DR relationship. When to pull the plug....?

I met a nice Dominican girl 2 years ago...met her on the beach at a resort. She was with a half-brother from the US and she had her little girl with her. Never thought I'd hear from her again but...sure enough she called and after some rapid Spanish learning on my part (she doesn't speak English)we've been in constant contact ever since.

I've been reading many threads with interest and have gone back and forth from being positive to extremely disappointed. I never expected this whole thing to work out so I'm not going to feel wripped off or anything and I'm pretty sure what the general answer will be but I need to know what to do.

I've been to visit several times, and I've been to her home town to meet her parents (I think its called Guayubin but I can't find it on a map) and I have also met her extended family. In fact, the brothers trucked me around all day meeting cousins and such which was interesting because only my girlfriend can understand my crappy Spanish.

Any who things seemed to go very well. Yes, I did send some cash now and then but I was rarely if ever asked to. I did on my own accord. And yes, she was keen on getting maried prior to knowing me well (we only had one quick date during my first visit) which has always concerned me. She seemed to be very sincere and wanted a loyal man that didn't have 3 girlfriends which she explained was common in the DR. I wanted to get married and have her and her daughter come live with me but prior to signing a contract with gov't to repay and potential social assistance for 3 years I wanted to get her a visitor visa to meet my folks and she if she'd like it here. Well, I spent time and effort on trying to get one and I'm not even sure she applied the first time but the second time was this fall and she was declined. Very disappointing...! I've lost some hope of proceeding since but have lots of time and feelings invested and don't want to be negative from one or two set backs.

I want to start a family and have good intentions but don't want to take a leap with someone whom I've only spent several weeks at time with mostly on a beautiful resort setting. What should I do?

Secondly, and maybe more important starting about 5 weeks ago I can't get ahold of her often (has a sankie feeling to it). She's never had a job while we've been together but now has and says she works all day and can only talk on Sunday's. Apparently her boss won't allow any calls. This latter question seems very sankie like but she says she gets her daughter off to school, then to work and then is home at 11 PM and goes to bed. Until recently we spoke almost everyday and she says she wants to spend Christmas with me at the resort but I don't know what to do. I know she's had a lot of problems with her phone but she used to get upset with me if I didn't talk to her every day and then all of sudden...nothing for 3 weeks, and then only once a week after that. Says she loves when we talk and she has nothing going on but...??. Maybe its reading these postings, but I'm losing faith both in being able to proceed without a visa and in her truthfulness. Is this true about working in a store? 8am-11pm (I don't see it).

I hear ya' but its weird...

So that's crap about the work thing? She's working at a store in Santiago apparently. Wants to come to the resort when's she's done work on the 19th or 20th and she probably won't go back to work since she has a back injury from a car accident.

Seems weird cuz she's ask for money a couple of times in the last two years but not much. I've brought lots of gifts for kids and her alike but she seemed to understand that I couldn't do that all the time. I could call absolutely any time until recently.

I have met her entire family in at least 3 different cities and they are all super nice. I get along with her sisters really well but there's a bit of a language barrier to a certain extent. I talk to her mother all the time.

Until just recently it seems pretty good with the exception of one bad visit last May where she was una perra (apparently women problems...).

Is there no good stories to be had here? It doesn't sound like the odds are very good? Is maybe cuz the people with success are not on-line here?

Been a good experience all-in-all even if it is over. Got to see lot's of the country, meet nice people...kinda hard of the pocket book but it also forced me outside a comfort zone and made me more adventureos....AND...it is only money.

Funny....I didn't need to read these post to be suspect on the whole thing, but I wish that I'd read them sooner. I love the DR and the women are maybe the best part but I would've played the field a bit more maybe???? I would've sent no cash what-so-ever....then you'd know what's up...maybe???

thanks! I've been there 3 times but I never drove so I'm not much on direction. Got to see Monti Cristi one day. I was impressed....Santiago Rodriguez was a nice place to visit as well.

