I received this on email this morning and loved it. It was in spanish, so I hope it is understandable.
Unfortunately I dont know who to give credit for this.
Enjoy!
Jess
The true age of countries
After reading a comment about “Argentina is not better or worse than Spain, just younger” I loved the idea and invented a trick to discover the true age of countries following the Dog System.
Since kids we have heard that to know if a dog is young or old we have to multiply its age by 7. With countries, we have to divide its age by 14.
Confusing? In this article you will find some revealing examples.
Argentina was born in 1816. It is 189 yo. If we divide it by 14, Argentina is 13 years 4 months old. Argentina is rebel, masturbates, has no memory, talks without thinking and is full of acne.
Almost all latin american countries are the same age and, as you can imagine, there are gangs. The gang Mercosur is formed by 4 teenagers who have a rock band. They play in a garage but never recorded a single disc. Venezuela, who already has lil tits is almost joining the band to do the chorus. The truth is she wants to fvck Brazil, who is 14 and has a big dick. They are kids, they will grow up one day.
Mexico is a teenager too, but of indian ascent. That’s why he barely smiles. He doesn’t smoke the inoffensive marijuana like the other kids do. He smokes peyote and hangs with United States, who is a 17 yo retarded who loves to kill hungry 6 yos in other neighborhoods.
In the other hand, we have the milenary China: if we divide its 1200 years by 14, we find a 85 yo lady, conservative, smelling to cat pizz, who only eats rice because she has no money to get a new teeth case. She has a 8 yo grandson, Taiwan, who makes her life miserable. She has been long time divorced from Japan, who is a grouchy old pa who still can get a hard on. Japan moved in with Philippines, who is a young dumb cutie and is always up to anything for money.
Then we have those countries that just have reached the majority of age and drives around daddy’s BMW. For example, Australia and Canada. These are typical countries that have been raised sheltered by daddy England and mommy France, with an strict education and now play the fool. Australia is a 18 yo slut, she has been doing topless for 2 months now and makes out with South Africa. Canada is an out of the closet gay who will adopt baby Greenland in any moment to make up one of those alternative families in vogue nowadays.
France is a 36 yo separated woman, slut as the most, but very respected in the professional layer. She is the sporadic lover of Germany, a rich truck driver who is married to Austria. Austria knows she is being cheated, but she doesn’t care. France has a son, Monaco, he is 6 yo and is on the way to be a gigolo… or a dancer… or both.
Italy is a long time widow. She lives to take care of San Marino and Vatican, two catholic sons just like the Flanders twins. Italy was married in second nuptials to Germany (was a flash marriage: they had Switzerland together) but now she doesn’t want to hear about men. Italy would like to be like Belgium, a lawyer, independent woman, who wear pants and talks about politics with men. (Sometimes Belgium fantasizes about knowing how to cook spaghettis).
Spain is the most beautiful woman in Europe (France could be more, but her abuse on parfumes makes her lose spontaneity). Spain doesn’t wear bras and is drunk most the times. She lets England bangs her and then she suits back. Spain has children everywhere (most of them 13 yos). They live far. She loves them very much, but she gets upset when they are hungry, stay at her place and empty her refrigerator.
Other who has children everywhere is England. Great Britain sails out at night, screw around and 9 months later there is a new island somewhere in the world. But he is responsible: the islands live with their mothers, but England feeds them. Scotland and Ireland are England’s brothers and live upstairs. They spend their life drunk and can’t play even soccer. They are the family shame.
Sweden and Norway are two lesbians 39, almost 40 yo. They have their sh|t together, in spite of age and do not give the time of day to anybody. They fool around and work: they have a degree in something. Sometimes they make a threesome with Holland (specially when they need marijuana), and sometimes they drive Finland histeric. Finland is 30 yo, kind of androgynous who lives in an atic with no furniture and is always talking on the cell phone to Korea.
Korea (the south one) lives staring at her esquizoid sister. They are twins, but the north one drank amniotic liquid and born stupid. She spent her childhood playing with guns and now, that lives alone, is capable of anything. United States, the 17 yo retarded, watches her a lot, not after fear, but because he wants her ammo.
Israel is a 62 yo intellectual who had a sh|tty life. Some years ago, Germany, the truck driver, didn’t see Israel was passing by and runover him. Since then, Israel turned crazy. Now, instead of reading books, he is always in the roof throwing stones at Palestine, who is a girl washing clothes in the house next door.
Iran and Irak are 16 yo cousins who used to steal mortocycles to sell spare parts. One day they stole a part of United States Harley and the business was over. Now they are eating snots.
The world was ok like that, I mean, like it was. Til one day Russia moved in (no papers) with Perestroika and they had a dozen and a half kids. All of them weirdos, some retarded, some schizophrenic. One week ago, and thanks to a riot with gunshots and deads, the serious habitants of the world discovered that there is a country named Kabardino-Balkaria. A country with flag, president, hymn, flora, fauna and even people!!
I am afraid of countries popping out like that, suddenly. We learn about them on the side, and are forced to put an “I knew it” face, to avoid being labeled as ignorants. Why are new countries still forming –I dare to ask– if the ones that are long time around still don’t work?
