibility and forced to do dishes, clean house, attend siblings, cook and whatever else the parents want without that child having the pleasure to live the life of being a child. IMHO it is this childhood that is so very important for the well being of a child and it cannot be repeated at a latter date. If you rob a child of their childhood it is gone forever. Responsibility is something that the parents must instill and it is not the responsibility of the government, states or church to instill.

Keep up the good work of being a good parent and it will come back to reward you at a later date.
 

Chirimoya

Well-known member
Dec 9, 2002
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Lina, I can understand your frustration in those particular circumstances. The staff could have been more sensitive to the fact that in that case the patient needed her mother for support.

As for the 13+ programme, if the DR had that sort of facility there would be fewer teenage pregnancies and STDs, and that's no bad thing.
 

Larry

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Mar 22, 2002
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Lina,

I think your episode in the hospital was a little rediculous up until the point where the teen facilitator requested you to leave the room. That I completely understand and agree with. I feel that even at 13, a girl has to be in charge of her own body. You can only guide a child so much and you wont be in the room when she has her first sexual encounter. The decisions she makes that day will be ultimately up to her. The point I am trying to make is that a child, even at 13 has the right to privacy on cetain things and her body is one of them. A mother being in the room during questioning might make the child uncomfortable and cause her to be less than truthful. Besides, the fact that she realizes that she is alone during such a session should probably reinforce in her mind that the responsibility of her body rests entire on her shouders and that there are certain decisions that her parents cannot make for her.

Larry