Serious replies ONLY

Status
Not open for further replies.

chillindr

New member
Mar 6, 2007
27
0
0
Okay, I need SERIOUS replies only. None of the bs and making fun stuff.

My husband and I took our daughter to Punta Cana for her 21st birthday. We stayed at an all inclusive resort. While there she met a guy. He did not approach her, however, he did look at her several times. He is a dancer that performs at several different resorts. She was with me when she met him the first night we were there and he visited with her and me that night before he had to leave with the rest of those he dances with. She gave him her phone number and he called her the next day and asked her as well as her dad and I to come see him dance the following night. He said he would come pick us up and take us there...he did that and we went to see him dance. He met my husband that night. He got us a cab back to our hotel and was going to pay for it but my husband insisted that we pay.

I also have to say that he knew she was dating someone and while talking she mentioned that her boyfriend was from the Dominican Republic and a minor league baseball player. She told him all about how her boyfriend had wanted her to buy him a cell phone when he went back home and that she had told him that she wouldn't and that she would NEVER support a man or give him money. He had no reason to feel that he would get anything from her in return other then friendship.

The next two days he came to our hotel and spent the day with our daughter and us. Since we have gotten back home he has called her several times a week. He has never once asked for anything at all. He bought our daughter a couple little things and when she would mention something like: she didn't like the yellow gold earrings and that she liked white gold he changed his earrings before he saw her the next day or she wanted some gum and she didn't have any he brought her some the next time he saw her...things like that.

He has told her about his life and all about what he has done. He has told her that he would like to take her to Santo Domingo to show her where he grew up. He introduced her to everyone in the dance group and when he calls he will have her talk to one of them or a couple of them so she can get to know his friends.

He has not once asked for money and has paid his way all the time. He mentioned he was not able to work for 4 days as he was sick but never said he needed money.

Now we have decided to go back for a return visit and stay at the same place. My daughter has told this guy she is coming back and he has asked if they can hang out again. He knows that I don't let her out of my sight. I go where she goes...she is cautious that way. He has asked if we would like to go to Santo Domingo to see where he grew up. He wants to take her to the disco. After reading all of the past posts I am now scared to have her see him again while we are there.

Also she has just broken up with her boyfriend and this guy knows this. They have become friends talking to each other. She knows about alot about him but she has been very cautious about what she has told him...that is the way she is.

So do I worry about her seeing him again? I really don't want to let her go to the disco with him alone but I am not going there. If he is a sankie is he dangerous? I don't think she is interested in him as anything more then a friend as she is talking to another guy right now (minor league ball player again only this one is different from the last one.) I just want to make sure she is safe while we are there and does not get into something that could be dangerous.
 

2LeftFeet

Bronze
Dec 1, 2006
1,147
14
0
Hmm--How old is he? How well does he speak English? How well does your daughter speak Spanish? Is your daughter street saavy--ie are you from NYC or are you from Idaho? What's the time span between visits? Weeks, months, a year?

Just curious---where is she finding all these baseball players? I wouldn't know where to find a dominican baseball player if I wanted to!! LOL!
 
Last edited:

chillindr

New member
Mar 6, 2007
27
0
0
2leftfeet:

He is 24 and he understands English fairly well and speaks some. My daughter is pretty much fluent in Spanish. He tries to talk to me in English and since they met he has become more fluent as he asks how to say things in English and he has a friend that speaks English and seems to be learning more from him...He is somewhat fluent in Italian and French. We are not from NYC but she has been in NYC several times and knows her way around. We were there in Feb and will be going back in June so there will be 4 mos between visits.

My daughter loves baseball and has gone to a lot of baseball games. We go to spring training every year and also to a lot of Yankees games. And she does not find the baseball players they find her.

Anna:

The reason I am writing this is because I HAVE read all the posts on here from way back. I had never heard the word sankie until we were in Punta Cana and one of my daughter's friends from Santo Domingo came to our resort to help celebrate her birthday. He was saying that his friends called him a sanky and we were like what is that...he told us to look it up on the internet and that is when I found this site.

