miguel said:
First of all, you need to fall in love with YOURSELF right away and take what happened to you as a bad experience. The moment you start thinking about YOURSELF first and foremost, you WILL see that that axxhole is nothing more than a sick bastard.
Wise words, Miguel, couldn't have said it better myself.
Princess, keep your head up. Although it may feel like the end of the world to you now, one day in retrospect you will realize that this experience has made you stronger.
Oh, the break up process. Been there, got the t-shirt. It kind of goes something like this:
You lose weight. You neglect yourself, your house, your job. You drive your friends and family crazy talking about the break up. You cry at the drop of a dime. You can't even comprehend that your life might not again include that "special person."
You begin putting them on a pedestal, forgetting all of the nagging things about them that used to drive you crazy. In your mind, they have become omnipotent, all encompassing, all everything.
You convince yourself that you are a loser who just screwed up a relationship with "the best person in the world." You KNOW without a doubt that you will never EVER love like that again. You know no one else will come along who even comes close to being as marvelous as your ex (excuse me while I chuckle to myself here). You wear a sad face for the world to see (you should see my old military ID taken 2 days after my divorce was finalized, it's just pitiful).
They (the ex's) remain steadfast in their denial to get back together. Many of them leapfrog into new relationships, immediately being exclusive with a new person. For those that do leapfrog, they appear to just "replace" you with a new model. All of the things you two used to do, they now do with someone else. Whatever you two did, likely they will just begin doing those things with someone new.
You hear about them and their new life. You are desperate for any crumbs of news about their life. Many of us make things worse here by trying to use manipulation to get them back--yet they stay away from us like we are the plague.
For those of us who do still have contact with our ex's we begin selling ourselves short. Doing stupid things like allowing them access to our bodies and then wanting to strangle them afterward when they remind us that "Sex does not imply hope."
Time goes by. You'll do some stupid things. You'll call your ex when you shouldn't. You'll call when you've had to much to drink. You'll cry yourself to sleep.
Then you'll get serious about no contact. It'll hurt, but you try to stick to it.
This is the turning point for most.
It's hard but by this point, nothing but time works. Everday the ache in your heart grows a little less. It's only nanobits that it dies down but everyday it grows a bit dimmer. Regardless, you'll have setbacks.
Then one day you'll smile because you didn't immediately check your answering machine when you came in. And one day you'll decide to clean the muck that has accumulated in your house. And one day you'll go outside and admit to the universe that you surrender what control you thought you had.
One day you'll decide to date again. And one day you'll go out on your first date and it will likely be a disaster. You'll either force yourself to continue dating or you'll decide that you aren't ready to date but you are ready to be out amongst people again.
But one day, it won't matter as much. Time will allow you to catch yourself going minutes and then hours without thinking of the ex. And you'll begin to be able to think of life without that person and not dissolve into a puddle of nothingness because of the thought.
The thing that you don't want to realize now but will one day is that life does indeed go on. One day you'll find yourself having a gut busting laugh over something totally stupid and you'll think to yourself "I am getting better." And finally (thank God) you'll have sex with some new and find that a) if it wasn't good, at least you did it or b) it was so much better than with your ex you wonder why you waited so long to get back out there.
You'll know you're one the road to recovery.
Be kind to yourself. Be forgiving of yourself. And most of all remember that being happily single is an alternative. Even if society is beating it into your head that you MUST have a mate, take some time to heal before going back out there.
There are plenty of good people to love, but don't go back out there broken, jaded about love, etc. Accept realty. Experience the pain. Learn the lesson. Actively try to heal.
Remember the person you were when you first met your ex and get that person back.
And the universe will take care of the rest...