Unfortunately I dont know who to give credit for this.
Enjoy!
Jess
The true age of countries
After reading a comment about “Argentina is not better or worse than Spain, just younger” I loved the idea and invented a trick to discover the true age of countries following the Dog System.
Since kids we have heard that to know if a dog is young or old we have to multiply its age by 7. With countries, we have to divide its age by 14.
Confusing? In this article you will find some revealing examples.
Argentina was born in 1816. It is 189 yo. If we divide it by 14, Argentina is 13 years 4 months old. Argentina is rebel, masturbates, has no memory, talks without thinking and is full of acne.
Almost all latin american countries are the same age and, as you can imagine, there are gangs. The gang Mercosur is formed by 4 teenagers who have a rock band. They play in a garage but never recorded a single disc. Venezuela, who already has lil tits is almost joining the band to do the chorus. The truth is she wants to fvck Brazil, who is 14 and has a big dick. They are kids, they will grow up one day.
Mexico is a teenager too, but of indian ascent. That’s why he barely smiles. He doesn’t smoke the inoffensive marijuana like the other kids do. He smokes peyote and hangs with United States, who is a 17 yo retarded who loves to kill hungry 6 yos in other neighborhoods.
In the other hand, we have the milenary China: if we divide its 1200 years by 14, we find a 85 yo lady, conservative, smelling to cat pizz, who only eats rice because she has no money to get a new teeth case. She has a 8 yo grandson, Taiwan, who makes her life miserable. She has been long time divorced from Japan, who is a grouchy old pa who still can get a hard on. Japan moved in with Philippines, who is a young dumb cutie and is always up to anything for money.
Then we have those countries that just have reached the majority of age and drives around daddy’s BMW. For example, Australia and Canada. These are typical countries that have been raised sheltered by daddy England and mommy France, with an strict education and now play the fool. Australia is a 18 yo slut, she has been doing topless for 2 months now and makes out with South Africa. Canada is an out of the closet gay who will adopt baby Greenland in any moment to make up one of those alternative families in vogue nowadays.
France is a 36 yo separated woman, slut as the most, but very respected in the professional layer. She is the sporadic lover of Germany, a rich truck driver who is married to Austria. Austria knows she is being cheated, but she doesn’t care. France has a son, Monaco, he is 6 yo and is on the way to be a gigolo… or a dancer… or both.
Italy is a long time widow. She lives to take care of San Marino and Vatican, two catholic sons just like the Flanders twins. Italy was married in second nuptials to Germany (was a flash marriage: they had Switzerland together) but now she doesn’t want to hear about men. Italy would like to be like Belgium, a lawyer, independent woman, who wear pants and talks about politics with men. (Sometimes Belgium fantasizes about knowing how to cook spaghettis).
Spain is the most beautiful woman in Europe (France could be more, but her abuse on parfumes makes her lose spontaneity). Spain doesn’t wear bras and is drunk most the times. She lets England bangs her and then she suits back. Spain has children everywhere (most of them 13 yos). They live far. She loves them very much, but she gets upset when they are hungry, stay at her place and empty her refrigerator.
Other who has children everywhere is England. Great Britain sails out at night, screw around and 9 months later there is a new island somewhere in the world. But he is responsible: the islands live with their mothers, but England feeds them. Scotland and Ireland are England’s brothers and live upstairs. They spend their life drunk and can’t play even soccer. They are the family shame.
Sweden and Norway are two lesbians 39, almost 40 yo. They have their sh|t together, in spite of age and do not give the time of day to anybody. They fool around and work: they have a degree in something. Sometimes they make a threesome with Holland (specially when they need marijuana), and sometimes they drive Finland histeric. Finland is 30 yo, kind of androgynous who lives in an atic with no furniture and is always talking on the cell phone to Korea.
Korea (the south one) lives staring at her esquizoid sister. They are twins, but the north one drank amniotic liquid and born stupid. She spent her childhood playing with guns and now, that lives alone, is capable of anything. United States, the 17 yo retarded, watches her a lot, not after fear, but because he wants her ammo.
Israel is a 62 yo intellectual who had a sh|tty life. Some years ago, Germany, the truck driver, didn’t see Israel was passing by and runover him. Since then, Israel turned crazy. Now, instead of reading books, he is always in the roof throwing stones at Palestine, who is a girl washing clothes in the house next door.
Iran and Irak are 16 yo cousins who used to steal mortocycles to sell spare parts. One day they stole a part of United States Harley and the business was over. Now they are eating snots.
The world was ok like that, I mean, like it was. Til one day Russia moved in (no papers) with Perestroika and they had a dozen and a half kids. All of them weirdos, some retarded, some schizophrenic. One week ago, and thanks to a riot with gunshots and deads, the serious habitants of the world discovered that there is a country named Kabardino-Balkaria. A country with flag, president, hymn, flora, fauna and even people!!
I am afraid of countries popping out like that, suddenly. We learn about them on the side, and are forced to put an “I knew it” face, to avoid being labeled as ignorants. Why are new countries still forming –I dare to ask– if the ones that are long time around still don’t work?