I know you can not answer if HE is dangerous but I guess I was saying are sankies in general dangerous other then trying to get money from the girl or visas? I mean I know she will not give him money or run off and marry him. But I just read the post about someone wanting to sanky watch and became concerned about what was being said about them being dangerous...

If this guy was here I would invite him into my home. He seems very sincere and had absolutely no problem with me being with my daughter and when he invited my daughter to watch him at another resort he not only invited her but my husband and myself...but since he is not from here and I am not familiar with all that goes on there, and there is so much negative talk about Dominican men on here I became concerned...so maybe looking more for advice on what else to look for cause so far there has not been one sign that he is anything other then a guy that found my daughter interesting and wants to get to know her.
 

jruane44

Bronze
Jul 2, 2004
1,025
44
0
A, A
Why would you ever trust your daughter with some uneducated clown from a barrio in Santo Domingo. Deep down you don't trust him. If you did you would not be asking here. Do you have any idea how long of a trip to Santo Domingo from Punta Cana? What do you think this sanky wants from your daughter. If your daughter were to hook up with him where would they live? What kind of job could this uneducated fellow get in the states. I bet he would make some lovely grand children. Thats about it.
 

chillindr

New member
Mar 6, 2007
27
0
0
I said I dont let her out of my sight and she does not want to go alone with him anywhere. And IF we went to Santo Domingo it would not be with him but with her friend from Santo Domingo...then she would meet him there and not only would I be with her but also her friend from Santo Domingo who has a car and lives there. And I do know how far it is from Punta Cana to Santo Domingo. And like I said she is NOT interested in him as a boyfriend...she enjoys talking to him. He has told her alot about the country which she has an interest in as well as how people live there. She loves to learn about other countries, loves to travel and has an interest in other cultures.

But reading the post about sanky watcher about them getting dangerous worried me some. Prior to that I didn't have a problem with her talking to him or having him come see her again but neither she nor I want to get into something that could be dangerous...he has showed NO signs of any kind of what has been posted about Sankies so he has given neither of us reason to believe he is one. In fact her friend who is college educated acts more like one then this guy.
 
Last edited:

jruane44

Bronze
Jul 2, 2004
1,025
44
0
A, A
Introduce her to this site. She will learn alot about the country here. She will also learn alot about how sankies operate. Your daughter may say that she does not want him as a boyfriend but I can say with certainty that barrio boy definitely wants her for a girlfriend. No 24 year old man wants a woman for a friend. They want her as a lover.
 

chillindr

New member
Mar 6, 2007
27
0
0
Well so far there have not been any advances made or suggestions. He has been a perfect gentleman. In fact he is much more polite then any American guy she has known. She has read the posts on here. She has talked to a couple people she knows there...In fact her friend there that she has know for over a year is also 24 and he came to see her and they are just friends...nothing more.

Thanks for the input. She has read all that you have posted. She has been very cautious as she is with all guys.
 
C

Chip00

Guest
I said I dont let her out of my sight and she does not want to go alone with him anywhere. And IF we went to Santo Domingo it would not be with him but with her friend from Santo Domingo...then she would meet him there and not only would I be with her but also her friend from Santo Domingo who has a car and lives there. And I do know how far it is from Punta Cana to Santo Domingo. And like I said she is NOT interested in him as a boyfriend...she enjoys talking to him. He has told her alot about the country which she has an interest in as well as how people live there. She loves to learn about other countries, loves to travel and has an interest in other cultures.

But reading the post about sanky watcher about them getting dangerous worried me some. Prior to that I didn't have a problem with her talking to him or having him come see her again but neither she nor I want to get into something that could be dangerous...he has showed NO signs of any kind of what has been posted about Sankies so he has given neither of us reason to believe he is one. In fact her friend who is college educated acts more like one then this guy.

