I have 2 daughters 13 and 8 they have known about my relationship with my domincan manfriend for 4yrs they r happy that I have found a man who makes me happy.However I do know they r still children and I have wrestled with how 2 make the transition easy on them and him as well he will be here in a few months and now that we r married we need 2 live 2gether as a family but I feel even though I know him from numerous trips and phone calls on both sides and lived the life as much as I could .I seen the good and bad and we fought through our differences and understand each other .I still have my girls 2 think about.I feel that it would be wise 2 have him live with my mother for a few months when he arrives and date him here with my girls seeing him durin the day and he doesn't sleep here when they r here. kind of like the same way if he was a man I met here .I didn't write this because I need validation but just as a voice 2 any other woman that might have a similar situation.
- Thread starter jenfau
- Start date
marriage and kids
Some People!!
For the love of God, where do they find these people??????????????????????.
Yet another case of "let me marry you now and I'll ask questions later" or "I'll marry you now and date you later". NOW is when she is worrying about her daughters!.
For the love of God, where do they find these people??????????????????????.
I think it's the greatest idea I have ever read on these forums. Kids are very protective of their Mom and I don't know where their father is but they will fear losing the Mom once the "new guy arrives" in your life.
By him living with your Mom for a while it will give the girls time to know him and get used to him rather than him move in all at once.
The 13 year old will be going through a hard enough time with teen issues coming up and hormone changes so as a divorced women with kids I totally understand and absolutely admire you for putting them first.
Good luck
And have a good talk to him that you will be the only one to disciple the girls when they do wrong or again they will resent the "new guy" telling them what to do.
By him living with your Mom for a while it will give the girls time to know him and get used to him rather than him move in all at once.
The 13 year old will be going through a hard enough time with teen issues coming up and hormone changes so as a divorced women with kids I totally understand and absolutely admire you for putting them first.
Good luck
And have a good talk to him that you will be the only one to disciple the girls when they do wrong or again they will resent the "new guy" telling them what to do.
The Lord and His Followers
Hmm, you mean him being like Jesus and the girls become HIS DISCIPLES...
Isn't that taking it a bit far?
m'frog
Hmm, you mean him being like Jesus and the girls become HIS DISCIPLES...
Isn't that taking it a bit far?
m'frog
It takes a village to raise children
Well it's good you have support from your mother. What does your ex-husband have to say about his children living with a new man in the house? What abour your new husband does he have any experience with children? Have you discussed with him?
Well it's good you have support from your mother. What does your ex-husband have to say about his children living with a new man in the house? What abour your new husband does he have any experience with children? Have you discussed with him?
Hmm, you mean him being like Jesus and the girls become HIS DISCIPLES...
Isn't that taking it a bit far?
m'frog
ok then discipline
:laugh:
I'm re arranging my living room and I don't move as fast as I used so here I sit and rest. :lick:
the ex has moved on and I trust that he wouldn't put the girls in harms way.He has 2 take that with me as well. The discipline is mine and they r my responsiblity he is great with kids.Discussed and understood. People will have problems with my marriage but they r not put on this earth 2 make me happy u make urself happy ur family makes u happy.Not all marriages work out but u can't put ur life on hold either because of the risks.Sometimes the best things in life r worth fighting 4.
All the best
Well the ex has moved on and he's great with the kids, that's good. Hopefully he won't sabotage the chance of them accepting your new husband and maybe the kids will be okay as well. I take it they've overcome the grief from divorce and their original family breaking up? Sometimes that loss rears it's head when you least expect it and the ex-husband becomes involved.
You have a lot of talking to do with all concerned. I really hope your new husband will work hard with you to make it work because you'll have to have concensus on the discipline issue. That might be difficult with the two different cultures. It's hard enough with the same culture. Good luck... do you have a church? You might want to find one and see if they offer a marriage preparation course. They might offer other counselling. Just a thought!
PS Stop using the MSN English!
Well the ex has moved on and he's great with the kids, that's good. Hopefully he won't sabotage the chance of them accepting your new husband and maybe the kids will be okay as well. I take it they've overcome the grief from divorce and their original family breaking up? Sometimes that loss rears it's head when you least expect it and the ex-husband becomes involved.
You have a lot of talking to do with all concerned. I really hope your new husband will work hard with you to make it work because you'll have to have concensus on the discipline issue. That might be difficult with the two different cultures. It's hard enough with the same culture. Good luck... do you have a church? You might want to find one and see if they offer a marriage preparation course. They might offer other counselling. Just a thought!
PS Stop using the MSN English!
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I can tell from what you say in your post that you are already aware of certain little things that could go very wrong within your household if he were to move in right away....but who is to say? Just keep on being careful.
Babel
Spanish, Dominican, MSN, English...
m'frog
Well, this brings up the question about the language they'll use?
Spanish, Dominican, MSN, English...
m'frog
Her Credulity
How can you say this?!
I'm sure that he always said: "No hay problemas."
And that's what she believes in...
m'frog
How can you say this?!
I'm sure that he always said: "No hay problemas."
And that's what she believes in...
m'frog
Sometimes what is discussed and understood before they come is quickly forgotten once they arrive. I hope everything works out for you because
you, your new husband and your kids have a huge adjustment in front of you.
Hopefully he will think that its worth fighting for too.
Huh...that's what my husband always said before he arrived "No Problemas" and once he got here there were mucho problemas......lol......
Runaway
Well, let's just not assume that he'll run away with 'mother' or the older daughter.... :bunny:
m'frog
Well, let's just not assume that he'll run away with 'mother' or the older daughter.... :bunny:
m'frog
I am confused:ermm:
Why would you not have included your children in your marriage in the first place?? Now you are going to date him, when you are already married to him? I know you are trying to protect your children, but come on now, you said they like him, etc. Would you do the same if you had married a North American man, send him to your mothers and date him before getting on with your marriage.
Am I the only one who doesn't see the sense in this?? Something just isn't right here. If you marry someone, you marry someone! You don't date someone, then marry them, then date them again. Your children should be made aware of your marriage, if they are not. I always am honest with my child, and I reap the benefits of that honesty. If I out and out lied to her about anything, and she found out later, I would lose all her trust! How do you think your children would handle it, if they found out you have decieved them?
I don't know, unless I am off base here, this just isn't adding up!:tired:
Marlie
A question to the OP- have your children even met your new husband? Did you take them on any of your trips with you? Were they there when you two got married?
You said in your post your children know about your " man friend", but do they know he is your husband now. If not then you may be in for a rocky road ahead of you. Not only from your children but from your new husband.
How does he feel about "dating" and living with your mother???????
You said in your post your children know about your " man friend", but do they know he is your husband now. If not then you may be in for a rocky road ahead of you. Not only from your children but from your new husband.
How does he feel about "dating" and living with your mother???????