Why do women fall for sankies?

Natash

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I watched a show on television today about "Inside-Outside" romances(romances between prison inmates and free individuals).
These people usually meet over internet dating sites where the inmates post their profiles.Other times, (mostly) women seek out inmates through other means and contact them to initiate a relationship.
Some of these relationships last YEARS with one person inside and one person outside. Sometimes, they cant even meet. Other times, they have short and infrequent visits. On occasion, they get married while the inmate is still incarcerated (apparently married men have better chances at parole).
This show made me wonder: why in the world would women walk knowingly into a relationship with someone who is totally "unavailable" to love them back? Why would a woman be with someone who cannot spend time with her, or do any of the things that people do in "normal relationships"?
I think the answer is this: women are suckers for fantasy. These women create fantasies about these men and their relationship and this is strong enough to sustain years without reality.
Why am I posting this here? I think most of you already know where I am going with this.
The reason women so frequently fall for sankies is the same. Fantasy. The short amount of time they spend with the sankie (even if the relationship lasts years, there are usually only week long visits and phonecalls) and the idealic environment of a vacation are conductive to creating a fantasy. The woman goes home and elaborates on it, creating a beautiful story of love that sustains her for long and fullfill hers more than the flawed reality of real, proximal relationships.
It doesnt help, of course, that the sankie (and the inmate) do their best to present themselves in a way that supports the fantasty. It is easy to represent yourself as the knight in shining armour when all you have to do is write pretty letters or say sweet things on the phone once in a while. The same type of charade would be much harder to pull off in "real life".

To extend this idea, in the movie "Meet Joe Black", an old Jamaican lady tries to explain to joe black that fantasy and reality can never really compete; Fantasy always wins. When you're on vacation, because of the short amount of time you spent there, you dont get to experience the bad parts of the island life (or of the sankie) and you leave with an unrealistic (fantastical) image of perfection. Here is a quote (its written with a " Jamaican accent") :
It nice it happen to you. It like
you came to Cat Island and you had
a holiday, sun didn't burn you red,
just brown, sleep no mosquito eat
you, rum no pound you head nex' day.
But trut' is, dat bound to happen,
you stay long enough. So tak dat
nice picture home wi' you, but don'
be fooled. We lonely here mostly,
too. If we lucky, we got some nice
pictures.



The feelings of women toward their sankies (and in my controversial view, many long distance relationships) are built on a foundation of fantasy. It is because this fantasy is so elaborate, so ideallic and so fulfilling that these women find it hard to separate from it. Its just so much better to fantasize about perfection than to live in reality.
I hope that sometime, someone will read this post and see her own feelings in a new way.
 

0oBambinao0

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Jul 28, 2005
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T'is Sad, T'is True

Natash said:
....To extend this idea, in the movie "Meet Joe Black", an old Jamaican lady tries to explain to joe black that fantasy and reality can never really compete; Fantasy always wins. When you're on vacation, because of the short amount of time you spent there, you dont get to experience the bad parts of the island life (or of the sankie) and you leave with an unrealistic (fantastical) image of perfection. Here is a quote (its written with a " Jamaican accent") :
It nice it happen to you. It like
you came to Cat Island and you had
a holiday, sun didn't burn you red,
just brown, sleep no mosquito eat
you, rum no pound you head nex' day.
But trut' is, dat bound to happen,
you stay long enough. So tak dat
nice picture home wi' you, but don'
be fooled. We lonely here mostly,
too. If we lucky, we got some nice
pictures.

The feelings of women toward their sankies (and in my controversial view, many long distance relationships) are built on a foundation of fantasy. It is because this fantasy is so elaborate, so ideallic and so fulfilling that these women find it hard to separate from it. Its just so much better to fantasize about perfection than to live in reality.
I hope that sometime, someone will read this post and see her own feelings in a new way.

We all desreve a tangiable, real, flesh-and blood human being to share our all-too-short time on this earth with. Can fantasy really compete?
 