As a father of two girls I personally would be wary of letting your daughter go out with this fellow alone. I happen to be an American and am married to a Dominican women that I met here in Santiago 7 years ago - so there are serious Dominicans to be found.

The problem is that there are some very strong beliefs and prejudices that most of the lower educated and lower income Dominicans have about foreigners in general. There are fed stuff about "NY" from an early age and are led to believe that it is heaven on earth. In fact I don't hesitate to say if you did a survey with Dominicans about what would they want to have most in this world 9 out of 10 would say "go to NY". This attitude is pretty much the case anywhere on this island and unfortunately is 100 times worse in the tourist areas. I honestly doubt that in a hundred people you would find 10 that wouldn't have these beliefs and they would probably be very devout catholics/christians more than likely.

Also, Dominicans on the whole are very polite compared to Americans - it is valued here and one of the things that I enjoy - BUT you shouldn't take this to mean that this guy is serious.

As far as the guy being generous, one shouldn't read too much into that either because guys are supposed to pay here for everything even if they are dirt poor.

The things that bother me the most is that this guy is from the coast and a dancer. He has been raised all of his life to desire to go to NY and not only that this kid is Dominican and if you don't know already young Dominican boys are just as michevious if not worse that their American counterparts. I won't hesitate to say that if this guy isn't a devout person that if he is decent looking he has certainly been out with his "share" of chicas. Furthermore, this will not change with time, nor marriage nor the love of a good women no matter how attractive she is. Dominican men will tell you and have told me that the goal is to bed as many women as possible. How much more of a trophy would an American girl be? For them it just doesn't get any better I can assure you. Also, Dominican girls/women are a lot more promiscuous than there American counterparts so bottom line when this guy has had his fun with your baby and things get "difficult" don't expect him not to start looking for an "easier" time. Check in the yellow pages and look for "Cabanas Turisticas" - these are the places Domicans go to on the weekend for a quickie with whoever - there are a lot of them.

If your daughter insists (as she more than likely will) on pursuing a "friendship" with this guy, make sure you are part of it 24/7. At some point if the guy is not serious and is expending a lot of time and money and not getting anywhere he will tire of your daughter and move on. If he is serious (which I doubt) they may have a friendship and if your daughter's Spanish is really that good it won't be long before she starts to understand how many of the people think here with regard to gringos and NY.

If your daughter is really interested in learning about this culture more you might have her consider attending one of the universites either in Santiago or Santo Domingo for a semester. There she will have to meet more of the "real" Dominicans who are not so caught up in the peculiar dynamic that is so prevalent in the tourist areas. There is a link here in DR1 that has info - and I understand it is quite economical.
 

AnnaC

Gold
Jan 2, 2002
16,050
418
83
What we were discussing in another thread was a specific topic and that was, what would happen if someone would spy on a sankie and report back to the girlfriend.

So first of all we don't know if this guy in your story is a sankie and we cannot tell you who is dangerous by your words alone. That would be a crazy answer to give on the internet without knowing the person. And why have you labeled him a sankie?

wait, he said his friends call him a sanky?

Ok I'm out of here!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :rolleyes:
 

chillindr

New member
Mar 6, 2007
27
0
0
Chip thanks so very much for your insight on this. We truly appreciate it. She asked him the first night if he was after a visa. Also she has told me that he might just be interested in getting to the states so he can dance here. He is a very good dancer. You gave me a lot more insight then a most of the other posts on sankies and that is what I was looking for - a serious reply.

Again thanks for you input...exactly what I wanted. I am showing her your post now.
 

chillindr

New member
Mar 6, 2007
27
0
0
Anna,
No, I am sorry if I confused you...her college educated friend was called a sanky by his friends....

From all I have read I can not label this guy a sanky as he has not done any of the things listed in your sanky articles. We are just trying to be cautious.

