Why some NA women think they can change their DR man?

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contasm

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May 10, 2005
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We have heard many stories of innocent, young American and Canadian woman falling in love with resort workers. Sponsoring them, marrying them to finally take them out of DR into new territory and to find out later on that these very same men are not the same guys they met while holidaying in POP, SDQ etc?.

- Juan Manuel sleeps in till 3:00 pm and it?s not motivated to get out and find a job.

- Johnny spends most weekends @ Babalus dancing the night away with a woman he says is her second cousin (Yeah?sure)

- Wilmer disappeared for a weekend to finally show up on Monday telling me that he was looking for a job in Niagara Falls (Ontario Canada)

- Carlos wants us to send $ 300.00 a month to his family in Puerto Plata

These are real cases of real women (not real guy names) living in Toronto. All these ladies told me that they suspected that some of these things might happen, but they always thought that these guys would be eager to start a new productive life, in a new country.

Suurprise !!!! hmmm? may be not. Deep inside, these ladies knew what might have been ahead and confessed to me that they thought they could convert a DR man into a pseudo ?American/Canadian? man. The experiment proved fatal. As a disclaimer, I should point out that I also know some couples that are happily married/together but unfortunately this group is not the majority.

My question to the ladies (and any man who might want to venture into answering) is.

How hard is to change a DR man once he sets foot in USA/CANADA?
Is it possible re-educate a DR man once he?s gone too far?


Thanks in advance for your comments.

Contasm
 

mountainfrog

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The Sofa Destination

...How hard is to change a DR man once he sets foot in USA/CANADA?
Why change him?

The sankie adorers find them to be 'cute, awsome, sexy, great, sweet, intelligent, etc.' and that's what they buy.... ;)

The question, therefore, is not how can he be changed but how can the victims live with the changes that will usually take place after their Dominican novios/husbands have reached the sofa in the promised land... :bunny:

m'frog
 

MommC

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I know Dominican men who has successful made the transition to Canadian life.
They have good English skills, good jobs,a nice home, wife, kids,girlfriends, cars, electronics,ex-wives,boy toys,party with the boys once a week,mistresses, all the beer they can drink......
Did they change....?? Sure they did ......but not as much as their wives would like to believe.
Remember you can take a Dominican out of the Dominican Republic but you can't take the Dominican Republic out of a Dominican!

Oh....before you fire away at me I also know Dominican women who have made the transition nicely....their husbands provide all the bells and whistles they need, plus they get to 'spirit' if not outright 'gift' money to those still in the DR, plus they 'visit' at least once every year sometimes for several months at a time!
They 'changed' too!
 
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contasm

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May 10, 2005
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Resort Workers ?

I know Dominican men who has successful made the transition to Canadian life.
They have good English skills, good jobs,a nice home, wife, kids,girlfriends, cars, electronics,ex-wives,boy toys,party with the boys once a week,mistresses, all the beer they can drink......
Did they change....?? Sure they did ......but not as much as their wives would like to believe.
Remember you can take a Dominican out of the Dominican Republic but you can't take the Dominican Republic out of a Dominican!

Oh....before you fire away at me I also know Dominican women who have made the transition nicely....their husbands provide all the bells and whistles they need, plus they get to 'spirit' if not outright 'gift' money to those still in the DR, plus they 'visit' at least once every year sometimes for several months at a time!
They 'changed' too!

Hi MommC;

Out of curiosity;
Were these men you are referring to resort workers before leaving DR ?
How did they score regarding Hillbilly?s rules ?

Thanks
Contasm
 

AnnaC

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Jan 2, 2002
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Gee I guess no one is interested in having this discussion with you. I can't imagine why :rolleyes: and I'll bet the above people mentioned whether it's real names or not are regretting having you told you anything.

But you and MommC can have a nice chat I'm sure. ;)

BTW ladies Contasm I have now discovered is a man so if you've shared stories with him because you thought he was a woman I guess he's not.

I was always under the impression it was a woman because in earlier posts he was so interested in knowing about chocolate friends etc.
 
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Daddy_Dom

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it is a long topic...!! But I think there is good guys, that love work, that love family... evryone is diferent, people change in good way if they want.
 

shadInToronto

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...BTW ladies Contasm I have now discovered is a man so if you've shared stories with him because you thought he was a woman I guess he's not. ...
Anna, I guess you know nada about some guys .... a few of them like the same things women do. ;)
 

contasm

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It's been a while, but the question remains --> Why some NA women think they can change their DR man?






Cheers!!!
 

ChicaSlayer

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Like they say, women get with men thinking they will change and men get with women thinking they will not change,,,,, IMO the biggest thing is NA people, men and women, come here and get involved with men or women expecting that everyone needs to think like them. We make plans, we work towards goals and keep ourselves busy. In the DR, and most countries within a certain distance from the equator, if they are hungry they fish or pick some fruit and never had to stock up for winter, cut firewood or generally live the way we do. Their values are much different than ours,, and its been that way for hundreds of years. I think they never realize that the attitude their Sankys have is in their DNA.
 
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the gorgon

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Like they say, women get with men thinking they will change and men get with women thinking they will not change,,,,, IMO the biggest thing is NA people, men and women, come here and get involved with men or women expecting that everyone needs to think like them. We make plans, we work towards goals and keep ourselves busy. In the DR, and most countries within a certain distance from the equator, if they are hungry they fish or pick some fruit and never had to stock up for winter, cut firewood or generally live the way we do. Their values are much different than ours,, and its been that way for hundreds of years. I think they never realize that the attitude their Sankys have is in their DNA.

given the fact that the Florida Keys are only a scant 90 miles from Cuba, i guess it would be safe to say that some of the geographically induced indolence can be found among Americans, too.
 

