I have been reading your post over the last few days. I fit some of your profiles of a lost cause. I have a K-3 visa in process, for my wife to come over to n.y. ... However , I am having trust issues concerning her . Same routine mentioned in many post here .. She is hanging out a lot with family and friends , always somewhere to go ......I can'nt seem to geet a handle on it at all , because, I get the royal treatment from family and friends...I know where she hangs out , I know all the people and friends...I figured she was tried of being in the house all the time with the kids...and very hot headed over small things ...Will It be differant over here in N.Y. City or do I Keep over there untilI feel more sure. Please be very honest...........
- Thread starter redy2sin
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dominican wife, N.Y. husband need help
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I met her thought her sister , who meet a friend of mine ....I've known and visited her for three years ..... and I am 42 and she is 28yrs. ..I've been a dog in the past so , I am thinking the hen has come home to roost... I was married by the justice of the peace , and in church. .. I hope, I am not sounding stupid for saying so , but she said that if you marry in church , its for love and life.....I don't know the customs.. I should have done more research.....any help and honesty will be appreciated..
miguel said:
I met her thought her sister , who meet a friend of mine ....I've known and visited her for three years ..... and I am 42 and she is 28yrs. ..I've been a dog in the past so , I am thinking the hen has come home to roost... I was married by the justice of the peace , and in church. .. I hope, I am not sounding stupid for saying so , but she said that if you marry in church , its for love and life.....I don't know the customs.. I should have done more research.....any help and honesty will be appreciated..
Man!
All I can tell you is that you are old enough to know what is it that you want from a relationship.
If you are having trusting issues, in my book, when that starts, it's time to "organize" your thoughts and think if the relationship is worth it.
Was she doing such things before you married her?. Is she was, why did you married a person that wants to be out all the time.
I hope that she is not giving you the famous "his is my cousin" comment while going out with some friends.
If you are uneasy at this early stage, better count your blessings now and end it before it's tto late. And yes, there is a possibility that she would act the same way, or worse, after she gets here.
Good luck but if I were you, I would start thinking of a way to get out of this situation. Harsh but I rather end something now and not keep on hurting every single time she goes out and me not knowing what's she is up to. Where is her respect for you and your feelings?.
All I can tell you is that you are old enough to know what is it that you want from a relationship.
If you are having trusting issues, in my book, when that starts, it's time to "organize" your thoughts and think if the relationship is worth it.
Was she doing such things before you married her?. Is she was, why did you married a person that wants to be out all the time.
I hope that she is not giving you the famous "his is my cousin" comment while going out with some friends.
If you are uneasy at this early stage, better count your blessings now and end it before it's tto late. And yes, there is a possibility that she would act the same way, or worse, after she gets here.
Good luck but if I were you, I would start thinking of a way to get out of this situation. Harsh but I rather end something now and not keep on hurting every single time she goes out and me not knowing what's she is up to. Where is her respect for you and your feelings?.
Some red flags there..
1) Her desire to be out and about all the time.. you should look into with whom she goes out and what all the time is.. a married woman should not be going out all the time...
2) Married in church.. not for the law.. she might already be married..
3) When sehe comes to NY there is a possibility she'll do a runner asap.. with you holding the bag..
4) In general.. whne you start feeling uneasy it is usually not without a reason..
My opinion; look deeper at her behaviour, evaluate this, ask if you can live with it in NY (I know of some men who tolerate a loose wife here in The Netherlands; so if that's your choice so be it) and make a decision.. do not expect her to change when she comes to NY..
Good luck!
1) Her desire to be out and about all the time.. you should look into with whom she goes out and what all the time is.. a married woman should not be going out all the time...
2) Married in church.. not for the law.. she might already be married..
3) When sehe comes to NY there is a possibility she'll do a runner asap.. with you holding the bag..
4) In general.. whne you start feeling uneasy it is usually not without a reason..
My opinion; look deeper at her behaviour, evaluate this, ask if you can live with it in NY (I know of some men who tolerate a loose wife here in The Netherlands; so if that's your choice so be it) and make a decision.. do not expect her to change when she comes to NY..
Good luck!