And thanks for the clarification on the other article.
 

jrzyguy

Bronze
May 5, 2004
1,832
22
0
Great post chip!

I have a suggestion. If you folks are planning a return visit to the DR...why not stay a few day in SD rather than PC. I can totaly understand someone wanting to show you the real life in SD and the DR rather than what you see in a resort area. I have travelled all around the south coast...usualy with dominicans (not just from boca chica...but from SD and other small towns).

So.....if you believe he is sincere. I'd say fly to sdq and stay in the capital rather than in P.C. and meet him there. If you still want the beach you can travel to either boca chica or juan dolio.

Your daughter is 21...and no doubt probably quite attractive. So the guy might just want to be with her. Dispite all the sankies that prey on tourists...there ARE local people that i have made long lasting friendships with (on my last trip i didnt have to buy dinner once! my friend (who i have known for 5 years) came over and cooked every night for me...never asked for money...but i would insist that he take a little for supplies and gas money). He also showed me some really great spots that i would have never found on my own, even with a good travel book.

Who knows...you've read all the sankie forums....so you know what to look out for.
 

DavidZ

Silver
Aug 29, 2005
3,512
238
63
www.vipcigartours.com
I'll add something... taking it out of the sankie/non-sankie question. If she's not interested in him as a boyfriend, then why pursue it beyond someone to hang out with while at the resort? If she...or you as a family, want to see Santo Domingo, go there as a family...if he wants to meet you for a day and show you around, great, if not, you can see quite a bit of "real Dominican life" on your own. If she's looking for friends in the DR, Im sure there are plenty of girls around her age she could befriend. If he wants to take you to the barrio where he grew up (if he grew up in a barrio, maybe he's from one of the nicer neighborhoods), while it may be interesting to see that side of life here, it's not one of those "must see" things to do in the DR. The capital though, is a must see, IMO...it's a great city with incredible history... but the barrios are, well.. the barrios...

Whether in the DR or anywhere else, I'd be suspicious of a 24 year old guy wanting to be "just friends" with a 21 year old girl...
 

chillindr

New member
Mar 6, 2007
27
0
0
Thanks jrzyguy.

I appreciate your reply as well and your suggestions. We have talked about flying to SD and he could meet us there. And as I have said she has another friend there who would also be with us just as a safe guard.

DavidZ

She did try to talk to some of the girls at the resort however, no luck. She did meet someone from the states that is now living in Punta Cana and will be working at a new resort there. They are communicating through email.

As far as going to SD, he was the one that suggested that if she wants to know more about the DR that it would be a wonderful place to see and that he would be glad to show her since he grew up there. He talked about a lot of different places to see. She has not agreed to go there with him and we have talked about staying at the resort this time and the next time we visit going to SD. He is not insisting that we go with him there and in fact he does not live in Punta Cana but La Romana (?) so it would be out of his way to even come to get us to take us there. I think they had discussed meeting there to so he could show us around. He seems very proud of where he grew up and wants to share more about the culture. It could all be a ploy but I don't know. We are taking it slow and not making a decision just yet.

I understand what you are saying about being suspicious, however, right now she has several guy friends that are between 22 and 24 that she is just good friends with.

Thanks to both of you for your posts.
 
Last edited:

planner

.............. ?
Sep 23, 2002
4,409
26
0
I have been here long enough and seen enough to tell you this:

99.5% of the dancers and animation workers are sankies.

Rarely if EVER does a dominican want to be "friends" with a foreigner from a resort! It can be very different when you live here but I am specifically referring to tourists.

Rarely if EVER does a Dominican man want to be "friends" with a woman.

Rarely if EVER does a Dominican woman want to be friends with a foreign woman here on vacation. This MAY happen after repeated trips but it is rare.

No matter what he tells you and how he answers your questions only time will tell the truth. Do you actually think he is going to say - Oh yes I am after a VISA to the U.S. Hello, he will tell you what he thinks you want to hear.
 