Ecoman1949

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My two cents worth after having some short term relationships with DR women. The desire to seek love and companionship is one of our major life motivators and it can affect our vision and impede our ability to see what's really happening. Our head tells us beware but our heart says take a chance. This effect is not limited to DR relationships, its worldwide and often, it's the cultural differences that increase the probability of failure.

If you've never carried the responsibility of loans, mortgages, etc. and grown up in a live for today and hope for tomorrow cultural environment, why would you change later on in life. Psychologists will tell you your personality is formed at a very early age, probably by age five or six and, for the most part, it will not change as you grow to adulthood. So if your irresponsible as a child, you will probably be the same later on in life. Add to this that we get less compromising as we get older, especially when it comes to sharing our lives with someone and adjusting to his or her quirks, it's no wonder a significant number of relationships fail in today's world.

Marriage is on the decline and people today find it very easy to simply walk away instead of putting major effort into solving the relationship problems. Our parents were of a different generation and stuck together for financial reasons or social pressure. We don't. Opposites have a definite attraction but not necessarily a lasting one. For me the draw was younger women and the ego boost that comes with that, however, you quickly realize they will not change and have very diffferent expectations because of their cultural upbringing and age. Forcing your values on them is futile and wrong. 

Every relationship is a learning experience whether good or bad. All you can really hope to do is not make the same mistakes. It's a big world and there are good people in it. The relaxed approach to relationships is the better approach. Have fun with spur of the moment trysts, just don't expect them to last.
 

the gorgon

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My two cents worth after having some short term relationships with DR women. The desire to seek love and companionship is one of our major life motivators and it can affect our vision and impede our ability to see what's really happening. Our head tells us beware but our heart says take a chance. This effect is not limited to DR relationships, its worldwide and often, it's the cultural differences that increase the probability of failure.

If you've never carried the responsibility of loans, mortgages, etc. and grown up in a live for today and hope for tomorrow cultural environment, why would you change later on in life. Psychologists will tell you your personality is formed at a very early age, probably by age five or six and, for the most part, it will not change as you grow to adulthood. So if your irresponsible as a child, you will probably be the same later on in life. Add to this that we get less compromising as we get older, especially when it comes to sharing our lives with someone and adjusting to his or her quirks, it's no wonder a significant number of relationships fail in today's world.

Marriage is on the decline and people today find it very easy to simply walk away instead of putting major effort into solving the relationship problems. Our parents were of a different generation and stuck together for financial reasons or social pressure. We don't. Opposites have a definite attraction but not necessarily a lasting one. For me the draw was younger women and the ego boost that comes with that, however, you quickly realize they will not change and have very diffferent expectations because of their cultural upbringing and age. Forcing your values on them is futile and wrong. 

Every relationship is a learning experience whether good or bad. All you can really hope to do is not make the same mistakes. It's a big world and there are good people in it. The relaxed approach to relationships is the better approach. Have fun with spur of the moment trysts, just don't expect them to last.

great posting!!

i have foreign friends who cannot understand how it is that they can offer some of the women here a better life, yet they still keep the motoconcho guy in the background, and support him with money gringo gives her. well, very simple. gringo cannot furnish the cultural part. some of them would prefer to be seen on the back of a scooter, than inside a car with air conditioning. that is what they are used to. they grew up with broke assed guys who lived with their mothers until they were 40. they dont want some guy from Des Moines lecturing them about being responsible.
 

Manuel01

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Apr 1, 2009
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HI,

there is no way that they might change. FORGET ABOUT IT !!! Before they even set foot there, they already know with whom of their countryman(women) they will hook up there. You are only their ticket out of here. How many Dominicans you know that grow up in a "normal" family !?
(Biol. Father, Mother and kids living together). I am here 9 years and meet 2 (T W O ). Cheating and lying is to them as common as for you snow in the winter. If you can't help your self and really want to take the risk, try to have them come on a tourist Visa, so at least they can't screw you if they decide to leave you and stay in your country.
Believe me, US and Canada requirements for a tourist visa are based on years of experience and common sense !!! These guys now what they are doing !!! ten's of thousand Dominicans get US or Canada tourist visas every year. If they are not "good enough" to get a tourist visa... they are certainly not "good enough" for you.
 
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the gorgon

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Sep 16, 2010
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HI,

there is no way that they might change. FORGET ABOUT IT !!! Before they even set foot there, they already know with who of their countryman(women) they will hook up there. You are only their ticket out of here. How many Dominicans you know that grow up in a "normal" family !?
(Biol. Father, Mother and kids living together). I am here 9 years and meet 2 (T W O ). Cheating and lying is to them as common as for you snow in the winter. If you can't help your self and really want to take the risk, try to have them come on a tourist Visa, so at least they can't screw you if they decide to leave you and stay in your country.

you can write books with the stories of foreigners who took Dominicans to their homelands, only to have them disappear in a week. if you are taking someone to Bumfuk, North Dakota, it will take a little longer for them to arrange their disappearance. if you take them to Nueva Yol...fuggedaboudit! they already have their escape planned and arranged. some tia in the Heights will be taking them in in short order.
 

southern

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Dec 13, 2016
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Ecoman, you definitely know what time it is, just like that guy jd. It truly never ceases to amaze me that guys bring back these fine young chicas believing they will live in marital bliss. Never mind there education level prevents them from understanding that consuming massive amounts of carbohydrates and fatty foods in their late twenties strips away that cute little figure pronto. Further that sharp dialect and scorpion attitude might seem cute and feisty here, but back home it's a passport to a job at a fast food restaurant. Wine and dine them when you are in the D.R and enjoy them.Trying to change them is as difficult as trying to change middle Eastern woman into wearing high heels and a thong.
 
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