Read the signs
redy2sin,
I dated a girl for 4 1/2 years (we're no longer together), who I now have a son with. There were nights when she would receive calls at 11:00pm, and 1:30 am, claiming it was one of her cousins. I found out later that her husband, who had passed away just 2 months prior to us dating, was actually her cousin as well. I saw the signs, but my heart wouldn't allow me to pay attention to them.
redy2sin,
I dated a girl for 4 1/2 years (we're no longer together), who I now have a son with. There were nights when she would receive calls at 11:00pm, and 1:30 am, claiming it was one of her cousins. I found out later that her husband, who had passed away just 2 months prior to us dating, was actually her cousin as well. I saw the signs, but my heart wouldn't allow me to pay attention to them.
the mere fact that you 're already reaching out for help in this "relationship" and doubt her ..should be a red flag. from what i hear from my friends who are new yorkers like me...she'll most likely bail out on you once she's here..she'll become "americanized" and not the same person..if you want a relationship with a dominican lady..move there..better yet find one here in new york..good luck to you and don't feel guilty..
redy2sin, when you say that you "figured she was tried of being in the house all the time with the kids..." are these your kids? If yes, then this is more complicated than, hey I'm dumping her.
You also indicated that she's "very hot headed over small things" which to me seems to indicate a lack of patience with you. This and the fact that she's not trying to comfort you (presumably the working man in NY who's looking after her) and put your mind at ease are troubling to me.
So, if they're not your kids and she has little patience with you and doesn't care to ease your suspicions I say DUMP HER! Eeasy for me to say since I'm not the one in love with her (I'm assuming you have a ton of desire for this woman otherwise you wouldn't be going through all this trouble). Nevertheless, a neutral person like myself (although I don't know her side of it) says, you met her by chance and you can meet another one just the same.
You also indicated that she's "very hot headed over small things" which to me seems to indicate a lack of patience with you. This and the fact that she's not trying to comfort you (presumably the working man in NY who's looking after her) and put your mind at ease are troubling to me.
So, if they're not your kids and she has little patience with you and doesn't care to ease your suspicions I say DUMP HER! Eeasy for me to say since I'm not the one in love with her (I'm assuming you have a ton of desire for this woman otherwise you wouldn't be going through all this trouble). Nevertheless, a neutral person like myself (although I don't know her side of it) says, you met her by chance and you can meet another one just the same.
No offense, but you sound a little naiive. Does this woman have friends/relatives in NYC? She may jet towards them as soon as she gets here. She probably has a plan hatched, and with the help of her family as well. The cousin thing should be a sign.
I have "caught" an old girlfriend giving me the same line when I would call and some guy would pick up her cell phone. "Oh, he's my cousin". If she is going out with her cousins they are more than likely her boyfriends. If she is going out all the time she is being promiscuous, no if ands or buts about it. I hate to say it like this but I know all of the telltale signs.
I have hung out with girls who have schooled me on what they say to their international boyfriends. It is all the same. brother, I hate to break it to you, but you are in the process of getting played.
Does she have any marketable job skills? What about her educational beackground? Does she know any english? Fill us in a little more about these things so that maybe someone on this forum can give you better advice.
I have "caught" an old girlfriend giving me the same line when I would call and some guy would pick up her cell phone. "Oh, he's my cousin". If she is going out with her cousins they are more than likely her boyfriends. If she is going out all the time she is being promiscuous, no if ands or buts about it. I hate to say it like this but I know all of the telltale signs.
I have hung out with girls who have schooled me on what they say to their international boyfriends. It is all the same. brother, I hate to break it to you, but you are in the process of getting played.
Does she have any marketable job skills? What about her educational beackground? Does she know any english? Fill us in a little more about these things so that maybe someone on this forum can give you better advice.
When she comes to NYC and get herself one of those cleaning jobs, she's outta there. The only reason she'll stay if she is dependent on your income and you are not bitching to much. Also, god forgive if you have to get divorced in NYC, oouuchh!! Alimony & Child-Supportredy2sin said:
Are any of those kids yours??
You better watch out my friend!
From a NY'er with a Dominican Wife.
Hola redy2sin!
1st off, we need more background info?
How did you meet?
How long did you go steady?
How long was the engagement?
Has it always been long distance, or did you live here for some time?
How many kids & what ages?
Who are the children?s father?
Do they have 1 father, or are they all fathered by different people?
Was she ever Married before?
Is she Legally Divorced?
Are you thinking of divorce?
What are you goals for this relationship?
You mentioned that you were a ?Dog? at some point. Could your insecurities be driven by your previous actions in past relationships?
What is the opinion of people around her, as far as your relationship.
A good thermometer is to watch how a Mom treats her kids, it?s a good indication of what you?ll be receiving.
