U.S. child support question

jh1289 · Dec 11, 2005

Hello.

I am sure this question won't be a popular one, but I have to ask anyway.

I pay over half my income towards child support from a previous relationship. Because my income is much less than it was, my current family is suffering. We have already sold our house and car, and this is very stressful for my current wife. I believe she will eventually leave me because of the financial stress.

I am really tired of the struggle, and am considering leaving the US. My ex has never held a job and receives welfare from the US as well as my large child support payments, so she would not be getting an attorney against me. State government handles all legal proceedings against me.

My question is this: if I were to become a DR citizen, would the child support order be enforceable? Would the US government even be aware of where I went? I know this makes me sound like a heel, but I am just trying to survive at this point.

Thanks in advance for any information or insight.

MrMike · Dec 11, 2005

You would probably have an arrest warrant issued in the state she receives welfare from. As long as you never go there, you should be fine. My own dad owes me a huge sum in back child support and will be arrested if he ever sets foot in Texas, but this has never been an issue for him.

Coming to the DR is probably not necessary for you, and probably not recommendable either.

LynnCox · Dec 11, 2005

Get a new child support order...

jh1289 said:
Hello.

I am sure this question won't be a popular one, but I have to ask anyway.

I pay over half my income towards child support from a previous relationship. Because my income is much less than it was, my current family is suffering. We have already sold our house and car, and this is very stressful for my current wife. I believe she will eventually leave me because of the financial stress.

I am really tired of the struggle, and am considering leaving the US. My ex has never held a job and receives welfare from the US as well as my large child support payments, so she would not be getting an attorney against me. State government handles all legal proceedings against me.

My question is this: if I were to become a DR citizen, would the child support order be enforceable? Would the US government even be aware of where I went? I know this makes me sound like a heel, but I am just trying to survive at this point.

Thanks in advance for any information or insight.

JH....

I don't think becoming a DR citizen is an option!!!

BUT THIS IS YOUR OPTION: In the US if your income changes at anytime and you have a prior child support or spousal support order you CAN and SHOULD go back to court and have it lowered. Especially if your prior relationship is receiving welfare, that is taken into account as income for her. All you need to do is go to the county clerk and get the packet of papers (you don't even need a lawyer to do this) that have "NOTICE OF MOTION" papers in them, file for a MODIFICATION OF CHILD SUPPORT. Provide all documents showing your income and expenses. The whole packet should include (or some sort of packet like this):

Notice of Motion
Order to Show Cause
Income & Expense Declaration
Order on Application For Waiver Of Court Fees and Costs
Responsive Declaration to Order to Show Cause or Notice of Motion
Judgement

You fill out the papers, serve her papers to appear in court (this is very important, after you get the court date, you MUST serve her the papers that she must appear in court!), you both appear, the case is heard and if what you are saying is true, the judge will lower the order based on income/expenses. In most states there is a formula that the judges use to base child support orders on. Everything is taken into account! Did you have your new family when the first order was placed? Have you changed jobs? Lowered your income? These are all reasons to go back to court and get a new order!!!

Normally in all county clerk offices, there are legal aid offices that can help you fill out these papers, free. I don't know where you are from but it's pretty universal. You can also ask that the court fees be waived if you can't afford them. It's not a hard process to do and it certainly is easier and a much better idea than fleeing the country.

I know how hard it can be on a current realtionship to deal with the past relationship bs...but you have options through the courts to solve the problem. A child support order that is once granted can ALWAYS be changed if a persons financial situation changes. I urge you to look into making that change ASAP. Don't let your current relationship flounder because of your prior one that at this point is getting the best of both worlds.

I hope that helps.

Lynn

Bob K · Dec 11, 2005

Lynn
Excellent advise. I have seen this system work over and over again. Especially since the states have gone to the formula system. Moving to the DR will not solve your problems, but surely create more.

Bob K

ColoradoGirl · Dec 11, 2005

I think you should be ashamed of yourself. You have children in which your ex is raising and you want to run away and not pay them. I am assuming if you do not want them to know where you live so you are not only not paying them, you will never see them again.