DominicanScotty

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Jun 12, 2004
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The human mind and spirit is truly amazing

Why people do what they do is beyond comprehension. I see it everyday as I work in a (correctional facility). Young, attractive women lining up in the rain, snow, sleet, heat! You name it they are there wearing their skin tight spandex pants exposing everything though the thin material that the world can see. Carrying bags of goodies for their lover inside in one arm and a newborn in the other with a group of toddlers walking along behind her. It's not always women that do this, there are men that do it at the female facility as well. There was this one guy that I know of that was a correction officer who fell in love with a female inmate that was in prison for....ready for this? Killing her boyfriend and now doing life without a chance for parole..ever! This guy quit his job after working there for many years, throwing away his pension and benefits so that he can marry and now get to stand on line at the prison entrance so he can get that once a month sex visit with his wife that he will never see on the outside. What is it that drives them to do this? I don't know...it is truly a mystery. However, there is this need to fill a hole somewhere in their life! To each their own! Live and let live!!!
 

shadInToronto

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Nov 16, 2003
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Sankie lovers absolved

Natash said:
The feelings of women toward their sankies (and in my controversial view, many long distance relationships) are built on a foundation of fantasy. It is because this fantasy is so elaborate, so ideallic and so fulfilling that these women find it hard to separate from it. Its just so much better to fantasize about perfection than to live in reality.
I hope that sometime, someone will read this post and see her own feelings in a new way.
If I understand this correctly then, all sankie loving Pillbsbury women are now not responsible for their involvement with sankies. Their innate desire to seek an ideallic relationship while on vacation justifies their relationship with sankies and their subsequent fleecing.

Very interesting analysis but, I still think they are a few cards short of a full deck. :classic:
 

duhtree

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Jun 2, 2003
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On my last visit to the D.R. I was more aware than usual of the action between sanky's and their women. I watched them in the disco's, on the beach, and somewhat less, around town. You know what I saw? Women getting affection. Not in the blantant guy-puta way but in a more attentive, sexual, loving way. They were dancing, laughing, flirting. Doing those things that are inside them but never get to be expressed because of the shallowness of their home countries values. Getting something that they can't, don't get at home. Because they don't fit the stereo type of mtv,gq, or whatever. Yeah, they are marks.
Now if any of you he-men think you can woo, wine and dine, and make love or have sex with these sanky loving women please take 1 giant step forward. Gee! no one stepping.
Look, we all NEED touching, affection and from time to time some loving. It's a human condition. They were happy for a brief moment. They twinkled.
And believe you me at that point there isn't any illusion on their part. But it is a pretty damn good deal. And we all know what makes a good deal. When both parties are happy with the exchange.
Then comes the aftermath. And therein lies the problem. Both men and
women get lost in the myth. And discover a deeper, more desperate lonely-ness where nothing-ness is to high a price to pay.
Now to the extent that these kinds of experiences expose us to pain and suffering of a magnitude greater than what was before I see these men and women as braver and stronger then most of us.
Just some musings on my part. John
 

Malibook

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Jan 23, 2002
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Women who go away and have some good times with sankies and leave it at that don't feel compelled to write about it as it is no big deal.

We only hear about the problem cases, which I would hope are the vast minority.

Malibook said:
Sankies serve a purpose.
They are only a problem for those who fall in love with them.
Some people simply use them and go home.
Simply practice the 3 Fs.
Find 'em, f*ck 'em, and forget 'em.
 

DominicanScotty

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Its not just sankies.....

it can be anyone because it is the atmosphere. A buddy and I met up with a group of young pretty girls on a cruise ship. They were out for a great time and so were we. We drank, danced, drank some more and then some... While we were unboarding the ship my friend tried to get one of their phone numbers. The chick laughed and said "never in your lifetime chump, thanks for the sex". The same goes for chicas and chicos that go away for a vacation. They want to be able to do that wild and nasty thing then go back to that life (whatever it is, wherever it is) on the other end of their flight!

To each their own, live and let live!
 

jellylegs2002

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whay!

DominicanScotty said:
it can be anyone because it is the atmosphere. A buddy and I met up with a group of young pretty girls on a cruise ship. They were out for a great time and so were we. We drank, danced, drank some more and then some... While we were unboarding the ship my friend tried to get one of their phone numbers. The chick laughed and said "never in your lifetime chump, thanks for the sex". The same goes for chicas and chicos that go away for a vacation. They want to be able to do that wild and nasty thing then go back to that life (whatever it is, wherever it is) on the other end of their flight!

