Shopping around...

I would like to choose my words carefully, so as to not suffer the wrath of those who do not like my idea, but I might just as well blurt it out and say it and take my chances.
What's wrong with doing both?
Live the lifestyle you presently do, with a constant eye out for that "special" one, and while you court her, you can continue with your normal lifestyle.
If it truly develops to be what you are dreaming for, you will just instinctively start to let go of your wandering ways and slowly settle into the long term stable relationship.

I have to agree withy Rocky. Thats what I did.

If you want a serious girl you will have to avoid any women that live anywhere near tourist areas. Get a 4-wheel drive car and drive until you have no idea where you are, then go another hour. Then you can start looking.

information.. worth its weight in GOLD

that's what I love about reading these threads... I always learn something.. and if I learn something to be aware of or to avoid.. it saves me a lot of time. I like the idea of getting off the beaten path.. is there any such place outside of Santa Domingo?

La Romana

Try La Romana, it works for me. Just take a look at the Media Gallery, or e-mail me for details.

Chuckuindy

Off the beaten path, or not...

I believe that other than the big cities, tourist towns are the ideal place for finding your dream gal.
Dominican tourists come to tourist towns as well and it's always easier to meet a woman, anywhere in the world, when she's away from her regular environment, regular schedules, job, responsibilities, family, etc.
The true secret lies in speaking the lingo.
First, you can carry a conversation, and you can quickly determine what type of person you are talking to.
Go to Sosua beach on the weekends and see for yourself.
If you go live in Santo Domingo, Santiago, Moca, La Vega, San Francisco or Barahona, perhaps your chances are even greater, but, again, you must have a good command of the language.
And living in those big cities is quite a penalty to pay, just to slightly improve your odds.

A very sincere message...

Berzin,

From the tasteful post and in depth description you took the time to express your concern, I am certain that you are a good guy who is now "ready" for phase #2 of life.

I will respond to your post not as a guy talking (or typing) to another guy, but rather in a very personal tone. I would appreciate any nonsensical comments that certain posters have a habit of making towards certain of my posts be refrained in this case, because I will take offense this time.

Falling in Love
I don't know how many people actually have fallen in love in their lives, in real love. Most people end up liking a person very much, but it may not be fully love. What is love?

I think that love is simply a deeply rooted care a person develops towards another, a caring feeling that simply creates jolts of desire to keep living. Love is not sexual, although its often used as a way of expressing such thing. Love is not caring, although its often demonstrated in such way. Love is not being attracted to the physical, although often people use physical attraction as a stepping stone in getting to know another person or as a reason to not talk to a person of interest (if the person is physically too attractive) because of fear of rejection.

Love is what you feel towards your mother. There is no explanation towards this, because its hard to explain this feeling, but you have/had a mother and probably know exactly what I am talking about here. When you feel that same feeling, that same bond towards a particular woman, that is the moment you fall in love. I always say, every guys first love is his mother (for the most chidish of DR1ers, please keep your nonsensical comments to yourself!). Our mothers is the first woman we learn to appreciate, its the first woman we learn to defend, its the first woman we learn to treat with special care, and its the first woman we know, period!

There will never be anyone else like your mother, but the woman who best fills that wonderful bond between mother and child towards you is the woman who has captured your heart and that is the person you should consider greatly in developing something deeper, beyond the casual courtship.

The Single Life
Being single is a great social status to be in, for a time. Being single puts one responsible of nobody else, but yourself. Being single means having little responsibilities towards others, being free to make spontaneous decisions and not have to consult with the spouse or girlfriend, being single allows us to experiment with different things, different ways, perhaps different dating styles.

Because of the relatively low level of responsibilities being single has (as oppose to not being single), we tend to be very free in the mating game. Sleeping with three or four girls a week may become a normal routine, treating girl solely to getting in their pants may become a primary objective in a single person's life, and causal dating with "flirts" on the side may become inately ingrained in the single lifestyle of any men.

The Crisis
The problem arises for the guy when he is no longer fulfilled by the single life. He yearns something extra, there is a hole deep down inside that is not getting fulfilled. It does not matter how many women he sleeps with, how many girlfriends he maintains, deep down inside the emotional hole continues.

This is the point when a guy reaches the moment in time when he is ready to settle down. The guy had his fun, now its time to reap the benefits of another type of fun. This is a fun based on responsibility, on growing emotionally with a loyal woman, of growing old with a wonderful woman, of finally settling down with the woman who will fill that void that has not been fulfilled all this time. This is where you are right now...

What Should You Do
I am not going to tell you what you should do, because only you have the authority of making decisions that will affect you from now until the end. However, my suggestion would be the following:

1. Being single is fun, but everything has its time and place. When its time to settle down, it's time to settle down. Don't look at this as giving up a "good" time, but rather moving from an unsophisticated form of fun to a more fulfilling sophisticated fun, pleasure, well being.