How pathetic of a man are you? Running away from a problem instead of getting a second job to help the situation. Your current wife knew your situation when she married you. She should get a second job if she is that stressed. Shut up with that "I am just trying to survive bit" Makes you look like such a loser.

The Dominican Republic does not need any dead beat American dads. Stay where you are!

Hey... Hope this helps

THE GAME · Dec 11, 2005

ColoradoGirl said:
I think you should be ashamed of yourself. You have children in which your ex is raising and you want to run away and not pay them. I am assuming if you do not want them to know where you live so you are not only not paying them, you will never see them again.

How pathetic of a man are you? Running away from a problem instead of getting a second job to help the situation. Your current wife knew your situation when she married you. She should get a second job if she is that stressed. Shut up with that "I am just trying to survive bit" Makes you look like such a loser.

The Dominican Republic does not need any dead beat American dads. Stay where you are!

Hey... Hope this helps

get a second job himself? or the new wife?
for what?

so the ex-wife can sit at home watch "all my children" and re-runs and
judge judy shows and collect welfare???

out of your mind oh.

that's not fair oh.

he cannot even sustain his current family, less his previous.

get another job to pay for child support while ex stays home and does
nothing.. give me a breakkkkk.

CyaBye3015 · Dec 11, 2005

THE GAME said:
get a second job himself? or the new wife?
for what?

so the ex-wife can sit at home watch "all my children" and re-runs and
judge judy shows and collect welfare???

out of your mind oh.

that's not fair oh.

he cannot even sustain his current family, less his previous.

get another job to pay for child support while ex stays home and does
nothing.. give me a breakkkkk.

AMEN, He should get adjusted based in his current income!

jh1289 · Dec 11, 2005

Thanks to everyone who posted with advice and understanding. The money I make on the job is the same--I didn't mean to mislead on this. The drop in income I'm referring to is because of the fairly recent huge child support payments.

I didn't even know I had a child until recently when I received the paperwork from the state, and it was a shock to my current wife as well as myself.

The problem is worse because I make a lot of money, and as everyone knows, the more you make, the more you spend. I have a lot of debt that I've been successfully paying off until now. Unfortunately, the mother of the child has no job, and the only job I've known her to have, she was fired from because she had an affair with a coworker. I guess it is easier to live at home and get a couple of free paychecks than go out and earn a living. Of course, if it destroys my family and way of life in the process, I guess that's no concern of hers. In fact, she's sent my wife a couple of messages that weren't very friendly, but that's another matter.

So unfortunately, no adjustment is possible because my job pays the same as it always has. Sorry for the confusion.

MrMike, I believe in the US you are tracked by your social security number and you can't really get away from payments like this. Information is just too freely available and there's no privacy from organizations like state government and credit bureaus. As soon as I use a credit card or get a new job, I'm located, and there are reciprocal agreements between states and some nations. I was kind of hoping leaving the US would put me out of reach of the US authorities, or at least make it so much trouble that they wouldn't want to bother with me.

The court systems and angry mothers of the world are so concerned with the rights of my new child, but nobody seems to be protecting the rights of the 13-year old that I have raised and lives with me since birth. So she lost her home so that I can pay 52% of my check to my ex (and health insurance and the entire hospital bill)... who cares besides me and my wife? Certainly not people like ColoradoGirl. It's very disheartening. Yes, with no home and no car, I am just trying to survive and keep my family intact. A year ago, I was deciding if I could afford a Lexus ES330. Now I am just living payday to payday, and by the way, I work on salary and many hours, and there aren't enough hours in the day for me to get a second job. I guess I was just hoping for an escape in case I lose my family. If I can't find one, suicide might be my best alternative.

Dragonfly32837 · Dec 11, 2005

A word on suicide:

DON'T!

jh1289 · Dec 11, 2005

Oh, as a side note:

Although I'm losing everything else, I am not behind on my CS payments because it's automatically deducted from my check before I even get it (I still pay taxes on it, funny enough). So basically, I believe I quality for a passport because I don't have any late or unpaid payments.