To each their own, live and let live!

thank you, somebody who has obviously been watching everyday life! its funny how these guys we call sankies get so much stick, yet the guys and girls back at home would so the same if they had the chance to. I was talking with a friend of mine about it, and we were saying how in a club at home, a guy will try it on with u, and its just because it is not exactly accepted for a guy to take home a different girl every night (not that it doesn
t happen) that he doesn't ask her to, but in all honesty, if the girl were to say i'll come back with u, theres no way that guy would say no. These 'sankies' the reason they can do it, is because there are so many people who are willing to. On holiday u lose ur self, and u do things u wouldn't normally do because of what people might think of you, so ur quite happy to go have a gd time. Just because these guys get the chance too, doesn't make them ne worse than ne other guy, or girl who would do the same if they had the chance. And its true the other way, that not ALL resort workers will sleep with every girl they can, as its true that not every guy at home would take a girl home even if she offered. In my opinion, its no different to ne where else in the world, just seen with different eyes because your on holiday and more easily seen than at home.
 

Nelly

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Jan 1, 2002
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The deal with Sankies is the lying and manipulation, not the sex. The fact is that they target women whom they think they can defraud. The woman thinks she found the most wonderful, sincere guy and her true love meanwhile the Sankie is laughing with all his Sankie friends, all the way to the bank, or should I say Western Union.
 

paddy

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Oct 4, 2003
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duhtree said:
On my last visit to the D.R. I was more aware than usual of the action between sanky's and their women. I watched them in the disco's, on the beach, and somewhat less, around town. You know what I saw? Women getting affection. Not in the blantant guy-puta way but in a more attentive, sexual, loving way. They were dancing, laughing, flirting. Doing those things that are inside them but never get to be expressed because of the shallowness of their home countries values. Getting something that they can't, don't get at home. Because they don't fit the stereo type of mtv,gq, or whatever. Yeah, they are marks.
Now if any of you he-men think you can woo, wine and dine, and make love or have sex with these sanky loving women please take 1 giant step forward. Gee! no one stepping.
Look, we all NEED touching, affection and from time to time some loving. It's a human condition. They were happy for a brief moment. They twinkled.
And believe you me at that point there isn't any illusion on their part. But it is a pretty damn good deal. And we all know what makes a good deal. When both parties are happy with the exchange.
Then comes the aftermath. And therein lies the problem. Both men and
women get lost in the myth. And discover a deeper, more desperate lonely-ness where nothing-ness is to high a price to pay.
Now to the extent that these kinds of experiences expose us to pain and suffering of a magnitude greater than what was before I see these men and women as braver and stronger then most of us.
Just some musings on my part. John
john...bravo ...i didn't know you had that in ya...lol.. drinks on me next time we meet.
 

Nelly

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If there is no illusion on the woman's part, then, IMHO, its really not a sankie-type situation.
 

jellylegs2002

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illusion

I agree, if the illusion on the womans part isn't there, and she knows what she is getting herself in for, then theres no deception, even if she knows that when he says "your so beautiful..." ect he doesn't mean it, she still feels happy at the fact that he said it, but she knows that it is a simple act that wont lead to marriage, and she is fine with that, because it is what it is.
 

Robert

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Nelly said:
If there is no illusion on the woman's part, then, IMHO, its really not a sankie-type situation.

The trouble is it's very rare!

I know of some of the more "astute" female board members that should know better, but still get taken, fall in love etc.

When he looks at you with those swimming pool eyes, innocent smile and is whispering sweet nothings etc.

Remember this...

He's a male hooker, he screws many woman for money or gifts, also some men, also if he can, unprotected. Your one of a few or one of many on his list of victims. The list goes on.....
 

DominicanScotty

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Jun 12, 2004
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Absolutely!

Robert said:
The trouble is it's very rare!

I know of some of the more "astute" female board members that should know better, but still get taken, fall in love etc.

When he looks at you with those swimming pool eyes, innocent smile and is whispering sweet nothings etc.

Remember this...

He's a male hooker, he screws many woman for money or gifts, also some men, also if he can, unprotected. Your one of a few or one of many on his list of victims. The list goes on.....


Don't blame the bear because he eats the salmon swimming up the river. The sankie is doing the same thing the bear does. He sits in a disco and waits for the prey (women, men, whatever) to come. He knows they will come because they always do, it is so damn predictable! It is laughable when things don't go right and the prey begins to cry "foul". What? Something is amiss? What's wrong? The sankie doesn't love me? Why, little girl, of course he does!

Once again, to each their own! Live and let live!
 

Nelly

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in keeping with the wildlife analogy...