Tim H.
Hola redy2sin!
1st off, we need more background info?
How did you meet?
How long did you go steady?
How long was the engagement?
Has it always been long distance, or did you live here for some time?
How many kids & what ages?
Who are the children?s father?
Do they have 1 father, or are they all fathered by different people?
Was she ever Married before?
Is she Legally Divorced?
Are you thinking of divorce?
What are you goals for this relationship?
You mentioned that you were a ?Dog? at some point. Could your insecurities be driven by your previous actions in past relationships?
What is the opinion of people around her, as far as your relationship.
A good thermometer is to watch how a Mom treats her kids, it?s a good indication of what you?ll be receiving.
Tim H.
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Berzin said:
i agreed with Berzin,,, she's most definitely playing you big time. Just dump her and be happy that she's not in NY. At first you'll feel guilty or sad but afterwards you will be so happy that you did not bring her here to NY. Stop the papers immediately and feel relieve. Then take a trip, unannouced, and go visit her. Go see what she's doing and catch her by surprise. Catch a late flight at night on a wknd and see what's she's up to when you arrive at her house.
Best of luck. Hope you can get out of this.
I once met, dated someone in santo domingo. Almost every wknd i would call at night and she would be out with friends to the bars, discos. And if i called during the day she would say that she had plans already for the night with
'friends.' Well, true or not if it was with friends or amiguito, what happened was that she was seeing that she was not going to get anything out of me so we stop communicating. I never called her back and she never called me back. I think she sensed she had no opportunity to come to NY with me so she probably found someone that she might have better luck.
I once met, dated someone in santo domingo. Almost every wknd i would call at night and she would be out with friends to the bars, discos. And if i called during the day she would say that she had plans already for the night with
'friends.' Well, true or not if it was with friends or amiguito, what happened was that she was seeing that she was not going to get anything out of me so we stop communicating. I never called her back and she never called me back. I think she sensed she had no opportunity to come to NY with me so she probably found someone that she might have better luck.[/QUOTE]
Everyone who is considering dating a dominican woman should read the post I quoted.
I hate to say this because it makes me feel like I have no heart but it is really the same with so many of these dominican girls that its pathetic. I once thought of seriously dating a dominican woman but from what I have gathered from so many people and of course my own personal experience it is just not worth it.
So I will go there to relax and act the fool as often as I can with whomever I like and the hell with the rest. Don't bring it home with you and you will be just fine. You can feel sorry for the poverty some of these girls suffer only to a certain extent.
'friends.' Well, true or not if it was with friends or amiguito, what happened was that she was seeing that she was not going to get anything out of me so we stop communicating. I never called her back and she never called me back. I think she sensed she had no opportunity to come to NY with me so she probably found someone that she might have better luck.[/QUOTE]
Everyone who is considering dating a dominican woman should read the post I quoted.
I hate to say this because it makes me feel like I have no heart but it is really the same with so many of these dominican girls that its pathetic. I once thought of seriously dating a dominican woman but from what I have gathered from so many people and of course my own personal experience it is just not worth it.
So I will go there to relax and act the fool as often as I can with whomever I like and the hell with the rest. Don't bring it home with you and you will be just fine. You can feel sorry for the poverty some of these girls suffer only to a certain extent.
So which is it? On one thread some you same guys are talking about how perfect Dominican women are as oppose to the evil North American women. Now you guys are dogging this man's wife. Has she been "amerianized" before setting foot on the plane. :surprised
I had a friend of mine from Miami. He married a Dominicana. He also had a wife in Miami. He figured that when he came here he would be with her, and in Miami with his other wife. He got tired fast of the Dominican wife and wanted out.
I called her one-day at 4 AM. I told her I had to see her right away. I went to her apt. and told her that I just received a call from her husband?s brother and he is dead. I said he got killed in a robbery. I also told her that the family is getting her a ticket to Miami for the Funeral. Of course this is B.S. as she has no Visa. But it sounded good. He had to change his phone numbers, but it worked. She called me about ten times to find out if he left her any money. Another Gem!
I called her one-day at 4 AM. I told her I had to see her right away. I went to her apt. and told her that I just received a call from her husband?s brother and he is dead. I said he got killed in a robbery. I also told her that the family is getting her a ticket to Miami for the Funeral. Of course this is B.S. as she has no Visa. But it sounded good. He had to change his phone numbers, but it worked. She called me about ten times to find out if he left her any money. Another Gem!