AnnaC · Dec 11, 2005

jh1289 said:
I didn't even know I had a child until recently when I received the paperwork from the state, and it was a shock to my current wife as well as myself.

I feel for you, I really do but I feel a lot more for the child you created out of obvious lust. What's to become of this child?

Perhaps this thread can help others wake up to the fact that if you're going to have sex maybe protection should be used and not bring innocent children into an already messed up world.

Good luck and I'll say a prayer for your innocent children who are the real victims here.

jh1289 · Dec 11, 2005

Anna Coniglio said:
I feel for you, I really do but I feel a lot more for the child you created out of obvious lust. What's to become of this child?

Perhaps this thread can help others wake up to the fact that if you're going to have sex maybe protection should be used and not bring innocent children into an already messed up world.

Good luck and I'll say a prayer for your innocent children who are the real victims here.

I understand.

If she would let me, I would take full custody. I am a good father to my 13-year old and she loves her daddy very much. I would love to do the same for the younger child and give it a good life, but the court system would not allow it as it is biased towards mothers having custody.

The mother of the child has always made a way for herself without having to work, and I imagine she will continue to do so. Looking back, I imagine I was probably just another scam to bring in income. This should be a warning to every man out there. Don't ever believe the words "I can't get pregnant." Being gullible just might destroy your life.

bob saunders · Dec 11, 2005

Perhaps the child you had, that you didn't know you had, you didn't. Have you had paternity tests? You could also go for custody, it would be cheaper and perhaps less streesful. At least then you would know where your money was being spent.

jh1289 · Dec 11, 2005

bob saunders said:
Perhaps the child you had, that you didn't know you had, you didn't. Have you had paternity tests? You could also go for custody, it would be cheaper and perhaps less streesful. At least then you would know where your money was being spent.

Yeah, we did a paternity test and it came back positive. For a good two months, I had to convince myself it was true. It was quite a shock.

I now have shared custody, which is good for the child as my home is obviously a better influence on the child, but financially, it's assisting my ruin. Not only do I pay for the child's expensives half a year, but I still pay FULL child support. In my state, the mother is assumed not to work the first 3 years, and thus there is no deduction in child support. Even after that, my income to her income ratio is so great that a reduction would be less than $100 a month. This won't be nearly enough.

jh1289 · Dec 11, 2005

Also, if by some miracle she would get a job, then I will be billed an additional $420/month for day care. I'm not too worried about her getting a job, but if it should happen, that would be the final straw. I don't know if I could continue to support my family, even at our current level, at that point.

I'm almost numb at this point. There seems to be no way out.

Ricardo900 · Dec 11, 2005

Baby's Mama's Drama

Don't run because you'll have a warrant for your arrest and it could pop up if you try to re-enter the country or during a traffic stop. Not worth it. Plus you'll be introduced to that terrible word that puts fear in every so-called deadbeat dad, its called "RETROACTIVE"

Do like the other poster said go to court with all and I mean all of your paperwork, bills, etc.. Also, if you was layed-off or fired from your job that was based on your current support payments, it will be most likely you can get a reduction, due to cicumstances beyond your control, so bring your proof, i.e. separation agreement, copy of exit interview, etc.
Now, if you quit that job for a lower paying job, you can pretty much forget.

If all else fails consider bankruptcy protection.

jh1289 · Dec 11, 2005

Ricardo900 said:
Don't run because you'll have a warrant for your arrest and it could pop up if you try to re-enter the country or during a traffic stop. Not worth it. Plus you'll be introduced to that terrible word that puts fear in every so-called deadbeat dad, its called "RETROACTIVE"

Do like the other poster said go to court with all and I mean all of your paperwork, bills, etc.. Also, if you was layed-off or fired from your job that was based on your current support payments, it will be most likely you can get a reduction, due to cicumstances beyond your control, so bring your proof, i.e. separation agreement, copy of exit interview, etc.
Now, if you quit that job for a lower paying job, you can pretty much forget.

If all else fails consider bankruptcy protection.