...the bear doesn't disguise himself as a sexy, bachata dancing, smooth talking salmon, now does he? :)
 

DominicanScotty

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Nelly said:
...the bear doesn't disguise himself as a sexy, bachata dancing, smooth talking salmon, now does he? :)


No but imagine if they (bears not salmon) did, that would be scary! Come on now, these women and men come down here to have a good time, not to fall in love. However, they are inudated with smooth talking, gangster attired, homeboys that look like they just came out of a rap video. The guys are bombarded with the hottest looking women they probably ever seen. Then these hot chicas are actually oogling at them as if they too are the hottest thing happening. I see it everytime I bring out new comers to the clubs. The eyes as big as saucers, the jaw dropped wide open, the money falling out of their pockets, it has a drug like effect on them! There should be a video on the plane for people that do not know this factor and the video should be optional because many people do know what is going on down there. Unfortunately, there are many that don't.

I live here in the DR as well as in NY and my perspective is different then tourists. Not only do I see this phenomina happening all the time I also get to hear the sankies/ putas talking about their 'hunting' the night before and where they will be going tonight. It is comical the way these guys talk openly about just how stupid these tourists are!

You can be a smooth talking, bachata dancing salmon. Just don't jump into the bear's mouth.
 

Exxtol

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DominicanScotty said:
No but imagine if they (bears not salmon) did, that would be scary! Come on now, these women and men come down here to have a good time, not to fall in love. However, they are inudated with smooth talking, gangster attired, homeboys that look like they just came out of a rap video. The guys are bombarded with the hottest looking women they probably ever seen. Then these hot chicas are actually oogling at them as if they too are the hottest thing happening. I see it everytime I bring out new comers to the clubs. The eyes as big as saucers, the jaw dropped wide open, the money falling out of their pockets, it has a drug like effect on them! There should be a video on the plane for people that do not know this factor and the video should be optional because many people do know what is going on down there. Unfortunately, there are many that don't.

I live here in the DR as well as in NY and my perspective is different then tourists. Not only do I see this phenomina happening all the time I also get to hear the sankies/ putas talking about their 'hunting' the night before and where they will be going tonight. It is comical the way these guys talk openly about just how stupid these tourists are!

You can be a smooth talking, bachata dancing salmon. Just don't jump into the bear's mouth.


I'm in total agreement with you. I think the reason so many of these women/men fall for these sankies is pure and simple naivete!

A quick rule of thumb--if smooth talking, good-looking, Dominican males (and same goes for Dominican females) that would usually be OUT OF YOUR LEAGUE in your host country, are giving you the time of day and their total affection--then something is obviously a miss.
 

DominicanScotty

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So true...

Exxtol said:
I'm in total agreement with you. I think the reason so many of these women/men fall for these sankies is pure and simple naivete!

A quick rule of thumb--if smooth talking, good-looking, Dominican males (and same goes for Dominican females) that would usually be OUT OF YOUR LEAGUE in your host country, are giving you the time of day and their total affection--then something is obviously a miss.

What you just wrote is so daggone true! But as I said, the effect is intoxicating! I personally don't see anything wrong with this wacky phenomina as long as nobody is truly getting hurt. Sometimes this does happen and that really concerns me. I just want people to come down and have a great time. If they do then the entire thing was well worth it. But, you always have the ones that will never ever listen to reason and use what was given to them called common sense!
 

sunshine_79

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IMHO...

Some of the women who are not exactly pageant-types come down here and they are suddenly innundated with attention from really, really good looking men who know how to talk a good game and make empty promises sound as believable as someone saying "The sky is blue".

A lot of these women have no self esteem and have most likely been party to one, or many, failed relationships, perhaps even abusive relationships. And remember, abuse does NOT always come in the form of physical violence. The most devestating type of abuse is emotional and verbal because of the lingering emotional aftereffects. Black eyes and bruises heal but it takes a lot a hell of a lot longer to recover from somebody telling you on a daily basis that you're no good, you're fat, you're ugly and that no man would ever look at you.

Inherently, I think most of the girls and women who get sankified have little or no self esteem. When you take a woman who never gets a second glance, let alone affection and compliments, in her home country and throw her into the mix down here then what can you expect?

The sankies are brilliant in their own manipulative ways and they can sniff out a woman with no self esteem and money to burn a mile away.

Women, by nature, seem to crave more physical touching and affection than their male counterparts and this is also something the sankies know all too well.

I'm not saying that all women who are involved with sankies fit the mold I just described but there are a good deal of them who do.
 

sunshine_79

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One more thing~

A lot of women thrive on playing the role of the "rescuer". Just something to think about.