Sep 19, 2005
4,632
91
48
First I would say there is little chance of DANGER. Even if he was a sanky, he isnt out for blood, just an angle to get money.....and they cant do that with anger or force... they do it sweet talking...

second..I can understand the line of questioning about our thoughts as many here have seem so many situations like this come across the board.

But what i cant understand is your desire to pursue this guy...why as a parent would you help along a long distance relationship with a worker at a resort for your daughter?

if the same situation happened on spring break in fla, with a life guard. ( a seamingly better situation for many reasons) would you be as open with your daughters future?

As a parent i really think you should suggest, better for your daughter...and if push comes to shove...maybe START to accept HER choice of this kid.....all the while telling her the POSSIBLE pitfalls of such a relationship.

from all that you have told us, there is NOTHING that even comes close to RULING him OUT as a sankie.....all the possibilies are still there....

everything he has done a good sankie would have done as well...

Your enthusiasm may have fueled his desire...and gave him a big boost in confidence......

with you in tow...he can take it slow, and wait it out...for his POSSIBLE big rewards...

IF he was a sankie...he has laid the ground work very well...gave you the sad part about not being able to work.."sick"...then asked for nothing.....so later when he is sick again....it is not big surprise.

this is all conjecture for sure....but it hasnt strayed very far from the classic sanky line.

so be careful..

but know that it is POSSIBLE he may break the mold that others have cast...

I would personally put my money on the fact that he isnt on the level...thats just playing the odds

good luck

bob
 

DavidZ

Silver
Aug 29, 2005
3,512
238
63
www.vipcigartours.com
Unfortunately, Planner and Bob are right on the money...since you've read through many of the Sankie stories, you should see that his actions aren't far from the norm, if fact it fits the SOP... it seems they believe the longer they wait to "make a move" for sex or money, the larger the payoff, and in your unique situation, a supportive and friendly family with a daughter who apparently has a "thing" for Dominican guys (the two baseball players ex-boyfriends), he's likely salivating at the prospects for "cashing in" he's dreaming up. While I hate to paint a group of people with the same broad brush, the reputation and myriad similar stories of Animation workers makes it almost impossible not to.
 

chillindr

New member
Mar 6, 2007
27
0
0
Thanks...this is the type of information we are looking for. My daughter is leary of his intentions and thus that is why we have looked into all of this further. She has enjoyed talking to him and having him tell her about the DR. What he has told her comes from a different prespective then what her other friends have told her.

She does not want to get involved with this guy romantically. She has no desire to have a long distance relationship with him. She has told him up front that it won't happen. She has only one ex boyfriend that was Dominican and a ball player. She is currently talking to another guy, however, he is not Dominican.

She is well aware that he could be stringing her along, trying to be a friend and then will make a move later. This guy is not what you would call good looking. He is short and very thin. Not her type at all so she is not physically attracted to him. She is not into long distance relationships (him in one country and her in another - never seeing each other). So I am truly not worried about that happening. I was more concerned about if these guys are dangerous as in physical danger if he should decide to try to force an issue when he sees her again. She is old enough to make her own decisions on friends however, she also respects my thoughts on people she meets. I am not encouraging her to be in a relationship with him. She has a good head on her shoulders and so far it has served her well.


I appreciate all your posts and she and I will talk more. I am thinking she will probaly let the phone calls die away (not be available to talk to him) and she won't let him know when we are coming (she has not told him any dates or anything).

Thanks again for allthe honest serious posts.
 

DavidZ

Silver
Aug 29, 2005
3,512
238
63
www.vipcigartours.com
If your main concern is physical danger, as long as she doesn't put herself in a dangerous situation...i.e. alone with him and a group of "friends" in a less than public place, I really dont think you have anything to worry about...the main concern would be her falling for him, then believing his stories, and getting hurt emotionally or monetarilly...and that doesnt seem to be an isuue here...
 
Status
Not open for further replies.