None of that matters in my state. It's a formula based on a table that doesn't take my bills into account at all. I am required to provide health insurance, and then it looks at her income ($0) and my income and comes up with a formula. It doesn't take into account that I have another daughter I support or a family or a car payment or a house payment or credit card bills or anything else. It's non-negotiable. And you can't file bankruptcy on child support, although I guess I could file on other bills.

I'm not familiar with the term "retroactive" in this respect, but I'll do some research. I imagine if I left and they ever caught me, they'd put me in jail, which would be the perfect icing on the cake of my nightmare. Of course, I'd never come back to the US, so they would have to extradite me or work with the DR government to get me deported. I have no idea how far the long arm of the US government goes, but I imagine that might be within their power.

Sorry I got some of you riled up, and thanks to everyone that responded with helpful thoughts. I guess I was looking for a magical escape, but with reality like it is, I should have known it wouldn't be that easy.

Ricardo900 · Dec 11, 2005

Retroactive is the back pay you will owe if you stop payments. In other words in Taxi cab terms "keep the meter running"

jackquontee · Dec 11, 2005

I empathize with you

jh1289, let me start by first saying that suicide should never be an option. Period. Though your situation seems unbearable, there really are people out there who are in far worse situations than your own. You've come this far, you can make it to the end of this mess. And, whether it matters now or not, there will be an end.

Secondly, running from the problem won't help. You'll spend the rest of your life looking over your shoulder, and the problem will still be there. You're going to pay child support no matter what and, by all means, you should. I think the real problem is the fact that, because the mother of your child is not required to provide financial support, you're left with the whole burden of child support, which is now becoming a real burden. I understand this my friend. I'm in the same boat, as far as having sole responsibility for providing financial support for my sons, though I'm not burdened by it. I could tell you stories for days, however, about the misuse of the child support.

In any event, you do have a couple of options, which have been mentioned already, and I would jump on them as soon as possible. I would also look for a support group (if one, in fact, exists) and take full advantage of the opportunity to purge yourself of these feelings you have. You do not want to become a ticking time bomb (I can tell you a bit about that as well).

And, finally, I would remind your present wife about the marital vows that mention "for richer or poorer". If she decides to bail, then at least you will have known now, rather than at a future date when the circumstances could have been much harsher. Whatever you decided to do, remember that this is not the worst thing that could be happening in your life.

And, finally, if you ever need an ear, give me a PM.

LynnCox · Dec 11, 2005

what state doesn't take other income into account????

jh1289 said:
None of that matters in my state. It's a formula based on a table that doesn't take my bills into account at all. I am required to provide health insurance, and then it looks at her income ($0) and my income and comes up with a formula. It doesn't take into account that I have another daughter I support or a family or a car payment or a house payment or credit card bills or anything else. It's non-negotiable. And you can't file bankruptcy on child support, although I guess I could file on other bills.

I'm not familiar with the term "retroactive" in this respect, but I'll do some research. I imagine if I left and they ever caught me, they'd put me in jail, which would be the perfect icing on the cake of my nightmare. Of course, I'd never come back to the US, so they would have to extradite me or work with the DR government to get me deported. I have no idea how far the long arm of the US government goes, but I imagine that might be within their power.

Sorry I got some of you riled up, and thanks to everyone that responded with helpful thoughts. I guess I was looking for a magical escape, but with reality like it is, I should have known it wouldn't be that easy.

JH..

In today's legal system, the other person's income is ALWAYS taken into account whether it's welfare or from a regular job. In the US, welfare IS INCOME!!!! I think you are mislead somewhere along the line. What state are you from anyway? If you don't want to say it here, PM me and I will research it more for you. Although I don't live in the states anymore (I live in the DR) I have my paralegal from the states and will be happy to do so. Expenses also are always taken into account to some degree, especially "living" expenses. I find it hard to believe that the judicial system where you live has not taken into account that you have a family, living expenses etc. AND that she receives welfare. All of these items are NORMALLY taken into account in the formula when figuring out child or spousal support payments. There is something wrong with this picture!!!

Lynn

U.S. child support question

New member

Silver

New member

Silver

New member

New member

Bronze

New member

Bronze

New member

Gold

New member

Platinum

New member

New member

Silver

New member

Silver

New member

New member