2. If you are serious about searching for a fulfilling long term partner, judge the potential woman for here character, her caring style, her intelligence, her general positive aura, and her impact on you which must be positive for all of this to work. If physical beauty is important, only judge a woman on such grounds after the other characteristics have been greatly fulfilled. I say greatly, because there is no such thing as the perfect woman, but there are plenty of women who will almost fill your perfect woman standards that have been developed in the mind.

Just remember, never has there been a couple that have dissolve because one spouse thought the other was less appealing physically. Plenty of couples go through horrible things, sometimes physical disfigurament is tragically an outcome, hardly ever have such couples dissolved and gone their separate paths.

Always, the reasons for couples breaking apart has to do with incompatability of personalities and values. It could be that you and the woman have two different ways of interpreting the world, money, education, child rearing, pleasure, definition of what is love, etc. Even when physical violence or abuse of all sorts is the culprit of a dissolved marriage or couple, the truth is that the different personality style (one excessively dominant, the othe excessively submissive) contradicted to the point that staying together was inpractical and in some cases, could have turn mortal.

Make sure the woman you will settle with is in complete harmony with your desires and aspirations and you with hers and you can be sure that you have taken one of the best decisions in your life!

3. Enjoy everything from that point forward! Remember, it will not always be an easy ride (then again, since when has life been easy?), but it will be very much worth it! There is nothing better in life than coming home after a long day of work and having the most important person in the world within reach. There is nothing better in life than waking up next to a person who actually makes you better than you otherwise could have been, waking up next to a person who actually cares about you, waking up next to a person whom you can't believe actually exist to such perfection of beauty of all kinds.

If you base your most treasured relationship with: Honesty, Caring, Passion, Desire, and above all, respect; you can be sure of having quite a durable relationship with that special woman. Let one of these characteristics break apart from the relationship between you and your wife/girlfriend, and you can be guaranteed of the very least an unhappy relationship and at the very most, separation and termination of a relationship that could have been so much better and fulfilling.

Living the single life is fun, but settling down can be so much better, if you know how to settle down correctly.

This is what I have to say about this, I hope it helps you in a positive way.

In all sincerity,
-NAL

Rocky said:

What's wrong with doing both?
Live the lifestyle you presently do, with a constant eye out for that "special" one, and while you court her, you can continue with your normal lifestyle.
If it truly develops to be what you are dreaming for, you will just instinctively start to let go of your wandering ways and slowly settle into the long term stable relationship.

Click to expand...

For those that are looking to settle down, that sounds like a good plan.

Great post NAL.

Sage Rocky, you are wise.

Perhaps I will be ready for phase #2 of my life one of these days.

Zorian1 said:

that's what I love about reading these threads... I always learn something.. and if I learn something to be aware of or to avoid.. it saves me a lot of time. I like the idea of getting off the beaten path.. is there any such place outside of Santa Domingo?

Click to expand...

From Santo Domingo head West towards Barahona. Before Barahona there is a road to Cabral, take this road. Just keep going until you are lost. About one to two hours will do.

Another great post by Nals. Where did you learn to write so well??

It sounds like you are ready to settle down and apply for that K-1, Buen suerte!! I particularly love the exploits of Santiago, more work involved but the best pay-out!!

Berzin said:

What exactly am I supposed to find when I get there? It sounds as if you are sending me to Haiti.

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I think sky meant that you would be so deep in the boonies that you might meet ladies who have not been corrupted by tourism.
The difficulty is, of course, unless you want to live out there in the boonies while courting her, it's a tough deal to work out.
I still believe that the best deal is to learn the language as quick as you can, and be where the masses go, and just hope for the best.
Regards, Marco.

SKY said:

From Santo Domingo head West towards Barahona. Before Barahona there is a road to Cabral, take this road. Just keep going until you are lost. About one to two hours will do.

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ha ha haI can attest to this advice, well almost. My first trip to the DR was 3 years ago, and I ventured out just as described with my hosts. We were dove hunting which took us to all ends of the country it seemed. It always seemed to me that the little kids on the sides of the dirt roads staring at me, were seeing their first white guy. But what really caught my attention about this country other than the fact that life lives itself within 25 yards of the road!!!!!!!!! kids play on the edge of the road and parents-adults sit at tables only 10 feet from the road, and you see 90% of the people from the road in the area!!!!............( back to my point now)is the amount of beautifull women and girls you see anywhere, anyplace..dirt poor doesnt mean nothing, pooer than dirt and the girl could win a beauty contest anyplace !!!!!!!!! I think that if I had spent most of my time at a resort that first year the draw to come back would have been nothing compared to what it ended up being. The people , the country side, the terrain, I loved seeing that.....most people in the US I talked to couldnt relate.......of course I ventured into town for the nightlife as well..........sleeping with the tarantulas, isnt hard to out do on the enjoyment scale!!!!!!!!!........bob