Phone problems seem to be legit cuz sometimes when I phone the reception is terrible, the call drops and you have to call back. This has been happening for ages. Other times its cuz there's no cash on the account I guess. Other times I get the message from Company Orange that there is no contact right now and to call back later. Its was way better when she lived in Santo Domingo. I had bought her a good phone and the reception there seemed good, but alas...that phone got busted in a fit of anger with an aunt and I refused to buy a new one. She's got some crappy one now. I found the phones there to be priced really cheap and my Motorola rep told me they cheaper parts inside of them then what we get here....I don't know if that's true or not...sounds like the old adds for stereos where they'd say, "really Sony guts".

I just talked to her and she is insistance about getting married. She doesn't seem to care about coming here. We've talked about living there as well. Seemly very causual about marriage and says its no big deal to take a leap because I'm a good person (which is true but I'm not as trusting as her). Is marriage in the DR more causual than here? I know there's lots of divorce here but it seems to be rampant in the DR. Everyone I talk to has half brothers and sisters (although many cases it was from a parent being widowed young). I don't want to go through some gong show to get divorced in a year.

I've gone into this with eyes wide open from the start (although I wish I'd found the site sooner). Maybe wishful thinking at times, but not naive....and...I do want to get married. Howver, it doesn't seem normal to get married without having spent more time with her first....but....the catch22 is I can't spend more time with her without getting married since she can't get a visa.

I'm can't decide what to do. It sounds weird (or stupid), but I keep hoping for something bad to happen so I can "pull the plug" but the whole..."what if" factor sucks me in....plus the desire to have a family (I really love her daughter too). I can't get passed the whole potential to being sucked in to immagrate to different country and not for sincere intentions.

I haven't read all the threads about sankies. Is that very common trait amongst this every growing problem? Women who move here and then leave their husbands to live alone or move to a urban area with a latino population? I would have to sign a 3 year contract to pay for that kind of mistake.....

There are cases in the news in Vancouver with Chinese women getting screwed over by bring men over from China and getting stuck with huge bills from social assistance.

Can you get pre-marital contracts signed in the DR that would be honoured in other countries? If not, can you get a visa in order to get married...I doubt it....wow, my eyes have been opened to how hard it is to immigrate here.:surprised

Rocky said:

You need to find out exactly where that town is located, and/or it's actual name, and ask someone to go over there and find out what's going on.
Pay someone, if you have to.

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How would you do this? I could find out the name of the store and the directions. She's even suggested this when I told her what I read on the internet. But how would I get someone to check? If my Spanish was better I could talk to her sister about the whole dealio but I don't want to seem like a parinoid freak. Should I just quite reading these threads?

suarezn said:

Go with your instincts and not what someone else tells you to do. You're the one in the situation and you're the only one who knows if she shows you love or not. Is she not answering your calls at all?

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I just spoke with her and she down plays the lack of contact. I actually don't mind it cuz I've been wanting to cut back to save cash. However, the lack of contact has been abrupt, not normal for her, and maybe even extreme (over 2 weeks one time and I was worried about her). She never had voice mail for ages and I left messages that she never returned either. That's weird....!! She always has some excuse like the phone is bust or she's been busy. I called last Saturday and her boss gave her **** for talking on the phone. No money on the account I think is a frequent problem since I've had to visit a Company Orange store with a couple of times when I'm visiting.

I'd actually believe her since she's working and raising her daughter alone (her familiy is not well off but very supportive- she gets some support from the father of her daughter but he lives in Santo Domingo and I think it is intermitant) except everything I've been reading and some familiar sounding stories.

Not sure what to think...I want to be positive but the whole thing is getting weiry especially since the visa was declined.

vince1956 said:

:ermm: She was with a half-brother:bunny: was with a half-brother

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Ya, she has family in New Jersey that are half-siblings. I can't quite figure it out though cuz the ages are off for me to rationalize it all but some that is just languauge barrier. I think maybe her father had 2 families or his first wife passed and the kids moved to New Jersey with a grandmother.

It was kinda cute. She had been looking at me at the beach/vice-versa and she told him to come over to me and tell me that she was his sister. They both with children so they looked like a family even though they weren't. The weird thing is that he didn't speak English even though he'd lived in the States for years and had a good job as a bus mechanic. She told me he was too bright...:ermm:

She has older half siblings that live in the DR. I believe her mother was widowed from her first marriage. This one makes more sense to me since they are all older than her. Then she has some sibling, siblings that are all younger than her. This time line I can dig, the other is curioso:ermm: